Why do many men kid themselves with the whole younger woman thing?

[sally4sara]

There's nothing mysogynistic about stating something that is factually true.

Unless you think there is something wrong with wanting to have kids, then I don't see how you can rationally complain about a man having a preference for women under 35-40.

 

So, if someone points out that older men have inferior sperm, sure that's true to an extent - but older women have a far bigger problem with reproducing...they can't. Let's stick to facts? Once again, misogyny has nothing to do with it, because we are talking pure facts not prejudice.

 

You seem like you're on the same page I am; age difference isn't the problem but the intentions of SOME older men seeking MUCH younger women come off tacky.

 

But you are drifting away from facts. It isn't normal for a woman to become UNABLE to have children at the age of 35 - 40. Women can even have children post menopause now.

 

The contention felt over this subject is that women are trying to not be seen as walking incubators anymore. Yes, WE are the ones who have the children and yes, it gets harder and more risky as we get close to menopause. But my mom is in her 50s and still menses. My grandmother didn't stop till she was 64. Women get upset at the idea of their worth lowering over something men were NEVER able to do in the first place. Is that hard to understand?

It seems to me that that logic implies the worth of men was low to begin with and they should just be glad for whatever age a woman who pays them attention might be. Which is just a crap attitude to have don't you think? But that has been the basic attitude of men for centuries. Can't give me babies? You ain't $h!t then.

[Jersey Shortie]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]

JS you appear to have a slightly skewed view on aging. We're not talking about playing in the NFL though there are still some guys in their 40's on the field.

 

Let's see my dad was 40 what I was born. He was a super father and just passed away a few months ago at 81. The idea that anyone over 40+ is that much less capable of raising a child is ludicrous. So many of my friends are having children in their late 30's and early 40's.

[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]That’s actually a great example..40 year old football players. They unfortunetly, don’t leave the field on the high point of their career. I am a big Jets fan, we had two aging QBs that came to us, Brett and Vinny. There really is a point where you need to say enough is enough. They were great QBs, no doubt, but not near the standard or quality when they left. I go to games regularly and see other men mock them for it. So many it’s really only the men of LS that think they are immune to time? I mean seriously, I’m not skewed in understanding that as you age, you slow down. Men or women. I never said that made a man a poor father. Only that he won’t be able to keep up with the demands that a father of 30 could. That’s just realistic. I have one gf that married an older man, she had a tough time with him. They recently got divorced. But she had said that as much as she use to care for him, he slowed her down. She would want to go out and do things with her or their child and he just wasn’t at the energy level she was. My own father was older when he had children. I know exactly what it’s like to have an older father and have seen younger father’s with their children and know that we didn’t do a lot of the things that the younger fathers had done. That doesn’t make my dad a bad father at all. But as a woman, you need to consider these realistic things. Why should a woman settle for an older man when he won’t be able to be there for her to raise the family? It’s not the best option for her.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Also, as men age, their sperm becomes less potent. I am sure that their age had something to do with pregnancy troubles as well. It takes two to make a baby. I am sure all your friends are wonderful. That doesn’t mean, someone like myself won’t factor in the age of a man and the quality of life he will lead as he ages. The older you get , the faster you age. So if someone is already older then you, he will age even faster then you. Not too promising. [/FONT][/sIZE]

 

