I Dumped My Girlfriend But I Was Stupid And Want Her Back.

[boldjack]

Sorry DANO, got the wrong name.

[Dan0]

Hi all,

I have done alot of thining and the favorite approach at the moment is to try and talk to her one-on-one in private and tell her im deeply sorry for being like I have and that I have messed up. What do you all think? Please bare in mind that she is probably the most stubborn person I have met so it is very hard to convince her when she doesn't agree on something.

[silverfish]

You work in IT right? Can't you sneak in and 'break' her computer so you have to go and work on it. Maybe chat her up a little bit, tell her she looks nice etc, then ask her out for a coffee to clear the air between you both, catch up, whatever..

 

I am a sucker for a man stood behind me leaning over my shoulder,especially if he is 'helping me' - pathetic I know. And if he tells me my hair smells nice, makes me laugh....who knows

 

I dunno maybe its halfway between the 2 methods. A little invasion of her personal space in a work related way may help. If she shrinks away from you, then you know the physical attraction is probably gone, if she is receptive then make your move.....

[Dan0]

I phoned her tonight and she didn't answer but she did return the call about 15 minutes later and said she had just come out of the gym. I didn't want to mess it up again and push her further away so I just chatted to her generally n we got on fine without about us or meeting up. This is the first time she has phoned me back so don't know weather to read much into that or not and also don't know how long to wait now? Or when or if I should ask her to meet up so I can say sorry? Or just say sorry over the phone? I just need to get this right coz I don't want to push her away totally, I think this could be my last chance to get a chance to prove to her.

[loser101]

you should meet her face to face before you say anything. treat her as you would want to be treated yourself. speak to her the way you would want to be spoken to

[monkeymaid]

please learn from my mistakes. ...you need to mention nothing to her about sorry or the relationship at all YET!! wait till its the right time. ...you will know when its right. its not when you are feeling emotional, itsgonnabe when your collect enough to see the big picture. do not tell her sorry yet! be confident when you see her, and make sure she has a good time with you. you need her to look at you as attractive and you are going to have to regain her trust still. there is going to be the right time for everyhting, it just needs to happen in sequence. if she wants to talk about the break up, let her vent, but dont engage it, and keep your composure the whole time. if she asks you questions, tell her you will talk about it, but right now is not the time. right now, we need to just have a little fun becasue you and i both need to just smile. light hearted,fun loving, atmosphere will help you right now. it will pull you out of a heavy possibly depressing situaiton when you are together and 1, show her you are still "that guy" and 2 will give you the real confidence you need rather than the show you are inevitably putting on. I dont know who you are, or what type of person you are, but right now my hope of reconciliation is being held together in this thread, and your situaiton. i am living vicariously through you right now. GOOD LUCK!!!!! you can definately do this!!!

[Surfer Dude]

please learn from my mistakes. ...you need to mention nothing to her about sorry or the relationship at all YET!! wait till its the right time. ...you will know when its right. its not when you are feeling emotional, itsgonnabe when your collect enough to see the big picture. do not tell her sorry yet! be confident when you see her, and make sure she has a good time with you. you need her to look at you as attractive and you are going to have to regain her trust still. there is going to be the right time for everyhting, it just needs to happen in sequence. if she wants to talk about the break up, let her vent, but dont engage it, and keep your composure the whole time. if she asks you questions, tell her you will talk about it, but right now is not the time. right now, we need to just have a little fun becasue you and i both need to just smile. light hearted,fun loving, atmosphere will help you right now. it will pull you out of a heavy possibly depressing situaiton when you are together and 1, show her you are still "that guy" and 2 will give you the real confidence you need rather than the show you are inevitably putting on. I dont know who you are, or what type of person you are, but right now my hope of reconciliation is being held together in this thread, and your situaiton. i am living vicariously through you right now. GOOD LUCK!!!!! you can definately do this!!!

 

Finally a person who sees the light. Great post.

 

Firstly, Dan needs to create attraction and a relaxed atmosphere of humor and lightweight fun. Once she sees him in high regard once again (as a confident man of quality who has self respect), he will have regained his credibility and his sincere apology will have some meaning.

 

If he apologizes while coming from desperation and fear of loss, she will pick up on it and it will push her away even further. Women feel these delicate and subtle energies more than we can imagine, and they are driven away by desperation and lack of self esteem and confidence. She'd probably think he just wants her back because he is desperate, has low self esteem and is too emotionally attached, not because he considers her a quality woman worth his time.

