vander Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Our RSVP's are coming in, and I'm noticing two issues that I'm not too sure how to handle. Do you have any suggestions? 1) We have a few cases where we invited one person, but they want to bring along several guests. Bringing along a girlfriend/boyfriend is definitely fine and encouraged. Bringing a girlfriend and her 8-year-old daughter is fine. But these people want to bring 4 and 5 extra adults with them! (In most cases, the extras are their high school-aged and college-aged children.) With the catering costs, we really can't afford to feed them. Is there a polite way to say that we are unable to accomodate the extra people they want to bring? And should that be done in writing or over the phone? 2) A few RSVP's have come in with "0" attendees, which is great because it lets me know that they're definitely not able to come. But there are alot of people we haven't heard back from at all. Should we assume they're not coming, or is it ok to call them and ask? I hate to make it seem like we're harassing them, but our vendors require a final headcount soon. Thanks for any suggestions you have! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 1) You can call and say that you're sorry but "due to the venue and catering, it cannot accommodate <list names of uninvited guests>." 2) I wouldn't assume they're not coming -- more likely you'll hear, "of course we'll be there...you know we wouldn't miss your big day for anything!" Call or ask one of your bridesmaid's to call on your behalf, and say it is that final numbers are needed (most everyone knows that, anyway, and likely will apologize for being tardy with their RSVPs.) In either case, if people react negatively, it is their lack of understanding -- try not to let such social retards spoil any part of your pre-wedding period (which is easier to say than do, I know.) Congrats on your upcoming wedding -- hope it is a wonderful, happy celebration Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 How specific were you on your invitations about guests? People have no right to invite extra people to a wedding that isn't their own... When you are doing your invites- the invitaions have to be specific, or people will take advantage. These days you actually have to specify (1) or (plus 1) on your invites. If people are sending back "plus 5".... they are clueless and someone needs to call them and tell them the invitation is for "plus 1" or zero.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author vander Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 Thanks so much for you suggestions! We weren't specific at all on the invitations regarding how many guests you can bring. There really wasn't much space on the invitation itself. Could it go on the RSVP card? Our RSVP cards were laid out like this: Name: ________________ Number of persons: _____ Would it be appropriate to do something like this on the RSVP card? Name: ________________ Circle the number of persons attending: 0 -- 1 -- 2 That way they see they are limited to the number of people they can bring, without writing out the rule: "You can only bring one person!" It's too late for us, but maybe it could help someone else out! Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Thanks so much for you suggestions! We weren't specific at all on the invitations regarding how many guests you can bring. There really wasn't much space on the invitation itself. Could it go on the RSVP card? Our RSVP cards were laid out like this: Name: ________________ Number of persons: _____ Would it be appropriate to do something like this on the RSVP card? Name: ________________ Circle the number of persons attending: 0 -- 1 -- 2 That way they see they are limited to the number of people they can bring, without writing out the rule: "You can only bring one person!" It's too late for us, but maybe it could help someone else out! I know this thread hasn't been responded to in a long time, but I wanted to say that it is a great idea to circle the number of people coming. We'll just have to hope that they dont add some numbers of their own! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Egads!!! 4 to 5 extra people!??! Are they family of yours such that the teenaged children might have expected to be invited?? I cannot believe people assume that it's appropriate to bring MULTIPLE people as guests, that is, unless you invited "John Doe and Family," ya know? In the future, I don't know that I'd leave space for anyone to write in or even circle the number of guests. I don't think it should EVER be assumed that the invitee can bring a guest. Only when the invitation is extended to John Doe and Guest should that be assumed. The invitee should be asking to be able to bring one. But if you want it on the card, perhaps something like this: Will you attend? Yes No (to be circled) Will you be bringing a guest? Yes No "A guest" implies ONE. Sheesh, some people! As for those who haven't responded, I'd give them a call...just to be sure. Hope the wedding planning is coming along nicely! Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I can't believe people want to bring more than 1 guest! Some people truly have no idea the cost and organisation involved in a wedding. We were really specific on our wedding invitations. I made sure I knew everyones partners/spouses/BF/GFs names so that they were named on the invitation as Jack and Jill rather than Jack and guest. We also had a rule that if couples were new Ie less than 3months together and my H and I hadn't met the partner of our friend or whatever we didn't invite them. Nobody seemed too pissed about this. We sent out save the date emails prior to the invites that said "unfortunately due to venue and catering restrictions, children can't be accommodated" and all our friends with children were cool with that- they were all pretty happy to have a night out without their kids anyway! When people didn't RSVP by the date, I called them or emailed them to see if they were coming. We didn't have anyone show up that we weren't expecting, but one coupdl said they were coming and didn't, and didn't even call to let us know why for weeks after the wedding! Weddings (and funerals as I have recently discovered) are interesting exercises in social observation- some people do behave very strangely! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Lay it out like this: Name: ______________ Name of guest: __________________ Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 The invitations that my friend had said the response card was like: (and she addressed it to "Jane Doe and a guest" implying 1. She said she didn't have a problem with it) Please respond by: (date) Name_____ Number attending ____ Indicate food choice: chicken__ beef__vegetarian__ Is that good etiquette? Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 But there are alot of people we haven't heard back from at all. Should we assume they're not coming, or is it ok to call them and ask? I hate to make it seem like we're harassing them, but our vendors require a final headcount soon. see... this is the reason i chose not to send RSVP cards... it is such a waste of postage b/c people are not couth enough to send them back.... :rolleyes: i think a phone call(or an email) for those people would be fine Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 The Inside Invitations themselves are addressed specifically to the ONLY people invited. Ex: Mr. & Mrs. X, not and Family. Or Mr. X and Guest (again on the Inside Envelope) . If anyone RSVPs with more than 2 attending when only 2 people were listed on the invitation....they are hillbillies. I would call - or your parents should call (whoever is hosting the event calls the invitees)...and simply say you "are unable to extend invitations to anyone not listed on the invitations. Will you and X be attending?" As to those who do not RSVP - you have to call them. If someone doesnt know enough to return the RSVP ...they would be the same kind of people who show up announced with a party of 6. "We havent received your RSVP, so I just wanted to confirm that you and Mr. X are not able to attend." Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 The Inside Invitations themselves are addressed specifically to the ONLY people invited. Ex: Mr. & Mrs. X, not and Family. Or Mr. X and Guest (again on the Inside Envelope) . If anyone RSVPs with more than 2 attending when only 2 people were listed on the invitation....they are hillbillies. I would call - or your parents should call (whoever is hosting the event calls the invitees)...and simply say you "are unable to extend invitations to anyone not listed on the invitations. Will you and X be attending?" As to those who do not RSVP - you have to call them. If someone doesnt know enough to return the RSVP ...they would be the same kind of people who show up announced with a party of 6. "We havent received your RSVP, so I just wanted to confirm that you and Mr. X are not able to attend." Okay, so you adress each specific person on the envelope who is invited. Unfortunately I think we are going to run into a similar problem. You see his family are kind of "hickish" for lack of a better word, therefore I know they will try to ask if more people can come then invited. How do I get around that? Tell them we are unable to extend an invitation to anymore not listed on the invites? Also, I know about specific couple's names should be listed on the invite but what about friends who you don't know who they will bring? Should you still invite a "guest" for them? I'm curious about this For future reference..it sounds complicated!!! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Formal Invitations ARE a little complicated. But the "complications' make sense & are there to avoid misunderstandings. the only confusion that arises is when you send "Formal Invitations" to those not accustomed to receiving them. And many many people don't so... The Outside Envelope: Mr. and Mrs. X or The X Family , with the address hand written. The Inside Envelope: SPECIFIC NAMES: Uncle Don, Aunt Marsh, Jule & Chris (if inviting young children). OR just Uncle Don and Aunt Marsha OR Mr. X and Mrs. X (if it is your boss, etc.) . Now, many people just don't get it if you don't list their small children on the invitation...so , some people add the wording on the reception invitation: Adult Reception following.... Most people , having sent invitations themselves at some point, will understand the invitations are for those names Specifically hand written on the Inside Envelope. For those few who respond inappropriately - if you cannot or do not want to accommodate them then yep - You have to call them and just be as nice is possible about it. Don't embarrass them - be self deprecating like its YOUR problem. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Oh yeah - to your question: If you are inviting Mr. X and know that he is currently unattached, you are not obligated to invite him to bring someone. Socially, a party mix should have singles!! If he is dating someone specific, or you are unsure, or want him to bring a guest - the inside envelope reads David and Guest. Thats fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Okay, so you adress each specific person on the envelope who is invited. Unfortunately I think we are going to run into a similar problem. You see his family are kind of "hickish" for lack of a better word, therefore I know they will try to ask if more people can come then invited. How do I get around that? Tell them we are unable to extend an invitation to anymore not listed on the invites? Congratulations on your engagement, LB! Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 I would call all the people who did not RSVP and double check. I could not believe how many of my guests did not RSVP. And they were traveling! It was crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 If you have a large guest list, particularly with single people, it's impossible to know the names of their guests, since many don't know who they're going to invite. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Congratulations on your engagement, LB! Well, not engaged yet..very soon though most likely! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Well, not engaged yet..very soon though most likely! Well then, put the wedding planning on hold until you've got a ring, silly!! Otherwise, it's like opening Christmas presents on Thanksgiving! Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 If you have a large guest list, particularly with single people, it's impossible to know the names of their guests, since many don't know who they're going to invite. Yeah, true. The many times my boyfriend was in weddings he got an invite with "Mr. LB and guest." I thought that was a little odd considering the 3 couples who invited us knew we were together. That's why I was wondering what the "and guest" etiquette was. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Well, not engaged yet..very soon though most likely! i like the positive attitude!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Well then, put the wedding planning on hold until you've got a ring, silly!! Otherwise, it's like opening Christmas presents on Thanksgiving! Hehe, Well I haven't started planning anything, more like thinking about it. I am wondering about the invitations though, it sounds complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 i like the positive attitude!!! Yeah not to highjack the thread, but he's an idiot and can't stop giving clues. I lost some weight and he asked me if your fingers shrink when you lose weight. He's not very good at keeping secrets. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 If you have a large guest list, particularly with single people, it's impossible to know the names of their guests, since many don't know who they're going to invite. If there are single people, the general consensus where I come from is they come as single people- they don't get to choose someone to invite, thats the couples job! Weddings are too expensive to have a bunch of random strangers taking up places, and MOST people seem to appreciate that and take the invitations at face value. If someone phoned me and specifically asked for a new partner/BF or a friend to come I would consider it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 If there are single people, the general consensus where I come from is they come as single people- they don't get to choose someone to invite, thats the couples job! Weddings are too expensive to have a bunch of random strangers taking up places, and MOST people seem to appreciate that and take the invitations at face value. If someone phoned me and specifically asked for a new partner/BF or a friend to come I would consider it.Our etiquette is that each person be allowed to bring one guest for singles, so they're not left feeling out of sorts, sitting by themselves or with complete strangers. In a family situation, the couple is solely invited, if it's to be an adults only reception which is stated on the invitation. If the entire family is invited, the invitation is to the family. It's not impolite to call your guests, in a tactful manner and explain there's limited seating, if they want to bring the entire clan. Expect that no matter how stringent you are, there will be more than originally expected, due to babysitting issues, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
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