"bestfriend" is lying to me

[blind_otter]

Bingo! I mean she showed you her true colors early on, right?

 

Yes, she did. But I am a benefit of the doubt kind of girl. I think, well I used to be a person with little to no character, I changed drastically and became a much better person - why can't everyone? I minimize how difficult my road to change is and has been, in my mind. Maybe because if I thought about how hard it was to change, I wouldn't be always striving to do so.

 

I would try to cultivate some new friendships..what about the mom groups? Are they all bad? (Look who's talking...I never related to those moms either!)

 

There was one mom I really connected with....then she left her alcoholic husband and moved to another town to live with her mother. So we email randomly, but that's about it. Our babies were born on the same day, too. They loved each other. My son used to offer this little girl his thumb to suck - and she would. They would sit there companionably.

 

It's funny because my neighbor is very obviously interested in more of a friendship with me than we now have. I just don't want to get too close since we live right next door. Also she has 3 small children (and one teen) and we can rarely get together without them (well, never really) and they destroy my house and make me crazy after awhile.

 

Haha, there is a neighbor woman who lives about 3 houses down from me who wants to be friends. She has knocked on my door a few times and we've had a few short conversations at the grocery store, and traded citrus fruits from our respective trees.

 

But I also happen to know about how she used to live right across the street from me with her husband, and "3 houses down" guy had a wife. Then the wife from 3 houses down left, and the guy across the street moved out, and this woman moved into the house 3 houses down from me. Oh, the dramz. I don't want any part of that.

 

Ugh...it's tough. You know they say if you can count on ONE hand your really close friends in a life time, consider yourself lucky. And what some people call really close friends are just acquaintances in my book. So there again we get back to standards.

 

Is it really mean of me to hold infidelity against this woman from 3 houses down nee across the street? Standards....

[Touche]

Yes, she did. But I am a benefit of the doubt kind of girl. I think, well I used to be a person with little to no character, I changed drastically and became a much better person - why can't everyone? I minimize how difficult my road to change is and has been, in my mind. Maybe because if I thought about how hard it was to change, I wouldn't be always striving to do so.

 

Interesting. And yeah...what you've done with your life is nothing short of admirable...and rare. Almost no one changes to such a degree so don't expect it.

 

 

There was one mom I really connected with....then she left her alcoholic husband and moved to another town to live with her mother. So we email randomly, but that's about it. Our babies were born on the same day, too. They loved each other. My son used to offer this little girl his thumb to suck - and she would. They would sit there companionably.

 

That's one of the cutest stories I've ever heard! Very cute.

 

 

 

Haha, there is a neighbor woman who lives about 3 houses down from me who wants to be friends. She has knocked on my door a few times and we've had a few short conversations at the grocery store, and traded citrus fruits from our respective trees.

 

But I also happen to know about how she used to live right across the street from me with her husband, and "3 houses down" guy had a wife. Then the wife from 3 houses down left, and the guy across the street moved out, and this woman moved into the house 3 houses down from me. Oh, the dramz. I don't want any part of that.

 

 

 

Is it really mean of me to hold infidelity against this woman from 3 houses down nee across the street? Standards....

 

Well there's more drama revolving the woman next door that I didn't get into. Her b/f gets physical when he drinks and she's come running to me when it's happened. I've offered a shoulder for her but the thing is that the last time, she wanted legal advice (from H) as well and he just doesn't want to get involved. I mean we have to live next to the guy too so it's awkward. She moved out once before and it's his house so it's unlikely he's ever going anywhere. ugh...sorry, I went off on a tangent.

 

And no. It's not mean of you at all. Girlfriends should be no different than mates in certain ways. We want to surround ourselves with people who have the same values as we do....sense of humor and intelligence are important to me too. It's really not very different than finding a SO you know? You have to be able to respect the person you're friends with.

[blind_otter]

Touche, you are very lucky that you H is your best friend. I don't have that, so it's really easy to feel alone when things like this happen to me.

[Touche]

Touche, you are very lucky that you H is your best friend. I don't have that, so it's really easy to feel alone when things like this happen to me.

