Woke up Saturday to THE NOTE

[wowWTF]

She's cheating, it's over , im sorry.

 

But you need to go down to the bank and start pulling some money before she does, start cutting off all joint credit cards and getting all things law specific in order, she's gonna screw you in court. Dont lay down for it. time to fight.

 

Thanks for speaking what seems to be the harsh truth.

 

I am sure she is up to something. She did abandon the house though...I don't know how that affects things. I am surprised she hasn't taken a restraining order on me just so she can say she left because she was scared...which of course is total BS. But wouldn't I know if she took one out? Don't you have to be served with something like that?

 

Pwords are on lockdown BTW. She has no access to my bank accounts and she will have fun trying to come up with a reason to take my money because she has more than me right now. I had around a year's supply built up and have used half. She has significantly more than I do. But yeah I better get to cracking. I am surprised I haven't been served papers yet frankly. Florida is a no fault state. Easy as hell to divorce someone.

 

My buddy is coming up from Miami tomorrow to spend the weekend and talk business. I have a job lined up as an institutional broker that will blow her salary out of the water. My buddy's inlaws have had this job waiting on me for years since it's their firm...all I had to do was take it. She doesn't know about this though. Thank God she is divorcing me before I started making that kind of money. Not to mention there is a 80-90% chance I am moving to the Ft Lauderdale/Miami area as soon as this thing goes down. There are so many girls down there I won't even know what to do with myself.

 

I think it's hilarious if she really was resentful or thought I had a lack of ambition just because I am not obsessed with spending every second of my life battling tooth and nail in the rat race. It's ironic that all I have to do is get off my ass and walk into a hook up job.

 

 

It's her loss in the end. This isn't my choice and I didn't treat her as bad as I might have made it sound. Trust me on that. That was just guilt talking because I couldn't acceot she was cheating on me. I have done everything I can to straighten this out and she isn't even remotely interested in working it out marriage-wise. Though she still wants to date. lol

 

 

I really love her with all my heart and we have been through some serious **** together. I have had her back through some really harsh times. It sucks horribly that she is making this decision, but in the end it's not my call. I can't keep beating myself up. I know she really would want to get back together after her fling is over or whatever it is...but a) I have too much self-respect for that and b) I could never trust her again so what's the point. I think my best option is to move way the hell away.

[wowWTF]

I think she tried to tell you to stop not respecting her in the past and when you failed to do so she found some one else behind your back who would respect her.

 

You are both wrong in a way if in fact that is the case I'm sorry but prob not much you can do but let her go now.

 

Maybe the nice card and vacation was her way of saying good bye who knows...

 

 

LOL yeah probably.

[wowWTF]

Knowing she's cheating is worthless. Who cares what her reason is.

 

Point taken.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Wow that is awesome that your getting a job as an institutional broker, in this economy. Your better sitting a little higher than what you was years ago. Money does help.

 

And you know what in the end, if she left for someone else, then whatever happens that's on her head, I'd say go to a lawyer asap, to find out your rights. The best thing is to protect yourself, especially if you aint got kids.

 

And besides right now if she's in love with someone else, she's living in the fog so clearly she's not gonna be thinking straight, but if this person imaginary or real breaks up with her, she'll turn her attention towards you, I'd say buy her out and sell the house at high market value especially since she abandoned it.

 

Good luck to you.

[chrissreef]

Yea, mine was "damn determined to get a divorce" too... wants complete freedom and 0 effort to repair. I'm a little annoyed that she didn't even let me know things were bothering her and instead opted to leave... but looking back, i realise how conflict averse she is and bails instead of resolves. I never realized how this communication issue she has (and she's aware of it too) could be so devestating... and that she wants to "work on it" with the new guy instead of me. I was told what will happen is she will repeat the same thing with him unless she gets real help, it's just a matter of time.

 

I ran into this... and think this is what mine did

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24263/dating-question-are-you-having-an-emotional-affair/;_ylc=X3oDMTNtbm9wYzBxBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEX3MDMjE0MjEyODMxNwRrA0Vtb3Rpb25hbCBBZmZhaXIEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawNkYXRpbmctcXVlc3Rpb24tYXJlLXlvdS1oYXZpbmctYW4tZW1vdGlvbmFsLWFmZmFpcgR6egNhYmM-

 

i think flings/rebounds/physical affairs are easier to come back from.

