Do men face women when they have a conversation?

[moonbeam125]

So this has been bothering me as of late. A male friend and I were having a conversation the other day, things seemed "normal", we were walking side-by-side and talking. We stopped and were talking and he was facing me and then half-way through the conversation he changed his positioning and had his profile to me. I paused when he did this and he said, "Go on, I'm still listening" and so I continued talking, but it was really frustrating just speaking to one side of his face.

 

I pointed out that his body language was telling me that he was ready to leave because he wasn't facing me, he said I may be reading him wrong (which very well may be true), but he didn't make any changes his body posture. I've had a crush on this friend for a while now, he expressed that he would rather stay friends, which is fine. I don't generally have long conversations with him because he never seems to be invested in the conversation (looking at the time, looking at other people, etc.) but it always confuses me because he's the one who starts and keeps the conversation going. So, I have no idea if this is just a symptom of shyness, his personality, or the way guys tend to talk in the presence of girls. Any light you can shed would be great

[Tony T]

This is a discussion you need to have with your friend. He's the only one who knows the meaning of his body language. However, if he gives you the impression he's not interested in the conversation then simply stop. I am quite able to listen to someone while looking straight at where I'm going...you say you have the conversations while walking. As a matter of fact, I must prefer to look at where I'm going for safety reasons (cracks in the sidewalk, overhanging tree limbs, holes in the pavement, etc.)

 

As a practical matter, I think it's important to look at someone's face while talking to them...at least some of the time. I don't think it's rude to look away, particularly while walking or moving in any way. However, it's how you feel about this that really matters. It is not rational to DEMAND that he look at you constantly while talking to you. Your responsibility to yourself is to talk to people who make you feel they are fully invested in their interaction with you.

 

I think your problem is that you are overly sensitive about everything he does because you like him in a way he doesn't seem to like you. Rather than worrying about him not looking at you during conversations, why don't you concern yourself about moving on and finding someone who is into you in a romantic way. You are putting way too much significance into the behavior of a guy who is mostly a buddy, even though you would like more.

[Trimmer]

I hate it when people start out with "I read somewhere..." without being able to back it up, but I hope this won't be too controversial....

 

I read somewhere that men and women have different interpretations of positioning during personal interactions. Now, I totally recognize that these statements are BROAD generalizations, certainly not applicable to every individual, but were presented as general tendencies. I'll be interested to hear others' opions here - I'm just the messenger.

 

Supposedly, men - from the "warrior" point of view - find the chest-to-chest, face-to-face position to be potentially threatening, and thus recognize it as more intimate if somebody allows it to occur. Thus, if they are trying to remain non-threatening to a woman's space, they will approach or converse or sit sideways, i.e. a man - from his perspective -might imagine that sitting next to a woman would be less intrusive on her personal space and less threatening than getting face-to-face with her.

 

Women on the other hand, supposedly tend to see the position at their side as more intimate, and feel more threatened by an intrusion in this area, so if they are trying to be sensitive and less threatening to a man, they will approach or converse face-to-face.

 

Now, I'm not sure if this is true, but it is an interesting setup to consider what would happen if two people had such different ideas about personal space and comfort, and each tried to approach the other in a non-threatening way, and each ended up doing just the opposite!

 

Bottom line: maybe this is something instinctive about his personal space, and especially (as the poster above pointed out) if you've already laid the groundwork for a "stay friends" relationship, this may be his way of enforcing that, and being sure he doesn't send you confusing signals of intimacy, to protect the both of you from misunderstanding.

 

So why do you suppose it bugs you so much. Do you think it would if he were, truly, "just a friend?" Even though you said that "just friends" would be fine, is he reading that you aren't maybe totally fine with it, and feeling like he needs to protect that boundary? And are you resenting that?

[carhill]

I face both men and women and look them in the eye when I talk to them. Why not?

[moonbeam125]

Thanks Tony T, you're right...I am being overly sensitive because if it were someone else doing the exact same thing, I would still be irritated, but I wouldn't have pointed it out.

 

Trimmer, I think you bring up a good point...

 

Carhill, yes, precisely.

 

Thanks for your insight