Invited to same BBQ as MM and his W, WWYD?

[Athena]

 

And something else if and when you do walk away, perhaps you are his first, but c'mon he was what? 30 or so at that time? Not all that impressive in the "being faithful" catagory. You may have been the first, but now that he's gotten over his guilts and proven he can lie to get what he wants, you more than likely won't be the last. He's too selfish, your posts scream that about him. He does have you snowed and he has you right where he wants you.

 

Good post, SerenityX2!

 

I agree, Kismet -- esp with the above paragraph... your MM only had 3 to 4 years of marriage under his belt when the two of you started your EA...

 

Its not hard to see why he wouldnt go starting up another affair when he was involved with you, since cheating didn't come easily to him esp. as you say he couldn't 'perform' sexually the first few times -- a psycho-sexual effect there... even for the 10 mths you two had ended it, he must have been somewhat 'relieved' to be the good H again, and certainly didn't go looking for an OW again. But now things are different -- he has gotten away with it for 4 years and as you pointed out, each time you get back together after having broken if off, it becomes easier and easier for him to do it... and hence I am absolutely positive that when you end it with him for good, after a period of mourning and trying guiltily to behave in his M, he will be back at it again with the next available OW.

 

He will know that good sex is available outside of marriage. He will know that it can be done without being bust. And he will have become somewhat addicted to the secrecy and fun of an affair.

You are treating him as someone special. He is not treating you the same. After you guys are done, it will be the "Next!" woman up for him. And why should you care?

He likes his set up the way he has it.

Sure he loves you, but you are not irreplaceable. He also has his standby, good ole Wifey whenever he needs her. You have no one.

 

Its your choice if you wish to continue investing in this R that can go nowhere.

[Athena]

Though Elizabeth Hurley's relationship with hooker-hopping Hugh Grant didn't turn out well for her. He's one of my living proof examples of how it doesn't matter how HOT the wife is, if a man's going to cheat, he will.

I think, too, that it doesn't matter how good-looking you are, how much money and success you have etc, you can be cheated on if your partner has the character and belief/reasons to do so.... as for the Hollywood scene, HOW MANY OF THE FAMOUS COUPLES CHEAT ON EACH OTHER? Lots!!!!!! I personally think its because MOST actors there are narcissistic in personality(that line of work drawing the N person cuz they want to be in the limelight and the center of attention) , and that makes it easier for them to believe they are entitled to whatever they want in the moment.

[bentnotbroken]

Hey, now that I'm single, maybe I'll have to find out for myself.

 

Though Elizabeth Hurley's relationship with hooker-hopping Hugh Grant didn't turn out well for her. He's one of my living proof examples of how it doesn't matter how HOT the wife is, if a man's going to cheat, he will.

 

But wouldn't you agree that how much PDA you see a couple engaging in at a party isn't necessarily a reflection of what goes on at home?

 

 

Nope, abusers play nice in public. Then go home and beat the hell out of the wife. Remember Sleeping with the Enemy. Movie yes, reflection of society yes, and completely different behaviors in public and private.

[KismetGirl]

Hi Serenity. Surprised it's still going on huh? You and me both.

 

Ya know....I went out last night and had a blast. I actually forgot about MM nearly the whole night except when this random english guy came and sat with our group for a while and coudln't help but think about MM, but other than that was ok. However, two pitchers of sangria and 10 shots of vodka later, its generally easier to forget about lots of stuff. I digress...Bob's wife came out with me and came over to my place before we went out. I casually talked about her new house, and , oh, isn't that near where MM lives or something (which i of course know the answer to, i know exactly where he lives)?

 

She said, oh yes, they (MM and wife) live like 15 minutes away, we dont see them much during the week but they come on weekends sometimes, did you know he has another baby now?

