I Dumped My Girlfriend But I Was Stupid And Want Her Back.

[Dan0]

I had my girlfriend for just over a year before I stupidly ended it. The first 6 months went great and she told me she loved me and really enjoyed being with me. After around 6 months I still really liked her, loved spending time with her, taking her out to places and felt I was starting to love her also but never said this to her because for some reason i felt I needed to do my college work so I could earn more money but I didn't have the time to do the work as I played football (soccer) 3 times a week and was with her or friends for the rest of the time. So I though I needed to finish it to give me time to do my college work.

 

From this time in I still enjoyed being with her but I stopped putting the effort in by never takin her out to places or out to eat and not seeing her as much because I really care about her and wanted to hurt her and myself as least as possible when finishing it. We carried on this way and she did mension afew times that I wasn't putting the effort in anymore but I just sort of shrugged it off and carried on. I new I loved her but held myself back from showing my feelings to her because i had this stupid thought I needed to finish it to be able to earn more money. I also started to try to scrimp and save money at every possible opportunity like getting her to drive to mine so I didn't have to drive to hers etc.

 

After about a year she would bring it up and moan to me and her friends more regularly that I wasn't putting the effort in or show my feeling to her and that I would prefer to watch the footy (soccer) or be with my friends more than her which was what was actually happening but not what I wanted to do because I thought I needed more time to do my work and wanted to make it as easy as possible for both of us.

 

Eventually after just over 13 months of being together I plucked up the courage to finish it. When explaining why I used the excuse that the things she moaned to me about me not putting the effort in and not showing my feelings was the person I am as I can sometimes by quite quiet even though the real reason was because I thought I wanted to do my work to get more money and this was why i wasn't putting the effort in or showing my feelings. This was the hardest thing I have ever done and felt continually awful after. She shed she was gutted and would miss me but she seemed to take it well because of how i'd been for the last 6 months or so.

 

I didn't speak to her for 3 days (durning this time I has started to feel worse about my decision) and then she sent me a text message just chatting and seeing how i was. i told her I was ok and she said similar. At the end of the text messaging conversation she said she really enjoyed speaking to me and missed me. At this point I realised I had made a big mistake and also realised I hadn't felt like this about anyone before. I had just been very selfish and and idiot since thinking I wanted more money. I now know more than I did before that money CONNOT make you happy as I have saved some money up by not taking her out etc but now I don't even want it!! Someone could steal all my money but it woundn't bother me because I havn't got her.

 

We didn't speak again till another 2-3 days and this time it was me who phoned her up. We talked general stuff for ages and nothing about us and at the end of the phoned call we both said we enoy taking to each other and missed each other. Talking to each other for long periods on the phoned every couple of days continued for about a week. While she was out drinking one night she text me saying she missed me and wanted me back. When we next spoke I asked If she wanted to go out somewhere with me and she said yes. A day before we were due to go out while texting each other she said when we go out it isn't going to be a date. i said ok but why do you say that but she avoided saying why.

 

We went out and after I text her saying I had loved being with her and missed her alot. She replied with the the same feelings so I asked if she wanted to get back together. She replied saying she wasn't sure what to do. I explained to her the real reasons why I had held myself back for about the last 6 months and had not shown my true feeling to her. She still said she didn't know what to do so I said ok think about it and let me know.

 

We still spoke about general stuff everyday and 2-3 days later I asked her if she had thought about it or if she wanted to speak to me about it. She was still unsure but after speaking to her friend, I phoned her back and she said the answer was 'no' because she didn't believe I would start to put my effort back in and start to show her my feelings and that she didn't want to take a chance of being in the same boat and having to go through breaking up again. She said her friend had said she was better off on her own. She also said that by being like I had when holding back it had pushed her away but this was what I was sort of trying to do to make it easier for us both because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her.

 

I tried desperatly for afew days to try and show her I wanted to give her all my effort (I sent her a card from an internet site explaining how I felt about her and that i'd been confused) and show my true feelings and that I had been stupid but it was all in vain and I realised I was just making it worse. I bumped into her at work afew days later and she said 'Hi, how you doing?' and I replied 'not very well' and asked where she was going. After that I panicked and just walked off. Later that night I tried to ring her but she wouldn't answer so I sent her a text message saying 'please can I ring you so I can explain why I walked off?' She replied 'I understand, I think we shouldn't talk for abit to make it easier.'

