Going For "the kiss" (Female input appreciated)

[guitar23]

Ok,

 

First off thanks to everyone who replied to my thread "roll the dice, or wait it out." Kind of confirmed what I've felt all along. So I have decided to make a move.

 

I agree with a lot of the "show, don't tell" advice, and personally I think my best method is to go for a kiss, then have "the talk." Point is, I don't want to force anything. I've waited this long, I damn sure want to wait for the right moment to make a move.

 

If you read my other thread, I mentioned how she practically threw herself at me a couple of years ago and I fumbled. Here are more details about how that went down:

She came over to watch a movie, and was sitting so close to me she was almost under me, kept touching/rubbing my leg....I froze up like a doofus...A week later we came back to my room after a date and she stayed the night. We were "spooning" and I made a comment about switching sides. She rolled over on top of me and said "like this?".... I went for a kiss, but it wound up being a kiss on the cheek, and that was the last time I ever tried to make a move.

 

We have both grown up a lot since then, yadda yadda.... I think we both have the feeling that we "made a move" and were rejected in the past. She definitely initiated last time and I dropped the ball. She's started being a lot more touchy feely the past few times we've been together, but I'm still not sure I can find the right moment.

 

Ladies, what are some sublte hints (verbal and physical) you might give to let a guy know a kiss is welcomed? Any tips or suggestions for me to "test the waters" before I go for it?

 

Guys, your advice is also welcomed, but preferably any related experiences you might have had.

[D-Lish]

Dude, the girl has been rubbing your leg and rolling on top of you... what other subtle hints do you need?

 

Seriously.... She wouldn't be hanging out with you STILL if she wasn't into it.

 

Wait for a private moment- grab her waist, pull her into you and kiss her!

Do it for crying out loud.

 

Where do you think she rejected you???? I only saw illustrations of you rejecting her.

 

Take control- be aggressive with the kiss. The moment is the next time you guys are alone. She obviously likes you- DUDE, SHE ROLLED ON TOP OF YOU.

 

No more second guessing- do it. The very next time you are alone.

[The Collector]

Yup, the next time you are alone is the 'perfect time.' Don't keep putting it off waiting for the moon to smile down and a shooting star to magically cross the sky.

 

You can certainly make it the right moment by your words and actions. Be sexy, confident and funny - some teasing usually works wonders - and then with a slight smile say 'come here' and pull her towards you and kiss her.

[LovieDove24]

I agree with the above posters. There is not going to be a "perfect time." This is not the movies. There of course are better times than others, but the difference between these is common sense: for instance, which is better outside of a bathroom or on your living room couch? Haha. I will say though that one good indicator that a womans interested is lots of smiley eye contact. If you got that, then just do it.

[PlumPrincess]

She so obviously likes you. If I were her, I would have left you out of frustration, your behavior just screams rejection. And how more clear can she be?????? What has happened with guys nowadays????

[guitar23]

Thanks to all of you for the feedback, it definitely helps.

 

I would like to point out I am a complete moron for my screw up nearly 3 years ago when she rolled over on me.... Since then she hasn't been forward at all, and I guess I've been waiting on her to do something like that again, but I see now that is not going to happen. She put herself out there once why would she again? Yet at the same time she has not friendzoned me yet I don't think, so obviously she's been waiting on something to happen.

 

It might be a week or two before I see her again, but I'm gonna grow a pair and go for it unless a lot changes between now and then. Once again thank you to all of you who replied, my main problem has always been confidence and you all gave me some :-). I will let everyone know how things turn out, good or bad, the next time I see her and have an opportunity to go for it.

[voldigicam]

With some hesitation, because this depends. No pattern really, have to dance with the situation.

 

Need to leave freedom for you and her not to go forward, an easy way out, but an easy way in, too.

 

To some extent, depends on height differential.

 

1. Opportunity for a hug. Even something as simple as "Hug?"

 

Then read the hug. The bend over a bit polite light hug - well. That's it. Don't grab. Try again later.

 

The throw at you hug, pelvis against yours, sudden lips against your neck. If you don't get that you need to be put down!

 

It's that in between.

 

2. Hold the hug. Soften and let her sink into you. If she stays but is still a little unsure, just hold gently. She'll either soften more or move to be free. She may disengage gently.

 

If she disengages, but is softer and looks more engaged, can always smile and say something like "I liked that. Another?" Which can trigger lip contact right then and there.

 

3. If the hug remains or a second one ensues, have to read the hug with your heart. Dance, let energy merge a little. She may be waiting or moving. Usually a head turn just a little, face towards your centerline. Face away is not a great sign, possibly best to try again next time. But face towards centerline, well. Here's the height deal. If she's short, let the hug sink in a moment, then just lower your head a little, if she rises a bit, reaching just a tiny bit, stay really soft and gently kiss something. A forehead, neck, whatever is at the comfortable height. She needs to move her lips towards yours. For tall partners, you might need to move towards the neck.