I just don't see alot or realistic fact facing from the guys about their own age. It's this idea that men are indestructable and great well into old age and that women become **** to men for it. Well I guess you win because women don't think men are crap for aging but it's obvious men think that of women. So seriously, good for you. I hope I can come back as a man in my next life then because it's obvious that men think more highly of themselves then they do women. You're lucky you don't have to live with a gender that thinks you "decline" in value as a man as time goes. And you're lucky that the gender you feel romantically and sexually tied to isn't always seeking out 20 year olds no matter their age. We get put in a disadvantage off the bat it seems and can't do anything to ever really win or be on men's side. We don't even get a chance. Did you ever think that women want to work with you and not against you? Or that one of the things that makes women feel like women is how men treat them? Just like you feel like more of a man for the way a woman can treat you? How would you feel if the other gender was always putting you down and saying after 25 for a woman she was considered mroe worhtless. While 30+ year old guys sat around tooting their own horn about how great they were into old age. You sit here telling me how great a man you are at 40, that's great. Really. But sit there and only refer to the issues your female friends had getting pregnant and not once thought that your older friends could have had a hand in those issues? I guess all men are the best of the best and always vertile well into their 50s but women are worthless and the only cause of any birth issues. Damned if we do and damned if we don't. At least you get a chance. What do women get? A gender that thinks they matter less and are less feminine with each year after 25. Why don't you start dating us at 10 to give us some time to enjoy life before trying to take it away from us.

[pollywag]

You seem to live in this delusional world where you assume your personal aesthetic preferences actually matter one iota in any moral or objective sense. They do not. Your prejudices and tastes are just that - your own quirky little views on the world. The rightness or wrongness of how other people live their lives is nothing whatsoever to do with those little quirky tastes of yours, and you should stop pretending that it has any bearing on anything.

 

You're right, no one should give an iota what my personal opinions are, but thank you for caring so much.

 

 

 

Older men who prey on women half their age are disgusting, it's not just me who thinks that.

Once you have a daughter you will understand just how gross it is for a man older than you and your partner to ogle and want to sex up your pride and joy who is only 20yrs old. It's disgusting!

think of his old creepy hands that have been touching and his mouth that has been sucking women's parts for over 2 decades is now going to touch the young body of your daughter. It IS wrong, think about it. It's the preying part that is wrong, he is a degenerate there is no skirting the issue.

 

 

For someone over 21, perhaps you should learn to *live and let live*.

 

You might want to practice what you preach.

 

Apropos Mental, looks like you were on a rampage last night stalking me all over the board and singling out my comments in all the different forum sections. I really hope you feel better now that you got that off your chest.

[sumdude]

But sit there and only refer to the issues your female friends had getting pregnant and not once thought that your older friends could have had a hand in those issues?

 

I only know from the experiences I have had and those of my freinds. In all the cases both the men and women were tested and the women's fertility had declined and required fertility treatments in order to conceive. Some were successful, most had miscarriages and one couple adopted. We're talking about women between 37 - 42. In my personal case my ex-wife went on hard core hormones which really messed with her. You have no idea what we went through. When it was all said and done she left me for an older man and found out she went through menopause at 38. As I posted before my sperm count at 38 was in the high and healthy range. This has NOTHING to do with a persons value as a human being and everything do to with biology.

 

That you insist on pointing out that somehow while my sharing life experiences I demeaned the value of any person, male or female is just about your axe to grind.

 

Besides, I see all the posts here with the list of qualities a woman wants in a man. Some are quite long, specific and set a high standard. Nothing wrong with that, no one should settle.

 

So If I put on my list :

Should have a good chance of bearing a healthy child

 

.. am I somehow a bad person for this?

 

Is this a double standard I see?

 

I value people for who they are and how they act. If I want to have a family then my requirements in a mate are my business. Yes i would have preferred to have been a few years younger but it didn't work out that way. I'm not looking to bang some young woman just to prove something.. the cutoff for me is if I think I really am old enough to be her daddy. I find that kinda creepy myself.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Hahaha, I was that girl who wanted the broke musician. Or artist. Creative people have always intrigued me.

 

When I was in my early 20's, I had no interest in older men. None. To me, it was not that older men were not attractive, or not on the same page.

 

I did not want to date an older man because it felt too much like dating my dad. No thanks.

 

Most of my friends at that time dated people around our age. We had things in common. They were cute. That's what we wanted. Older people, no matter how much they had to offer, were not experiencing life the same way we were. We were different generations. I only knew a couple of girls who dated older men, and both of these girls had been ignored by their fathers. Dating older men was their way to get attention by a pseudo-dad. It worked for them, but it was not my scene.