 

How am I coping? well, b4 i discovered this site I sent her like 10 long emails expressing my love and how we could fix this but responses we slim/short to none. in person i cried/pleaded the 3/5 times i saw her... she didn't cry any of the times but two of the times she gave me the impression that things might work in the future. the last two visits she was cold as ice. i believe i've hit the "acceptance" stage recently since it's been 3 months with 0 effort to reconcile. i've been working out, taking dance classes and trying to get involved in clubs to keep myself busy. it's been ROUGH and i think about it every day... but i'm trying to give it the attitude of "her loss" and "she's so stupid, she left me for a surfer/offroad/personal trainer guy with 0 education that makes less than half what i do?!? and he's 12 yrs older and less mature with a lower lobido and smaller yingyang (according to her)"... yea, she lost out and made me realize I DO have a LOT to offer someone else. I'd also be surprised to hear if this guy actually has more in common with her - or could connect with her like how we connected - i'm into art/dance/theatre/cultures and girly stuff like shopping/yoga/face masks etc. and in the same generation as her and we both hate partying/bars/sports - tho she seems to be frequenting these now, go figure. yea, total loss on her part.

 

chin up, stay positive, busy and while you're down, practice talking to random girls so you re-teach yourself how to flirt again =) and then in 3-6 months time you'll be ready for a great girl with your new body, dancing, hobbies, friends, confidence! (at least that's my plan). and if she comes back... well, maybe i'll have another girl/options and be able to push back better =)

[wowWTF]

Wow that is awesome that your getting a job as an institutional broker, in this economy. Your better sitting a little higher than what you was years ago. Money does help.

 

And you know what in the end, if she left for someone else, then whatever happens that's on her head, I'd say go to a lawyer asap, to find out your rights. The best thing is to protect yourself, especially if you aint got kids.

 

And besides right now if she's in love with someone else, she's living in the fog so clearly she's not gonna be thinking straight, but if this person imaginary or real breaks up with her, she'll turn her attention towards you, I'd say buy her out and sell the house at high market value especially since she abandoned it.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Hey man thanks for the advice. I am definitely lucky on the job note. I'd probably be in deep doo doo if it weren't for my buddy and his inlaws.

 

You are absolutely right, if someone else is in the picture she is in the fog so pleading and reasoning ain't gonna matter one bit.

 

It almost makes me think she hasn't been to a lawyer yet. Leaving the house behind, etc. Well, I'd say she definitely didn't discuss this beforehand with one at the least.

 

Unless there is some secret twist law that allows her to abandon the house but still be entitled to it. That's why I figured she might try something cute with a restraining order or something.

 

Thanks again for the advice. Y'all don't know how helpful it's been. Well, actually maybe you do since we all seem to have walked similar roads.

[wowWTF]

Yea, mine was "damn determined to get a divorce" too... wants complete freedom and 0 effort to repair. I'm a little annoyed that she didn't even let me know things were bothering her and instead opted to leave... but looking back, i realise how conflict averse she is and bails instead of resolves. I never realized how this communication issue she has (and she's aware of it too) could be so devestating... and that she wants to "work on it" with the new guy instead of me. I was told what will happen is she will repeat the same thing with him unless she gets real help, it's just a matter of time.

 

I ran into this... and think this is what mine did

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24263/dating-question-are-you-having-an-emotional-affair/;_ylc=X3oDMTNtbm9wYzBxBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEX3MDMjE0MjEyODMxNwRrA0Vtb3Rpb25hbCBBZmZhaXIEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawNkYXRpbmctcXVlc3Rpb24tYXJlLXlvdS1oYXZpbmctYW4tZW1vdGlvbmFsLWFmZmFpcgR6egNhYmM-

 

i think flings/rebounds/physical affairs are easier to come back from.