 

4. Once the hug kiss begins, have to see how polite it is. If it's a polite first kiss, then not too long. Maybe a repeat. Listen hard and let her go. They'll be others and she'll be looking forward to them. If passion grows, just kiss. Let her pelvis be the one to move towards you. If you're not in a private place, I always figure inviting to go to one is a good idea.

 

Invitation. Openness. Clear opportunities to break away. No pressure. Get her engaged and on that nice ride, and the kiss will go on.

 

Now. Public kissing. A bit more difficult to manage. Her coworkers, the street, all that. More difficult to read. A polite hug might linger just a moment longer. A little flash of the eyes. Calls for arranging a private moment. Or might be less subtle, a pelvis push, no resistance to a hand moving just a little lower, her lips on your neck for a moment, a whispered "I want you inside me." That kind of hug is a clear hint. It's the in between that are troubling. Would she have kissed if we weren't on a sidewalk? Just have to read the energy and get yourself out of the way.

 

Good luck. Invitation, opportunity to leave (no trapping), open listening. Let her signal the move is wanted, whatever the move is. Be a gentleman and honor your partner always, serve her what's wanted and she'll be yours in heart, mind, and body. Push and ignore her inner being and you'll be alone. The nature of things.

 

And take your time. I assure you, if a polite hug receives a bit of response, your lips just brush her ear and you sense a bit of uncertainty. You whisper "You smell lovely. Can we meet again?" Very sweetly. She'll get the invitation. She'll either decide to turn towards your centerline and raise her lips. Or hug a bit longer and set another date. Or perhaps a polite peck kiss with warm eyes. Don't hurry. More fun that way.

 

Now. Being receptive, open and inviting at all times can bring unusual results. Worth cultivating for later in life. I have had sudden short passionate kisses worthy of remembering that never did, never could, totally impossible, what is going on here? go anywhere. Just a sudden spark of intense passion. Have to be open to that. And do disengage before the elevator door opens. And don't bring it up again unless she does!

 

Good luck.

[carhill]

OP, read that last post 10 times. Then, 10 times more. Heck, I'll do it for you

[belocchoc129]

haha, common, what's wrong with guys nowadays? While girls are waiting for guys to make a move, guys do the same thing. What's gonna happen if both sides just wait and wait? The same situation like mine. Nothing happens, and finally you end up with regret that you let love pass you by.

[voldigicam]

That is a very good point, especially with the younger men. I see the girls issuing invitations, starting the dance, and guys totally self absorbed and missing the hints. It's hopeless.

 

This is probably why 20 somethings end up having flings with 40 somethings. Someone who knows how to dance just scoops them up. Or what happens to me. Someone polite, attentive, with excellent manners. "Yes, m'am." "May I help you with that, m'am." Women seem to really eat that up. Not that there's intent on my part, it's just the way I suppose I was trained. All too often, the 20 somethings simply melt. "Touch me" signal flags come up. Generally, I just ring up the sale and open the door for them. Imagine if the 20 somethings were that polite? Oh wait, many of the country boys around here are. And they seem to have cuties.

[Awesome84]

Yep... she obviously wanted a kiss.

 

I can't believe you only kissed her on the cheek! What's the matter with you???

 

KISS HER YOU FOOL!! (no disrespect)

[guitar23]

No offense taken Awesome!... I have replayed that moment in my head a million times and lost a lot of sleep over it. Things is, I went for the lips and she turned her head slightly... Yet she had rolled over on top of me...and remained there. I was inexperienced and confused and when I should have taken it as her being playful, I took it as rejection. I did learn from it and have never make the mistake of confusing playful teasing with rejection again... i just hope i have a chance to redeem myself with her...

 

In response to voldigicam..I agree there is a lot of confusion with younger guys today. However, it's not all manners and charm. I grew up on a farm, am always complimented on my manners, and don't hesitate to say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" when I should. My problem is that I am "too nice" and often times don't make a move when I should because I don't want to come across as intrusive or annoying. It's something I'm working on and have gotten better with over time...Unfortunately I'm in this particular pickle because I learned that too late and am attempting to recover from it.

[Awesome84]

Unfortunately I'm in this particular pickle because I learned that too late and am attempting to recover from it.

 

Well... don't beat yourself up about it. We all make mistakes down the 'yellow brick road". Just learn from it and move on. If you ever get the chance again... you should definently kiss her though. The only way that you are going to be happy is to let go of the fear and go for it. Even if she rejects you.... at least you will know for sure where you stand with her. More and More experiences will give you the confidence down the road when going for a kiss with another girl.

 

I wasn't always confident in myself and I had alot of fear.... But it took careful examination of myself to learn that I have alot to offer so it took some of the pressure off of being scared to make a move. I have encountered rejection... but the more you get rejected... the more you will be able to deal with it. The problem with rejection is that sometimes people think that it's THEM... and usually it's not. It's usually the other person rejecting you who has the problem.... whether it be that they already like someone else...or they don't see the good qualities that you have. I have rejected some nice guys but I am sure some other girl will appreciate what I've overlooked.

[EllieBean]

She is so obviously into you - just kiss her! My poor bf was so shy about kissing me for the first time, despite the fact that we were lying on the sofa cuddling he still didn't make a move. He kissed me on the forehead, on the nose, on the cheek, on the corner of the mouth... waiting to see if I would pull away... and when I didn't he went for a very quick peck on the lips. At this point I thought I had waited long enough for his ego to be satisfied that he had made the first move, so I leapt on him and practically ate him alive

[Awesome84]

practically ate him alive

 

:lmao::lmao:

[voldigicam]

OK. Please, no critics. Here's an example of how to get that feedback. I tested the situation specifically with the above post I made in mind.

 

I ate lunch with a friend, a female friend, one of those way too young female friends [no snide comments please - I didn't seek her out, she found me]. Just a friend, and likely to remain so.

 

"1. Opportunity for a hug. Even something as simple as "Hug?" "

 

OK. Sitting in the cold chatting on a bench. Asked if I could try something out. "Sure." I asked "How about a hug?" She smiled. Very direct affirmative feedback. She's a "sub" so being direct is important. Golly, I hope she's not reading this! [she had already given the soft, I hope me moves next to me look.]

 

"2. Hold the hug. Soften and let her sink into you. If she stays but is still a little unsure, just hold gently. She'll either soften more or move to be free. She may disengage gently."

 

So, she softened into it, and so did I. I disengaged after a bit. Considered point 3:

 

"3. If the hug remains or a second one ensues, have to read the hug with your heart. Dance, let energy merge a little."

 

Hmm. There was some sparkle there.

 

Being a direct person, I simply said "Phase I is nice, how about another?"

 

This was a longer better hug. I tasted her neck with my lips a little. She didn't quite giggle. Hugged back. Clearly positive reinforcement.

 

We disengaged, but not as far. "Phase II is good. Phase III?" Met with a subtle smile and flashing eyes, accompanied by a slight "hhmmm." Phase three being the polite kiss. Very effective - quite polite for about perhaps 8 seconds of gradual melting, merging into LFK. After a polite interval, we again disengaged. Just a testing session, after all.

 

Clearly, we were both pondering things. "Let's try that again." Which led to mutual movement towards lip lock. Now we really did the DFK thing for an impolitely long interval, hands higher, more pressure, pulses rising, sparkles up my spine and I imagine up hers.

 

Then a nice walk back to the car, with a continuation of our previous conversations. No mention of the bench episode, except a brief polite kiss under a bridge, brought on by her subtle invitation accepted.

 

So the sequence worked very well, even with just a friend. I mean, we walked away and didn't hold hands, and didn't run off to screw or anything. Or make any other commitments. I don't know whether it really hit either of us that we could do so. It was just a surprise makeout session in an otherwise normal friendship. Ending with an acknowlegment that a spark was there. And a polite, but warm hug, at her car.

 

So here, even with someone unsure and me being quite unsure, following the rules I outlined more or less, and making the phases explicit, certainly got one of the better short makeout sessions I've engaged in going well and efficiently.

 

I always read her mood and receptivity, the very quiet invitations. She always followed my lead, until her interest in a moving from polite kiss to LFK overwhelmed whatever inhibition might have been there [best to let the woman open her mouth first, as opposed to forcing it open]. Always a way out, always an invitation, accepted with a slight further invitation. The dance. And then we mutually and quietly declined to pursue things further. [Probably appropriate given our sort of similar attached states and the minor point that she's 30 years younger . . .]

 

Now. I imagine given her naturally submissive nature that a shy boy is NEVER going to see something that says "hold me for a moment and kiss me because this is a beautiful moment and I'm with you by this stream." And a pushy person is NEVER going to read the timing right and make a mutually enjoyable interlude. He'll just steal a forced kiss, which works with submissive girls, but makes them feel bad later most times and isn't good for the long term.

 

She knows the dance. I know the dance. We can do the dance together almost seamlessly. The dance always involves the opportunity to sit out a set, or all the other dances, and to change partners, and always works with respect for the other in and out of the moment. Being a wall flower or stepping on toes isn't going to do it. Have to listen.

 

What I find amazing - and eventually I'll get her feedback on how that was for her - is that breaking the dance out explicitly into Phases was funny and helpful, rather than hurting. She knew how it was working all along.

 

I trust this is useful, and please avoid any snide comments. This is just an example of how to get a first kiss. I'll admit to having a degree in anthropology. If only all fieldwork was so pleasant. [i think I would kiss her again.]

[Monogatari]

I agree with everyone who said to go for the hug first and then kiss her. Its proven to work and all of the people who I've talked to about it said that it usually starts out as a hug first. This chick has probably given you all of the signals you need. All you have to do is just go for it.