 

Awww, hugs BO. Now that's just something else you'll have to eventually address. That should not be the case. I don't know what to say. That really is a separate issue, isn't it?

 

And yes, I'm lucky but it's not all "luck." It's a matter of holding out for the best. It's about standards and expectations again.

 

Why don't you feel like your guy is your best friend? Can you talk about things like friends do? Do you think you play some part in why you can't (if you can't?) I mean something drew you guys together.

 

I'm only asking for you to ask yourself these questions. You don't have to answer them here.

 

And I hear you...because if I didn't consider my H my best friend my "girlfriend-less" state would bother me a whole lot more than it does.

[blind_otter]

Something did draw us together, but his continual slip ups and binges on alcohol, and his behavior associated with that stuff - the way he gets mean right before he drinks, as if to have an excuse to drink....the way he disappears and won't answer his phone or have basic respect for me when he's drunk....has created a vast chasm between us.

 

He doesn't see it, and still considers me to be his best friend, and is offended and pissed off when I communicate that I don't feel close to him anymore. So the distances widens. I think, sometimes, I can see the end barreling towards me. The end of this relationship with my alcoholic S/O, that is. I am both looking forward to it, and dreading it.

[Touche]

I thought he was doing much better in that department. That stinks. It really does. Maybe he's just going to have to lose everything before he turns himself around. Maybe there's still a chance for you two down the line.

 

In the meantime, he's in your life forever now.

 

Maybe right now, you'll have to be your own best friend, BO.

 

Of course you have your LS buddies too you know.

 

I don't know what else to say other than just be good to yourself and your son and just hang in there. Things do have a way of working themselves out one way or the other if we keep our wits about ourselves.

[Porn_Guy]

I don't know what else to say other than just be good to yourself and your son and just hang in there. Things do have a way of working themselves out one way or the other if we keep our wits about ourselves.

indeed....

[Touche]

Just throwing this out there...do you think your standards when it comes to girlfriends and your standards when it comes to SO's or b/f's are the same?

[Sassy]

I have betrayed by a friend as well!! I have a childhood friend that I really trust and know she will never betray me .. I guess you just have to be careful now adays who you get as friends !! The friend that betrayed me we was friends for along time . I guess you try to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I have to say I am very loyal friend ,once you betray me I am done with you !! I know that sounds harse but it is true. I had an incident that happen a few yrs ago . I miscarried and was really needing some assurance from a friend and got belittled the whole time I was pregnant, negative vibes and then when i miscarried was even more!!

 

I decided this person wasn't my friend after the miscarriage and how I was treated !! I was told alot of negative things after the fact and decided to never talk with this person again. I am glad I let that friend go .. They was negative and really unhappy with their situation and wanted to bring me down . I am glad to this day that I haven't talked with this person . I need positive people in my life !! Sometimes we have to let go and move on .. Good luck if you want to talk I am here !!

[2sunny]

the betrayal sucks.

 

you are right though, the friend and your SO are showing the same behavior.

 

their actions are telling you that they aren't willing to respect you. you deserve more for yourself than this.

 

for me, this is where peace of mind becomes critical... i would rather have my peace of mind being on my own than to be around people and wonder if they are stabbing me in the back.

 

it weeds out the bad seeds and allows me to reassess my boundary. once i stick with my boundary i no longer have room for bad behavior...

 

ta da - good friends and family are around more often - the ones that lift me up instead of dragging me down and taking all my energy away.

 

life is too short. make room for the good energy BO. you deserve it honey.

[Sassy]

the betrayal sucks.

 

you are right though, the friend and your SO are showing the same behavior.

 

their actions are telling you that they aren't willing to respect you. you deserve more for yourself than this.

 

for me, this is where peace of mind becomes critical... i would rather have my peace of mind being on my own than to be around people and wonder if they are stabbing me in the back.

 

it weeds out the bad seeds and allows me to reassess my boundary. once i stick with my boundary i no longer have room for bad behavior...

 

ta da - good friends and family are around more often - the ones that lift me up instead of dragging me down and taking all my energy away.

 

life is too short. make room for the good energy BO. you deserve it honey.

 

 

I agree with 2sunny !!