being number 2 and stil a good guy....cheated?

[esps]

What to do

 

My fiancé had a boyfriend from russia which she spend some vacations with over a year time period (she is also russian), broke virginity after 4 days every way (telling me later the truth and telling that she first felt that she wanted to try sex anyway 22 years old) and that she felt “forced” to continue later. Then she managed to get into a study program in Norway. In my birthday party I met her. She liked me when she met me at once, says that she thought I were untouchable (I am a quite "perfect" guy and those times I were modeling for a hair dresser company, just so that is said). We only did the formal "hi".

After some months she had been seeing me going out and in from my home (we were neighbors) she fell deeply in love she told me later.

After a while I got in contact with the neighbors and drove them to the shop once a week and shoving them the city life. She started "stalking" me.

Later on we dated and we slept together. 1 month after we started the relationship I discovered that she had been in contact via. Sms and e-mail with a russian guy.

Then she said that she had to go on vacation to russia to family to celebrate New Year. I had the feeling she would meet that guy and asked her if it would ever be the same (which she did not nderstand that I saw the messages) before we jumped in the car and I drove her to the airport.

I said goodbye and I wished we could die before she went on that plane. When she arrived to russia I got the message on my phone: I love you.

 

- Problem is that she sent: this is my new number………………

 

Well, I thought it was great and were in heaven for some seconds until I remembered about the messages which I did not ask her about because I thought I did not have the right. I know that she spend 4 days with her sister in moscov then and later took the train to another city and stayed for 4 weeks with the family. She told me later she only went through moscov to see her sister mainly also.

We talked every day on the phone during her stay while I sat home and didn’t do anything at all, the Christmas parties and everything, I just did not manage. I was love sick. When she came home I put all my bad thoughts away, trying to forget the questions in my head, but;

After I sent some messages to the phone number I noted down from her phone I got a message from the "x" friend that it was just a little cafe meeting. I showed it to her and she denied meeting him and had crying attacks for a year later every time I mentioned it for her. She "confessed" before the next new year, she did meet him in a cafe only (like she had seen on the message I showed her), the rest of the time she spend with the sister she says (the sister tells now the same story to me on e-mail on behalf of the sister).

 

Well, I know that the guy she meets was the guy she lost the virginity in, in every single way and probably they had some kind of connection. Anyway I think that when you start a new relationship you leave that connection what so ever.

Anyway, I loved to kiss her still. But after I started to have a 100% suspicion that she actually did cheat me I started to think that I hate her rather than love. I think that the way she did it were really unnecessary and cruel. Why didn’t she just stay with me instead of going "home"? She cheated me, well I am not sure, but if she did it, it would be really cruel and I still love her just as much and don’t know what to do and I am not of the cheating guy either. I just can’t go and take a girl like that, I am more the type that chooses, and then I stay. Nowadays II treat her so god and in the next moment I just can’t kiss her because I know his dick was in her mouth. It is terrible.

 

When it comes to the cheating suspicion the things that support it is:

 

 

- how the "x" found her number since she had to get a completely new simcard to use abroad. She told me she loved me but in the next second obviously sent him a message: my number is…

(After confessing the meeting she did not remember how he got the number).

 

- I know that she knew that the sister were going to spend the new year and more time with her with the family so it was not so important to meet her in moscov, really.

 

 

+++

 

- I saw pictures of her and the sister at the family’s pc when I spend a vacation there and only the sister was on them during her moscov stay then, all the days.

- Nowadays she tells me that she met him only to say no!

 

 

I think she cheated but stayed there not so long time. I guess he was too ugly or something strange because the guy is like 188 tall and weights like 60 kg. Near russian slave weight during 2 world war look alike, while I am 188 and 88 kg only muscles... I found later a site where he put picture and e-mail address about himself where he searches for cyber sex friends…I think after I shoved that site to her she kind of loosed interest 100%.

 

 

Still it doesn’t repair it if she cheated back then; the wound after she had anal and oral sex is big enough. I don’t want to get children which get kisses from a girl who have been sucking another guy’s dick.

And she isn’t brave enough to confess her cheating but tells me to rather put her in a lie detector, as if that helps?

 

She is now rather a usage victim rather than a woman (even if I do all the good things like buying clothes presents etc.) and I think that exactly this problem is something almost every serious and deep thinking man has some problems with during life and finds excuses to treat women like sluts. I find very few reasons to treat her right and she seems to be used to that now and I just don’t know if it is because she inside herself do “pay” for her betrayal or something. If there is a single problem I can just say: was it me who licked peoples genitals, and then it’s the end of discussion.