 

I spoke to her friend and explained how I felt about her and she said that at the start she kept saying she really enjoyed being with me and the last 6 months she was always moaning about me but this was just because I was holding back. Her friend seemed to believe what I was saying but would just say 'if its ment to be she will come back.' But I think taht 'something might be ment to be but you still have to go and get it!' I've make a huge mistake and want to give her all my effort like I did at the start. I also think it would be better because now I know I love her where at the start I didn't.

 

Afew days after i had bumped into her at work I got given a job to fix a computer in the depatment where she worked and knew that she was the person having a problem with one of the PC's. I went over and when I passed her I just said hello and she replied the same. I couldn't see the fault so I got her over and got her to show me the fault and while she was I just chatted to her like we would normally and she seemed to be abit shocked at how I seemed ok.

 

I havn't seen or spoken to her since then which is about 4 days ago. Apart from when I was drinking at the weekend and I sent her a text saying 'I'm an idiot, sorry.' I didn't know I had text her till the morning after but she hadn't replied to it. I've made a huge mistake and I know if she lets me prove myself I can make her really happy by just being myself and not holding back this time which is what I want to do. I don't want more money if I can't share it with her!! I don't know what to do next and I am scared of pushin her away all together.

 

Please advise me of how I can make her realise I'm serious about her and all I want to do is give her all my effort and show her how I really feel about her now I realise i've been stupid for that last 6-7 months? I won't be holding back if she gives me another chance!!

[Surfer Dude]

The balance of power has shifted. She knows she can have you and has become disinterested in you. Perhaps she's even punishing you for your actions. Remember that the only thing women like more than affection and sex is power.

 

This might seem counter intuitive, but the less you beg, plead and act needy, the better your chances are.

 

Ask her to hang out with you in a non needy, non supplicating way... and then construct a scenario (structure opportunities) for her to allow herself into your life once again. Make it look like she did all the work by herself.

 

You seem like a nice guy who got things wrong and is genuinely sorry for it. Most women aren't really forgiving when it comes to these things, but best of luck to you.

 

This might be a lost cause though, so perhaps the best thing to do would be meeting new women and trying to move on.

[plane addicted]

Have you told her,

I know I hurt you

I will never do it again

I LOVE YOU

?

 

If not, do that. Tell her you will be there for her if she decides to come back. Then leave her alone.

[Dan0]

"Ask her to hang out with you in a non needy, non supplicating way... and then construct a scenario (structure opportunities) for her to allow herself into your life once again. Make it look like she did all the work by herself."

 

Could you suggest how to do this? Im not the best with women so sometimes struggle to come up with ideas of how to do things like this.

 

"You seem like a nice guy who got things wrong and is genuinely sorry for it. Most women aren't really forgiving when it comes to these things, but best of luck to you."

 

Yes I got things horribly wrong and I am genuinely sorry for it. I only need half a chance to show her but I don't know how to go about it to get that chance.

 

Thanks for your help mate.

[Dan0]

Plane Addicted,

I have tried to explain to her wot I put at the top of the page but she says she doesn't believe me and won't chance it to find out. Do you think I should be as direct as just saying "I know I hurt you, I will never do it again, I LOVE YOU"?

[flash582]

Go ahead and tell her .... then don't call and don't text her.

 

Wait for her to digest all this and make a decision.

[Dan0]

Flash582,

This is what I want to do. Do u think I should try going to her house or trying on the phone?

[plane addicted]

Um, it's hard to say. It depends on the girl really. I am one so I should know but we're all different.

 

You can set up a time to meet somewhere nice and with some privacy. Keep it light, feel out her mood. It should be easier to tell how she is feeling just by listening to her and being alone, so just strike up casual conversation, buy her a martini or something. Then you can tell her those things directly and with conviction. Then she may express that she is not interested in which case do not argue for your case at all just say, "ok, I understand" and then finish your date on a light note and leave her be.

 

On a personal opinion, after treating me like that for 6 months (even though the other 6 were good) and then breaking up with me, you'd have to show up with a ring in a box.

[flash582]

 

On a personal opinion, after treating me like that for 6 months (even though the other 6 were good) and then breaking up with me, you'd have to show up with a ring in a box.

 

And then, if it were me, I'd shove that box right up your .... well, you know....

 

You have a huge hill to climb ... you have to regain her trust and that's a tough thing to get back.

[plane addicted]

And if you do get her back, well aside from actually playing on a team and having to show up, no footie for you, no mates, no pubs, nothing you can't include her in...for a long time.

[Surfer Dude]

 

On a personal opinion, after treating me like that for 6 months (even though the other 6 were good) and then breaking up with me, you'd have to show up with a ring in a box.

 

DO NOT DO THIS, EVER.

 

Supplicating will only push her away further. Women aren't attracted to men who give away their power. Well they are for a short while (that turns around later), but it won't work in this instance. They want to be seduced, PUSHED INTO INTIMACY, feel intense connections with quality men who have more social value / power than themselves.

 

Handing her your balls on a plate will definitely not work. While I rarely volunteer such insights, I understand how you feel and I will teach you the most powerful tool when it comes to getting women. This can work solely because she is willing to speak to you and listen to you.

 

Here's what you need to do.Call her, be calm and cool, speak with deep seductive tonality and say:

 

YOU: Hey [name], how are you? Listen, have you heard about that new restaurant that opened in XYZ place?

HER: Umm yeah.......

YOU: I heard the food there is so delicious, my friend said it totally stimulates your taste buds and makes you experience INTENSE PLEASURE that WORKS IT'S WAY THROUGH YOUR BODY... can you remember the MOST PLEASURABLE thing you've ever experienced? Can you vividly remember it RIGHT NOW, as I'm telling you this? Well, the food in that restaurants tops it.

I can't wait to try out something SO NEW AND EXCITING. WITH ME, you can experience it as well. Wanna join me? Everything's better when there's two people."

 

The whole point of this is eliciting states that she remembers as very pleasurable, and associating them with yourself.

 

When/if she accepts and you meet up, demonstrate value by being in control, being sensual and seductive BUT COOL.

 

YOU: Isn't it TOTALLY GREAT that YOU and ME could meet up to eat this TOGETHER? Often, food seems boring and old, as if it can't bring any new culinary pleasures (you're alluding to your relationship). But isn't it amazing that if WE take time to DEEPLY ENJOY it, WE RE EXPERIENCE IT as if it were something completely NEW, EXCITING, BETTER THAN EVER BEFORE.

 

YOU: My friend Johan from Germany told me how his girlfriend and him got together after a big misunderstanding. They sepearated for a few days, but then they realized how much THEIR CONNECTION meant to them, that it was SPECIAL, UNIQUE, IRREPLACEABLE. Can you imagine that RIGHT NOW? Have you ever felt that with anyone? Yes/no? Ok, allow MY VOICE to paint that image in your mental space. ALLOW MY VOICE TO COME FROM THAT SPACE, feel the OPENING for my voice, as it is PENETRATING your thoughts and WARMTH is SPREADING throughout YOUR BODY... how did it ever feel to have that bond and connection? NOW, I can see you're feeling it, it feels good doesn't it?

 

HER: God... yes!

 

YOU: Ok, and when YOU were with that SPECIAL PERSON, you could really feel the TOTAL PERFECTION, right? As I AM telling you this, I'm sure you can feel the COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING, SERENITY AND ENDLESS PASSION you felt in that situation. YOU FELT IT WITH THE KIND OF PERSON YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO FEEL IT WITH. (point at yourself).

 

Push for you to relocate to your place, where you have some wine and a good romantic DVD ready (remember that romance is women's porn). Lay her there and then and she will love you for it.

 

Now, let me explain what the point is about these seemingly nonsense sentences. It's called NLP. People's brains are hardwired to recognize and connect patterns in information they process. Basically, you are invoking her emotional states, because people invariably experience and relive the mental images and words their brains are processing. Now she is associating those intense feelings with you, because you are eliciting them.

