Author Zankon Posted October 17, 2003 Author Share Posted October 17, 2003 Jenny>> It wasn't shadenfreude, I believe it s more of a curiosity. I m not that bad you know And yes you're right, got to onward my new girl and develop a honest and pure love. Amerikajin>> I told all my buddies and friends today. They know what they need to do I even told them that I wasn t interested in knowing anything about my ex, etc. This way, I m crystal clear with my girl. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 lol, ok. i had some degree of schadenfreude with an ex of mine, so i expect i am projecting. plus i just like the word: schadenfreude! i'd love to make a musical about it, complete with dance numbers and horrible accidents. take care, keep us updated, xox j Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted October 19, 2003 Author Share Posted October 19, 2003 Ok I've got updates. Do you remember my friend to whom my ex said I was violent and all those lies? Well, I asked her if she ever talked to my ex to tell her to mail me the apt keys back. So, she calls me back and tells me that she did ask my ex who got really pissed telling her that she was gonna do so without me asking. I said to myself, you don t need two months and 1/2 to mail something, do you? Now, instead of receiving them in the mail, my colleague at work tells me that I have an envellope. I open it, the keys are in it. I wanna inform you that I've always worked the day when she dropped off the keys. Coincedently, I took that day off. So I didn't see her. Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 If she were an intelligent psycho, she would copy the key and return the original. She is dragging her feet, kicking and screaming like a spoiled brat. I think she is bitter about your success. She probably thinks that the more you suffer for losing her, she would see herself as being more valuable. As long as you don’t suffer, she will see herself as being less valuable, and that is unacceptable. She knows that she will give up what little power she still has over you by returning that key. Basically, she is propping herself up by pushing you down. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 if she is accusing you of violence, etc, you actually may have the makings for a slander case. you can at least threaten it should she contact you or your friends again. i looked up the law that you would use: In order to prove defamation, you have to be able to prove that what was said or written about you was false. If the information is true, or if you consented to publication of the material, you will not have a case. However, you may bring an defamatory action if the comments are so reprehensible and false that they effect your reputation in the community or cast aspersions on you. http://injury-law.freeadvice.com/libel_and_slander/defamatory_statements.htm Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted October 19, 2003 Author Share Posted October 19, 2003 Jenny >> I m glad I saw your post. Thanks for the research! Well, I don t feel that there is any defamation in this situation. She said it a couple of times to "our" friends who are now just "my" friends. They all know me, I m the most calm guy. When I get upset, I just become sooooo quite and don't even talk. I sleep over my problems and try to solve it the following day while I m relaxed. You see, even when friends were reporting the violence story, they were laughing at it and themselves told me that she's trying ti victimize herself. That's no big deal However, I think (I might be wrong) she brought the keys to my work so that she sees me for whatever reason: Piss me off, just see my face again cuz we didn't see each other for almost 90 days, ... I don t know. She had the opportunity to avoid any chance to see me; yet she came over. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 i'm glad it's not a problem - but no one should have to put up with false accusations like that. it makes my blood stew to think of it. even if no one believes it, it's totally unethical and unacceptable for her to say it. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 She's showing up at work now....great!!! Did your colleague mention any funny behavior or comments from your ex? You may have to play chess with this girl and preempt her every move. You obviously made the right move with your current girl, but you may want to give your boss (if you have a decent relationship with him/her) or someone a head's up just in case she tries calling you a lot or showing up at the office from time to time. Better yet, though, you may want to consider taking out $150 or so, so you can sit down with a good attorney to find out what your rights are. It would be less expensive if you have a friend or family member who's an attorney, though You've got to send this chick a clear message that you are not to be f*cked with. Maybe a restraining order will straighten her ass out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted October 20, 2003 Author Share Posted October 20, 2003 Jenny>> There are crazy people out there and you're not gonna go crazy too because of their deeds. Sometimes one has to pacifically deal with things the way they are. Amerikajin>> No they didn't say anything nor did I ask. Got my envellope and walked away. But I don't feel there is any need to get things done by law... I will over-react if I do so, I believe. A very close friend of ours told me that he believes she definately came to my workplace to see me and she wouldn't have done so if she doesn;t have feelings towards me. Personally if I were her and she asked me for the keys, I won't spend gas and time to bring them to her -> 37 C to the post office and job done. Sometimes I feel like she wanna send me msgs but afraid of a head-on shock. I m probably wrong but it's just a feeling. As far as my new girl is concerned, we are getting closer and closer to each other. We feel more confortable emotionally and physically... and I like the way things are going: slow and steady. Now, what is the best way to let my ex know in a very indirect way that a chance for a come back is below ZeRo? Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 Games People Play by Eric Berne, M.D. p126 2. In Second-Degree “Rapo,” or “Indignation,” White gets only secondary satisfaction from Black’s advances. Her primary gratification comes from rejecting him, so that this game is also colloquially known as a “Buzz off, Buster.” She leads Black into a much more serious commitment than the mild flirtation of First-Degree “Rapo” and enjoys watching his discomfiture when she repulses him. Black, of course, is not as helpless as he seems, and may have gone to considerable trouble to get himself involved. Usually he is playing some variation of “Kick Me.” In this case, your ex is “White,” and you are “Black.” These are not references to good and evil. Instead, this is how the author distinguishes between the two parties. Here is another interpretation of the situation. Maybe you had a real relationship with her at some time, but it soured. Instead of calling it off, she let it drag on. She decided to play this game (“Rapo”) once she found a new guy. Here are a few reasons why she might be playing it. 1. expression of hatred and projection of guilt. 