 

I have a friend now who is dating a man 20 years older than her. She is 37 and he is 57, so the Daddy issue really isn't there with them. Yes, he makes

A LOT of money, and I'm sure there are aspects of that that are attractive to her. Namely, that he is a successful and somewhat powerful person and that can be intoxicating. However, she is not with him because he can buy her things or so that she doesn't have to work. She makes quite a bit of money herself, so she doesn't need the cash. He asked her if she wanted to quit her job, because he could support her.

 

She turned him down. We had a long discussion about it. She loves her job and it gives her a lot of self-esteem to be very good at it. Currently she is the youngest VP in her company's history. She told him she had no interest in quitting, and he is very supportive of her no matter what she chooses.

 

Also, very interesting...she told him she had no interest in being married. She has been married, and she wanted him to know that she is with him because she loves him. And yes, she truly meant it. We talked about this at length.

 

He proposed anyway :love:

[Jersey Shortie]

In my personal case my ex-wife went on hard core hormones which really messed with her. You have no idea what we went through. When it was all said and done she left me for an older man and found out she went through menopause at 38. As I posted before my sperm count at 38 was in the high and healthy range. This has NOTHING to do with a persons value as a human being and everything do to with biology.

 

Most women don't go through menopause at 38. And unfortunetly, alot of men's sperm does decline in quality as they age.

 

That you insist on pointing out that somehow while my sharing life experiences I demeaned the value of any person, male or female is just about your axe to grind.

 

Did I say anything in my post about you demeaning anyone based on your experience? I have my own experiences as well that show the hardships of older men having chilren and relationships.

 

 

Besides, I see all the posts here with the list of qualities a woman wants in a man. Some are quite long, specific and set a high standard. Nothing wrong with that, no one should settle.

 

So If I put on my list :

Should have a good chance of bearing a healthy child

 

.. am I somehow a bad person for this?

 

Is this a double standard I see?

 

Yes, there is a double standard. It's the fact that men want to mess around and play around for as long as possible and then when they get really old, they want to settle down with women my age. Not fair to the younger women really. We want healthy children too and unfortunetly, men are affected by aging biology and are not the best choices of having a healthy child with. The fact that some men want to deny their own affect as an aging father on a child but blame women is a huge double standard.

 

 

Yes i would have preferred to have been a few years younger but it didn't work out that way.

 

Then find someone your own age and league where you come from the same point of view.

[clv0116]

I love the part where you make it sound like I'm pointing a gun at her head and making her marry me. If you could only see how backwards THAT image is from reality.

[Jersey Shortie]

I'm not even talking about you.

[BoredPerson]

No one said you can't have kids at 38. If you don't meet someone until you are 38 years old I understand. I sincerely hope that you will be able to have children.

 

This is aimed at the rest of the women.

 

38 is FAR too old to be having kids. As I said above no one is saying you can't and if that is when it happens that is when it will happen, but it is FAR TOO OLD.

 

You should not be putting off having kids because you are of the deluded belief that you can do it at any age and that human biology has adapted to feminist agenda.

 

Here is the thing if you are 'career orientated'.

 

After 25 years of age start thinking about kids if you aren't already on the path. Between 25-30 is when you need to do it and the sooner you do it the easier it will be on you.

 

A 28 year old woman returing to work after popping out a couple of kids will find it much easier to readjust than 38 year old. At that point they'll probably just pop you into the 'mummy' slot at work.

 

Do it early, starting thinking about finding a husband NOW. All this feminist rhetoric about being able to do whatever you want is a complete and utter lie, that works only within its own little cycle of man hating.

 

You have a womb and you have a vagina. That means you are a woman and you are supposed to produce children. Make that you number one priority as was intended and you will find life to be a lot better.

[CommitmentPhobe]

Yeah you're trolling.

[CommitmentPhobe]

I love the part where you make it sound like I'm pointing a gun at her head and making her marry me. If you could only see how backwards THAT image is from reality.

Indeed, I can imagine her pointing her gun at your head.