 

She is hearing your words, but her brain is processing and is focused only on words like:

INTENSE PLEASURE, WORKS IT'S WAY THROUGH YOUR BODY, MOST PLEASURABLE, RIGHT NOW, SO NEW AND EXCITING, WITH ME, TOTALLY GREAT, YOU, ME, TOGETHER, DEEPLY ENJOY, MY VOICE...

 

Just look at one sentence and tell me it's keywords don't completely allude to intimacy: OPENING, PENETRATING, SPREADING, YOUR BODY, NOW.

 

The next sentece: SPECIAL PERSON, TOTAL PERFECTION, UNDERSTANDING, SERENITY, PASSION.

 

You see the pattern here?

 

You could read auto care manual and it wouldn't matter as long as you sound sensual, deep and in touch with her emotions, using these patterns.

 

I know it seems shady, but this is the most valuable tool when it comes to seduction. Besides, you're using it for good purposes, so there's no harm

[silverfish]

Thats the most ridiculous thing I've heard. Actually its hilarious and cheered me up endlessly. My ex said he'd take me out for dinner on Friday and pulled a few moves on me. It's pretty easy to see when someone just wants to get back for sex and she'd see through that straight away if she's got half a brain cell. You might as well say just get her drunk, or how about...I know...hyponotise her!!!

The time for this BS is during the relationship not AFTER YOU DUMP SOMEONE.

Sorry for shouting but it's actually very funny. Well done man...made me smile for the 1st time in days:laugh:

[Flying Burrito]

DO NOT DO THIS, EVER.

 

Supplicating will only push her away further. Women aren't attracted to men who give away their power. Well they are for a short while (that turns around later), but it won't work in this instance. They want to be seduced, PUSHED INTO INTIMACY, feel intense connections with quality men who have more social value / power than themselves.

 

Handing her your balls on a plate will definitely not work. While I rarely volunteer such insights, I understand how you feel and I will teach you the most powerful tool when it comes to getting women. This can work solely because she is willing to speak to you and listen to you.

 

Here's what you need to do.Call her, be calm and cool, speak with deep seductive tonality and say:

 

YOU: Hey [name], how are you? Listen, have you heard about that new restaurant that opened in XYZ place?

HER: Umm yeah.......

YOU: I heard the food there is so delicious, my friend said it totally stimulates your taste buds and makes you experience INTENSE PLEASURE that WORKS IT'S WAY THROUGH YOUR BODY... can you remember the MOST PLEASURABLE thing you've ever experienced? Can you vividly remember it RIGHT NOW, as I'm telling you this? Well, the food in that restaurants tops it.

I can't wait to try out something SO NEW AND EXCITING. WITH ME, you can experience it as well. Wanna join me? Everything's better when there's two people."

 

The whole point of this is eliciting states that she remembers as very pleasurable, and associating them with yourself.

 

When/if she accepts and you meet up, demonstrate value by being in control, being sensual and seductive BUT COOL.

 

YOU: Isn't it TOTALLY GREAT that YOU and ME could meet up to eat this TOGETHER? Often, food seems boring and old, as if it can't bring any new culinary pleasures (you're alluding to your relationship). But isn't it amazing that if WE take time to DEEPLY ENJOY it, WE RE EXPERIENCE IT as if it were something completely NEW, EXCITING, BETTER THAN EVER BEFORE.

 

YOU: My friend Johan from Germany told me how his girlfriend and him got together after a big misunderstanding. They sepearated for a few days, but then they realized how much THEIR CONNECTION meant to them, that it was SPECIAL, UNIQUE, IRREPLACEABLE. Can you imagine that RIGHT NOW? Have you ever felt that with anyone? Yes/no? Ok, allow MY VOICE to paint that image in your mental space. ALLOW MY VOICE TO COME FROM THAT SPACE, feel the OPENING for my voice, as it is PENETRATING your thoughts and WARMTH is SPREADING throughout YOUR BODY... how did it ever feel to have that bond and connection? NOW, I can see you're feeling it, it feels good doesn't it?

 

HER: God... yes!