 

Oh does he now? I say, surprised. Boy it's tough to pretend I have no idea what's going on with him. I almost let it slip out when she mentioned that the older two look so much like him but she couldnt tell who the youngest looks like, and I said something like the oldest and youngest look like him, and but the middle looks exactly like his wife. I don't think she noticed. She says "they are nice but MM's wife is just a weird match for him, they seem more like friends than husband and wife, Bob told me that MM told him few months ago when they were drinking together that MM feels like a bad husband for not loving his wife like he should but he can't help it, he feels like he married a friend. Bob said MM was complaining that there is no spark between them at all but he doesn't want to f**k it up because [insert MM wife name] is such a good woman and a good mother and they get along and he thinks he should just be happy with what he has but he feels like he's missing something. Isn't that weird? I wonder if he's ever cheated on her, I can't imagine him doing something like that." (I nearly spit my drink out at that last part)

 

So, I wasn't that off by my assessment of their relationship....at least from MM's view of it. It may not be how his wife views the relationship, but it is how he does it seems. It's not like he ever bad mouths her like so many other MM's do about their wives, or makes me empty promises of leaving her, I guess I can be grateful for that bit of honesty. Whatever, it doesnt change anything, but for the love of god I just wanted some confirmation that I am not some looney OW who is making up things in my head about the status of their relationship just to make myself feel better. You guys all seem to think I am seeing their relationship from my own perverse angle, when I consistantly say I don't think they hate each other or anyting close to that, but that they are more like good friends that married each other, at least from MM's end. His wife may well be in love with him, but he's most certainly not on that same viewpoint towards her. This is coming direct from MM's mouth to his best friend, who then happened to share it with his wife, who then happened to share it with me . I think she was just making conversation, being a gossipy girl as we were talking about people we used to work with (she and I both used to work with MM) but she has no reason to tell me lies, and er husband has no reason to tell her lies about what MM said to her.

 

No matter whether he ever leaves his wife or not, at least I know with some certainty I am not "seeing things" just because I want to see them. I dont know if that makes sense to anyone here, but I've always been so good at reading people, which is why I was always so good at my job, and I know this situation is personal so its hard to be unbiased, but I dont think I see it completely off-base.

 

The only time i have ever seen MM and his wife together, was BEFORE anything happened with him and I. When he is with me in public, when we used to hang out more, he was always affectionate with me in front of other people, even used to kiss me in front of Bob sometimes. He isnt one of those guys who is afraid to show his affection for someone in public. He is very much one of those men who will put a hand on the small of your back, or hold your hand while walking, or on your waist, or give a small kiss on the top of your head, or smile at you from across the room. I don't mean he'll ram his tongue down your throat and stuff, but he is not a stiff , unaffectionate guy. He has serious issues VERBALIZING his feelings, but he is very able to make small physical gestures and etc to show he likes someone. Unless he's really drunk, in which case it's mildly easier for him to say some stuff.

 

So just, at least, let me have that will you guys? I may be looking at things from a biased viewpoint, but I am not an idiot. I've never said I believe in any realistic way he'll leave his wife, I just said I sometimes wish he would. I never said he's in love with me, but I do know he cares about me, even if his actions are extemely selfish. He knows I don't WANT him to tell me he loves me, because I told him there's no point. I don't know why I said it to him that one time other than I was feeling emotional because he was breaking up with me, otherwise I wouldn't have said it to him. I always told him I thought it was wasteful to say those words to someone and then not do anything about it. I readily admit he is being selfish by cheating, because the very act of continuous infidelity is avoidance of the problems in your relationship by keeping you happy with outside relief from your frustrations. Sometimes I wonder if he'd cheat on her with someone else when Im not in the picture, and maybe he would, but I dont' really know for sure to be honest.

 

I dont profess to know what literal words pass between them in closed doors, Serenity, but I have a good idea of the type of relationship they have because, when I ask him , which is rare, he is generally honest with me. He has said they have a good relationship by way of the fact that they get along very well, he finds she's a great mother to his kids, he cares about her, he loves her. Those are all good things. But there is something missing. He also admits that, while she will sleep with him occasionally if he asks her, she never initiates sex and is bored by it and if she had a choice, aside from using sex to get pregnant, she wouldn't feel much of a need for it. She barely likes sex, so other sexual activities are non-existant. Sorry ladies, all the excuses I hear about how "well, that's just what happens when you're married"? That's also an excuse, as much as anything else. He is wrong for cheating, but you can't go 9 years without giving your hsuband a freaking BJ, and him having to constantly practically beg you to be intimate with him, and then think he'll just deal with it because "thats what happens when you're married". His oldest kid is abrely starting school, so we can't blame lack of intimacy on the kids and being tired by raising them, because she's been this way from day one nearly a decade ago.