[pollywag]

Do it early, starting thinking about finding a husband NOW. .

 

Yes, strong like bull. Starting thinking about it.

 

Who invited the KGB?

[samspade]

Older men who prey on women half their age are disgusting, it's not just me who thinks that.

 

I love how it's older men "preying" on helpless, young women who somehow don't know any better.

 

Why can't you just live and let live? Life is short, people want to have fun. It's not your concern if a young woman wants to date an older man. Yes, they are out there, and they can think for themselves.

 

It's funny how the pseudo-feminist mantle can be used to "protect" young women from old men, even if it means discrediting their intelligence as adult human beings capable of making decisions for themselves.

 

It seems like just about everyone is entitled to their sexual preferences these days, unless they happen to be male and over 35 and like women under 30. Then they are creepy, misogynist, predators. This kind of talk would never be tolerated about any other demographic, but there you have it. Apparently a man who has been on Earth for four decades is a pervert if he engages in a mutual relationship with a younger female who might actually find him attractive.

 

And no, I'm not here to trash women in their 30s, but I AM here to trash intolerant, ignorant people who continue treating men like criminals for finding someone other than THEM attractive. Not every man wants to get married and have kids, and not every man wants to date someone within 5 years of his age. Maybe not every man wants to limit his scope to just one type of woman, or even to women at all. If they are happy with that, why do YOU have to be so angry with them? What do you care? Find a man who is into someone like YOU, they are out there, believe me.

 

This topic is getting really old.

[chrislovestosurf]

I am 31 years old and can easily get women in their early 20's. I guess I am a dinosaur? LOL I am in better shape than I was when i was 21.

 

If youre good looking and take care of yourself really well you can easily get women half your age.

 

Now, speaking about whether it is appropriate should really only be judged on each individual case. A 40 something year old man only going after women half his age probably has some dings in his personality/past.

[c-riouz]

No one said you can't have kids at 38. If you don't meet someone until you are 38 years old I understand. I sincerely hope that you will be able to have children.

 

This is aimed at the rest of the women.

 

38 is FAR too old to be having kids. As I said above no one is saying you can't and if that is when it happens that is when it will happen, but it is FAR TOO OLD.

 

Says who?

 

I'm 27 now, so in my "best reproductuve years" as far as I understand. (Science says that a woman's fertility peak is at 27). But regardless of that I am in no rush to have children. I just recently met "the one" and I want to enjoy life with him before putting the huge responsibility of raising a child on myself. Yes, a child is a serious step, and I am admit it: I don't feel responspible enough yet, I want to have some more fun (I'm probably going to get judged by the men here for that now, but who cares). Not to mention that I am not financially stable yet anyways.

 

Right now I think 32 will be a good age for me to have the first child, and then 34 the second. Maybe. Because when I was 20 I used to think that 28 would be a good age to have children, and now that I almost am 28, I still don't feel ready yet. I am aware that the older I become, the more risky it will be to get a child, but my beloved one and only is two years younger, so maybe that will make up a little for my "old eggs". Seriously though, there are always risks, and as so many poster pointed out in the past - even young people can have unhealthy children. So I'll just hope that I'll luck out, even though the fact that I'll be 50 when my child is 18 makes me a little uncomfortable, I admit. But I am just not ready yet right now to commit myself to 18 years of responsibility for another human being (right now I see children more like tons of work than pleasure), and I think it's only fair to a potential child - better than always giving him the subconscious feeling of being unwanted.

 

And if I'm never able to have children - so be it. I won't lose sleep over this, and my biological clock is not ticking yet. The world is overpopulated anyway, and (right now) I feel that children are a somewhat overrated source of happiness. I don't see them as the "ultimate blessing" and many seem to have an idealistic, completely unrealistic vision of what parenthood entails. For every precious moment where they do something special, there are 1000 moments where they drive you crazy, not to mention the horrible teenage years. Or think of those parents with kids they either don't get along with, are disappointed in, or are so distant to not even be a factor in each other's lives. I would say the statistics for happy child / parent relationships would be as bad, if not worse, than the marriage numbers - so considering all this, who wants to deal with two bitter, unfulfilling relationships? Yeah, you may grow old and lonely and have no one, but then again, it's not much worse than the likely scenario of being divorced and broke after raising kids, alimony, child support, kids' college, and, on top of that, little or no meaningful contact or relationships with your children. Point is, you may end up alone either way, so why double or triple the burden. But this just my point of view right now, and it may change in a few years, who knows.

