Doug Posted May 6, 2000 Share Posted May 6, 2000 My girlfriend and I just broke up. Well she broke up with me. She says she doesnt want to be with anyone.. no relationship at all. She didn't even tell me to my face or over a phone. She typed it all out. Here I will give you the conversation. Please give any advice. her: listen, i lvoe you too...dont ever forget that her: ive been doing a lot of thinking though her: and youre going to hate me her: or atleast thats my worst fear her: i hope youll be as understanding as you always have though her: this has nothing to do with you or anyone else her: and i really cant explain what im feeling her: but i want to be alone... her: i want u to come here in july still her: hello? Plight Hereafter: i her: i? Plight Hereafter: i dont know what to say her: well .. her: im only praying u say u understand Plight Hereafter: your dumping me.. thats the jist really. her: u didnt have to put it so nicely Plight Hereafter: well atleast you didn't drag me along Plight Hereafter: thank you her: i just dont think i can be in any relationships at all Plight Hereafter: ever her: ever? Plight Hereafter: ever be in one her: jezuz thanks Plight Hereafter: no im asking her: so ur saying that i cant ever be in a relationship Plight Hereafter: no.. im asking her: asking what/ Plight Hereafter: if you feel that you can never be in one Plight Hereafter: .. with me i guess is what i really want to know her: with anyone? her: i love you doug her: i do Plight Hereafter: thats a no her: no its not her: youre the best person i have ever met her: it has nothing to do with you her: if i ever straighten msyelf out her: then there is the possiblity of us again Plight Hereafter: i see you moving on.. honestly her: stop please her: im not doing this to look for someone else her: if anyone else came along her: id stop myself.. her: bc the whole point of this is for me to be alone Plight Hereafter: i cant stop... i cant stop this.. i know im making you feel bad and im sorry Plight Hereafter: i understand that her: u cant make me feel any worse than i already do Plight Hereafter: im sure it doesnt compair her: thanks Plight Hereafter: sorry Plight Hereafter: straighten yourself our.. alright Plight Hereafter: er out her: why do u sound liek her: ur being nasty to me Plight Hereafter: i dont know.. maybe we should be on the phone.. cause thats not what im trying to do Plight Hereafter: actually i would rather that.. this seems so cold Plight Hereafter: very cold her: cold her: jezuz chirst Plight Hereafter: cant you understand Plight Hereafter: understand me Plight Hereafter: this one time Plight Hereafter: dont take offence her: of course....but dont call me cold and then expect me to be able to talk to you on the phone her: u know how i am with talking period her: i feel like a bitch her: i feel like an a**h*** Plight Hereafter: im not calling you cold... im saying this is like a dear john her: and any other word u can think of her: bc i made all these promises her: and im ##### breaking them her: and im tearing u up Plight Hereafter: that part is true her: which is the last thing i want to do her: but its too late for that Plight Hereafter: yes her: do you hate me Plight Hereafter: i could never hate you Plight Hereafter: im afraid her: are you still going to come back Plight Hereafter: im so afraid Plight Hereafter: for what reason Plight Hereafter: why would you want me there? her: if i didnt want you here i would tell you her: i care about you more than anyone her: i do love you Plight Hereafter: everytime you say that Plight Hereafter: it reminds me that people can love someone dearly... Plight Hereafter: but that doesnt make them want to be with them her: cant you jsut take my word her: that i still want you to come here her: if u dont want to then say so her: ill understand Plight Hereafter: i've lost you... her: i jsut wish i could hook up a cord form my head to yours her: so you could understand what i was thinking Plight Hereafter: me too her: dont say lost Plight Hereafter: there are no other words her: not lost though Plight Hereafter: then what Plight Hereafter: what Plight Hereafter: what else her: i dont know her: but i dont not want to see you again her: its not like that her: that would be lost Plight Hereafter: so i could come there and what? I would be your pal? her: my god im sorry i asked ok her: forget i asked Plight Hereafter: please her: im too coldhearted to be around anyways Plight Hereafter: i just want to know Plight Hereafter: so you want to be friends her: i dont know what it would be like her: i dont her: well for the most part yes her: i dont know how it would be if u came here bc i cant see the future her: i just dont want to lose you latogether her: which i know is a lot to ask her: seeing as im doign this to you Plight Hereafter: if you think you could have me as a friend if you are ever with another man.. that would be too much to ask her: for gods sake her: you are not getting this Plight Hereafter: no im not her: i do not want to be with anybody her: anyone her: no one her: not just you her: anyone her: im not going hunting for anyone else her: and if anyone comes along her: im ignoring it her: bc i cant have this right now Plight Hereafter: why not her: bc i lose all sense of reality Plight Hereafter: what do you mean her: i cant recognize priorities Plight Hereafter: like what her: or the concept of time her: like school Plight Hereafter: im not stopping you her: i know her: i stopped myself her: bc of you Plight Hereafter: WHY her: bc i