Why do many men kid themselves with the whole younger woman thing?

[Cherished]

clv, you basically have a 10% chance of marrying someone 10 years + younger.

Also, we know you've created this fake persona of yourself. The rich, successful men certainly aren't on a self-help relationship board on a Saturday afternoon, they're out playing golf, they're out with their wives, since they have worked hard all week, they're out on the boat, out on a weekend getaway with that lovely 21 year old noncareer girlfriend of theirs, they're getting their last ski weekend in in Aspen.....

You're not fooling anyway.

[clv0116]

clv, you basically have a 10% chance of marrying someone 10 years + younger.

 

At my age, a little more than 15%. Overall, about 12%. Have a nice weekend!

[c-riouz]

Being married and/or having children is not the definition of maturity or adulthood. I know plenty of immature adults who achieved those milestones, and let me tell you, the world is not better off for their having reproduced or committed to a partner.

 

True.

 

Unlike other posters, I have no problem with women waiting to have kids. So I think it's ridiculous to shame men for wanting to wait to tie themselves down in their twenties when they clearly aren't ready or willing. Calling people who have the prudence to wait to marry and have children "child-men" is extremely glib. When you're committing to someone else and bringing another life into the world, you BETTER be mature and ready.

 

I agree, and I wasn't shaming anyone, particularly men, for waiting. What I found hypocritical, though, was men like clv or boxing who made the choice of waiting into their 30s and 40s, yet expect their future women, the one they would consider marriage with, to be all mature and willing in their 20s. THAT is hypocrisy and double standard.

 

If couples are on the same page, it's perfectly fine. I mean, like I said, I am not willing to settle down yet (as far as starting a family goes, that is) either, so why would I judge anyone else? And if the man isn't ready until his 30s or 40 s either, fine, no problem. But to then expect a younger woman being ready for a lifestyle HE wasn't ready for yet then AND judging women his OWN age for making the SAME choice he did - that smacks of hypocrisy and double standard (I know I'm repeating myself, but I don't always tend to find the right words right away.).

 

Young adulthood is a time to enjoy a little independence. A guy or girl should be dating multiple people and seeing the world, in my opinion. We've been afforded this freedom and I think people ought to take advantage of it. That doesn't make you a "child" if you don't want to succumb to the societal pressures of marriage and children.

 

I agree with enjoying independence, not so much with dating multiple people, but that's just my opinion. I've always been one who wanted to find "the one" early on; dating around never appealed much to me, but unfortunately, I wasn't lucky enough - otherwise I would have loved to settle down in my late teens, early twenties already. So maybe for many women in their 30s, women that get judged so harshly now, it is the same - they would have liked to settle down with the right man, but he just didn't show up. Same thing could be true for men, of course - and that's fine. But again, then I don't find it fair that exactly those men judge their female counterparts for making the same decision.

[Jersey Shortie]

I agree, and I wasn't shaming anyone, particularly men, for waiting. What I found hypocritical, though, was men like clv or boxing who made the choice of waiting into their 30s and 40s, yet expect their future women, the one they would consider marriage with, to be all mature and willing in their 20s. THAT is hypocrisy and double standard.

 

If couples are on the same page, it's perfectly fine. I mean, like I said, I am not willing to settle down yet (as far as starting a family goes, that is) either, so why would I judge anyone else? And if the man isn't ready until his 30s or 40 s either, fine, no problem. But to then expect a younger woman being ready for a lifestyle HE wasn't ready for yet then AND judging women his OWN age for making the SAME choice he did - that smacks of hypocrisy and double standard (I know I'm repeating myself, but I don't always tend to find the right words right away.).

 

Very well said.

[The Collector]

clv, you basically have a 10% chance of marrying someone 10 years + younger.

Also, we know you've created this fake persona of yourself. The rich, successful men certainly aren't on a self-help relationship board on a Saturday afternoon, they're out playing golf, they're out with their wives, since they have worked hard all week, they're out on the boat, out on a weekend getaway with that lovely 21 year old noncareer girlfriend of theirs, they're getting their last ski weekend in in Aspen.....