 

He feels no spark towards her and never has. He's never been excited by her or felt goosebumps about her. They have no real intimacy or passion, and when he has tried to act that way, she's generally been uninterested in anything related to sexual intimacy and he is frustrated by it. He wishes he had that spark with her because they've built a life together and he doesn't want to ruin everything he has built for himself, and he doesn't know why he can't seem to forget about me. When me and him were seperate for almost a year, he was relieved because he didn't have to lie all the time and feel guilty, but he kept wishing he could see me again. He married her because he cared about her, she felt like home, and she was comfortable. He makes excuses not to make more time for me, and I know he is full of bull and could see me just a little bit more if he really tried to make the effort, but he doesn't want to have to lie more and make himself more anxious, so he doesn't put in that extra effort. He has serious flaws and is in no way perfect. He's being this way because I am stupidly letting him get away with it because I haven't given him ultimatums. Feasibly he could just tell his wife he decided to get a drink after work with an old co worker and meet me instead, and he has no excuse not to really, and he's a sh*thead for doing so, I know it, we all know it. He's gotten far too comfortable with the way it is right now and it's going to be on me to give him an ultimatum, or to just leave him altogether.

 

Anyway. I had fun with Bob's wife and the other girls last night. If they invite me to their BBQ, Im going. F**k MM. If he doesn't want to come and risk getting all nervous by being in the same social function as me, then he can make some excuse to give his wife and not go. I have every right to go to my friend's house. I already missed their wedding.

 

When I make sarcstic remarks about him acting like he doesn't respect me or give a damn about me, he gets mad at me for implying he doesn't care, but his words are useless if he doesn't back them up with his actions. I think, perhaps, next time I see him I'm going to tell him that if he doesn't want to bother with making time to ever make me feel like he cares for me as someone other than just a sex-toy he can go jerk off, hire a prostitute, or go beg his wife to f**k him so she can grudgingly oblige. Hopefully I keep this mood going until the next time I talk to him, which Im guessing will be monday or tuesday. That's usually when he calls to find out when he can come see me in the coming week.

[bentnotbroken]

Seems as if you have the validation you need to keep the door to living in hell wide open. Go for it.

[KismetGirl]

Seems as if you have the validation you need to keep the door to living in hell wide open. Go for it.

 

*sigh* you missed my point in that. I didn't say I wanted to keep living in it, I just was happy to know I hadn't totally lost my mind and was only seeing their relationship as a certain way because I "wanted" to see it that way. That perhps, just maybe, it really is that way. It has no bearing on him ever leaving.

 

That doesn't change the situation, or make him more likely to leave her, or will make me ask him to leave her (which I never have, not even once, by the way). Just some personal satisfaction that I'm not making things up in my head because that's what I want it to be, but that it really is that way.

 

I lose in the end either way....don't worry.

[OpenBook]

Bob's wife came out with me and came over to my place before we went out... She says "they are nice but MM's wife is just a weird match for him, they seem more like friends than husband and wife, Bob told me that MM told him few months ago when they were drinking together that MM feels like a bad husband for not loving his wife like he should but he can't help it, he feels like he married a friend. Bob said MM was complaining that there is no spark between them at all but he doesn't want to f**k it up because [insert MM wife name] is such a good woman and a good mother and they get along and he thinks he should just be happy with what he has but he feels like he's missing something. Isn't that weird? I wonder if he's ever cheated on her, I can't imagine him doing something like that." (I nearly spit my drink out at that last part)

 

Uh, Kismet I'd be careful around Bob's wife if I were you. Methinks she's playing some kind of game... and you may be the bait. You made this comment about her in your OP on this thread:

 

Bob's wife perhaps at one point knew about me and MM fooling around when we worked together, but I don't believe she thinks anything is still going on either. She obviously likes me alot in either event, and I believe she is friendly with MM's wife but otherwise finds her rather dull. Bob's wife is always asking me to hang out, and I like her and Bob and see no reason why I have to give up friends just because MM was too stupid to make up some random girl name when his wife asked who was the girl in those suggestive photos in his email that he got "by accident." Usually I just go out with Bob's wife, so its never an issue, but in this case, me and MM and his wife would all be at the same event in public for the first time ever, really, since the A.

 

This whole situation sounds a bit... incestuous to me. Who's playing mind games with whom? Hard to keep up. And I'm just an outside observer!

[datura_noir]

Sorry, but...