thought.. her: that if i was in school her: and there was a point we could be together her: and i had to move her: it wouldnt be possible Plight Hereafter: i dont see what you see at all.. i see a coward. honestly her: thanks her: so much Plight Hereafter: i know im being harsh her: ah well Plight Hereafter: i want you to go to school.. actually i want you to do..what ever.. her: i deserve it dont i Plight Hereafter: how can you not just be with me and go to school.. take things as they come Plight Hereafter: i visit.. you visit her: bc i cant her: its not the way my mind works Plight Hereafter: i'll come her: thank you her: i know you probably dont care, but that means a lot to me Plight Hereafter: you know i care about you more than anything Plight Hereafter: and i can never hate you LaydiAmos: i know Plight Hereafter: you know that too LaydiAmos: yes Plight Hereafter: so to say i dont care.. or ask if i hate you Plight Hereafter: is not nessisary her: i know her: im just upset iwth myself her: for what its worth her: im sorry Plight Hereafter: tell me if you ever do.. down the line.. start seeing another person. her: ok her: so now that ive ruined your day Plight Hereafter: ya ill be better tomarrow ;-) her: i hope so Plight Hereafter: i guess its true sarcasim doesnt translate well in text hehe her: i guess not her: im sorry to do it like this Plight Hereafter: me too her: but i wouldnt have gotten anything out on the phone her: ill understand if u and robby dont want me in cj anymore either Plight Hereafter: i would rather not change a thing Plight Hereafter: not let the world know her: thank you her: well i wasnt about to go out and advertise it her: thats all you Plight Hereafter: whats all me her: telling anyone Plight Hereafter: robby will know Plight Hereafter: thats it her: well yea Plight Hereafter: i can't say he won't hate you.. heh Plight Hereafter: but i doubt it her: i knwo he will her: ive hurt his best friend Plight Hereafter: do you want me to bring you back the book her: why wouldnt i Plight Hereafter: i dont know Plight Hereafter: i just had to say something her: ok her: i got a job Plight Hereafter: good her: for some lighter news her: starts tues her: 830 to 4 LaydiAmos: ahot thinks ima dude Plight Hereafter: and ent thinks your fine her: heh yea her: but u know the post i did Plight Hereafter: ya her: and mentioned my need for wallpaper her: i got one response her: from some sp1te person Plight Hereafter: ya her: it was some half naked chic her: and he referred to me as dude Plight Hereafter: heh her: i emailed him back but it came back to me saying its having problems mailing Plight Hereafter: do you see yourself with anyone else.. i want a truthful answer her: i dont see anything her: youre asking me about the future her: which u know is something that i do not like to think hard about Plight Hereafter: im not asking about the furure Plight Hereafter: future her: then what are u asking about? Plight Hereafter: i feel inside of me that i can't be with anyone else Plight Hereafter: it has nothign to do with forsight her: ok her: well i cant answer that question...honestly i dont have an answer Plight Hereafter: alright Plight Hereafter: then i think im going to go for the night her: ok Plight Hereafter: not away, just not in this chat her: ok Plight Hereafter: goodnight her: godonight her: good Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 7, 2000 Share Posted May 7, 2000 The only advice I can give you is forget this chick. But I do have some opinions. She got a lot of loose screws. She is confused. You are not the only one she corresponds with, in my opinion. I think you are the luckiest man in the world to be rid of this lady. Love doesn't mean anything if it's directed at someone so confused, so shallow, so off the wall. You did not describe the length of the relationship or its context. But anyone who would break up with you in what appears to be a chat room or instant message environment has the sensitivity of a microbe. There are so so very many wonderful ladies who you will meet now that you are free. Lift any sorrow you feel now and celebrate the fact that you are now able to find a truly fulfilling situation for yourself. And there are many college girls who could fall madly in love with such a prolific typist as yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Doug Posted May 7, 2000 Share Posted May 7, 2000 I couldn't stay away from her. Last night I went to a bar and got a little drunk. Upon coming back I emailed her telling her that I didn't see why we could not still be togeather and her still go to school. She didn't respond until I talked to her later. She said she didn't know what to say, however she had made her decision. So I then told her that I couldn't have any reminders of her in my life, because it was breaking my heart everytime I saw her. I and a group of old highschool friends run a website, and she wa part of it, but I deleted all of her posts and removed her name from everything. (as a background here I'm sure we seem like a internet relationship, but I know her through a friend, we met elsewhere and are continueing our relationship long distance *im in the army*) She has not responded to me other than "jesus christ, you don't understand.." and I said "your right" "i cant". I love her so much, and she claims to still love me just as much as ever, but wants no relationship with anyone. She is so beautiful and wonderful. I can't lose her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 7, 2000 Share Posted May 7, 2000 