 

How am I coping? well, b4 i discovered this site I sent her like 10 long emails expressing my love and how we could fix this but responses we slim/short to none. in person i cried/pleaded the 3/5 times i saw her... she didn't cry any of the times but two of the times she gave me the impression that things might work in the future. the last two visits she was cold as ice. i believe i've hit the "acceptance" stage recently since it's been 3 months with 0 effort to reconcile. i've been working out, taking dance classes and trying to get involved in clubs to keep myself busy. it's been ROUGH and i think about it every day... but i'm trying to give it the attitude of "her loss" and "she's so stupid, she left me for a surfer/offroad/personal trainer guy with 0 education that makes less than half what i do?!? and he's 12 yrs older and less mature with a lower lobido and smaller yingyang (according to her)"... yea, she lost out and made me realize I DO have a LOT to offer someone else. I'd also be surprised to hear if this guy actually has more in common with her - or could connect with her like how we connected - i'm into art/dance/theatre/cultures and girly stuff like shopping/yoga/face masks etc. and in the same generation as her and we both hate partying/bars/sports - tho she seems to be frequenting these now, go figure. yea, total loss on her part.

 

chin up, stay positive, busy and while you're down, practice talking to random girls so you re-teach yourself how to flirt again =) and then in 3-6 months time you'll be ready for a great girl with your new body, dancing, hobbies, friends, confidence! (at least that's my plan). and if she comes back... well, maybe i'll have another girl/options and be able to push back better =)

 

 

Wow man thanks. Yeah I hate that you are going through this, but at least we all have each other for supoort and advice. I have been here by myself the entire week. It was really starting to screw with my head until I found the forum. Sitting in a quiet house by yourself not having a clue what's going on will do that to you.

 

I don't know anyone here in my town at all. So therefore no one to talk to besides my German Shepherd. Other than that it's me myself and I. And that is not a good thing when you are going through this. I found this forum by accident. The situation sucks horribly, but I feel so much better after having read some of your advice. It makes so much difference to have people who can empathize and understand. People who have been there and done that to offer advice to keep you from screwing up even worse.

 

Thanks for the advice on your situation. You are a few months ahead of me so it helps me see what's around the corner most likely. I'm glad you're handling it well. I am just extremely surprised that people don't believe in fighting for a marriage anymore. Two years is nothing in the grand scheme of things. My wife said the first two years were great but not the second two. I was like, well, we are already batting .500 and we have probably 40-50 years left to make up for it. Of course while that type logic might make sense to a normal person...if she's already cheating or emotionally involved...all the hell she wants is to get me out of the way.

 

Not much I can do about that, besides cover my own ass.

 

Thanks again for the input. Keep your head up bro.

[wowWTF]

BTW I wanted to mention this. Not sure if anyone can get anything out of it, but I just thought of it.

 

On Monday I asked her if she would like meet up for some coffee and she said she wasn't ready to see me yet. She said it would be different if she was like "woo hoo I'm finally out of this hell!" but she said it's not like that at all and it's very painful and she doesn't know if she could handle seeing me right now.

 

Yes, of course she could be totally blowing smoke up my ass. But has anyone ever had this type thing said to them?

[lostsunsets]

Did you both sign the lease? My understanding is that it doesn't matter that she lives there, her name is no the lease so she owes half the money. I would also file for divorce immediately. Like you said in your first post. She thinks she has the upper hand, because you want her more then she wants you. Time to give her a wake up call.

[TrustInYourself]

Good attitude and good perspective. That's half the battle to surviving this separation. Press with changes that benefit you long term. Take your mind away from the marriage, because in reality our relationships are just a small part of who we are.

 

Too painful to see you? That's a control tactic. She wants to keep you waiting, in case things go bad and she decides to come back.

 

If I were you, my best advice would be to reconnect with old friends, family, and loved ones. Build on your experiences and just reflect for a bit. There should be no rush to get back, because this is a perfect time to find out what you really need and want out of life. Soul search. Explore yourself.

 

Also, you may have bad days where you feel like you just can not go on. Those days will pass, just keep faith in who you are and keep positive. Things are going to work out for the best, because you are a great person and deserve happiness. Keep faith, bro and good luck.

[chrissreef]

yea, mine says she's not ready to see me yet either according to her email where she mentioned me being a friend.

 

"I am just extremely surprised that people don't believe in fighting for a marriage anymore." - i blame this on our parents who developed a disposable society. when you don't want something anymore, you throw it away rather than fix or deal with it. i'm a fighter and believe in honor/chivalry... but that's probably going away too because of the society we live in.