 

Either Bob's wife is setting you up in someway, hoping you'll spill the beans, or this whole post is a fake.Honestly, I can't imagine discussing someone elses marriage with a woman I don't really hang out with too much, and her validating what you have been mouthing here for so long...what a coinky-dink that she and Bob feel that MM and his wife are just not 'compatible'.

 

What a strange subject of discussion to come up while talking idle chit-chat....sounds like she said exactly what you wanted to hear...

[gopher]

*sigh* you missed my point in that. I didn't say I wanted to keep living in it, I just was happy to know I hadn't totally lost my mind and was only seeing their relationship as a certain way because I "wanted" to see it that way. That perhps, just maybe, it really is that way. It has no bearing on him ever leaving.

 

That doesn't change the situation, or make him more likely to leave her, or will make me ask him to leave her (which I never have, not even once, by the way). Just some personal satisfaction that I'm not making things up in my head because that's what I want it to be, but that it really is that way.

 

I lose in the end either way....don't worry.

 

You do seem to enjoy having the drama in your life though....or maybe you are uncomfortable with things going well for you.

 

When you boil it down, if he wanted to be in a relationship with you, you alone, he would be and he's chosen to do nothing except to have another child with his wife. He's the love of your life, and you aren't his....if you haven't been in counseling, then I would suggest you seek some. If you have, then I would suggest putting what you were told into action. I'm not sure if you are enjoying the whole romanticness of a relationship that can't be or if you are just not interested in available men. But, it sure sounds like a lot of pain, and not very much fun.

[KismetGirl]

Sorry, but...

 

Either Bob's wife is setting you up in someway, hoping you'll spill the beans, or this whole post is a fake.Honestly, I can't imagine discussing someone elses marriage with a woman I don't really hang out with too much, and her validating what you have been mouthing here for so long...what a coinky-dink that she and Bob feel that MM and his wife are just not 'compatible'.

 

What a strange subject of discussion to come up while talking idle chit-chat....sounds like she said exactly what you wanted to hear...

 

we don't hang out "rarely", we talk alot, just haven't seen her as much since her and Bob moved. I'm fairly certain she knows something was going on with me and MM in the past (not positive, but Bob DID know so its entirely likely he mentioned it to her. Couples do tend to spill to each other about other couples they knows, i guess) and perhaps is trying to get my to admit that something is still going on.

 

I am not quoting her word for word obviously, but that is pretty much what she said. She can be a bit of a gossip, and me and her don't have many mutual friends, and the most likely person we both know IS MM since he is the one that actually introduced Bob and her to me and we used to call hang out together sometimes, and so it would be natural to bring him up and any gossip pertaining to him, including what Bob told her about MM saying that stuff about his marriage, especially if she suspects me and MM are still seeing each other and wanted to see my reaction to that kind of gossip. I kept it cool, I think, and didn't really respond much, just let her talk about it. It wasn't idle chit chat, I kind of turned the conversation to MM as casually as I could (eg- oh, didnt you guys buy a house near where MM lives) because I wanted to see if I could get her to tell me anything about how MM and his wife are as she sees them together more often than I do (i havent seen them together since I worked with him, which was over three years ago). I was curious, so sue me.

 

Why would the post be a fake? So I can somehow prove my anonymous story is true to a bunch of anonymous online people who have no idea who I am and never will? What on earth would that accomplish? The only purpose of this board, by the very aspect of being anonymous, is to get legitimate conversation going regarding a situation because you CAN be 100% honest about what happens BECAUSE I dont know any of you people on loveshack, therefor hoping to get honest feedback, right?

 

I know there are some people who like to start fake threads, but ive been posting alot on here so I can assure you my story, and anything I update you all about, is most certainly not fake....she said things I've been saying, because, lo and behold, MM has said those same exact things about his marriage (more or less) to ME long ago, and so it would make sense, if he feels that way, that he might say them again to Bob in a conversation assuming he still feels that way about his relationship, right?

[awkward]

I don't know KG. He may or may not be in love with his wife. Third hand information like you received "gossip" doesn't necessarily equate to the truth. I thought you said Bob's wife knew of your affair at one time. If Bob and his wife were discussing MM's marriage and they spoke about his lack of love for his wife, then don't you think that Bob spoke about you too? Yet Bob's wife wonders if he had an affair while she is gossiping with you. I wonder what is really going on there.

 

MM is a jerk and you're gullible. I don't even know if gullible is the right word. I mean you sound like you know that he treats you like crap but then somehow you make that ok because of this or that. I don't get it. And really, how does it even matter if he doesn't love his wife? How does that change anything? How does that even effect your relationship with MM?

 

Look if it makes it easier for you to move on thinking that he doesn't love her and that he secretly loves you, then believe it. As long as you get out of this awful relationship that you continue to allow to thrive. Then in a year or two, I think you will be able to look back at this more objectively and see that none of it really matters.

 

I guess if you just have to know the truth, you could find out for sure by letting his wife know about his sex meetings with you. If she throws him out, you might then get the truth as to whether he loves her or not. Because his actions will be crystal clear.

[norajane]

This is coming direct from MM's mouth to his best friend, who then happened to share it with his wife, who then happened to share it with me

 

And of course nothing could have possibly been lost in translation in the course of those exchanges!

 

YOU'RE missing the point, KG. It doesn't matter what their marriage is like because he's not leaving it for you or anyone. Period.

 

So if this is how you feel as the OW:

I think, perhaps, next time I see him I'm going to tell him that if he doesn't want to bother with making time to ever make me feel like he cares for me as someone other than just a sex-toy

 

then it's time you do something about it so you can stop feeling like sh*t every day.

[jj33]

KG I understand why you would take comfort in that. But its meaningless really.

 

You are in control of your destiny and you are exercising your control by continuing to stay in a situation that brings you pain because at this point it feeds you in some way.

 

As Nora Jane said, none of it matters. And why in the world would he change his situation if he has it all on a silver platter now? He wouldnt. So you are enabling him to do what he does. If you didnt welcome him with open arms, then the situation wouldnt exist. So its not on him, its on you.

 

And you change your schedule? Do special little things for him etc etc - for someone who stops by for a quickie? Youre giving 10000% more to the relationship than he does. All he does is show up. It sounds really degrading and yet you have allowed it to continue for 4 years.

 

I dont know what else to say to you. I can only assume you need the drama as a distraction from the rest of your life.

[bentnotbroken]

You only lose if you don't find yourself again. You lose if you chose to stay in this situation and not pursue the blessings that God has for you. You only lose if you wait 4 more years. You haven't lost, yet.

[Lucky_One]

Thank God you talked to Bob's wife and got the validation. Now she can actually plan her party so that you can get an invitation so that we can go through this entire exercise again - but this time, with a touch of reality to it.

[Chocolat]

Maybe i should dye my hair black....but yes i hear you. If i was her, I wouldnt ever forget that hair. Nor those pictures. But I also dont know how I'd stay married to someone distrusting them so completely. Dunno. I guess its more ingrained when he's providin the sole income and you have three kids together.

 

Maybe she loves him and is unwilling to give him up. After all, you stay with him even though you KNOW he loves her and is having sex with her. Why mightn't she stay with him when she only suspects he's getting some on the side?

 

And yes, taking vows and creating a family with someone are significant actions. Is it really so surprising she might be unwilling to end it all?

[KismetGirl]

Maybe she loves him and is unwilling to give him up. After all, you stay with him even though you KNOW he loves her and is having sex with her. Why mightn't she stay with him when she only suspects he's getting some on the side?

 

And yes, taking vows and creating a family with someone are significant actions. Is it really so surprising she might be unwilling to end it all?

 

I don't really consider what he and I have to be a relationship. Some people call their MM's their "boyfriend", I don't. I don't consider an affair a relationship in the normal sense of the word. It's a....thing. An affair. Until he can make a comitment to me, it is no more no less. I don't like that he still sleeps with his wife sometimes, but as another poster said, when he's home and he wants sex, if she's willing to give it, and obviously Im not there, he'll get it from her. I suspect, at least in that department, he'd rather get it from me more, but unless she's going to be amicable to an open marriage that's not possible, particularly on weekends....so, since we aren't in a relationship, I have no say in who else he sleeps with, but it is true in my case as well, he has no say in who I date or sleep with. He assumes I have other guys. He doesn't really want to know (I don't sleep with other people, by the way, when I am sleeping with one person), but he assumes I do. He doesn't like it, but he has no say, and how could he?

