Why do many men kid themselves with the whole younger woman thing?

[OpenBook]

I think there's a great deal of truth in that. A lot of men want bright, bubbly women who will have the sensitivity to be there when needed - but the resilience to not take it personally when snubbed because they're not needed at that point. I think it's the whole "compartmentalising" thing.

 

Amen Taramere!! And this dynamic is way more common among younger women who don't yet have enough life experience to see through the older man's manipulations. (It was certainly true for me.) I believe this is one of the reasons why older men "kid themselves with the whole younger woman thing"... they can tell her she's wrong, and she'll be more apt to believe it.

[Jersey Shortie]

As playmates, when you're in the mood for them - men are great, but they're not often much use at the empathy thing. Which makes them really difficult to be around on a full time basis unless you have the Pollyanna knack of retaining a chirpy, resilient demeanour regardless of what crap's getting thrown at you.

 

I wish men had more empathy for women myself. I think they have empathy for themselves , as they totally should. I just don't see that extended towards me as a woman or other women in my experience.

 

 

 

I'm sorry if my post came across that way to you, Woggs. I adore men; I don't hate them at all. I'm just very, very disappointed in them. Perhaps my expectations were too high when I was younger. And I'm quite sure I have contributed somehow to the end result for me, disillusionment. I just know from my own experience, and many many other women, that we're usually better off going it alone. The price we would pay for "having a man" is simply too high for many of us.

 

I feel very much the same way. I couldn't have said it better.

[MeaganRaye]

Jersey, I don't think this thread is an accurate reflection of how most men feel. If so then this really is incredibly depressing.

 

Let me tell you that last year I met a beautiful woman in school who was 35 years old. i thought she was my age that's why I had sat next to her, but when she spoke I realized she was mature. That was the only thing that gave her away was her mature demeanor and the way she spoke.

 

Anyway, we became acquaintances and went out to lunch and as we were walking down the street, a group of men were looking at HER, not me the young 20 something, but HER, the older 35 year old woman. I've seen plenty of women in their 30s date and get attention just as much as the 20 something year old women. I happen to be african american and we tend to age slower than people with very fair skin and less melanin in their skin. I know a lot of very darkskin women who are in their 30s that still look the same as they did in their 20s. My sister is 30 and still looks the exact same as she did when she was 20, she has no wrinkles or anything yet. And I still look the same as I did when I was a teen. I look better now.

[MeaganRaye]

I also talked to my mother who is in her 50s and I asked her what is it like being an older woman. And she said that men are not mean to her or anything or treat her like she's worthless because she's older. She told me she never got the whole "women become invisible when they get older' she still gets treated pretty nice by the opposite sex.

[Jersey Shortie]

African American women do have good skin and can look younger then their years.

 

My mom is also in her 50s and gets hit on. Usually by men younger then my own father.

[MeaganRaye]

African American women do have good skin and can look younger then their years.

 

My mom is also in her 50s and gets hit on. Usually by men younger then my own father.

Yeah, I've seen men in my mom's age group hit on her. Of course, she probably doesn't get as much attention as she did when she was younger but she still gets noticed. She has a lot of male acquaintances at her job who respect and like her very much.

 

The men on this forum act like all young women are incredibly attractive when they're not. They seem to be so fixated on the number. I know where I live, I see plenty of fat, unattractive and out of shape people in my age group everyday. And not all men are breaking their neck to look at 20 year olds in college, it's really not that serious.

[sumdude]

You know what I don't get? We have a few older women on the boards (Lizzie for one) who go out with men many years younger. They are generally applauded by women and the guys tend to be like (you go girl)). But some guy wants to go out with a women 5 - 10 years younger and we're all women haters.. The man keepin ' 'em down! LOL

[Jersey Shortie]

Just this past December my Mom and I were at a football game. My family as season tickets. They are my dad's but i get to go regularly. My dad was sitting in a different section and my Mom and I were sitting together. Two older guys..around her age... had seats next to us. They both spent the whole time talking to her and lightly flirting and treated me very daughterly...of course then there is the guy that is also a season ticket holder two rows down that "attempts" to flirt with these young women that sit near him and we all laugh at him for it.