[LakesideDream]

WTFwow, your post brought up a "memory" I hadn't thought about for 9 years now. On my birthday a month before "D" day I got one of those amazing love and kisses birthday cards... A month an a couple of days later she "needed space".

 

A couple of months later she told me that her boyfriend had helped her pick out the card.

 

Being gaslighted is never fun.

[Derek12b]

I have the same thing going on with my wife. The nights of no sleep and thinking yourself into a tizzy is still going on for me. I still dont eat and sometimes I'll be driving and it hits me so hard I have to pull over to lay in my truck and just cry. Right now I'm a pathetic man. I feel ashamed, hurt, angry, betrayed, and all around just wanna kill something. I'll tell you what helps me out, I RUN, Im not a runner but I run like a champ now. I run until I fall down in pain. Right now pain is the only thing that lets me know Im alive. I'd tell you it gets better but I really dont know. I also like drinking Jack and Cokes with .45 on the counter and just stare at it. It lets me know I have options.

[wowWTF]

Good attitude and good perspective. That's half the battle to surviving this separation. Press with changes that benefit you long term. Take your mind away from the marriage, because in reality our relationships are just a small part of who we are.

 

Too painful to see you? That's a control tactic. She wants to keep you waiting, in case things go bad and she decides to come back.

 

If I were you, my best advice would be to reconnect with old friends, family, and loved ones. Build on your experiences and just reflect for a bit. There should be no rush to get back, because this is a perfect time to find out what you really need and want out of life. Soul search. Explore yourself.

 

Also, you may have bad days where you feel like you just can not go on. Those days will pass, just keep faith in who you are and keep positive. Things are going to work out for the best, because you are a great person and deserve happiness. Keep faith, bro and good luck.

 

 

Thanks, that's very good advice. Definitely sounds like a control tactic to say it's too painful. I really do think she is cheating, or if she wasn't cheating at the time, she is now. I guess a lot of people do that sh*t to make themselves feel better. "Oh I'll say we're getting divorced and then it's not really cheating because we are going to be divorced soon so it's not wrong to date even though I'm still married".

 

I know lots of people that's happened to while dating...the BF or GF says they need to take a break for a few weeks. Then they immediately hit the town banging anything that moves, because they convince themselves it's okay because "they're technically single". I know it's a different ballgame in marriage, but the mentality remains the same in plenty of cases I am sure.

 

We've never even had close calls before, and she has never even threatened to leave before. Seems like it would take a pretty strong reason for her to move out and be so adamant about divorce. And it wasn't anything I did. Chances are it's someone else.

 

That's good advice about reconnecting with friends, etc. My buddy is coming up to spend the weekend and wants me to move down there with him and his wife til I get situated with that new job and everything. That's pretty awesome of him and her. His wife has lots of hot friends, which will be nice once I decide to start getting back in the game.

 

Thanks for the last paragraph too. I feel like total dogsh*t even though I know this isn't my choice. It's a mixture of guilt, rejection, wasted years, anger, confusion, and sadness. I'm sure everyone here knows the feeling. So thanks for the kind words and strong advice.

 

I just have to remind myself I didn't ask for this and I have done everything I can do stop it. Life is such and such is life.

[wowWTF]

WTFwow, your post brought up a "memory" I hadn't thought about for 9 years now. On my birthday a month before "D" day I got one of those amazing love and kisses birthday cards... A month an a couple of days later she "needed space".

 

A couple of months later she told me that her boyfriend had helped her pick out the card.

 

Being gaslighted is never fun.

 

Oh man that sucks. Who knows, I may just get some news like that myself. Man oh man.

[wowWTF]

I have the same thing going on with my wife. The nights of no sleep and thinking yourself into a tizzy is still going on for me. I still dont eat and sometimes I'll be driving and it hits me so hard I have to pull over to lay in my truck and just cry. Right now I'm a pathetic man. I feel ashamed, hurt, angry, betrayed, and all around just wanna kill something. I'll tell you what helps me out, I RUN, Im not a runner but I run like a champ now. I run until I fall down in pain. Right now pain is the only thing that lets me know Im alive. I'd tell you it gets better but I really dont know. I also like drinking Jack and Cokes with .45 on the counter and just stare at it. It lets me know I have options.

