wing81 Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 I'm really confused right now and not really sure what to do. Let me give you some background first. I'll try to keep it short. I'm a senior in College and had been dating my ex for almost 2 1/2 years. Our relationship was going great with no major fights at all. We got along great. This summer though we started to have problems. Both of us were busy and I was out of town for the middle part of the summer and got home a week before she left to travel the country for her job. The time we did have together wasn't spent to the fullest. I know I had a lot on my mind didn't put everything into the relationship. Plus when she started showing doubt about us I back off more rather than talking to her about it. About a month after she left she called me and told me that she wanted to break up. Basically saying that she felt things were one side. Till the week she called she sent me numerous letters telling me how much she loved me and how much she missed me. We also talked every night over the phone. Its been a 1 1/2 months now since we broke up. The first week we were apart I called just about every day and tried the plead my case. I knew that was wrong so i gave her some space and she called me about a week later to see how things were going. Since then we have talked about once a week for sometimes up to an hour. We talk about the same stuff we did when we were together, just not as often. I was able to see her once in that time. I went to her house to drop something off and she happened to be home just for that night. She invited me in and we talked for a while even after her parents suggested she get some stuff done before she had to leave the next morning. I said I should get going and she walked me to the door where we talked for another 15 min before her boss called. She had to take it so she gave me a long tight hug and said bye. She didn't hear me the first time so she said it again and sounded a little disappointed. I know she still cares about and loves me. The time we have spent apart has given me plenty of chances to think. Looking back I see all the thing I did that were wrong. I never meant to do them but now I can see how it made her feel. I want her back and think about her all the time. I'm not sure if she is doing the things she is doing because she misses me and wants me back or if she doesn't care to be with me anymore and just wants to be friends. Half the time I feel one way the other half I feel the other. I'm not sure what to do or tell her right now. What signals is she sending me, is there a chance of us getting back together? Link to post Share on other sites
ArdeaCandidissima Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Hmmmm....my crystal ball tells me that she felt a lot for you and the spark is still there. However, whatever it is you've done (you don't really tell us) has poured a lot of cold water on what used to be a nice little fire. Why don't you try changing your true attitude and getting your behavior in line, and THEN go back and ask her for another chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wing81 Posted October 17, 2003 Author Share Posted October 17, 2003 Thanks for the reply. The main thing was that we were spending a lot of time together but never doing anything with that time. She said that she felt things were one sided. I felt that I couldn't do anything right, so I didn't do as much. That was a really big mistake. We also would start to talk about things but never finish them. I talked to her on the phone the other day and told her I still felt strongly for her and I realized my mistakes. She said that she loved me, and said she wasn't around to see how I have changed because she is traveling right now and probably will be for the next couple months. She said maybe when she gets home we could talk. I'm not really sure how to take these new events or what to do. I know I still need to give her space but what do I do when she comes home? Link to post Share on other sites
RedneckRomeo Posted October 18, 2003 Share Posted October 18, 2003 what you need to do when she gets home is to talk to her and if you want her back, persuade her. show her how you've changed. you each feel strongly for each other, so I'm seeing a second chance in your future. just make sure you use what you have learned from your mistakes in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wing81 Posted October 27, 2003 Author Share Posted October 27, 2003 Ok, it has been a few weeks and I have learned some more stuff about what has been going on with my ex girlfriend. The other night we talked and i discovered our weekly conversations were actually making her feel pressured, even though we only talked about once a week and I never brought up the relationship. She said that when we talked it only made her head strong. This was the last thing I wanted to do and never felt that our talks were leading to this. We talked for a little while mainly about why it took me so long to see what she was saying. I'm not the best person at communicating my feelings and need to work on it more. I just can't express myself especially over the phone. I kept giving her numerous reason why I was being an idiot but she still kept asking why it took me so long to see what she was saying. The way she was talking it sounds to me like she wants to get back together but I'm not sure though. I'm just not sure what to do now. I feel I need to write her and explain more clearly that I never meant to pressure and give a more clear answer to her questions. At the same time I don't want to pressure her anymore. Any advice right now would really help, I don't want to push her away more than I already have. Link to post Share on other sites
kclay21 Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Let her go man. If you love her and you truly want her back... let her go. It will say alot about you. It will show her that no matter how much it hurts to be without her, you support her in her decision. It shows her that you respect her. If she truly still loves you, she will miss you and come back ON HER OWN. My advice: Cut off the contact. Don't write that letter. Don't call. Whatever. You already stated that she feels pressured, and that she is withdrawing. Just give her her time and space, and see where this goes. It will be hard, but each day, you will grow a little bit stronger for it... Also...take the time to make yourself strong for whatever may happen. Learn from all of this. You say you are not the best communicator. Take this time to work on your skills for the relationship, and make yourself a better person. Period. Not for her, but for you. You will be all too attractive to someone else if this doesn't work for you. I pray that it does for you, though! A saying from my Grandmother: Expect the best; however, prepare for the worst. blessings... kc Link to post Share on other sites
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