 

YOU: Ok, and when YOU were with that SPECIAL PERSON, you could really feel the TOTAL PERFECTION, right? As I AM telling you this, I'm sure you can feel the COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING, SERENITY AND ENDLESS PASSION you felt in that situation. YOU FELT IT WITH THE KIND OF PERSON YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO FEEL IT WITH. (point at yourself).

 

Push for you to relocate to your place, where you have some wine and a good romantic DVD ready (remember that romance is women's porn). Lay her there and then and she will love you for it.

 

Now, let me explain what the point is about these seemingly nonsense sentences. It's called NLP. People's brains are hardwired to recognize and connect patterns in information they process. Basically, you are invoking her emotional states, because people invariably experience and relive the mental images and words their brains are processing. Now she is associating those intense feelings with you, because you are eliciting them.

 

She is hearing your words, but her brain is processing and is focused only on words like:

INTENSE PLEASURE, WORKS IT'S WAY THROUGH YOUR BODY, MOST PLEASURABLE, RIGHT NOW, SO NEW AND EXCITING, WITH ME, TOTALLY GREAT, YOU, ME, TOGETHER, DEEPLY ENJOY, MY VOICE...

 

Just look at one sentence and tell me it's keywords don't completely allude to intimacy: OPENING, PENETRATING, SPREADING, YOUR BODY, NOW.

 

The next sentece: SPECIAL PERSON, TOTAL PERFECTION, UNDERSTANDING, SERENITY, PASSION.

 

You see the pattern here?

 

You could read auto care manual and it wouldn't matter as long as you sound sensual, deep and in touch with her emotions, using these patterns.

 

I know it seems shady, but this is the most valuable tool when it comes to seduction. Besides, you're using it for good purposes, so there's no harm

Dude, you have no clue what natural language processing is.

 

All that was sarcasm right? If I pulled that lame, manipulative 70s psycho-babble seduction sh*t you're advocating on my ex, a second chance would never come my way.

 

If I would ever want to see Amy again, I fully expect handing over my balls is exactly the way to go. For Amy that would mean showing major remorse plus submission, definitely.

[Surfer Dude]

Dude, you have no clue what natural language processing is.

 

All that was sarcasm right? If I pulled that lame, manipulative 70s psycho-babble seduction sh*t you're advocating on my ex, a second chance would never come my way.

 

If I would ever want to see Amy again, I fully expect handing over my balls is exactly the way to go. For Amy that would mean showing major remorse plus submission, definitely.

 

Think what you will dude. This thing yields results in skilled hands. From your comment I can see you don't have much experience with these things, so I can't consider it credible. Why? Here goes:

 

 

• I wasn't talking about Natural Language Processing. I know what is because computer science is my field of expertise. I was talking about Neuro Linguistic Programming, which has absolutely nothing to do with computer science, or anything related. It's pure psychology. You have absolutely no clue about what I was explaining. You have lost your crediblity.
  

 

• Amy this, Amy that.... you're obviously infatuated by some chick who holds major power over you and you can't see things clearly.
  

 

• What happens when men submit and hand over their balls, is 50% divorce rate and infidelity/divorce forum full of heartbroken men. You need to learn a lot about women bro.
  

 

As for ladies who will trash my post, well that is to be expected. I wouldn't expect anything less.

 

Now, this is not a thread on NLP, let's all please stop jacking this thread with petty arguments, and let's allow our OP to have his thread.

 

Well done man...made me smile for the 1st time in days:laugh:

 

I'm glad I made someone laugh, this place needs a major change of atmosphere

[Flying Burrito]

Think what you will dude. This thing yields results in skilled hands. From your comment I can see you don't have much experience with these things, so I can't consider it credible. Why? Here goes:

 

 

• I wasn't talking about Natural Language Processing. I know what is because computer science is my field of expertise. I was talking about Neuro Linguistic Programming, which has absolutely nothing to do with computer science, or anything related. It's pure psychology. You have absolutely no clue about what I was explaining. You have lost your crediblity.
  

 

• Amy this, Amy that.... you're obviously infatuated by some chick who holds major power over you and you can't see things clearly.
  