 

But anyway, I digress on the semantics.....I can see why it would be hard for her to kick him out only on indirect evidence of cheating. She's never had any hard proof, really, and Im sure his excuses for the evidence she did find were convincing enough to assuage her. As he always says "she's not stupid", and Im sure she mulled it over quite a bit before deciding she wantd to believe him and let it go. Im sure she wouldnt have had insomnia and sitting by herself downstairs thinking if she hadn't considered that he was being unfaithful. According to an email I got from him during the 10-11 months of NC we had, several months after her finding an email from me, "Sorry i can't be there with you on your birthday, but sh*t at home is still f**ked up.", whatever that means. He wasn't more specific than that.

 

It's been at least 2-3 years since she found anything I think, so Im sure she thinks it's all in the clear by now too. From what he says, there have been a couple of occasions when she said something like "why do you smell....funny" after he'd gone straight home from a rigorous sex-romp with me, and he took that to mean she thought he smelled like....sex, I guess, but it's all speculative. He really gets very paranoid over every little thing, and even though I take his reasons for not hanging out with me more often as lame excuses (he tells me that he never goes out with anyone anymore and if he all of a sudden starts tellin his wife he's going out for drinks after work all the time with people she doesn't even know, she will get suspicious. When he lived in the city and they only had one kid, he still went out with friends. The house they have since bought, now with three kids, is well over an hour's drive from the city now, way out in the suberbs, so its quite an inconvenience to go out into the city like he used to, I will give him that much. Plus, he has a second job now, which he didnt used to have either), I think to some extent it is legitimate because he really does get extremely anxious quickly over getting caught, so on his end he's convinced himself that it's a real excuse, though Im sort of pissedd off and am sick of asking him to do something really simple like saying once in a blue moon that he was asked by a coworker or something to get a drink after work. I mean, granted, Im not married, nor have I ever been, but I have been in long term relationships, and I did not know every single friend and co worker that my SO ever had. if he told me that an old friend or old coworker from so and so place was in town and asked him and some other mutual friends for a drink after work, I certainly wouldn't immediately think "oh he's cheating on me!". Does she really distrust him that much? Hard to imagine living with someone like that. I understand she has had reason in the past to suspect, but what's the point of staying married to someone who you won't ever trust again? How can you live like that? Either trust them again, or let it go, right?

 

I really wonder if she WOULD divorce him if she found indesputable evidence that he's had an affair, and whether it would make a difference if she thought it was a one time/short term thing, as opposed to the fact that it has been over four years. I also wonder if it would make a difference if she thought is was purely PA, or purely EA, or a bit of both.

 

Some will say none of this speculation matters, but Im just thinking aloud (or typing aloud, whatever). I don't intend to ever tell her anything. In fact, even if they did divorce, I would not want her to know he ever had an affair. In some way I wouldn't want her to get that extra kick in the gut, nor would I want that stigma to be put on him by their mutual friends and family.

 

Oh well. None of it matters. Im still curious. I wonder how it all will end. He's asked me that before...."so how does this end? will you see me still if you get married?" I know the answer to the second question. I have no idea what the answer to the first question is, but Im really trying to push myself to make it happen sooner than later. I don't want to sit here another four years in this same exact situation. I'm better than this...I deserve better. I've had men who treat me better and could devote more time to me, and Im becoming bitter, and I don't like that , at all.

[awkward]

I think Bob's wife knows that you were at one time MM's OW. In fact, I bet she knows you are still having sex with MM. And to you, you felt casual while she was discussing her and Bob's conversation with you, but I bet she was watching you very carefully for your reaction. And since MM's love for his wife is your only deal breaker and the answer to the question you have been searching for forever, I'm pretty sure that your reaction wasn't as casual as you'd of liked.

 

If Bob went as far to tell his wife that MM feels bad b/c he doesn't love his wife, then why wouldn't he have added well BTW he screwing Kismet on the side? Trust me, Bob wouldn't have romanticized MM's affair while discussing MM's marriage with his own wife.

 

I don't think you need to worry about the BBQ anymore. MM won't come because you will be there.

[KismetGirl]

I agree. This whole post sounds fake. No one this dumb and messed up could be contemplating taking the mcats. It's got to be a hoax.

 

What exactly is your problem? You haven't the slightest clue about me, my intelligence, my abilities, what I've accomplished, or anything else about the rest of my life except this one situation, which is the only thing I come here to discuss. You think if you were privy to every person's innermost thoughts that most people would sound perfect and level?