You're not fooling anyway.

 

Just because 15% of marriages have a more than ten year age discrepancy, doesn't mean anyone has that 'chance' getting one. A certain percentage of marriages are mixed race, it doesn't follow that they are hard to get, just that they are not the majority.

 

And 'successful men' might prefer message boards to golf or boating - and 'unsuccessful' (ie don't own yachts?) men might find love with someone younger. But clearly you see all older/younger relationships about rich people buying gold-diggers. Sad.

[Cherished]

At my age, a little more than 15%. Overall, about 12%. Have a nice weekend!

 

Not very high odds.

[Sam Spade]

I agree, and I wasn't shaming anyone, particularly men, for waiting. What I found hypocritical, though, was men like clv or boxing who made the choice of waiting into their 30s and 40s, yet expect their future women, the one they would consider marriage with, to be all mature and willing in their 20s. THAT is hypocrisy and double standard.

 

.

 

Maybe hipocricy/double standard, but that's only a part of that. The other part is about power/upper hand. Women clearly have the upper hand in relaitonship in their 20s, and it is definitely the other way around in people's 30's. I'm sure most guys get over it once they meet the right woman, but other than that, it is just simple economics - you get away with as much as you can afford... Cynical, but true.

[pyroguy]

Age denial is a pathetic thing indeed CP!

 

 

Does that go for women too? all the cougar and MILF talk. Or, are only 40 year old men subject to insults?

[pyroguy]

[quote][/quote]

Yes, you are attractive but are reasonably comfortable with your age. You don't run around talking about women like breeding stock. But...it's guys like you that need to also stand up for women, instead of either standing back or enabling the misogynists.

 

 

Yes, after you have portrayed 40 year old men as viagra needing, birth defect causing wastes of life. I think most of the women here are from another planet.

 

Maybe they are insecure in some way? to mock 40 year old men the way they do, shows something.

 

For the record, there are some men in their 20's who cannot hold a candle to me either, or many other 40 year olds-including the fact that many of them are so non-masculine and real *******s in every facet of life.

[pyroguy]

I have found that a skilled man in the sack isn't dependent on age at all. You either got it, or you don't.

 

Finally, a wise comment.

[samspade]

I don't think some of the guys are being realistic about life themselves, their aging, and the realities of that.

 

This is where you and I have a fundamental disagreement. I don't believe a person should limit himself because other people think he is not being "realistic." This kind of restrictive thinking will not result in fulfillment.

 

If two people are attracted to each other and dating each other, that IS reality. I've seen a lot of ugly, fat, and/or balding men with beautiful girlfriends. They probably did not tell themselves to be realistic - they were confident and went after what they wanted. They probably got rejected a lot along the way, but so what? That's part of life.

 

Man or woman, you shouldn't sell yourself short when it comes to finding a partner.

[sumdude]

Most women don't go through menopause at 38. And unfortunetly, alot of men's sperm does decline in quality as they age.

 

True, however many women do start to have fertility issues by 38.

 

 

 

Did I say anything in my post about you demeaning anyone based on your experience?

 

How about here?

 

You sit here telling me how great a man you are at 40, that's great. Really. But sit there and only refer to the issues your female friends had getting pregnant and not once thought that your older friends could have had a hand in those issues? I guess all men are the best of the best and always vertile well into their 50s but women are worthless and the only cause of any birth issues.

 

I never once said a thing about older women being worthless in any way. Just that fertility problems start at an earlier age for woman than men. Keep in mind these women are my friends too and went through really difficult times trying to conceive in their late 30's early 40's..

 

 

The fact that some men want to deny their own affect as an aging father on a child but blame women is a huge double standard.

 

Sure there's some effect of aging on men but it's a huge matter of degree. The probabilities of a 47 year old woman vs a 47 year old man having children are completely different. Take it up with Nature, I didn't make it that way.

 

 

Then find someone your own age and league where you come from the same point of view.

 

Been there, done that and it didn't work out. Hey I'm not looking for some 20 year old. I'm thinking a 5 - 10 year difference which is pretty common.