 

• What happens when men submit and hand over their balls, is 50% divorce rate and infidelity/divorce forum full of heartbroken men. You need to learn a lot about women bro.
  

 

As for ladies who will trash my post, well that is to be expected. I wouldn't expect anything less.

 

Now, this is not a thread on NLP, let's all please stop jacking this thread with petty arguments, and let's allow our OP to have his thread.

Encouraging use of these bogus tactics and lines is no way to help him dig his way out.

 

You say I have a lot to learn about women then in the next line, you insult ALL of them. Pretty smooth. You must have learned women really like to be demeaned like that from your Neuro Linguistic Programming for Dummies book.

[Surfer Dude]

Encouraging use of these bogus tactics and lines is no way to help him dig his way out.

 

You say I have a lot to learn about women then in the next line, you insult ALL of them. Pretty smooth. You must have learned women really like to be demeaned like that from your Neuro Linguistic Programming for Dummies book.

 

He can listen to me... and it will create attraction in the air. Women like confident sexy guys who can push their buttons. How do you think guys who are really good with women actually get women? By buying rings and begging for sex? No, they do it by pushing their emotional states.

 

Or he can listen to you, beg, plead and supplicate... which will lead to a totally different result.

Go to second chances forum or coping forum, and ask there if anyone ever managed to get anyone back by begging... no, all they got was their ex to resent them even more. Women don't like whipped guys.

 

Either way, he has a choice. Let the man pick whatever he thinks will work for him and let's see the results. No need for any hostility here, we're all here to help, in one way or another. Let's not make it a discussion on whether it will work or not, just let the man do what he can.

 

By the way, this is pure science and psychology. Empirical evidence exists that supports it, ask any psychology major or shrink. Keeping an open mind about things helps, you know? Centuries ago, people used to think Earth was flat. That didn't change the fact that it really wasn't flat.

[silverfish]

No offence surfer but that stuff might work on your side of the pond, it's unlikely to go down too well in Bolton. I think they still hang people for not scrubbing there doorsteps there you know

 

You are better off just saying to her what the title of your post says in other words 'I was stupid and I want you back'. The last thing she wants is mind games.

 

If you say it often enough and she's receptive to it then it might work. I know it would work on me right now...........

[Flying Burrito]

He can listen to me... and it will create attraction in the air. Women like confident sexy guys who can push their buttons. How do you think guys who are really good with women actually get women? By buying rings and begging for sex? No, they do it by pushing their emotional states.

 

Or he can listen to you, beg, plead and supplicate... which will lead to a totally different result.

Go to second chances forum or coping forum, and ask there if anyone ever managed to get anyone back by begging... no, all they got was their ex to resent them even more. Women don't like whipped guys.

 

Either way, he has a choice. Let the man pick whatever he thinks will work for him and let's see the results. No need for any hostility here, we're all here to help, in one way or another. Let's not make it a discussion on whether it will work or not, just let the man do what he can.

Dude, you're ridiculous. Seriously, it's not even funny.

 

Who said anything about begging or pleading? Showing remorse is neither of those. The man f*cked up. Instead of supporting him manning up for real, showing his girl that he's sorry... Your answer is to have him feed his girl some old, tired sh*t, telling him to lure her to his flat so he can lay her then and there? Are you listening to yourself?

 

You lump women together like a mindless mass of clay waiting to be manipulated by your "expertise". Its lame.

 

Yes, my ex, AMY, would laugh her ass off at your philosophy: romance is women's porn. I have a fairly good idea that what you think is romantic would make my ex laugh til she puked.

 

Slick words, dated manipulations -- these are no substitute for sincerity. If you're going to give a guy advice when he's in a bad way, I think you have to get responsible about it. So I'm going to argue against your crap method.

 

Yeah. That sh*it isn't remotely scientific. Dan can look it up for himself. Anyone can. Pure bullsh*t.

[Flying Burrito]

No offence surfer but that stuff might work on your side of the pond, it's unlikely to go down too well in Bolton. I think they still hang people for not scrubbing there doorsteps there you know

 

You are better off just saying to her what the title of your post says in other words 'I was stupid and I want you back'. The last thing she wants is mind games.

 

If you say it often enough and she's receptive to it then it might work. I know it would work on me right now...........

Silverfish, it wouldn't wash on this side of the drink either.

 

I think "I was an idiot, I'm sorry and I'm going to prove it to you" would get a guy's foot in the door at least.

 

Damn. If I wind up in this sit, I'll forgo the ring. Instead, I'll bring a genuine bull whip with me and offer that on bended knee.

[Surfer Dude]

No offence surfer but that stuff might work on your side of the pond, it's unlikely to go down too well in Bolton.

 

It has nothing to do with pond or physical location. People are people, no matter where you go.

 

If you say it often enough and she's receptive to it then it might work. I know it would work on me right now...........

It would work on you because you are in the state that would allow it to work on you. You want your ex back I assume, so any sincere apology would do wonders wouldn't it? OP already tried that, and it didn't work. She needs persuasion, obviously.

 

I'm not saying he should act like a dick and insult her, but some emotional persuasion is necessary. He's a great guy and he can provide her with all the things I mentioned, but if he doesn't know how to convey that, if he can't show his qualities and ability to create attraction between them, it's no good.

 

I know tons of great guys who constantly get "Awww, you're such a nice guy, but let's just be friends" from women, because they don't know how to present themselves and convey their qualities.

 

Personally, if a girl ever did something like this to me, I'd rather see affection and sweet words, than some fake meaningless "I'm sorry". Actions and emotions convey meaning far better than some half assed apologies.

 

Dude, you're ridiculous. Seriously, it's not even funny.

 

Who said anything about begging or pleading? Showing remorse is neither of those. The man f*cked up. Instead of supporting him manning up for real, showing his girl that he's sorry... Your answer is to have him feed his girl some old, tired sh*t, telling him to lure her to his flat so he can lay her then and there? Are you listening to yourself?

 

You're taking yourself too seriously. Dating should be fun, not a chore. It's not about luring and manipulating his gf, it's about creating attraction. Once you've bedded enough women, you'll understand that SEX is one of the best way to establish incredible intimacy and connection between people. Words of apology are more often than not empty and meaningless. I see people saying they're sorry every day and they keep repeating their disrespectful patterns.

 

He can really show how sorry he is by attracting his gf once again and giving her the sex of her life. She will love him for it, at least more than she would love him to plead. Saying "I'm sorry" is a nice gesture, and it'd actually be beneficial if he did it in the meantime, but by no means should he beg and supplicate.

 

You lump women together like a mindless mass of clay waiting to be manipulated by your "expertise". Its lame.

Oh no, you got me there. I'm so lame and pathetic.

 

Yes, my ex, AMY, would laugh her ass off at your philosophy: romance is women's porn. I have a fairly good idea that what you think is romantic would make my ex laugh til she puked.

You keep mentioning you ex a lot, as if she is the filter through which you see the world and pass judgments and observations. Amy would do this, Amy would do that..... what does it matter what one chick would do? One woman's viewpoint is not an indication of anything. You're projecting and filtering your universe through her. Don't take it as an insult but rather as a beneficial advice: go lay ten women and get some experience.

 

Slick words, dated manipulations -- these are no substitute for sincerity. If you're going to give a guy advice when he's in a bad way, I think you have to get responsible about it. So I'm going to argue against your crap method.

Fair enough. Argue against it if you will. Eventually he will decide what's best for him.

 

Yeah. That sh*it isn't remotely scientific. Dan can look it up for himself. Anyone can. Pure bullsh*t.

Bullsh*t, crap, sh*t... you sound highly judgmental of new insights and knowledges that you don't yet understand. That reminds me of my friend, he's the greatest guy, but he is so unwilling to learn, he always gets friendzoned by women and then puts people down. hahaha

 

You sound very inexperienced so I won't take your lack of insight against you. We've all been through that. It's ok, learning and growing is a process.

 

Well, I'm gonna eject from here for now. We'll see what the OP will eventually decide.

[flash582]

NLP didn't work in the 80's, didn't work in the 90's, and I seriously doubt that it works now either. The confidence part does work, however that's not what's going on here.