 

Let's recap:

 

1. confidence

2. demonstration of high value

3. attraction

4. apology

 

It normally doesn't work any other way.

 

I can't see why any woman would want to be with a whipped guy, but I can see all reasons why a woman would be with a quality man. Once he demonstrates his attraction and shows her he is fun, confident and cool guy, he probably won't even need to apologize verbally as it will be subcommunicated.

 

Dan best of luck to you, I hope you get your girl back.

[Narf]

Here's what you need to do.Call her, be calm and cool, speak with deep seductive tonality and say:

 

YOU: Hey [name], how are you? Listen, have you heard about that new restaurant that opened in XYZ place?

HER: Umm yeah.......

YOU: I heard the food there is so delicious, my friend said it totally stimulates your taste buds and makes you experience INTENSE PLEASURE that WORKS IT'S WAY THROUGH YOUR BODY... can you remember the MOST PLEASURABLE thing you've ever experienced? Can you vividly remember it RIGHT NOW, as I'm telling you this? Well, the food in that restaurants tops it.

I can't wait to try out something SO NEW AND EXCITING. WITH ME, you can experience it as well. Wanna join me? Everything's better when there's two people."

 

The whole point of this is eliciting states that she remembers as very pleasurable, and associating them with yourself.

 

When/if she accepts and you meet up, demonstrate value by being in control, being sensual and seductive BUT COOL.

 

YOU: Isn't it TOTALLY GREAT that YOU and ME could meet up to eat this TOGETHER? Often, food seems boring and old, as if it can't bring any new culinary pleasures (you're alluding to your relationship). But isn't it amazing that if WE take time to DEEPLY ENJOY it, WE RE EXPERIENCE IT as if it were something completely NEW, EXCITING, BETTER THAN EVER BEFORE.

 

YOU: My friend Johan from Germany told me how his girlfriend and him got together after a big misunderstanding. They sepearated for a few days, but then they realized how much THEIR CONNECTION meant to them, that it was SPECIAL, UNIQUE, IRREPLACEABLE. Can you imagine that RIGHT NOW? Have you ever felt that with anyone? Yes/no? Ok, allow MY VOICE to paint that image in your mental space. ALLOW MY VOICE TO COME FROM THAT SPACE, feel the OPENING for my voice, as it is PENETRATING your thoughts and WARMTH is SPREADING throughout YOUR BODY... how did it ever feel to have that bond and connection? NOW, I can see you're feeling it, it feels good doesn't it?

 

HER: God... yes!

 

YOU: Ok, and when YOU were with that SPECIAL PERSON, you could really feel the TOTAL PERFECTION, right? As I AM telling you this, I'm sure you can feel the COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING, SERENITY AND ENDLESS PASSION you felt in that situation. YOU FELT IT WITH THE KIND OF PERSON YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO FEEL IT WITH. (point at yourself).

 

 

 

HAHAHAHAAH i would ask the guy if he needs to get a room with himself!! What a load of silliness! She knows him! she would think he was trying to sell her his body!!! She doesnt want that!!

She wants proof that his poor behaviour would not come back!! He treated her like she wasnt important for 6 months!!! She pointed it out to him! and he IGNORED IT! Then he dumped her for it!

 

She wants to trust him again... She doesnt want sex... she wants trust, security!!

[Flying Burrito]

I can't see why any woman would want to be with a whipped guy, but I can see all reasons why a woman would be with a quality man. Once he demonstrates his attraction and shows her he is fun, confident and cool guy, he probably won't even need to apologize verbally as it will be subcommunicated.

Once again, your uninformed, judgmental OPINION.

 

Sorry. You have it wrong again. A real man can pitch woo without acting like a bully, lying, or giving his lady a shady sales job. You seem to equate a quality man as being master of smarm and manipulation.

 

Subcommunicated? Another sleazy, seduction scheme non-word.

 

Sure, work the sexual attraction line. All that does, is say: I wanna bone ya. At best, that non-apology comes across as, I'm sorry I dumped you because my hand got tired the last few weeks. Not quite the same as, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I f*cked up. Breaking it off was the biggest mistake of my life.

 

I'll tell you what. It takes a quality man to stand on his honour. A quality man doesn't try to bone his way back into a relationship. A quality man shows he's confident by owning his mistakes.

