Kaii Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I am 34, my bf is 35. We live together and have been together for a year. He has asked me to marry him, and I accepted. We have both been previously married and are planning on having a child of our own. Okay, here is what is bothering me....my bf and I are, so I thought, incredibly open with one another. We gave each other all the passwords and usernames to our various email accounts. No secrets, right? Problem #1 that start it all.... I was looking through the his computer one day and found pictures that he had taken of several girls at his work...when they weren't looking and bent over, so their boobs were kind of popping out, or of their asses, etc. I was seriously disturbed that he would do this in the first place but even moreso was the fact that one of the pictures was timestamped during the time period when we were together. I immediately confronted him and he claimed he took them before he met me, back when he was previously married because he and his wife hadn't had sex in 6 months and he was horny. I then asked him why one of the pics was timestamped for just a few months before. He claimed he had downloaded it from a USB stick that he had it saved on and that the timestamp was from that day, not the day it was taken. I don't know enough about computers to know if this is a legitimate excuse or not. Problem#2 I went completely ballistic several months later when I found an Application on his Facebook where he had exchanged several little messages with this particular "girl". I was completely livid but he felt it was harmless because I had access to his FB the whole time and could have looked at it at any time. The reason this bothered me so much is because he and this "girl" have a history together. A history as in, about 7 months before my bf and his ex wife called it quits, he had started emailing this same "girl", who he also worked with, and telling her how he had feelings for her, etc. They ended up making out at work for a few weeks, then she told him she just wanted to be friends. Then he met me about a month later and we started going out. So, the fact that it was THIS girl just sent me over the deep end because he had an emotional affair with her while he was still married, what would stop him from doing the same thing to me??? I have turned into the internet police because of this. I constantly check his email, computer history and IPhone. I just can't seem to trust him even though he has deleted all those pictures and deleted this "girl" from his FB. He said he is sorry that he hurt me and that our relationship is important to him. It even got nasty to the point of me telling to move out. He actually cried, and he never cries. But the thing that keeps swirling in my head was that he met this "girl" while he was still married to his wife. His wife, that he claimed to have "loved". He also claims to love me, but how can I trust that he won't do the same thing to me??? Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 You sound like a smart girl, a lot of women disregard a man's treatment of an ex. It's a very good indicator. What troubles me the most is that he takes those photos when it appears that women aren't looking. THAT ... is the sign of an actual pervert and quite frankly, that is very disgusting to do that without their knowledge. This man clearly does not have boundaries in regards to sexual innappropriateness in the workplace. I'm not sure how you can feel comfortable when he goes to work? I'm not sure why your first marriage ended, but it should at least give you a clearer head to recognize a serious problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 He claimed he had downloaded it from a USB stick that he had it saved on and that the timestamp was from that day, not the day it was taken. I don't know enough about computers to know if this is a legitimate excuse or not. It is not. It MAY change the "Date Modified" date. I am uncertain, as I've never had a reason to pay attention to that, but the "Created" and "Accessed" dates would be preserved, as that is part of the information the thumb drive would have saved. I am inclined to say that copying a file from a USB drive onto a Hard Disc would not change the "Modify" date either though, honestly. Right click the picture, and select "Properties" and you will see the creation date. That, the USB drive cannot have changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 It appears from your timeline that you also had an affair with this guy. Using a rough guide: March 2009 - 1 year anniversary of OP and BF. September 2008 - BF and BS break up March 2008 - OP and BF meet February 2008 - BF has workplace EMA with OW Affairs and cheating really don't help lead to a trusting relationship, especially when you know that the person has already established himself as a liar and a cheat (not pointing fingers, have been in an EMA myself). Personally, I would invest some time into couples counselling and premarital counselling before I got into another marriage with any guy, especially if he was my affair partner. There is just a lot of baggage that goes with that - as you are finding out. The picture thing? That is just gross and perv-y. I wouldn't like the fact that my BF is jacking off to pictures of girls he works with, much less that he has this voyeuristic streak in him. If he gets caught at work doing that, he is going to lose his job ASAP. And you can count on the fact that he is flirting with this other girl at work; rekindling and continuing a "friendship" with someone that he has already only kissed (yeah right) and told that he loved is inappropriate. He had to apologize to her at work already for deleting her off FB, telling her that he has a crazy jealous GF and that he really doesn't want to end their friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaii Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 I'm not internet savvy enough, apparently because I spent 15 mins trying to decipher the first part of your reply. I feel like a dumbass. But to answer your question, no, I did not have an affair with him while he was married. It went something like this..... June 2007....My bf started emailing this "Girl" from his work Nov 2007....He and his now ex wife call it quits Feb 2008.....He and "Girl" from work start playing tonsil hockey, lasts for 3 weeks until she tells him she just wants to be friends April 2008....Bf and I start going out So, maybe I am a huge moron, I feel like a freaking private detective now though because I am always checking up on him. It's pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Kaii, Maybe because we are viewing from an outside perspective and have no emotional investment in the situation, but I think you need to take a serious hard look at the pictures of women at work when they aren`t looking. I think this is much more serious than the other problem(s). This is perverted behaviour. Not to mention sexually inappropriate behaviour with coworkers. This man has no boundaries. You say you want a child with this man... with a man who takes secret photos of women when they aren`t looking?? Doesn't that strike you as seriously disturbing??? He should be fired for that. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 The hell with when he took the photos and whether or not he betrayed your relationship by doing so..... This guy took pictures of women's boobs and and as*es when they didnt know it. At work. This is first of all - CRIMINAL Next - it is such a huge violation of these women. They werent at a bar,dressed sleezy, looking for attention (even then - his covert pics were be violating) but these women were at WORK. Who the hell does he think he is???? Because he was horny is was justification for him to take dirty pictures of women at work for his entertainment?? Did he share them with anyone? This is gross, speaks VOLUMES about his character, and is unacceptable. In fact - the idea that you are more concerned about whether he was with you or not when he took them..... Ewww. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 But to answer your question, no, I did not have an affair with him while he was married. It went something like this..... June 2007....My bf started emailing this "Girl" from his work Nov 2007....He and his now ex wife call it quits Feb 2008.....He and "Girl" from work start playing tonsil hockey, lasts for 3 weeks until she tells him she just wants to be friends April 2008....Bf and I start going out Ok- thanks for clarifying. I think it was this part "A history as in, about 7 months before my bf and his ex wife called it quits, he had started emailing this same "girl", who he also worked with, and telling her how he had feelings for her, etc. They ended up making out at work for a few weeks." I just assumed that the kissing started around the same time as the emails and the "I love you's", rather than him waiting so long between him finally separating and seeing OW. Link to post Share on other sites
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