 

Yeah I haven't even left the house for more than 10 minutes at a time. I know I'll implode eventually so I don't want to risk it. I guess it's like withdrawals from any drug if you think about it.

 

Thanks for the advice on running. I will have to give it a shot. I used to run a lot a few years back for that very reason. Simply because it hurts and makes you feel alive. I agree with you, I think it would serve a good purpose given the situation.

 

I'd probably be sitting around the house doing the same thing as you, except my wife took my .38 and my .357 when she left. She took a lot of sh*t arbitrarily. My laptop, she took two of our dogs, including one who we BOTH rescued (so I don't know why she thinks its her right to take that one- another insight into her mentality), she took all of our old tax docs and things of that nature. So now I just sit around in a semi-empty house.

 

It's funny how there are lots of things she left such as furniture, art, lots of other house fixtures, etc...because when I talked to her the other day and asked her what she wanted to do about the house. She said she just figured that she would take over the mortgage payment by herself and live here. What's with people just thinking this is Burger King and they get to have it their way?

 

But yeah, not really sure why she took the guns.

 

Hang in there buddy and I'll do the same.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

LOL yeah probably.

Point proven...

[chrissreef]

She took the guns... just to make sure you didn't shoot her. she knows there's an "anger" stage in healing... this was well planned. When mine told me what she did and then another time when she told me who it was with... both times she asked if i was going to hit her. I just looked at her both times "have i ever hit you? (no) "then why would i start now? i'd never hit you intentionally"

 

I also changed the locks as soon as i told her parents what she had done (maybe a bad move, but i felt they needed to know... incase she needed help they should know what's going on... that this was their daughter's doing - and maybe clue them into knowing how bipolar their daughter can be - since she left the guy b4 me of 4 yrs overnight too), I didn't want her coming here into MY place now without my permission rummaging through our stuff and taking what pleases her (and i'll never see again).

 

As you mentioned, talk about wasted years =(

 

"never even threatened to leave before" - yup, mine neither. didn't even say something was bothering her. total bs

[Gunny376]

Wake up! There's some talk on this thread about suicide and about pistols? OPTIONS? BS!

There's NOT a woman (nor Man) nor a job ~ NOR a lifestyle on the freaking planet worth suciciding yourself over! And that's a fact Jack!

 

Whatever your STBX had! You can find just as much of if not better! Whatever they had to offer? You can find just as good as if not more and/or better!

 

Divorce101!

 

"Thou shalt not beat thyself up~!"

 

"Thou shalt not say "I could have, should have, nor would have,...................if your 'happy @zz had known then? What you know now? You wouldn't be where your at!

[soonergirl14]

I can only give you insight on the other side, however this is just where I was in nearly the exact same situation, as I was reading your story I couldn't believe how similar our situations are/were, we also celebrated anniversary at the beach, several hours at the swim up bar and even more hours in the bed, we had even renewed our vows, three weeks later I was looking for my own apartment, I'm not going to go into the details but it was because someone else was giving me the respect and attention my husband was not, I had on several occasions told him how I felt, when telling him he never made me feel like he thought I was pretty or sexy, many times the answer was "that's just not me, you know you are and you know I think you are very pretty" nothing was accomplished my honesty was just pushed aside, when I told him that I felt alone in the marriage or not valued it would be something like "I'm sorry" and again nothing accomplished, I started going to a marriage counselor which was the biggest nightmare of my life, after it all I found out that like any "Dr" I should have done more homework on who to go to, anyway she made things worse, one day telling me to make him be the one that leaves, then the next day telling me I was a selfish person trying to "act" single by going out with my friends, then having him come into one session and told us to do a trial separation, I had gone to her for help not directions on who should take what in the split, this was a huge wake up call for us both, we left the counselors office, tires screeching out of the parking lot, a few mean text and a screaming phone conversation later we met at home and let it alllllll out, we didn't hold back and we listened to each other, and we didn't try to run away from it, we didn't set the rules out before hand it just happened this way, before we knew it we were both crying and walls we didn't even know we had built were being torn down. Now things improved a lot, however he lost his job in December and has been a different person all over again, I am trying to be supportive and understanding in it all, but taking his frustration out on me and failing to show me attention is putting us right back where we were, what I have learned from this is that we haven't been honest enough and sometimes we have been "too polite" doing both has done nothing but causing problems, so more open and more real it works better for us, we needed a huge dose of reality and a lesson in working through the tough times, which is what it sounds like you guys need, at this point what do you have to lose by saying "please, let's try this (your suggestion)" do not ask her what you can do, you need to prove to her you are willing to work on this in finding the solution this now puts you as the one willing to try and her not, so it's not your just your fault if it doesn't work out, and to begin with it's both your fault if it doesn't you are in this together regardless of who is blaming who for what...I wish you the best of luck, I really do

