Baubles Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 ok guys...i'm talking about my ex here- ok my ex-ex as we split again in july. well for 2 months he refused to talk to me, wouldn't take any calls or respond to e-mails- nothing. then we had a hurricane hit and day of hurricane he called to check that i was okay and we talked awhile- after hurricane we talked hours during aftermath. for the next week or 2- just e-mails then i e-mail him to wish him a happy birthday- he invites me to have dinner w/ him on his b-day. we go to dinner- kiss each other afterwards. he invites me out for dinner and movie fri and sat of that weekend, all goes well, we kiss again afterwards, in line at movies he holds my hand and grabs my hand during movie... asked me to dinner again the following fri, sat and today (sun). sat we went to movie also, repeat of all the same lots of kissing afterwards...one night he made some comment how good i feel in his arms and stuff like that but nothing sexual- like him inviting me to spend night or pressure it. hate to say it but this perplexes me, i'm not complaining though- i'm enjoying myself as i enjoy his company and really i yearned for the friendship those 2 months w/out him at all...but i don't know what to make of the no sexual overtures, if he's not feeling more, doesn't want me to get the wrong idea...what. I guess it's not for sex or he's waiting for me to suggest it, cause he's not trying and he's spending alot of time w/ me i think for just friends, especially kissing friends... is this dating??? we're going out 3 nights a week, i'm seeing him wed again, his invite and we're going to a wine festival this weekend. having learned my lesson about pressuring him i have not discussed this at all, just taking it as it goes- rather than having all the friends vs. dating vs. girlfriend talks. I'm enoying it for now the way it is...just wondering if anyone has any opinions what's going through his mind...i'm perplexed due to our past...any wondering if this has any glimmer of him redeveloping feelings as he had 2 months w/out seeing me or doomed to repeat "break-up". of course you have to be dating to break-up...what is this??? Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 lol - yes, this is a weird one, i have sometimes been dating for weeks without knowing it. you could ask him, of course, but what fun would that be? i would say just have fun until he indicates he is more serious - and, of course, be clear on exclusivity before further intimacy. the only way you can tell if you have emotional responsibility to him is if he demonstrates jealousy when you are with, or speak about, other guys. then you might be non-seriously dating. is this the bad boy of whom you have spoken? acck! i hope not! xox j Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baubles Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 yes Jenny- this is the one <sigh>...he makes me happy though...actually, i should say i make myself unhappy at times in relationships- i have had a tendency to expect the worst and then put things in motion to bring it to me! we had a long talk about trusting each other etc...and it did shed some light on it for me... not asking...yet...sure that will scare him away and for now, i'm okay w/ it just being friends, if that's all it is, as we're spending so much time together. but you're right- no intimacy until he expresses some emotional responsibility- i like that phrase Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 It sounds to me like you're dating. Have you had any serious conversations with him during this time you've been seeing each other again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baubles Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 nope, no conversations at all about it- then again, he doesn't throw around "we're just friends" or anything to deny it either... I'm scared to ask him just yet. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled1 Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 I could be totally mistaken here, so I'll ask. Baubles, aren't you the one who was dumped last Valentine's Day by a guy (this guy) you'd been dating for 7 months..he dumped you on the phone, all because you'd asked him why, after 7 months together, he couldn't profess his love to you. He then twisted everything around, made it all about things being your fault. How he was going to tell you he loved you on "that very evening" (yeah, right, easy to say after you dump the girl). Then for the next several months, he played you and controlled you. He had all these rules to follow...that you could only call him once a week, at a specified time. And basically you were pining over him the entire time. He felt YOU owed HIM an apology (for what, I'm not sure). It was twisted. He would lead you on week after week.......taking you out for dinner, doing things with you when *HE* felt like doing them, and you would just be sitting by the phone waiting for him. This went on for a long time. YOu posted here a lot, wondering what to make of things..and people practically begged you to put an end to this guy taking advantage of your feelings for him. Now if this WAS the person I'm thinking of (and the guy is a doc, by the way), here you are again. So he blew you off for 2 months, then as per usual, *HE* is the one to initiate contact again (on his terms, when he feels like it).....and once again, he's acting like nothing has ever happened. God forbid (as in the past) that you ASK HIM where things stand or what the scoop is....because he's subconsciously instill this FEAR in you that if you speak about where things stand, you'll "scare him away." So as per the past, you just keep clinging onto every little crumb he tosses your way...... I can't believe this is STILL going on, that you're still wasting your time with this boob. You must really have zero self esteem and self respect. (if I'm thinking of the right person, which I'm sure I am) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baubles Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 yep- same one...I should slap myself... my grandmother died today- we were not close though. i told him about it today and he offerred to go to funeral w/ me- which i thought was a nice thing, at least from a friend angle... Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 hmm..o, dear. honey, why are you doing this? maybe you talked about this in earlier posts, i don't know. i don't care if he's nice, or sometimes kind, or whatever - but what's up with *you*? you know this man is overall not that good for you, you have concrete evidence of his unsuitability. is this a pattern you grew up with? i would not have pegged you for the victim type, i'm so surprised- and concerned! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts