love

[pjt]

i love my husband dearly and i know he loves me. why does he find the internet chat rooms so intincing? he also stares at other sexy women in front of me. I feel this is mental cheating and it makes me feel very inadequate. I am very sexy looking, keep myself in shape and am very eager to please, He says i am every thing to him but how could this be true. I try to be openminded. i do not understand this please help, how could i be every thing??????

[Tony T]

You need to get nervous when he stops being attracted to the opposite sex, a member of which you are.

 

Men are from Mars, you know, and we were programmed genetically to enjoy Playboy Magazine, the Playboy Channel, and most recently the girlie pictures on the Internet. There are chemicals racing through our system that cause us to want to see naked ladies occasionally...the same chemicals that cause us to want to be with our girlfriends and wives.

 

I think, however, it is wrong for him to be flirting in chat rooms with other women. That is NOT part of biology. I don't think it has anything to do with you at all. I think he just gets some sort of ego satisfaction out of chatting with ladies (some of whom may even be men for all we know). On the one hand it is harmless, but on the other hand it could lead to other things. It does not show you or his marriage any respect.

 

If his obsession with pictures and chatrooms is seriously affecting your relationship, you need to tell him. The Internet and spouse preoccupation with it is quickly becomming one of the top reasons for divorce.

 

Remember, this problem has nothing at all to do with your attractiveness. Computers are something new on the scene and cyber experiences are so grand because they are totally controlled by the mind. Reality can never compete with that which is conjured up in one's head.

 

If after talking to him in a kind but assertive way you get no results, try counselling. If no results there, try negotiating some schedule for his Internet activity and stipulate that he has to tell every lady he chats with that he his happily married.

 

If all that fails, tell him you're getting in your Explorer and engaging your search engine for another male whose hard drive was made just for you. And then suggest he RAM his chat rooms up his mouse while you delete his name from your life and empty the recycle bin. Further advise him you'll get your share of his megabytes in court.