[burning 4 revenge]

You know what I don't get? We have a few older women on the boards (Lizzie for one) who go out with men many years younger. They are generally applauded by women and the guys tend to be like (you go girl)). But some guy wants to go out with a women 5 - 10 years younger and we're all women haters.. The man keepin ' 'em down! LOL

They want us to accept this new reality theyre creating where th rule is older woman/younger man relationships

 

They keep repeating th same mantra about men being in their prime at 18 and women being in their prime at 30, so I think thats the direction theyre going in

 

Ho many times have you heard them say that older woman younger man relationships are sexy while the reverse is gross? See what I mean?

[mr.dream merchant]

If I were a single older man and I was looking for a good **** I'd go for younger women to. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm sorry.

[Woggle]

I'm sorry if my post came across that way to you, Woggs. I adore men; I don't hate them at all. I'm just very, very disappointed in them. Perhaps my expectations were too high when I was younger. And I'm quite sure I have contributed somehow to the end result for me, disillusionment. I just know from my own experience, and many many other women, that we're usually better off going it alone. The price we would pay for "having a man" is simply too high for many of us.

 

Until recently I was very very disappointed in women because too often when we give them what they claim to want they screw us over. I never could be one of those men that uses or abuses women but to be honest it is an easier life for a man and the women swoon when you do. If this current marriage fails I probably will cross that line and become a player and a user. I know that is not a healthy attitude to have but at this point I just don't see what a man gets for being one of the good ones.

[DMoon]

I think there's a great deal of truth in that. A lot of men want bright, bubbly women who will have the sensitivity to be there when needed - but the resilience to not take it personally when snubbed because they're not needed at that point. I think it's the whole "compartmentalising" thing.

 

Which makes them really difficult to be around on a full time basis unless you have the Pollyanna knack of retaining a chirpy, resilient demeanour regardless of what crap's getting thrown at you. That message was driven home to me very harshly the last time I tried having a serious long term relationship. I was expected to be on an even keel constantly, and it just wasn't realistic given a spate of things that went wrong for me in a short space of time.

 

Very interesting observation. Empathy. I do think there’s some validity to that. In later years, caregivers for sick spouses and relatives are almost always women--over 72%. David Jennings a New York Times writer relays very candidly about his battle with prostate cancer. The thing that struck me was how much he praised his wife for doing all of the dirty work of taking care of him [/FONT]"]http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/09/love-in-the-time-of-prostate-cancer/ and I have to wonder would a husband have the empathy and the resilience to take care of a wife in such a manner and not be repulsed. I honestly think very few men would do what be able to withstand that but women are supposed to be chirpy Stepford Wife and do for them with a smile. I don’t see the empathy and care accorded to the wife from my experiences—I don’t see the emotional reciprocation that man feel they are entitled to, thus I can see why it is advantageous for men to be married more so than women and why as women get older they are less inclined to enter a relationship with that kind of unsaid expectation.

[Woggle]

Men have empathy as well but we express it differently. Out of all the people in my life that I can truly count on most are men. Nearly every woman in my life that I have ever opened up and trusted has turned on me while my male friends have been there through thick and thin. Women really do tend to have this superiority complex about emotions that to me is just not warranted. Most men I know who are in love would lay down in the road and die for their woman. How many women can say the same about a man?

[burning 4 revenge]

This is the new reality they are trying to beat into our brains

 

http://barfblog.foodsafety.ksu.edu/Canadian%20chef%20Alan%20Wyse%20and%20actress%20Kim%20Cattrall.jpeg

 

http://cdn.buzznet.com/media-cdn/jj1/headlines/2009/02/mariah-carey-nick-cannon-mr-chow.jpg

 

http://www.whyfame.com/gossip/2009/january/30/ashton_kutcher_and_demi_moores_adoption_plan_main_10059.jpg

 

http://images.nymag.com/daily/intel/01_arodmadonna_lg.jpg

[Woggle]

I don't care about women dating younger men but I find it funny that they do it for many of the same reasons men do it. I hear many women say that younger men are less afraid of strong women which is code for they like to younger men because they are easier to whip into submission. it's just like older men who want some submissive young woman. Men and women really aren't so different afterall.

