sockpuppet Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 This has probably been discussed ad nauseum here, feel free to let me know if that's the case. A recent example with my ex really got me wondering...if you're currently "friends" with someone and that's all they say they're interested in, is there ever any hope of really moving past that? If so, is it better to admit that you've got feelings and hopes for more early on, to avoid being disingenuous, or do you suck it up and try to play hard to get on your own? If you do the latter, how do you deal with the pain and insecurity that result if they don't react the way you'd hoped, or the constant reminders that you're the one that's more invested? I've pretty much given up hope with my Ex, for reasons you can see in one of my other recent threads. I'm just wondering, in general, if I really believed there was a chance and I believed she might be the one, if it'd be worth me fighting for to the point of putting myself through a masochistic trial just to get her comfortable to move past the friend stage again. I'm coming from the angle that I know she used to be madly in love with me, that she's demonstrated that she wants me to stay in her life but in what extent I don't know. Like I said in my other thread, most people don't invite their exes out to visit them 5 hrs away and sleep in their bed (multiple invitations) when the last interaction you had with them was you telling them you had feelings still and them saying they just want friendship. Part of me thinks she wanted to start there but if I'd taken things slower, or been more aggressive, and not gotten all emotional and acting like I had all kinds of expectations, something might've happened. Part of me wanted to spill my guts to her, to be honest that friendship with her would likely be dominated by my wanting to be with her again, and part of me wanted to just play it cool. From the female posters here, what would attract you more to an ex who you loved but broke your heart? unwavering devotion or a challenge like when you first met? Link to post Share on other sites
Goldstar Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Honestly, from everything I have read here and from life experience I would say the only chance you have of her changing her mind is to move on and get over her. It's probably not what you wanted to hear, but unwavering devotion is not the way to go. I would start dating other women and go no contact with her. If she wants you back, she can call you. She left you. It's up to her to come back. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Since I have no relationship experience whatsoever I'm not going to comment on the rest of your post. If you're currently "friends" with someone and that's all they say they're interested in, is there ever any hope of really moving past that? If so, is it better to admit that you've got feelings and hopes for more early on, to avoid being disingenuous, or do you suck it up and try to play hard to get on your own? If you do the latter, how do you deal with the pain and insecurity that result if they don't react the way you'd hoped, or the constant reminders that you're the one that's more invested? From what I've experienced in my life and read about others doing from forums, I say that it's basically impossible to become more than friends with a girl who has no interest in you. The more time you spend with that person, the more ingrained those feelings of friendship become. I have learned that you need to make your intentions known with women very quickly or they will stick you in the friendzone. The only way out of the friendzone is to stop all contact with them. In other words, stop being friends. At this point I don't see any other way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sockpuppet Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 Since I have no relationship experience whatsoever I'm not going to comment on the rest of your post. From what I've experienced in my life and read about others doing from forums, I say that it's basically impossible to become more than friends with a girl who has no interest in you. The more time you spend with that person, the more ingrained those feelings of friendship become. I have learned that you need to make your intentions known with women very quickly or they will stick you in the friendzone. The only way out of the friendzone is to stop all contact with them. In other words, stop being friends. At this point I don't see any other way. Generally I agree...though she is one of the few girls I've met that pulls her partners from her pool of friends about 90% of the time. That's the only reason I was considering it. Though the above advice stands...unwavering devotion likely does do no good, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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