He's out with his ex tonight....

[konfuzd]

So my bf called me to tell me that "an old friend from back home" is visiting and he is going to meet her downtown. Although he didn't come right out and say it was his ex I know who she is.

 

I trust my bf completely, but I don't trust this girl. When she is dating someone, she forgets about my bf, and they don't talk. As soon as she's single, she starts contacting him again. (Damn Facebook for the constant updates-yes I have Face-stalked this girl before )

 

On one hand, I appriciate my bf telling me he's meeting "a girl", but on the other hand, his way of referring to her as "an old friend" is weighing on my mind, and knowing that she contacted him and asked him to meet her. What does she want? Why does she need to see him? Why can't she just move on with her life? Is she trying to wedge her way back in?

 

I was pretty lighthearted and joking with him on the phone, telling him to have fun on his date, and such. He said it wasn't a date and told me I could come along if I wanted to. I asked if he wanted me there, and his reply was "I don't care, if you want to come you can."

 

I know if I were to go with him, I'd be confrontational with her, and that wouldn't be good for anyone. I just can't get this girl out of my head, and am feeling angry towards her. How do I get over these thoughts?

[bobdole]

Something similar happened to me this week and to me if compounded with other things this is grounds for breaking up. If someone loves you and wants to be in a committed relationship with you, they don't go out alone with ex's or people of the opposite sex. I left my gf due to her doing something similiar to what you're bf is doing (many other things convoluting together to form my decision that among other things have erroded my trust for her to near zero).

 

Sometimes it is possible, but nearly always a man cannot be "just friends" with a woman. There will always be sex in the air. If the woman your bf is going out with just hopped stark naked out of the room and said "Hey big boy, come put it in me" (a situation almost comical to think about in my own rational mind, but I know there are women that would do this), any man will be strained to his limits to resist if he is able at all.

 

Its not a matter of does he love you or not, its simply how men in general are made. Thousands and thousands of years of evolution have steered us toward putting our penises into as many vaginas as possible to spread our genetic code over that of our rivals. All our hormones and genetics tells us to cheat. All men desire to cheat. We can however overcome them and possibly for our entire lives never cheating through will power. I'm 27 and haven't ever cheated yet (being cheated on especially is a large motivator not to cheat as you know jhow your partner would feel being cheated on yourself). Regardless of evolution or genes or lack of self control to me cheating is unforgivable. You do it to me and I'm not speaking to you ever again. I would expect my partner to react the same if I ever did.

 

The solution to that problem is to simply and all cost never put yourself into the position to where you may stray. I do have 1 female friend, but I honestly have zero sexual attraction to her and if she "threw herself at me" I would turn her away and probably couldn't even get hard anways. I however doubt your bf is in a similar situation since he had a past relationship with her.

 

You have a right to be angry and upset. Don't talk yourself out of it in my opinion. I'd lay into him when he got home and give him the biggest chewing out he'd ever heard then throw him in the doghouse.