 

I guarantee you you'd have nary a clue I have any problems in any part of my life if you met me in person. I've worked very hard my whole life, went to one of the top universities in the country on scholarship, and work a fulltime , stressful job in a hospital while still going to school taking incredibly difficult courses, getting fabulous grades in all but ONE semester in my life without the time or energy to ever study nearly one tenth of the time that other students generally need to to get equivalent grades. I would rather you call me a whore than insult my intelligence, when you have not one f**king clue who I am or what I do on a day to day basis. All you know about me is that I am devastated over a relationship that's been going on a considerable amount of time and, yes, it causes me undue stress.

 

I forget, were you once cheated on? If so, that's not a surprise. No wonder- with your personality I can see on here, I'd be tempted to cheat on you too.

 

See, not quite nice, or even logical, to insult someone whom you do not know anything about. Either answer questions pertaining to the topic at hand, or go stick your opinions in the same location your intelligence is appearing to stem from at present- up your a*se.

 

So with all due respect, you never have any relevance to add to the conversation but idiotic sarcasm, so go f**k yourself. You've quite pis*ed me off.

 

Have a lovely evening.

[bentnotbroken]

What exactly is your problem? You haven't the slightest clue about me, my intelligence, my abilities, what I've accomplished, or anything else about the rest of my life except this one situation, which is the only thing I come here to discuss. You think if you were privy to every person's innermost thoughts that most people would sound perfect and level?

 

I guarantee you you'd have nary a clue I have any problems in any part of my life if you met me in person. I've worked very hard my whole life, went to one of the top universities in the country on scholarship, and work a fulltime , stressful job in a hospital while still going to school taking incredibly difficult courses, getting fabulous grades in all but ONE semester in my life without the time or energy to ever study nearly one tenth of the time that other students generally need to to get equivalent grades. I would rather you call me a whore than insult my intelligence, when you have not one f**king clue who I am or what I do on a day to day basis. All you know about me is that I am devastated over a relationship that's been going on a considerable amount of time and, yes, it causes me undue stress.

 

I forget, were you once cheated on? If so, that's not a surprise. No wonder- with your personality I can see on here, I'd be tempted to cheat on you too.

 

See, not quite nice, or even logical, to insult someone whom you do not know anything about. Either answer questions pertaining to the topic at hand, or go stick your opinions in the same location your intelligence is appearing to stem from at present- up your a*se.

 

So with all due respect, you never have any relevance to add to the conversation but idiotic sarcasm, so go f**k yourself. You've quite pis*ed me off.

 

Have a lovely evening.

 

 

So why are the kids cheated on too if only the bs deserves it. Personality, coldness, in effective lover, no of those are justifiable to lie to someone and expose them to potential std's, bunny boilers or worse. What did I do for him to cheat? My posts are pretty harsh too.

[KismetGirl]

I think Bob's wife knows that you were at one time MM's OW. In fact, I bet she knows you are still having sex with MM. And to you, you felt casual while she was discussing her and Bob's conversation with you, but I bet she was watching you very carefully for your reaction. And since MM's love for his wife is your only deal breaker and the answer to the question you have been searching for forever, I'm pretty sure that your reaction wasn't as casual as you'd of liked.

 

If Bob went as far to tell his wife that MM feels bad b/c he doesn't love his wife, then why wouldn't he have added well BTW he screwing Kismet on the side? Trust me, Bob wouldn't have romanticized MM's affair while discussing MM's marriage with his own wife.

 

I don't think you need to worry about the BBQ anymore. MM won't come because you will be there.

 

Yes its very possible Bob's wife knew that me and MM were hooking up a long time ago though I really am not sure that she knows anyting is still going on. It's possible I was included in the conversation when Bob was telling her what MM said (eg- "oh i wonder if he is still sleeping with KG since he's complaining about the marriage") and perhaps she told me only part of the conversation to see if I would admit to her anything, or at the least give an obvious reaction to conversation regarding him. I really did not respond much....i went into my room as if I was changing clothes to go out for the night and spoke to her from my room while she was sitting on my sofa in the next room, so she wouldn't see my face while she was talking about him, and right after I came back out the cab came to pick us up and the phone rang so it wasn't so obvious that I didn't want to respond to what she'd said anyway.