 

Many male posters (in other threads) sounded like it is their "prerogative" (or at least perfectly fine) to be an older Dad because they can provide the financial stability. I reply to that (in the same tone older women get bashed here): is it our fault that you couldn't "make it" earlier? Just because you couldn't reach that financial wealth earlier in life, probably because you boozed and partied away your college life and didn't care about responsibility at that stage of life, you feel that you are entitled to a younger woman now? Ridiculous, such a double standard and hypocrisy at work here.

 

Men, read this article here, the shoe probably fits: http://www.city-journal.org/2008/18_1_single_young_men.html

 

It’s 1965 and you’re a 26-year-old white guy. You have a factory job, or maybe you work for an insurance broker. Either way, you’re married, probably have been for a few years now; you met your wife in high school, where she was in your sister’s class. You’ve already got one kid, with another on the way. For now, you’re renting an apartment in your parents’ two-family house, but you’re saving up for a three-bedroom ranch house in the next town. Yup, you’re an adult!

 

 

Now meet the twenty-first-century you, also 26. You’ve finished college and work in a cubicle in a large Chicago financial-services firm. You live in an apartment with a few single guy friends. In your spare time, you play basketball with your buddies, download the latest indie songs from iTunes, have some fun with the Xbox 360, take a leisurely shower, massage some product into your hair and face—and then it’s off to bars and parties, where you meet, and often bed, girls of widely varied hues and sizes. They come from everywhere: California, Tokyo, Alaska, Australia. Wife? Kids? House? Are you kidding?

 

 

Not so long ago, the average mid-twentysomething had achieved most of adulthood’s milestones—high school degree, financial independence, marriage, and children. These days, he lingers—happily—in a new hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance.

 

[...]

 

...it’s time to state what is now obvious to legions of frustrated young women: the limbo doesn’t bring out the best in young men. With women, you could argue that adulthood is in fact emergent. Single women in their twenties and early thirties are joining an international New Girl Order, hyperachieving in both school and an increasingly female-friendly workplace, while packing leisure hours with shopping, traveling, and dining with friends [see “The New Girl Order,” Autumn 2007]. Single Young Males, or SYMs, by contrast, often seem to hang out in a playground of drinking, hooking up, playing Halo 3, and, in many cases, underachieving. With them, adulthood looks as though it’s receding.

 

[...]

 

That sound you hear is women not laughing. Oh, some women get a kick out of child-men and their frat/fart jokes; about 20 percent of Maxim readers are female, for instance, and presumably not all are doing research for the dating scene. But for many of the fairer sex, the child-man is either an irritating mystery or a source of heartbreak. In Internet chat rooms, in advice columns, at female water-cooler confabs, and in the pages of chick lit, the words “immature” and “men” seem united in perpetuity. Women complain about the “Peter Pan syndrome”—the phrase has been around since the early 1980s but it is resurgent—the “Mr. Not Readys,” and the “Mr. Maybes.”

 

[...]