 

From my mother to my sisters, my sisters-in-law, to my little nieces all the way to the women I work with and go to uni with, I don't know one female who would respond positively to these kinds of head games you're pushing.

 

Your games sound like you're trying to trick little girls into giving you all their candy by saying things like that's a pretty dress you have on.

 

Dude, you're the guy that makes it so f*cking hard for women to believe a man can act honourably. You're that guy who'd worm his way back into a girl's pants without owning his problems and later wonder why she's still insecure about the relationship.

[Flying Burrito]

I phoned her tonight and she didn't answer but she did return the call about 15 minutes later and said she had just come out of the gym. I didn't want to mess it up again and push her further away so I just chatted to her generally n we got on fine without about us or meeting up. This is the first time she has phoned me back so don't know weather to read much into that or not and also don't know how long to wait now? Or when or if I should ask her to meet up so I can say sorry? Or just say sorry over the phone? I just need to get this right coz I don't want to push her away totally, I think this could be my last chance to get a chance to prove to her.

Dan, if there's one thing I learned from watching my dad and my brothers its this: you can only ever manage your part of the relationship.

 

Bottom line, stay true to what you think is right for you at this point in time, that's what will keep you from living a life of regret. How your ex responds to you as you're straight with her, is really up to her.

 

Reality is a bear. Whether your lady decides to give it another go is her decision and you can't control it. There's no magic bullet but perhaps you know some jackasses who manage to get the girl? You've got as much of a chance as any of us.

 

If you know in your gut making a commitment to this girl is the right thing, the best thing, go with it, say it. Own it. Trust it. Ask for what you want. Then you can take the next step whatever your girlfriend's response is either way. No point in having fear of blowing it right? You kind of did that already right?

[flash582]

Not a dime.

 

And what better way to do this than to create attraction? The only way to retain his balls AND still convey apology is for her to be attracted to him and hold him in high regard. Some speech patterns are great for achieving this.

 

Just because you don't know how to use NLP, don't say it's bullshx. Skilled people can make others forget stuff or greatly change their emotional states with this. It can be used in a variety of ways, and seduction is just one of them.

 

Have you ever seen a skilled guy with no NLP training seduce a woman? What was it that he was doing so good? Among other physical things, he was probably bantering a lot, using tons of humor and sexual innuendos. People respond to those just as well as to NLP, because they're two sides od the same coin.

 

Oh well.... stupidity, proneness to judgment and unwillingness to keep an open mind will never cease to amaze me.

 

Oh .. I don't think you want to go there, Surfer Dude ..... Stupidity?

 

The only Stupidity here is yours ..... I studied NLP in Phycology class in college. We all thought is was pretty funny then and frankly, I find you Hilarious now.

 

I don't disagree that he needs to create Attraction to succeed, but I am advocating that he build attraction via HONESTY. A concept you obviously don't get.

 

And your assumption that I am NOT a skilled guy in the ways of attraction is the most humorous of your assertions. One that I feel NO need to argue. My ego doesn't need to be boosted via bragging about my techniques for conquest and getting laid.

 

I built attraction with my wife through humor, and a number of other "techniques" to get the first date. ..... Then I went on to much more advanced techniques such as compatibility, honesty, communication, and building a foundation for a solid relationship. Techniques you obviously don't have much experience with.

 

Go back to the books Surfer Dude ... Your ignorance is showing.

[flash582]

Finally a person who sees the light. Great post.

 

Firstly, Dan needs to create attraction and a relaxed atmosphere of humor and lightweight fun. Once she sees him in high regard once again (as a confident man of quality who has self respect), he will have regained his credibility and his sincere apology will have some meaning.

 

If he apologizes while coming from desperation and fear of loss, she will pick up on it and it will push her away even further. Women feel these delicate and subtle energies more than we can imagine, and they are driven away by desperation and lack of self esteem and confidence. She'd probably think he just wants her back because he is desperate, has low self esteem and is too emotionally attached, not because he considers her a quality woman worth his time.

 

Let's recap:

 

1. confidence

2. demonstration of high value

3. attraction

4. apology

 

It normally doesn't work any other way.

 

I can't see why any woman would want to be with a whipped guy, but I can see all reasons why a woman would be with a quality man. Once he demonstrates his attraction and shows her he is fun, confident and cool guy, he probably won't even need to apologize verbally as it will be subcommunicated.