 

No I guess I dont need to worry much about the BBQ anymore. I would tell MM if I was going, just to give him the option to attend or not if he so chooses, and let him figure out an excuse to not go. he really doesn't like social functions like that if they have alot of people he doesn't know anyway. He appears to be a social butterfly, but in actuality is a bit of a social phobe. If by some chance he told me that he couldnt come up with a viable excuse to tell his wife for why they shouldnt go, and that she insisted on them going....I MIGHT, for the sake of sparing Bob/wife awkwardness, make up an excuse not to go....but not because I want to spare MM any awkwardness. Who the hell knows, maybe if Bobs wife has decided for herself that Im still sleeping with him from our conversation, they might not invite me anymore anyway just to avoid the confrontation since Bob's been friends with MM much longer than I have been. When we were hooking up while we worked together we had lots of social interactions and it took ages for people to catch on, and that's only because someone kind of caught us pulling away from a kiss in his office, and she probably told smeone who told someone who told someone and it spread round the office, but from my body language, you'd never had known. My friends who worked with me, when I finally told them, had no clue, and had to think back and try to say "oh, i should have noticed that you guys were having alot of 'meetings' in his office".

 

Anyway, MM's love or whatever for his wife isn't my only dealbreaker...its just a source of curiousity. A rationality for his behaviour, if you will....Im one of those people that needs an answer for everything and I guess I couldn't imagine how someone could be madly in love with someone and then do what he does, is all.....I know I couldn't do it. I'd never cheat on anyone. Never have in my life, never intend to, but then again, me and MM approach relationships differently. I wouldn't marry someone just because I was comfortable with them. To each his own, I guess...

[KismetGirl]

So why are the kids cheated on too if only the bs deserves it. Personality, coldness, in effective lover, no of those are justifiable to lie to someone and expose them to potential std's, bunny boilers or worse. What did I do for him to cheat? My posts are pretty harsh too.

 

I don't mind harsh posts, BNB. Your posts are relevant, and I never mind them. There is a difference between honest and brutal, and insigniticant insults.

 

Reggie never has any relevant advice or commentary to give me. All he gives are sarcastic, rude , snide comments. If you look at his post, it's got nothing to do with anything we're discussing here. The whole "someone this messed up can't be taking the MCATS" was entirely unnecessary, don't you agree? He doesn't know me, and to say I'm a moron who can't go to medical school because I have a relationship that is heartbreaking to me seems overtly insulting and borderline cruel.

 

And, my comment of "you deserved to be cheated on", if you read my next sentence after that, was said purely for example to show how stupid and illogical it is to insult someone, whether its their intelligence or that they deserve to be cheated on, when you know NOTHING about them in real life. It was purely for example, because I obviously don't know him and who knows, maybe in real life he's rather nice. On here, however, he can be a huge shmuck, and I was attemtping to point that out.

 

So no, I don't think your posts are harsh, and they don't bother me nearly like the type of posts that offer nothing but insults, rudeness, sarcasm and nothing of relevance. No one "deserves" to be cheated on, and no one deserves to be told they are an idiot who can't be a doctor because they made a poor love-life decision. Ya know what I mean?

[KismetGirl]

You know what, I finally realized there is an "ignore" list that you can put people on so that you don't have to deal with their posts by blocking them. I've officially blocked Reggie, apologies on my abrasive post-repsonse to him, to anyone who might be offended by it, but honestly, his post was unnecessary. Cheers to everyone else capable of continuing discussion without insults. I can take the brutally honest criticism and opinions, even if I argue. The insults thrown about are entirely different. That wasn't the first time he's said that I'm "too messed up to go to medical school". WTF.

[jwi71]

KG-

 

Another simple question.

 

What do YOU think will convince your MM to file for D and live a truly happy life?

 

And as far as Bob's W...I do NOT get a good vibe. Dunno why...just don't...something seems....off. One thing I already know and do not like...she is a gossip. And if she gossips TO you she also gossips ABOUT you. And this can be very bad for all involved.

 

Well, enough about her...love to hear what you think your MM needs to file for D.

[whichwayisup]

I agree with OpenBook, Bob's wife is setting you up, watching your reaction. Seeing if you slip up or admit something. Remember, this MM's wife is HER friend and Bob is her husbands bestfriend so Bob's wifes loyalities are with them, not with you..Be careful.