How many adjustments should I make to myself just to date a particular girl?

[oakstar]

hey, i haven't been to this forum for a while.. i kinda missed it

anyway, to the point.

 

there's this girl, who i've met only twice and i haven't really talked to much, that wants me. i could tell from the way she acted when we met both times..

 

anyway, her friend (who i hang out with occasionally) tells me she would like to go out with me (duh)

well, i had no problem with this.. even though we haven't talked much, she seemed like a pretty nice girl, also was pretty attractive..

 

now i've been single for a while now, i like to take the opportunity when it comes.. and it did.

the problem is.. her friend tells me she could be cute and all the first week we're going out and then the next week she can get kinda bossy. she gave an example.. she could say she doesn't like one of my friends, and say that if he goes out with us, she's not coming...

well she gave me the warning.. and i still agreed to go out with her.. but this changed my complete perspective of how to approach..

 

when we go out, i want to be nice and stuff, not pushy or anything..

but, after i got this warning, i have a feeling that i should start off being more aggressive, and less vulnerable, so she won't take advantage of me.. perhaps give her the impression that i'm the boss...

 

when i think about it, it sounds more like going to battle than going out on a first date..

i like to be who i am, i am a nice guy, but i also don't want to fall into her trap..

 

well i'll stop rambling, and i'd appreciate any opinions..

[Tony T]

I think you should stop listening to other people and just be yourself. You're planning for this date like you might plan to rob a bank or go to war. It's just a date. If you have to be somebody other than yourself around her, she's not worth being with. If things aren't going well, you can make some minor adjustments based on your own personality. However, if you find the two of you just don't fit right...if she gives you a hard time...drop her like a hot potato. Life is way too short to have to go into all kinds of contortions to adjust to somebody who's not going to be in your life long anyway. Nobody you have to change for will ever be in your life very long.

 

Don't take any crap from her that you wouldn't take from anybody else. Don't allow her to run your life or tell you who you can have for friends.

 

If she can't handle the real you, poop on her!!!

[oakstar]

i see you've made a few changes here. for example, not letting me choose my own title

well, ok. i wasn't really planning on adjusting myself for her... but as my friends see it "she'll turn me into a piece of meat". i guess i am easily manipulated.. which is bad.. i know... so that's why i was asking if i should try a different approach to back her up a bit..

 

i guess the warning still was a good thing.. at least now i know what to expect.. even though it made me less excited to go out with her... maybe i'm just doing it for sex... i have sexual needs.. who doesn't?

i don't think it'll last long anyway....

 

fhanks for your input though. more opinions are welcome.

[oakstar]

this might be changing the subject... but still i'd appreciate some advice...

update : i was with her a friend's small party. there was a lot of alcohol there.. so we got a little drunk...

we talked, she was cute and stuff but i noticed we haven't a lot in common .. i was acting more or less the way i usually act when i'm drunk.. which is friendly, calm and social... we made out, and later on she fell asleep on my lap.. later we had to wake her up, and i took her home.. she was pretty sleepy, so after i took her phone number from her friend since i didnt have it... overall it was a pretty great night.

 

the next day i woke up with a hangover (actually a friend woke me up on the phone) pretty soon i was feeling alright.. but a bit tired... he asked me if i wanted to come with him, his sister (also the girl's friend) and the girl to get a tattoo for his sister. well i said yeah, since she was coming.. i knew this was a mistake.. but still i went..

they picked me up... at first everything was going ok.. me and the girl talked a bit.. but later on, i couldn't concentrate, so i just sat there quietly.. when we got to the parlor.. we didnt talk much either.. i couldnt think of anything to say.. we had barely anything in common.. there was this other guy that worked there.. she was talking to him a lot there... and i sat there quietly... on the way home we didnt say a word.. but i noticed she wasn't touching my hand like she was during the way there.. and she seemed pretty distant.. we dropped her and the sister home and i decided to go home cause i hadn't ate anything all day... when she got out of the car i said "maybe we'll meet up later".. and she said "i hope so". so time went by.. i spent some time at my friend's house... and finally called her at 21:45.. i said "hey how are you? what are you doing?" she was out of town with her friend.. i said "you wanna meet up later?" she said "depends on when we get back" i said " ok you have my number... stay in touch"

 

well it's been about 2 hours since then... no call........

i think i blew it with her... i think i gave a bad impression when i was quiet a lot...

 

what do you think?

[moimeme]

we had barely anything in common

 

we talked, she was cute and stuff but i noticed we haven't a lot in common

 

Then why continue with this person? Wouldn't it be better to find someone with whom you do have stuff in common?

[oakstar]

i dunno... i'm desperate i suppose... i don't get alot of opportunies like these.. and also, a mutual friend of ours set us up together, i guess i dont want to disappoint her...

 

besides all that, i believe we can still work it out even if we don't have much in common.... she still seems like a nice girl.. she is kinda shy and quiet herself... i guess we have that in common... i don't like to throw away opportunities like this... i'm just hoping everything will work out for good.