You are reacting to this in the ABSOLUTELY WORST, MOST TERRIBLE possible way you could if you thought about it for years. First, if you want to EVER in your lifetime or in ten lifetimes to come EVER, EVER want a chance to get her back in your life, those chances are increased to the degree that you can act like a sane, rational, mature MAN and not a lovesick pup. No desireable, sane woman, anywhere in the Universe, is attracted to a man who can't handle himself in these situations. It is very normal to be sad and heartbroken but to lack the sensitivity and consideration to make it difficult on the other person (who is also going through great pain) is just supremely selfish. You are proving to her beyond a shadow of a doubt, by your behavior, that she has done the absolute correct thing by getting AWAY from you. I am on my knees at the keyboard now, praying that you will learn some love and life strategies that will get you where you need to be. Don't make it so difficult on this girl. Breaking up with a guy is NOT easy for a girl, most of them anyway. Most decent ladies go through days, months and even years of mental anguish before they bring themselves to break up with someone. Understand that you could drive her out of her mind by acting very cool and totally the opposite of how you are acting now. If you had been mature, accepting and cool about all this, she might have been right back in your arms now. There are some women (just some) who actually thrive on seeing their ex's crack up under these circumstances because it is revenge for the way they were treated...or they just have a morbid sense of how they get satisfaction. You NEVER want to give anyone, male or female, the satisfaction of knowing they have emotionally crushed you or damaged your life in some way. I don't know what to tell you except you just have this all wrong. I wish I could take away your sadness and grief over this break up. I have been there before and it hurts like holy hell. But you have got to learn that you can't have every woman who comes down the pike...and you have to treat all women with consideration, decency, respect and empathy for the way they feel. You are driving this girl to being repulsed by you and even hating you if you continue torturing her. Back off...go through your sadness with friends or family. Go through the pain...heal...and move on. I have no idea how old you are and it doesn't matter. I've seen men in their 30s and 40s act like this. They just don't realize how foolish it looks and how it drives women away. Lady's are fiercely attracted to men who are aloof and cool and go with the flow. They are so very comfortable with a man who makes it easy for them to break up with that often they come right back. In your case, there's just no chance. I am so sorry but please don't take my word for what I say here. Go ask some lady friends you have to tell you first hand from their perspective. Just be very honest about how you have conducted yourself here. Before she goes to court and gets a restraining order on you, STOP emailing her, walking up to her at bars, calling her, sending messages to her directly or through friends, or having any contact with her whatsover. Please, for the sake of the human race, leave this lady alone. She deserves the courtesy and you deserve someone who cares about you enough to stay with you. Godspeed!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Amy Posted May 7, 2000 Share Posted May 7, 2000 I agree with Tony here. When I broke up with my boyfriend, it was very hard for me to do, and he couldn't understand why I did it--I can't even say I understood. But for a few weeks after that, he emailed me these really wonderfully sappy love letters, sounding much like you do here. He couldn't live without me, I was the driving force for his life's purpose, I was perfect, and he lost the best thing that has ever happened to him. These things are wonderful things to say, don't get me wrong, but I broke up with him because I didn't want to be with him at that time and I definatly didn't want to hear those things after the fact. Getting these messages made me want to get further away from him, he was so desperate. Girls don't want and will never be attracted to someone so desperate. After a month though, he started sending me emails about how great he was doing, all the parties and places he was going. I was upset that he had moved on and I was still struggling (even though I was the reason for the break up, it still hurts us just as much). This made me want to be with him more. I ended up calling him once a week just to hear his voice. I even asked him to go out with me one night. He doesn't call me, I call him still to this day. When I do talk to him, occasionally he tells me that he is still in love with me. We are still apart, and I don't want to get back together with him. But I'm glad he realized what he needed to do to move on. You need to give her her space, that is what she wants. It sucks and it is going to hurt a lot. but there is nothing you can do about it. All you can do is not give in to the temptation of talking to her, emailing her, or anything else. Not only will this make her miss you and realize that she really does want to be with you or does not want to be with you (there are always risks), but this will also help you to weed her out of your life. There are so many ladies out there who would be perfect for you, even though it may not seem like it now. Link to post Share on other sites
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