Should I leave or stay?

[cowgirlnthecity]

[color=blue][/color][font=century gothic][/font]I need some real advice. I have been married to this man, who I just thought was my knight in shining armor before we were married. Now that we are married, he has started his heavy drinking, almost to the point I think he is an alcoholic. I feel really insecure about our relationship now. I feel like it's because of me that he drinks and finds his happiness in alcohol. I don't nag at him. I have expressed my feelings to him about this and he doesnt seem to think he has a problem. I'm not sure what to do, I never known anyone like this. By the way, he's passed out on the living room floor as I'm typing this.

 

My second issue, is his ex wife, who he was married to for 15 years. They have a 6 year old daughter together. I understand that is a long time to have been with someone, but I believe he is still letting her control him, just like she did all those years. She says something on how he wears his clothes, if he's not feeling well, she calls to check on him, if he doesnt shave his face, she says something. It just gets old, I feel like I'm always in a competition with her for my own husband. I'm not sure how to handle this or her either.

 

My third issue is now after all this I'm very insecure. We can't go anywhere, without me feeling disrespected. I feel like he gawks and stares at all the woman in the room. I don't know how to get over this feeling and want to.

 

I would love some help and advice, if anyone has any. I'm tired of already feeling alone, this early in our marriage.

[ArdeaCandidissima]

Bit premature to leave. Have you tried counselling?

 

The biggest problem here is alcoholism, and the second biggest is your relationship. Please check out AA and make your husband go so he can learn the 12-step armor polishing process.

 

How did you decide to marry?

[countryme]

I agree, you should not throw in the towel yet. I do not know how long you have been with this man, but I can tell you if you are having problems in an early marriage you should have seen this coming. If he is truley resorting to alcohol, you need to find out why. I would suggest you both sit down and talk, discuss the things that upset you about his ways, let him discuss with you what bothers him.

 

The ex situation is just something you will have to live with as he has a child with the first wife. I too was married to a man for 14 years had child with him and now my new boyfreind is a little bothered by the way my ex-husband and I have to get along for the childs sake. If you feel he is going overboard with listening to the ex wife about certain things, confront him about it. Just let him know you are uncomfortable with him letting his ex treat him like he were still her man.

 

My advice on your third issue is that again tell him you feel disrespected, and insecure if you love each other he should be willing to work this problem out with you.I am not pointing the finger, but it sounds like YOU are the one having jealousy issues. If he is a looker now, he was a looker before you married him. My best advice to you is: Insecurity is within ones self, we try to blame others for our problems, you need to sit down in a quiet spot and search your feelings and then if infact the new husband is causing these feelings... let him know about it, before you throw in the towel.

 

Do not lay blame untill you have all the facts and then try to talk it out before you do. My relationship with my new man is wonderful we let each other know how we feel, we talk if something is bothering us. My man does not have any kids with his ex, but she burned him bad and caused him to become an alcoholic (he was a recoverd AA before her). When we met I told him I had enough of alcoholic men and would have nothing to do with him if he continued to drink. We have happily been together for 26 months now and are considering marriage real soon!

 

Best of luck!