 

I read all the NLP stuff years ago ... it was bulls_it then too. Humor is about 10,000% more effective and a hell of a lot easier to use.

 

I hope you have good luck with it Surfer ..... and I hope you didn't spend too much cash on the program.

 

The dude screwed up .... he gonna have to eat a little crow to get back into her good graces, but that doesn't mean that he should whine and cry and act like a two year old.

 

He has to come from a position of confidence, but that does NOT mean he should try to be an Ahole about it and expect her to fall into his arms because he's all that either. He can be confident and a man about saying he was wrong too, without handing her his man bits.

 

If she doesn't want to try again ... then he'll be out of there, but at least he tried.

 

Admitting he was wrong does not necessarily mean groveling.

[Surfer Dude]

I hope you have good luck with it Surfer ..... and I hope you didn't spend too much cash on the program.

 

Not a dime.

 

He has to come from a position of confidence, but that does NOT mean he should try to be an Ahole about it and expect her to fall into his arms because he's all that either. He can be confident and a man about saying he was wrong too, without handing her his man bits.

And what better way to do this than to create attraction? The only way to retain his balls AND still convey apology is for her to be attracted to him and hold him in high regard. Some speech patterns are great for achieving this.

 

Just because you don't know how to use NLP, don't say it's bullshx. Skilled people can make others forget stuff or greatly change their emotional states with this. It can be used in a variety of ways, and seduction is just one of them.

 

Have you ever seen a skilled guy with no NLP training seduce a woman? What was it that he was doing so good? Among other physical things, he was probably bantering a lot, using tons of humor and sexual innuendos. People respond to those just as well as to NLP, because they're two sides od the same coin.

 

Oh well.... stupidity, proneness to judgment and unwillingness to keep an open mind will never cease to amaze me.

[Flying Burrito]

Dude, for someone throwing out words like judgmental and lacking credibility, you're doing a pretty good job of modeling them. Add to that assuming plus failing to read thoroughly.

 

Mnnn yup. I'm filtering with my what would I do in this guy's shoes filter. I think it's that new thing called empathy.

 

I could possibly get to that place where I'm doing a WTF was I thinking dumping Amy. Unlikely, but is still possible. So I am thinking, if I wanted to prove it, sex wouldn't get me there. The sex was fantastic. We could f*ck some more sure, but it would only convince her the sex is still good. I doubt she would say all the orgasms were proof of love. Would anyone?

 

Humor would definitely go a long way. I'm definitely investing in a bull whip before I make a move to try again. Maybe dog collar/leash kit too. I'd wear them proudly if it would make my ex reconsider. I'm a fan of showing I care in ways that are more creative than getting laid.

[boldjack]

Silver, I've got a novel suggestion, Try treating her like an adult, rational. caring, human being. No "smoke and mirrors", no "balls on a plate" and no games or lies. Treat her just like you would want her to treat you. Ask her to talk, tell her your sorry for f**king things up, that you love her and are willing to PROVE it, and that you realize she will need time to figure out what she wants, then say..... see ya .....and LEAVE HER ALONE. If she want to come back, she will. If not , you gave it your best shot.

[monkeymaid]

hello, i just read this thread, and must offer up my recent experiences as it applys to all of the posts here. ... right after my break up, i acted too cool and confident, blah blah blah, and it definately got the reaction i was looking for. that mixed with the fact that i am really sorry and we were going to just hang out and see what happened helped things. we had mind blowing sex and she was hooked. ...not to say that any manipulation was needed, but the fantastic adventurous sex mixed with my confidence and the mini emotional rollercoaster i put her on increased the probability of getting my ex back. fast forward a month, seh asked me abou tthe relationship, and instead of being confident and not really mentioning it as it was definately too soon, i told her my feelings, and told her the whole truth. needless to say, that she got way emotional, and rejected me on the spot because it brought back the great memories of our relationship followed by me ending it, so she decided she couldnt trust me with her heart anymore, and now we are in no contact because she wants it that way. ...i say go with surfer dude on this one, its a fine line you have to walk and you must be 100% sure of yourself the whole time you are walking it becasue 1 slip up and your toast. confident and funny for sure! ...good luck