 

But this history suggests an uncomfortable fact about the new SYM: he’s immature because he can be. We can argue endlessly about whether “masculinity” is natural or constructed—whether men are innately promiscuous, restless, and slobby, or socialized to be that way—but there’s no denying the lesson of today’s media marketplace: give young men a choice between serious drama on the one hand, and Victoria’s Secret models, battling cyborgs, exploding toilets, and the NFL on the other, and it’s the models, cyborgs, toilets, and football by a mile. For whatever reason, adolescence appears to be the young man’s default state, proving what anthropologists have discovered in cultures everywhere: it is marriage and children that turn boys into men. Now that the SYM can put off family into the hazily distant future, he can—and will—try to stay a child-man. Yesterday’s paterfamilias or Levittown dad may have sought to escape the duties of manhood through fantasies of adventures at sea, pinups, or sublimated war on the football field, but there was considerable social pressure for him to be a mensch. Not only is no one asking that today’s twenty- or thirtysomething become a responsible husband and father—that is, grow up—but a freewheeling marketplace gives him everything that he needs to settle down in pig’s heaven indefinitely.

 

[...] the problem with child-men is that they’re not very promising husbands and fathers. They suffer from a proverbial “fear of commitment,” another way of saying that they can’t stand to think of themselves as permanently attached to one woman. Sure, they have girlfriends; many are even willing to move in with them. But cohabiting can be just another Peter Pan delaying tactic. Women tend to see cohabiting as a potential path to marriage; men view it as another place to hang out or, as Barbara Dafoe Whitehead observes in Why There Are No Good Men Left, a way to “get the benefits of a wife without shouldering the reciprocal obligations of a husband.”

 

Even men who do marry don’t easily overcome child-manhood. Neal Pollack speaks for some of them in his 2007 memoir Alternadad. Pollack struggles with how to stay “hip”—smoking pot and going to rock concerts—once he becomes a father to Elijah, “the new roommate,” as he calls him. Pollack makes peace with fatherhood because he finds that he can introduce his toddler to the best alternative bands, and also because he has so many opportunities to exercise the child-man’s fascination with “poop.” He is affectingly mad for his little boy. Yet his efforts to turn his son into a hip little Neal Pollack—“My son and I were moshing! Awesome!”—reflect the self-involvement of the child-man who resists others’ claims on him.

 

As the title of his 2005 novel Indecision suggests, Benjamin Kunkel also shows how apathy infects the new SYM world. His hero, 28-year-old Dwight Wilmerding, suffers from “abulia”—chronic indecisiveness—so severe that he finds himself paralyzed by the Thanksgiving choices of turkey, cranberry sauce, and dressing. His parents are divorced, his most recent girlfriend has faded away, and he has lost his job. Like Will, Dwight is a quintessential slacker, unable to commit and unwilling to feel. The only woman he has loved is his sister, who explains the attraction: “I’m the one girl you actually got to know in the right way. It was gradual, it was inevitable.” Like Hornby, Kunkel sees the easy availability of sex as a source of slacker apathy. In a world of serial relationships, SYMs “fail to sublimate their libidinal energies in the way that actually makes men attractive,” Kunkel told a dismayed female interviewer in Salon. With no one to challenge them to deeper connections, they swim across life’s surfaces.

 

The superficiality, indolence, and passionlessness evoked in Hornby’s and Kunkel’s novels haven’t triggered any kind of cultural transformation. Kunkel’s book briefly made a few regional bestseller lists, and Hornby sells well enough. But sales of “lad lit,” as some call books with SYM heroes, can’t hold a candle to those of its chick-lit counterpart. The SYM doesn’t read much, remember, and he certainly doesn’t read anything prescribing personal transformation. The child-man may be into self-mockery; self-reflection is something else entirely.

 

That’s too bad. Men are “more unfinished as people,” Kunkel has neatly observed. Young men especially need a culture that can help them define worthy aspirations. Adults don’t emerge. They’re made.

Nice article. So just because men like clv and boxing rather spent their 20s and 30s in a state of prolonged adolescence, or didn't "make" it earlier in regards to their career, they feel entitled to younger women now - women who probably would have liked to settle down with them in their 20s or 30s, but back then these men weren't ready either? You gotta be kidding.

[voldigicam]

Nice article. This is more or less what my young friends (male and female) have told me about younger men. I have a 28 year old IM friend at the moment who is married to a 36 year old - still has these issues with her husband and engages outside help. Hey, she wrote me, I didn't go looking for her.