[Chrome Barracuda]

I can only give you insight on the other side, however this is just where I was in nearly the exact same situation, as I was reading your story I couldn't believe how similar our situations are/were, we also celebrated anniversary at the beach, several hours at the swim up bar and even more hours in the bed, we had even renewed our vows, three weeks later I was looking for my own apartment, I'm not going to go into the details but it was because someone else was giving me the respect and attention my husband was not, I had on several occasions told him how I felt, when telling him he never made me feel like he thought I was pretty or sexy, many times the answer was "that's just not me, you know you are and you know I think you are very pretty" nothing was accomplished my honesty was just pushed aside, when I told him that I felt alone in the marriage or not valued it would be something like "I'm sorry" and again nothing accomplished, I started going to a marriage counselor which was the biggest nightmare of my life, after it all I found out that like any "Dr" I should have done more homework on who to go to, anyway she made things worse, one day telling me to make him be the one that leaves, then the next day telling me I was a selfish person trying to "act" single by going out with my friends, then having him come into one session and told us to do a trial separation, I had gone to her for help not directions on who should take what in the split, this was a huge wake up call for us both, we left the counselors office, tires screeching out of the parking lot, a few mean text and a screaming phone conversation later we met at home and let it alllllll out, we didn't hold back and we listened to each other, and we didn't try to run away from it, we didn't set the rules out before hand it just happened this way, before we knew it we were both crying and walls we didn't even know we had built were being torn down. Now things improved a lot, however he lost his job in December and has been a different person all over again, I am trying to be supportive and understanding in it all, but taking his frustration out on me and failing to show me attention is putting us right back where we were, what I have learned from this is that we haven't been honest enough and sometimes we have been "too polite" doing both has done nothing but causing problems, so more open and more real it works better for us, we needed a huge dose of reality and a lesson in working through the tough times, which is what it sounds like you guys need, at this point what do you have to lose by saying "please, let's try this (your suggestion)" do not ask her what you can do, you need to prove to her you are willing to work on this in finding the solution this now puts you as the one willing to try and her not, so it's not your just your fault if it doesn't work out, and to begin with it's both your fault if it doesn't you are in this together regardless of who is blaming who for what...I wish you the best of luck, I really do

 

yeah and we can believe in pixie dust , dragon wings and unicorns too! lol.

 

Look she left, stole stuff from the house that probably aint even hers and abandoned her husband. Do you really think she's coming back? I dont see how she could and why she would. I know If I saw her again I would feel disgusted for her being a coward especially if there's another man in the picture.

 

Y'all need to watch along comes polly because I see it more often nowadays women get's married, feels unforfilled, unsure, cheats, leaves, and most of the time wants to come back. Trying to play him for a fool.

 

Men need to kick the wives to the curb, because if the situation was reversed you think she would be for faithful?

[Chessy02]

Hi Soonergirl14, I think I get your point. It was good that you guys went to MC and decided to work on things together as a couple. But what can you do when the other party refuse to join you in working things out? It takes two to tangle. Most men/women here find out that their spouse put blocks at every turn when they suggest working things out. The normal talk is 'it is too late'; 'i want to move on'; 'i love you, but not in love with you' - this are short of saying 'i am seeing another guy, so move on'.

 

I believe most of the dumpees here will jump at the opportunity to work on their marriage rather than throw it away. Good luck all.

[wowWTF]

yeah and we can believe in pixie dust , dragon wings and unicorns too! lol.

