big sigh Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 i have a difficult problem. my sister dislikes my boyfriend, though she doesn't know him very well. we have been dating for 5 months now (we're both 23). my sister has very touchy feelings and does not like the idea that we are dating. the first few months she wouldn't admit to or even tell anyone we were dating, but said that we "did stuff together". my sister is 27 and has never had a boyfriend. most of her friends are married or in a serious relationship. i know she feels like something is wrong with her b/c she has never dated, yet she doesn't seem to do much about it. i am very much in love with my boyfriend. we spend alot of time together and do invite my sister along, though she always comments on "interrupting our date". i tell her everytime that i wouldn't invite her if i didn't want her to join us. i am very busy and want to spend time with both of them. it seems, though, that when my sister's friends are busy she expects me to be around to do something with her. she says that i deserve someone better than a drunk (he was drunk around her once) and arrogant guy. i do appreciate her concern, but at the same time i have been friends with him for 7 years and don't consider him any of those things. certainly there are times when he can come off looking arrogant. quite honestly most of friends can seem this way at times b/c they want to appear smart and are insecure or rather quiet people. i know i do this sometimes myself. i wish there was something i could do, but i'm afraid that she dislikes my boyfriend b/c he is my boyfriend and not b/c he is who he is. i've tried to talk to her about it. i even have told her that she reads too much into things and thinks she knows what everyone is thinking. she has told me before that she thinks everyone doesn't like her and is "out to get her". it seems like an impossible situation, but i can't assume that it is only her problem. perhaps my boyfriend doesn't treat her well and i just don't see it (though my parents always say that it is her problem). i love my sister and my boyfriend and would like them to get along. thanks in advance for any advice or comments. Link to post Share on other sites
desperate Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Since you love him, and all... If you two were to get married, would you care what your sister thought about him? I personally would give my sisters words thought--after all she is family. But if I didn't find any merit in her words, I would dismiss them. I would probably tell my sister to butt out. Sounds like she's got enough issues of her own to deal with...don't let her ruin a good thing for you! Link to post Share on other sites
big sigh Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 if we were to get married, i would definitely care what my sister thinks about him. and, if she were adament about her opinions i would even second guess my wanting to marry him. that's the problem. i really do care what she thinks, and i don't want someone to come between us (my sister and i) because we are so close. it's difficult to sort through what she actually thinks about my boyfriend and what she thinks about me having a boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
MarieW Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 You said;my sister is 27 and has never had a boyfriend. most of her friends are married or in a serious relationship. i know she feels like something is wrong with her b/c she has never dated, yet she doesn't seem to do much about it. It sounds obvious to me that she is jealous because you are happy with this guy while she's still alone. There's a small chance she has seen something in him that you haven't but I doubt it. If I were you I'd talk to her. She is your big sister and should be happy for you. Whatever the reasons are for her never having had a bf, it's unfair to be jealous of you. She sounds very insecure and bitter and perhaps you can help her but she's got to stop making yopu feel bad about being with a man you think the world of. Link to post Share on other sites
big sigh Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 thanks for the reply. since my post, i have talked with her a little more about it. in no way do i want her to feel left out or segregated b/c she doesn't have a boyfriend. honestly, i never saw much of a need for a boyfriend until i met my current guy. all three of us went to the movies last night and had dinner with my family. my sister does seem to be in a better mood, though i feel horrible when she feels horrible, especially when i know i am the cause, even if her feelings are not rational. hopefully things will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
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