 

Out here in rural America I run into a good number of traditional young men, but a fair number drop into the extended youth BS. I suspect it's worse in cities, where guys can work and still be kids.

 

Oh well. I suppose fit and happy older guys will fill the gap.

[samspade]

Not so long ago, the average mid-twentysomething had achieved most of adulthood’s milestones—high school degree, financial independence, marriage, and children.

 

This is true, but the average lifespan was also a lot shorter. Men and women are afforded more time to enjoy single life before getting hitched.

 

Being married and/or having children is not the definition of maturity or adulthood. I know plenty of immature adults who achieved those milestones, and let me tell you, the world is not better off for their having reproduced or committed to a partner.

 

Unlike other posters, I have no problem with women waiting to have kids. So I think it's ridiculous to shame men for wanting to wait to tie themselves down in their twenties when they clearly aren't ready or willing. Calling people who have the prudence to wait to marry and have children "child-men" is extremely glib. When you're committing to someone else and bringing another life into the world, you BETTER be mature and ready.

 

Young adulthood is a time to enjoy a little independence. A guy or girl should be dating multiple people and seeing the world, in my opinion. We've been afforded this freedom and I think people ought to take advantage of it. That doesn't make you a "child" if you don't want to succumb to the societal pressures of marriage and children.

 

Just because you couldn't reach that financial wealth earlier in life, probably because you boozed and partied away your college life and didn't care about responsibility at that stage of life, you feel that you are entitled to a younger woman now?

 

I partied, but i didn't party anything away. I had my own responsibilities then as now. The bottom line is I didn't WANT that kind of responsibility (caring for another life) then, and as such it was probably a good thing I didn't take it on.

 

And no, madam, I don't believe I am entitled to anything. But that doesn't mean I will restrict myself, either.

 

Bottom line is that had I met the right woman at the right time, I'd have settled down. That hasn't happened. Shouldn't people be marrying because they've met the right person, and not out of some sense of duty to be a "mature adult"? Shouldn't they have children because that is what they want, and not what society tells them they should do?

[clv0116]

I reply to that (in the same tone older women get bashed here): is it our fault that you couldn't "make it" earlier? Just because you couldn't reach that financial wealth earlier in life, probably because you boozed and partied away your college life and didn't care about responsibility at that stage of life, you feel that you are entitled to a younger woman now?

 

If a double standard exists it's not my fault, firstly,

 

Second, it's not about what I'm entitled to. Entitled? Really? Wow. Every person should get the best they can for themselves and for me, I can get what I want, so that's what I do. If my getting what I want while giving someone else what she wants makes one feel bad then one has a personality disorder.

[MN randomguy]

I've read a few threads. How old are you Samspade?

 

 

Young adulthood is a time to enjoy a little independence. A guy or girl should be dating multiple people and seeing the world, in my opinion. We've been afforded this freedom and I think people ought to take advantage of it. That doesn't make you a "child" if you don't want to succumb to the societal pressures of marriage and children.

 

A matter of opinion. Women are also entitled to the opinion that it is so much fun to avoid responsibility while young. You and one of these women would make a good match.

 

 

 

I partied, but i didn't party anything away. I had my own responsibilities then as now. The bottom line is I didn't WANT that kind of responsibility (caring for another life) then, and as such it was probably a good thing I didn't take it on.

 

Depending on your age you may have partied away you youth. If you're over forty. You've partied away a chance at marrying most 20 something women.

 

 

And no, madam, I don't believe I am entitled to anything. But that doesn't mean I will restrict myself, either.

 

Good to understand that. If you're 45 and want to say, "Heeeey, baby what's up!" to high school girls be prepared to be laughed at.

 

Bottom line is that had I met the right woman at the right time, I'd have settled down. That hasn't happened. Shouldn't people be marrying because they've met the right person, and not out of some sense of duty to be a "mature adult"? Shouldn't they have children because that is what they want, and not what society tells them they should do?

 

 

Here I sympathize with you. I don't understand why women play into the man-boys.