 

 

I will never buy her a flower because the 1 one did and it was all a excuse for a cheap ****. Why should I repeat that? That is her only problem and the only thing she was really upset about exept the part of confession....

 

 

Thanks for every respons.

[boldjack]

It's very difficult to respond to your post because of the pauses, but I will try. If this girl is or has cheated on you then you must make a decision either to let her go or to forgive her . there is no reason to treat her like a "slut", or to abuse her. Don't be so judgmental about her having oral sex with her former boy friend, this happened before you and is not your problem. I hope this helps.

[esps]

If this girl is or has cheated on you then you must make a decision either to let her go or to forgive her .

there is no reason to treat her like a "slut", or to abuse her.

Don't be so judgmental about her having oral sex with her former boy friend, this happened before you and is not your problem. I hope this helps.

 

It is my problem now what she did because I dont see the link between her sucking his penis, then find me after a year and hoping that we will marry someday which she expressed she found logical. Me, I dont find it logical at all that I will put her in a nice white dress and hold her high in front of our families after she had sex every single way with him first. Even if it was just to try I think she wouldent done it if she did not like it, though she desperately wanted a boyfriend...She made sex until something wery little special by this.

If she cheated or if she tells the truth I dont know, I know she met him and lied about the meeting itself for a year, I got a sms from him in christmas times a year after and I shoved it to her and she fixed a story which matched the story I got from him which she confessed a few weeks later.

It is strange that when she went on vacation in the beginning she first send me the message I love you to me and then engage contact with him. A girl in love wouldent take contakt by purpose with the ex and meet she would be flying in the skies, right??

 

I dont know if there is anything to forgive but I cant find any reason to even try to make a normal life with her. I know that I need something else. A girl which does not lie and betray ever. I almost would say that she left for the vacation that time rather than throwing the ticket tells the most?

In the meantime she can stay, right...

 

Point is that I believe now that she only want to marry a Norwegian...the stereotypical russian sluttish activity.

[mental_traveller]

Hi Esps,

 

Personally I agree with your suspicion, I think it's likely she cheated. But even if she didn't, it doesn't matter - the point is, she met her ex and lied to you about it. That is enough to end a relationship, regardless of any cheating.

 

If I were you, I would end this with her. Firstly, she lied to you, so she is untrustworthy. Second, you have lost trust and respect for her - you call her a slut, bring up her wrongdoing etc. You can't be happy with someone when you view her that way. Third, there are loads of great women out there who won't cheat on you, especially if you're quite the catch as you said early in your post.

 

Life is too short to waste years in dead-end relationships with no trust, love, or respect. Dump this cheating girl and move on in life. Cut all contact with her, never speak to her via email, text, phone or in person. You will eventually forget her, and eventually meet other higher quality girls that you can have great relationships with.

[esps]

Hi Esps,

 

Personally I agree with your suspicion, I think it's likely she cheated. But even if she didn't, it doesn't matter - the point is, she met her ex and lied to you about it. That is enough to end a relationship, regardless of any cheating.

 

If I were you, I would end this with her. Firstly, she lied to you, so she is untrustworthy. Second, you have lost trust and respect for her - you call her a slut, bring up her wrongdoing etc. You can't be happy with someone when you view her that way. Third, there are loads of great women out there who won't cheat on you, especially if you're quite the catch as you said early in your post.

 

Life is too short to waste years in dead-end relationships with no trust, love, or respect. Dump this cheating girl and move on in life. Cut all contact with her, never speak to her via email, text, phone or in person. You will eventually forget her, and eventually meet other higher quality girls that you can have great relationships with.

 

 

Great answer! This is some of the tought's I got at first. Later on I found it too hard to dump her...as if her first one dident treat her like a dump. Well I just have to take time till hellp. Maybe I will find a better quality girl like you say. Where is it better to look than in her own friend gang;)

 

I hope this tekst though can be a warning for other girls reading this because this is not a fenomen it is a known fact that a man want to have a girl alone. I think most people choose to look away from theese issues or else we would all go mad.

 

I hope I can get some more responce if possible. The more brains looking on a topic the better.

thanks

[mental_traveller]

Maybe I will find a better quality girl like you say. Where is it better to look than in her own friend gang;)

 

Rofl - that's the spirit! Does she have a hot sister maybe?