chettwalterss Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 My wife said she wanted a divorce after 27 years. We had no fight, no disagreement. She has a history of emotional problems and I was always there for her. One week after I moved out I read her emails and she was saying I Love You to a man she's known since High School. He's worth millions. We were divorces 3 1/2 months later. I got the house and the dog and no alimony. She took a job 40 mins south of the house and got an apartment. She thought he was going to marry her I guess but after some time he saw her emotional problems and they broke up. Her job is on the line because if the merger between the 2 companies dont happen, the company she works for folds. Shes on 8 dating websites and realized she was looking for someone with my qualities and having a hard time. It's been a year since the divorce was final when she called me. I still love her, she says she still loves me and wants to meet. Shes sorry and in hindsight we should have separated and worked on the marriage. I told her I knew about her boyfriend and have realized I am better off without her. The trust is gone. I am staying away from all communication with her. I think she knows he in trouble and is counting on me to save her yet again and I dont trust her. This whole thing has brought back the grieving pains and tears. It hurts but I'm holding on. To go back with her would be at the expense of my self respect. Would you stick to your guns? or take her back? Link to post Share on other sites
Justanotherschmuck Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 She DUMPED you for MONEY!!! The worst, most selfish, pathetic reason for dumping someone. If MONEY will cause her to TEAR apart your life AGAINST your wishes, I say she is BEYOND help. I know that "TODAYS" person will say that financial security is a honest attraction, I say BS. You MARRY someone FOR MONEY, your a prostitute. Period. There is NO difference. If you do ANYTHING just for the money, what are you? Money hungry AND emotional problems. What exactly is attractivng you?? Good luck, you sound like a decent dude. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Give it time and see if that is still what you want. People get divorced and get back together all the time. Make sure it's for the right reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 My wife said she wanted a divorce after 27 years. We had no fight, no disagreement. She has a history of emotional problems and I was always there for her. One week after I moved out I read her emails and she was saying I Love You to a man she's known since High School. He's worth millions. We were divorces 3 1/2 months later. I got the house and the dog and no alimony. She took a job 40 mins south of the house and got an apartment. She thought he was going to marry her I guess but after some time he saw her emotional problems and they broke up. Her job is on the line because if the merger between the 2 companies dont happen, the company she works for folds. Shes on 8 dating websites and realized she was looking for someone with my qualities and having a hard time. It's been a year since the divorce was final when she called me. I still love her, she says she still loves me and wants to meet. Shes sorry and in hindsight we should have separated and worked on the marriage. I told her I knew about her boyfriend and have realized I am better off without her. The trust is gone. I am staying away from all communication with her. I think she knows he in trouble and is counting on me to save her yet again and I dont trust her. This whole thing has brought back the grieving pains and tears. It hurts but I'm holding on. To go back with her would be at the expense of my self respect. Would you stick to your guns? or take her back? Why would you want her back? You didn't lose anything? UM, MAN, you got off extremely Blessed! How many guys would kill to be where you're at? Forget her! Her leaving was the best thing she could've done for ya. How do you not owe her anything, that's what I'd like to know......... Stick to your Guns man! She left you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 keep moving, this woman is a straight up gold-digger!!! worthless, cheating, lying, manipulative and who's to say it wont happen next time if she got the chance. I'd change my number if I was you. Erase all traces of your existance, 8 dating websites? have she not learned anything about what's wrong with her? Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Chett, only you know what's right in your life. If.... if you can endure the memories of being betrayed. If you can endure mental images of your wife of 27 years sharing her body with another man. If you truely believe that you can "forgive"...... Those are your decisions to make. I wouldn't dare critisize, or judge your decision. Gawd speed and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Would you stick to your guns? or take her back? Your words: It's been a year since the divorce was final when she called me Your words: I told her I knew about her boyfriend and have realized I am better off without her. The trust is gone. Your words: I am staying away from all communication with her. I think she knows he in trouble and is counting on me to save her yet again and I dont trust her. Your words: This whole thing has brought back the grieving pains and tears. It hurts but I'm holding on. To go back with her would be at the expense of my self respect You have so much insight into your feelings, what you want/don't want. I know you love her, but it's been a year and you've worked through those awful feelings and slowly closed your heart to her..Then..She swoops back in, wants you back and has re-opened those wounds, so ofcourse you're going to feel confused and unsure for a little while. There's no time limit here since you are divorced, so don't let her manipulate you or make you feel like you owe her or are resonsible for her. SHE CHOSE to leave you for another man and get divorced..She was happy...Yet it seems her little fantasy world, the grass is greener, wasn't what she thought it was and now she's come running to you, saying "sorry" and hopes you'll give her a chance again? EVEN IF you consider it, DO NOT let her move in, let alone have ANY intimacy with her UNTIL she does counselling on her own and can show/prove to you IN ACTIONS that she is and has changed. How the heck could you trust one word out of her mouth..Her saying "sorry" just doesn't cut it. Keep posting and I hope you continue to be honest within yourself.. Don't let her pressure you or make you feel guilt. You've done fine without her for a year, you'll be fine if you chose to stay divorced and keep her out of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 The only other thought I can add to those here is be very careful, if you do consider going back to her, not to imagine going back to the person you thought you knew way back when. You need to realize that you would be getting together with the person you now know her to be. It's easy to wish things could be back like they once were when everything was simple and love was in the air, but don't be fooled by that siren call. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chettwalterss Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 Thank You everyone. You've given me a lot to think about. So far I am staying away from her. I even went on a date with someone very pretty and sweet. I dont know how to stop loving her but perhaps time will take care of that for me. I'm very grateful to all who reponded. chett Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 You need but watch a couple of episodes of "COPS" to know that oftentimes we human beings sometimes fall in love with people that are the most damaging to us mentally, emotionally, psychologically, physically and financially! As Lakeside has posted ~ only YOU AND YOU ALONE can make the decision as to what's right for you! Me? A woman walks out on me she get the DRooster speech! "You walk out on me? There's no coming back! Ever! As soon as I hear the slamming of that door? Its over for good!" The graveyard is full of people that we just can't live nor do without! But somehow we manage to carry on? What one would abuse? Another can certainly use. What one has to offer? Another has just as much of if not more! Just as good as if not more! People come! And people go! Ain't no one monkey that makes a show! Someone leaves you? Ultimately it means one things and one thing only! You've got to get off your dead @ss and go find you someone new! DAMN THE BAD LUCK! Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 times are getting tough for her, and wants to come crawling back? Hell no,you escaped once,why in the name of god would you want to go through this again?You came outta this sitting pretty good(money,house,dog),you take her back sshe loses all respect for you. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 Like Gunny said; you are the only one that can answer that question but there needs to be some serious work on both parties. She might have blamed you for why she left, but now she is the one that has to prove to you she wants back. Use this time to look at yourself, sure she moved out but what could have you done in your part of the marriage???? It takes two people to make a marriage work & it takes 100% from both, not 50-50 like a lot of people think. She really needs to find out why she wasn't happy, it wasn't the other guy their is something deeper then that. I would suggest if you want to work on it that she needs to see a counselor, then you both need to see a M/C and then start over.....It has been suggested to me that if I would have gotten back with my ex that it would be a minimum of one year, with counseling, dating, etc. If she moves back in I really feel it would go back to the same old thing. In my situation after 7 months apart she moved back in & yes it was all exciting for about 3 months but then things started to go back the way they were and she moved out again, filed for divorce..... Nine months later she is wondering if it was the right move on her part, but for me it is to late, I have done a lot of work on me & seeing what I did wrong & now I'm on a different path in life & I don't want her back........ They also say to keep your emotions out of your thought process but boy that is a hard one to do.....Good luck!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 One thing you've noted is that she has had emotional problems throughout your marriage. You stood by ber, allowed her to use you as a crutch, and, in some ways, enabled this behavior on her part throughout your relationship. You maintain that you love her but you have yet to define what exactly about her inspires this love. It may only be that over time you became so use to her and her ways that you've mistaken the nostalgia of the status quo for love. Don't get me wrong for I'm sure she has some good points but in the cold harsh light of the objective truth, knowing all that you know about her, would her balance sheet's final tally place her stock merit in the red or the black? Link to post Share on other sites
Biggie25x Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 I agree with the above post. You can't always judge a situation with logic HOWEVER you can't let them walk all over you. You have to make a stand and realize sometimes just because you love someone doesn't mean they love you the same way nor will they always have your best interests at heart. No one deserves to be a "back up" plan. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 I agree with the above post. You can't always judge a situation with logic HOWEVER you can't let them walk all over you. You have to make a stand and realize sometimes just because you love someone doesn't mean they love you the same way nor will they always have your best interests at heart. No one deserves to be a "back up" plan. True that! Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 She thought she hit the mother load and got a hand full of crap instead. 8 dating sites. How many men has she been with since. She's losing her job (maybe) and needs to cover her basis. Just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
Gowithflow Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 "never make someone a priority who only views you as an option". 8 dating sites says enough about her. She will always keep her options open, (at your expense). Link to post Share on other sites
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