 

I've found that after putting myself through college, traveling to where work was for two years. Finally getting a career going while working my a$$ off to get in shape since I am now down to a 40 hr. week. Then, I'm 26 and looking for a decent woman my age, most except the morbidly obese wanted the partier.

 

I've been fairly unsuccessful in dating and am now 29.

 

Ladies, is it unreasonable for me to hope for a youngish woman 22-27?

 

30-35 year olds flock to me and love to talk about having families.

 

If I'm as desirable and rare as c-rious' article depicts, why do I fell as though I am viewed as the least desirable when a group of 20 something women get together?

[clv0116]

If I'm as desirable and rare as c-rious' article depicts, why do I fell as though I am viewed as the least desirable when a group of 20 something women get together?

 

I saw a guy sum it by saying something like "Women go into the grocery store with eggs, vegetables, fruit and rice on their list and when they leave you find bacon, icecream, Doritos and chocolate in their shopping bags."

 

Look at what they do, not what they say.

[samspade]

Women are also entitled to the opinion that it is so much fun to avoid responsibility while young. You and one of these women would make a good match.

 

I am 33 (to answer you other question).

 

Here is my point, though. Just because a person has decided he/she is not ready to marry/procreate, does not automatically make him/her immature. This whole "man-child" concept is utter b.s., shoveled by people who want to blame their own lack of fulfillment on others instead of looking in the mirror.

 

As I said, I'm 33, and single. I have a college degree, a great job that I love, and my own place. I have a little debt but I pay my bills on time. I drink sometimes but I don't do any drugs. I have my own hobbies, and I travel a lot for fun. I have strong family ties, many casual friends, and a few close trusted friends. I date different women and am open to an LTR but not dead set on it.

 

But I'm not married and I don't have kids, and at this moment, not interested in either. The reason is simple: I haven't met someone I want to commit to and procreate with. Because of this, I am a "man-child"? Even if I were 43, what is so immature about my station in life? Excuse me for not wanting to tie myself and bring a new life into the world with the wrong woman.

 

If you're 45 and want to say, "Heeeey, baby what's up!" to high school girls be prepared to be laughed at.

 

I'm not advocating dating high schoolers. And if that is how you pick up girls, you need help. I do work at a university and have been asked out by female students, but because of my job, I politely decline.

 

Look at what they do, not what they say.

 

This says it all, really.

 

Ladies, is it unreasonable for me to hope for a youngish woman 22-27?

 

It's only unreasonable if you believe it to be. Don't let other people tell you whom you should or shouldn't date. If you are having a hard time, it is probably something you can correct. Any man or woman is capable of landing the type of mate he/she wants. Sometimes we just have to figure out what we're doing wrong.

 

But, some people would rather blame it on others.

[Jersey Shortie]

Lets see, out of most the women I know...older and younger, the majority of women stay within in the age group. I only know of two relationships with a huge age difference..my mother's and my friend that now divorced her 45+ husband because his age was a factor in their demise. She now vows never to be in that situation again and is looking for someone her equal. Not someone that is going to be lagging behind her.

 

There are relationships wher eyounger women pick older men. But it's not the majority and it's luckily, it's not the option most women have to pick now-a-days. It's not the fack that older men want to date younger women. I don't think some of the guys are being realistic about life themselves, their aging, and the realities of that.

 

C-riouz..good post!

[clv0116]

The research I saw found no correlation, let alone causation, between age differences in marriage and divorces. Your experience is anecdotal and not validated by statistics.

[Jersey Shortie]

I think most people probably know of a few older men younger women relationships but the fast majority are people within 5 years of each other. give or take. Considering you twist statistic to fit your motive and pick and choose what information you want to discuss, this point is mote.

[clv0116]

I think most people probably know of a few older men younger women relationships but the fast majority are people within 5 years of each other. give or take. Considering you twist statistic to fit your motive and pick and choose what information you want to discuss, this point is mote.

 

Well more than one in eight marriages are more than ten years age different so I'm not sure what makes the point small and dusty.