 

 

Methinks as you get older your views may change a little bit. I know mine did between 25 and 40.

[Jersey Shortie]

True, however many women do start to have fertility issues by 38.

 

Some women do sure... and as men reach 38, they start to slow down as well. Nature's way of telling them that they really aren't the most viable men to be producing children anymore. There is a reason men in their 20s usually don't experience ED and are always ready to go. And why older men have more of these issues.

How about here?

 

What about here?

 

I never once said a thing about older women being worthless in any way. Just that fertility problems start at an earlier age for woman than men. Keep in mind these women are my friends too and went through really difficult times trying to conceive in their late 30's early 40's..

 

No, you and a few other men never quite said the word worthless but that is what the message boils down to when you take away all the fancy talk. It seems a few men here think that women in their age group are not up to par with men in their age troup. Some men think they deserve things that they don't think women in the same age group deserve. And frankly, i think there are some men here that relish it.

 

Sure there's some effect of aging on men but it's a huge matter of degree. The probabilities of a 47 year old woman vs a 47 year old man having children are completely different. Take it up with Nature, I didn't make it that way

.

 

If you want to be honest about nature..lets be honest about nature. While men can have a baby older, that doesn't really mean they should be or that they are the best product to be producing one. There is a reason men in their 20s usually don't experience ED and are always ready to go. And why older men have more of these issues. There is alot of talk about the stipulations men want to put on women but rarely do I see alot of men opennly address their own aging issues. There are also studies that show that older fathers negativly impact their children more so then younger ones do. You want to take it up with Nature, that's cool but lets be realistic about both sides.

 

Been there, done that and it didn't work out. Hey I'm not looking for some 20 year old. I'm thinking a 5 - 10 year difference which is pretty common.

 

So it didn't work out with one person and that it won't work out with other women at your level and age?

 

 

Methinks as you get older your views may change a little bit. I know mine did between 25 and 40.

 

My views have changed. I use to date alot of older men. Alot of fun. Took me to alot of places and spent alot of money on me. They always wanted to get more serious, tie me down, start me early , asked me to move in or move closer or wanted to pay for serious things like my education. And you know what, I was unable to really ever give them any of that because while I liked them, I could never be really serious about someone that much older then myself. See, I use to think I wanted someone older. But I just don't. Older men aren't better and they aren't worse. But I don't thin kthey are the best option for somone my age to have. Relationships with older men aren't better. They are just diffferent. And there are just a different set of problems to encounter with older men then men closer to my age but there are still problems either way. Now I want a man that is closer to my own age. Who will experience things with me and not before me. Who will have the energy and drive that really is sexy in younger men. I am actually going out with a man a little younger then me this week and he is more mature then some of the older men I have dated. Life is funny.

[Groovy]

I am always getting hit on by old men and feel the same way. Hell no on getting past hello! One even told me age is just a number and is 22 years older than me. I am 36 and he is 57. If that's true why isn't he ever chasing a 79 year old whose 22 years older? When I see him make out with almost 80 I will believe him.

 

I told him I will NEVER look past our age difference and am not comfortable with it. Yet he still buys chocolate, wine, etc. and it's difficult because I work with him and try and stay on good terms to keep peace at my job. But I feel like he doesn't respect how I feel when he does that and I told him this. He claims the gifts are gifts of friendship and he's always trying to talk me out for dinner. He even has told me he thinks we'll get married and I'll look past the age thing.

 

Don't kid yourself you old men! Some of them are alone because they won't go after someone who has more in common with them.

[clv0116]

Not very high odds.

 

Depends on what percent of the whole was seeking and able to attract younger mates. I'm guessing close to 15%.

[Jersey Shortie]

Lets do without your guesses and try to get real facts.

[Sam Spade]

Men, read this article here, the shoe probably fits: http://www.city-journal.org/2008/18_1_single_young_men.html

 

 

 

Yeah, you quoted it pretty tendentiously. I certainly don't advocate immaturity . But the backlash, men getting in touch with their inner mother****er is understandable given that with gender equality marriage has lost a lot of its appeal to men. A man would be much more willing to sign his life away in an exchange to a sweet submissive wife and no-drama quiet patriarchal home life, old school style, where he could be all aloow and a king in his castle etc. But, why get married now, only to sign your life away AND have your balls busted at the same time, while being all sensitive, and understanding and blah ?