[mr.dream merchant]

People just need to accept that everyone may or may not have, a set of preferences that differ from theirs, and learn to stop being such dicks about it.

[MeaganRaye]

It's nothing wrong with men preferring younger women, I happen to like older men as well. It's just the fact that some of you are slamming older women for your preferences for younger women.

 

Right now, I am young but one day I will be apart of the age group that some of the men are slamming. And much sooner than I thought..some of you are already slamming women who are 30, ever since I hit my 20s 30 has been looking mighty young to me lol. I thought I shouldn't expect to experience ageism until I was at least 40-45 yrs old.

[clv0116]

I don't want mango icecream, that doesn't mean I'm slamming it. Heck, I could even get a study out and show that mango icecream is only preferred by 3% of the population and I'm still not slamming it.

[burning 4 revenge]

Here's my philosophy

 

I wasted my best years on self indulgence and lechery and now that I feel myself deteriorating I'm afraid of the big long lonliness and I want a hot, young wifey to hold me

[Taramere]

The thing that struck me was how much he praised his wife for doing all of the dirty work of taking care of him [/FONT]"]http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/09/love-in-the-time-of-prostate-cancer/ and I have to wonder would a husband have the empathy and the resilience to take care of a wife in such a manner and not be repulsed.

 

The link didn't work, DMoon...but I think I can imagine some of what was entailed.

 

I honestly think very few men would do what be able to withstand that but women are supposed to be chirpy Stepford Wife

 

or....

 

http://www.filmdope.com/Gallery/ActorsL/10388-24033.gif

 

Whatever desperate hell lies beneath the surface is irrelevant. No wonder Eli Lilly make a killing off Prozac.

[angie2443]

The link didn't work, DMoon...but I think I can imagine some of what was entailed.

 

 

 

or....

 

http://www.filmdope.com/Gallery/ActorsL/10388-24033.gif

 

Whatever desperate hell lies beneath the surface is irrelevant. No wonder Eli Lilly make a killing off Prozac.

 

LOL! I just clicked on the pic. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it today.

[Taramere]

LOL! I just clicked on the pic. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it today.

 

You're welcome! Remember to push your fingers into your cheeks when you laugh, to help encourage the dimples along...and avoid laughing or smiling with your eyes to inhibit the formation of crows' feet.

[cat-power]

I don't care about women dating younger men but I find it funny that they do it for many of the same reasons men do it. I hear many women say that younger men are less afraid of strong women which is code for they like to younger men because they are easier to whip into submission. it's just like older men who want some submissive young woman. Men and women really aren't so different afterall.

 

Funny, I see it the other way around, many guys my age (37) feel threatened by me (I done what they are still seeking: money, security etc) I must be one of those "strong women" you speak about, having my own company, house without morgage with "room for a pony" or 2-3 I don't see this in a way to hold me back to date them...but they do eventually i've never been particularly into younger (too insecure) or older men (just not an attraction for me) . But currently i am very interested in a man that happens to be 20 years older ( I thought he was only 10yrs older) It is a business relation that I never previously considered...only when we started talking about life in general (we have the same hobby: horses) he seems interested too. Only current work situations are prohibiting us from getting together (another long story;))

 

I certainly don't want him for his money (if he's got any left after his divorce 3 yrs ago) but....certain things he says to me (nothing really personal but mostly about life itself) got him to be the nr 1 thought on my mind.

[Jersey Shortie]

It's nothing wrong with men preferring younger women, I happen to like older men as well. It's just the fact that some of you are slamming older women for your preferences for younger women.

 

Right now, I am young but one day I will be apart of the age group that some of the men are slamming. And much sooner than I thought..some of you are already slamming women who are 30, ever since I hit my 20s 30 has been looking mighty young to me lol. I thought I shouldn't expect to experience ageism until I was at least 40-45 yrs old.

 

 

I agree. And seriously, when you got men 35+ plus saying women a good 5 or 10 years younger then them is still too old, you got to laugh at them.

[burning 4 revenge]

You're welcome! Remember to push your fingers into your cheeks when you laugh, to help encourage the dimples along...and avoid laughing or smiling with your eyes to inhibit the formation of crows' feet.

Why can' t you women be less turned on by a big penis and more turned on by a big prostate gland?