 

Look she left, stole stuff from the house that probably aint even hers and abandoned her husband. Do you really think she's coming back? I dont see how she could and why she would. I know If I saw her again I would feel disgusted for her being a coward especially if there's another man in the picture.

 

Y'all need to watch along comes polly because I see it more often nowadays women get's married, feels unforfilled, unsure, cheats, leaves, and most of the time wants to come back. Trying to play him for a fool.

 

Men need to kick the wives to the curb, because if the situation was reversed you think she would be for faithful?

 

Exactly. There is never an excuse for being a coward. And yes, she stole things that were specifically mine well before the marriage.

 

My bud just came in from Ft Lauderdale to hang out with me so I don't have to be alone. He told me that oddly enough the exact same thing happened to him with his wife last week EXCEPT she didn't run off. She sat him down and explained how urgent the situation was and what he was doing that was hurting her. He said he wanted to wait til we were in person to tell the story since the timing was so odd.

 

All it was was his attitude towards her. We were both in the same division in the military. It's pretty obvious that our traits both come from those days when feelings were less important than execution.

 

The problem is fixed now, because his wife sat him down and told him that this was an urgent situation and needed to be addressed. That route would have worked just fine with me if my wife had the guts to try it.

 

Of course that's assuming she isn't cheating on me...which I am almost certain she is...if she isn't cheating on me physically I would put money she is having an emotional affair just waiting for the divorce to be final.

 

 

Thanks Chrome B, Chris, Derek and all the others who have offered advice.

 

 

The more I think about it, ESPECIALLY with my best friend telling me about his exact same situation that happened last week with vastly different results....I get more and more aloof towards her. It's almost becoming comical to me at this point.

 

 

My bud's wife sent me some apartment ideas for Ft Lauderdale. She wants me to move down there with them and us get a 2/BR 2/BA high rise together. It is so damn nice. My wife struck up a convo today via email to make sure I was thinking about her and asked what I was planning on doing...I said "not sure but look what Izzy wants us to rent together" and sent her a pic of the high rise. She immediately was all about making sure she let me stay in the house and still paid half the mortgage etc.

 

 

It was funny how quick she got on that path as soon as I showed real options that included SoFL and more chicks than I could shake a stick at.

 

 

I play way too much poker for that kind of crap she's pulling to work long against me. I just had to wait for an opening and then I started putting her to the task. I simply made a few key "bets" to define her hand.

 

 

Seems to have worked. Not saying I will save my marriage, or anything of that sort...but at least I have taken away her initiative. She knows she is not in control now. And that is priceless.

 

 

Thanks again y'all. I am starting to think I don't even want to save the marriage. I think marriage is an extremely serious thing, but a marriage won't work if only one takes it seriously...and if she is willing to put me through this kind of pain and not even bat an eye...then screw her. Every day that passes makes me realize how little she truly cares about me to put me through this torment so nonchalantly.

[Chrome Barracuda]

You should not have communicated with her, not involved her with your plans for your future and only dealt with legal issues. Has she explained why she left, where she's at and what she's doing? If not then there was no reason for communication, she was just hitting you up to see your still wrapped around her finger.

 

Stop talking to her unless it's about legal stuff, it's time to show her your serious, let her crawl through glass to come back, if not then keep it moving.

 

That's what I would do. I dont think I would have held my composure and carried a conversation with her, I would have either been too pissed off, or so jerky she' wouldnt have stayed long to talk. Anger stage yes, but hey she created this situation didnt she?

[AlishaR]

Im in a similar situation as well. My husband after 1 year has left me. I dont suspect hes cheating either. Just wasnt happy and not willing to work on it and also is talking Divorce. These types of people are cowardly. You say you have been mean at times to her. Well who hasnt been mean to their spouse? You live together, life is stressful and you get on each others nerves. I was also having trouble finding work cuz we moved to a new city and i had gotten layed off my job as well. He couldn't handle it. Couldn't handle the stress. But regardless of everything, YOU ARE STILL MARRIED and the other person took Vows to be there for you no matter what! I dearly love my husband and there were other factors however, there was No one else either and so this kind of behavior is just childish and cruel. Im also shocked and hurt and going through all the emotions as well. Its not right what she is doing.