 

Dan best of luck to you, I hope you get your girl back.

 

So ... let's recap ... you've made the assumption that Dan is going to call this lady he had a year long relationship with, one that she didn't want to end, and he suddenly going to start crying all over his shirt and start acting like a total dweeb, and whine, and promise her anything to come back ... in short, start acting like a 10 year old that's begging for a BB gun for his birthday.

 

Where in the world did you get all that?

 

Some men out there have these problems ... but they post under the heading of .... I can't get a date, what am I doing wrong?

 

Hell, If I were Dan I'd be looking to have a nice chat with you for being so insulting!

 

If he were such a wussie he wouldn't have landed her in the first place!

 

Have you ever had a serious long term relationship with a real woman?

 

Dan ... Of course you have to be the guy she was attracted to in the first place ... but you just have to fit some honesty in there with it, and a sincere apology. Good luck

[monkeymaid]

i dont think dishonesty, sales jobs or anythign else isgoing to help thisguy, but i do think he needs to be able to show that, through all of this, he is still the man she fell for a year ago, and that he has put forth the effort to change. ...talk is cheap and actions speak way louder than words in this case. ...the talk will come but i think it really needs to come after he has shown at least a little bit that he is still him, and he is willing to do what is necessary without being told. if they talk before, the risk of it being just words is going to be highly anticipated and since she doesnt trust him, he has to just be the changes she needs to see and still be himself. he needs to show that he is the same old dano with some upgrades.

[Dan0]

I think I am going to try and get her to the pub or something face-to-face and have a good time with her and then say my apologies at the end once she has had a good time with me. I'm ok with all that but my issue is when do I ask her to be face-to-face with me? Yesterday was the first time I had spoken to her out of work for a week coz she said we shouldn't talk for a while so I don't want to ask her to see me too soon that it pushes her back away and I think if I push her away this time that will be it.

[Surfer Dude]

I think I am going to try and get her to the pub or something face-to-face and have a good time with her and then say my apologies at the end once she has had a good time with me. I'm ok with all that but my issue is when do I ask her to be face-to-face with me? Yesterday was the first time I had spoken to her out of work for a week coz she said we shouldn't talk for a while so I don't want to ask her to see me too soon that it pushes her back away and I think if I push her away this time that will be it.

 

I don't think she'd refuse meeting up, unless she's punishing you for what you've done (this might be the case).

 

There was no cheating and major disrespect involved here, so there's no reason for her to refuse you a chance to meet up. If she does refuse however, I don't think she's really interested in reconciliating.

 

To the guys above:

This is the guy's thread where's he's looking for help. Your posts are useless clutter here, they don't help the OP, and I certainly don't care what you think about me. Don't threadjack, it's not very nice.

If you want to discuss NLP or anything else, send me a PM and stop wasting this space. This isn't a discussion thread.

[loser101]

I think I am going to try and get her to the pub or something face-to-face and have a good time with her and then say my apologies at the end once she has had a good time with me. I'm ok with all that but my issue is when do I ask her to be face-to-face with me? Yesterday was the first time I had spoken to her out of work for a week coz she said we shouldn't talk for a while so I don't want to ask her to see me too soon that it pushes her back away and I think if I push her away this time that will be it.

 

you get that feeling from how relaxed she is. it is hard to get right but it sounds like you see her in person a bit (rather than just talk on the phone) so you can tell how receptive she is when she faces you. ie how open her body language is. it looks like she isn't blocking you completely

[TheKingKopite]

Dano .. please add me on msn [email protected] .. your story is VERY similier to mine and would like to talk to you.

 

cheers

[Dan0]

I spoke to her at the weekend and we just chatted for abit. I then tried to ring her afew days later to ask her to meet me as friends and she didn't answer or ring back. When we did speak at the weekend she told me she is going to spain on fri for 3 days with her friend and her family to there holiday home which they do every easter. After speaking to her mum who lives in Australia I have decided to write her a letter saying I am sorry but am unsure when to post it through her door. Either tomorrow, the day before she goes away or when she gets back. If I post it before she goes she might not take it in because she is going away but she might do and think about it alot while away. If I post it when shes back she might spend more time reading it and take it all in or it might be too late for her to get it then. It was her mum who said I could write her a letter. When should I post the letter?

[Dan0]

TheKingKopite, I don't use MSN chat but I do use facebook chat if you have that? I have sent you an email anyway.