 

(And mind you, I'm a guy that actually looks forward to marriage, looks with disdain to baby-boomer immaturity etc., so you can't slap me in the man-child category...)

[clv0116]

Lets do without your guesses and try to get real facts.

 

Go for it. I'm getting what I want so pardon me if I'm not highly motivated.

[sumdude]

So it didn't work out with one person and that it won't work out with other women at your level and age?

 

 

The women I've been with since my ex-wife have mostly been around my age and no, it hasn't worked out so far.

 

But I don't thin kthey are the best option for somone my age to have.

Great, go with what works for you. Just don't tell me that having my ideas about what's right for me is somehow wrong.

 

 

Who will have the energy and drive that really is sexy in younger men. I am actually going out with a man a little younger then me this week and he is more mature then some of the older men I have dated. Life is funny.

 

Alright, you go with it girl. Just remember there's also that energy and drive for a young man to 'sow his oats' and not get to committed to anyone for long. Forewarned is forearmed.

[c-riouz]

Go for it. I'm getting what I want so pardon me if I'm not highly motivated.

 

Why didn't you "go for it" earlier in life? That's the one thing I'm really wondering about, especially with regards to your criticism of women who didn't "go for it" in their 20s. Was it because you didn't want to settle down yet? Or didn't have the financial means?

 

I am actually going out with a man a little younger then me this week and he is more mature then some of the older men I have dated. Life is funny.

 

Hey Jersey, good luck with that! As I mentioned in an earlier post, the king of my heart is two years younger and it works out perfectly, he too is more mature than ... even myself sometimes. I really hope it's going to work out for you, and who knows, maybe he's the one for you - you'd certainly deserve it!

[clv0116]

Why didn't you "go for it" earlier in life? .... didn't have the financial means?

 

I didn't start until I was financially secure.

[MeaganRaye]

the men here are confusing me. You are encouraging the young women to marry off and pop out babies as early as 20-25...so if every young woman listens to this then there will be no young hotties for you all to lust after and play around with. They'll all be at home with a couple of babies raising kids like most older women. Will you start to date even younger like 16-19 yrs of age since they will be single and childless??

[pollywag]

]I didn't start until I was financially secure.

 

translation:

 

Couldn't get a girl to even look at me until I had a little money to offer.

 

 

I mean really, who doesn't "start" until they are financially stable? Start what? You are going to turn down great dates because you don't have a career a house and a car? I think not!

Or you are going to end a great relationship with a girl because you don't have a house or car? If a girl is into you and is dating you she doesn't care about that, she is with you through thick and thin. But if you can't get a girl at any cost you might just have to depend on finances in order to entice and coax them into going out with you.

 

So the implications here are pretty clear...

[sumdude]

the men here are confusing me. You are encouraging the young women to marry off and pop out babies as early as 20-25...so if every young woman listens to this then there will be no young hotties for you all to lust after and play around with. They'll all be at home with a couple of babies raising kids like most older women. Will you start to date even younger like 16-19 yrs of age since they will be single and childless??

 

I don't know about anyone else but I sure wasn't advocating anything of the sort. However I was pointing out that after 35 things really start to change. So if a goal in a woman's life is to bear children that should be kept in mind.

 

As for me, I'm 41 and don't have many more years before I may be too old to bring up kids the way I'd like to.

[pollywag]

At 40 or 45 it's not desirable for a man to start having children even if he does produce healthy offspring because by the age of 60 more than likely he will kick the bucket leaving behind children of 15 and 20 yrs of age. Why do that to children? why deprive them of a normal lifespan of having a dad?

 

Essentially older men don't give a damn about their kids or their futures of becoming a product of single mom parenting, they just care about themselves and what they want at middle age.

 

I just don't see how this can be desirable to any women in her 20's seriously thinking of starting a family, even if the guy is really good looking and a great personality.