2. avoidance of emotional sexual intimacy. 3. sexual and belligerent exchanges. 4. I am blameless Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted October 21, 2003 Author Share Posted October 21, 2003 Jenny, Amerikajin >> I haven't heard from you? Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 hmmm.. i don't know why you want to be indirect, actually. when it comes to sociopaths, <and i consider lying about domestic abuse a sign of that> i prefer a straightforward by-any-means-necessary defense system. i like the idea of at least *the threat* of a restraining order, to keep her away from you, as it involves objective authority and actual consequences for her behaviour. i'm with you on not wanting to much drama, i think. but this is self-defense. cheers, j Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Zank, The best way to convince your new girl that everything's good between you two is to be honest with her. Don't get caught in any lies or half-truths. Don't give her ANY reason to believe that you're together with her. Avoid your loony ex entirely. The more you do this, the more your ex will eventually get the picture and will have no choice but to move on - and remember, if she doesn't move on, consider the options I already mentioned. The more she drops outta sight, the closer you'll get to your new woman. Everything kinda takes care of itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted November 1, 2003 Author Share Posted November 1, 2003 Update: My ex called my best friend two days ago about 3 times. Missed calls never left a VM. Yesterday afternoon, called 6 times missed calls no VM sent 2 sms asking him to please call back. He did not and told me he never will. What do you think is going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted November 9, 2003 Author Share Posted November 9, 2003 This is funny, her story changed now. Beside me being violant, she says I was the first to cheat that's why she was devastated and left with the other man especially when she found female cloths in my room. Not only that, she swears that they're only friends and nothing more! How could a girl live in a guy's house and just be friends?!?!? Jenny amerikijin I know you guys are up with the story, whta do you say? Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted November 9, 2003 Share Posted November 9, 2003 This is a very interesting thread - Zankon - Haven't you got the picture yet? She's an obsessive, manipulative golddigger and it sounds like she has some serious head problems. Need I say more? Don't be indirect. Stand up to her and tell her that you don't want to deal with this nonsense anymore. Leave it all behind and focus on your new relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted November 10, 2003 Share Posted November 10, 2003 Dude, be careful. She's just plain nuts. It's driving her insane that she has no more influence over your life anymore. Just stay away from her, and tell your friends to remain mum. In fact, if your friends would tell her to leave THEM alone, that would be even better. Sooner or later, she's got to get the picture. If she doesn't calm down, or if it escalates, you may want to get in touch with an attorney or a cop or something. You don't want this going overboard here. But by all means, stay far away from her. No talking. No contact period. Do this, and over time it will probably get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted November 10, 2003 Author Share Posted November 10, 2003 Amerikajin>> I got it. Just out of curiosity, why would she start denying now that she's an affair with him... only friends and nothing more she claims. I totally understand that she's trying to victimize herself and make me look like a jerk and she failed because it's not the truth. But the sudden change in her story bothered me especially that she insists on whoever she talked to to call me and report to me. I just hope for the day this whole sh-- will definately end. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted November 10, 2003 Share Posted November 10, 2003 Don't waste your time trying to explain the inexplicable. She's just a few fries short of a happy meal. Trying to find out the root cause of her wacky behavior's about as useful as trying to understand why God made lightning. But in both cases, you'd best steer clear of the fury until the storm passes. Just go on with your life and don't even think of looking back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted December 13, 2003 Author Share Posted December 13, 2003 Well, if anyone is interested in following up my story, my ex bitc** called me and asks me to be back together and forget about the past and start all over like nothing happened. She cried and everything... u name it (dramaqueen). Said she made the biggest mistake of her life and so on. So people, vote for what I should do!! Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Zankon Personally, I’d pull the plug on her. 1. You already started a new relationship. 2. She showed her true colors, and that wasn’t pretty. 3. There are consequences for her actions, and she will have to learn to live with them. forget about the past and start all over like nothing happenedThis is the game and I make the rules!!! You see, I did a bad thing so you must forget everything because I say so. (Notice, no apology) Ultimately, only you can decide for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
penguinluv Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 It seems to me like she still feels like she has a say so in your life even though she doesnt want to be with you. Dont wait around for her, bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Originally posted by Zankon So people, vote for what I should do!! After reading this whole post.....I can't figure out why you would have to ask!!! All these fine people have walked you thru this thing....and now are you contemplating forgiving her or are you asking the best way to tell her to kiss off????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted December 13, 2003 Author Share Posted December 13, 2003 Well, I asked only to see how people who followed up with my story would love to see the ending. But I can tell you the ending right now. I told her to... GET DA FU** OUT!!!! She did me wrong and I have no time for her. I m saving myself for somebody who will truely love me for me Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 hurray! huzzah! i am glad to hear it! you rock, babies! good luck with everything you deserve the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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