imemoi Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 there's this girl im good friends with (lets call her...jenny) but i want to ask her out. i have known her for a year now, but we have been good friends for about 8months. i don't know if she feels the same way. and i don't want it to be awkward between us if she turns me down. i always flirt with her and whatnot but i don't know if she thinks im just jking around as a friend or actually being serious. i asked my room mate (who is one of her best friends) and she said she doesn't know coz jenny doesn't talk bout her personal life with anyone. i also mentioned jenny to one of my buddies but told hiim not to say anything to her. so obviously, he got drunk one night and told her. lol so now she knows. i dont want to frack up our friendship but i really want to date this girl. so what should i do? ask her out or just stay friends? the above was written 2 weeks ago... last night... okay so i met her at a bbq we were having last night. so i got to the place a bit late so most ppl were already there. she sees me and ran up and gives me a hug and says where have i been..its been so long since we met..blah blah. she asks if i met any "hot girls". i always joke and say "oh soo many, i dont know where to start". she shouldnt be this interested in girls i may like right? as the night goes on (lasted from 7-1), we talked for a good 2hrs one on one. anyways, so i asked her if she wants to go for dinner n drinks with me on friday and she says yes. now, did she understand that in the way it was intended?? i meant it as a date...shes not thinkin that we're just two friends going for dinner does she? lol. frack. at one point in the convo..something about "if i were to interested in a girl, how would i approach/tell her?" came up and i was like well i would ask for dinner n drinks...lol. i mean thats pretty frackin clear right? i was watching for a reaction but all i got was a smile/smirk and look into my eyes. am i just really really stuck in the friend zone or is something else possible here? should i be treating this dinner thing as a proper date or just 2 friends having dinner? thanks for the input ppl! Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 For starters, I'd see what happens when you two go out for dinner and drinks. See how she reacts. Offer or actually pay for everything. Some girls have certain rules about going out and who pays and what that defines that outing as. I know a girl that if she pays her share then it's just going out as friends and if I (or the guy) pays then it's at least a semi-date if not an actual date. The problem lies in if she bounces back and forth, you never know if you just went on a real date, semi or fake date. Or if you go on 2 real dates, 4 semi dates, and 3 fake dates what does that add up to? See where it goes. You might think your intentions are clear but sometimes people walk around with blinders on when it comes to stuff like this. If you were to try to kiss her or tell her how you feel she could be completely surprised by it. She literally could have no idea even though you think it's crystal clear. It could be even harder if this girl is the type not to show her feelings really well. If even her best friend can't read her then that's a tough case for sure. The good news is she agreed to do stuff with you. Now you just have to figure out where you want her in your life. If you think she's worth the risk, I'd take first step in going after her as more than friends. If she does indeed know how you feel from your drunken friend and she might be waiting on you to make the first real move. The night out with her could be the start. Just take it step by step and see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imemoi Posted April 3, 2009 Author Share Posted April 3, 2009 well, that sucked. she doesn't feel the same way and sees me only as a good friend. i can't bare to be her friend and see her with someone else. so i guess the best thing would be to just avoid her as much as i can and stop being friends. **** i hate my life. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Been there done that, welcome to the club. It sucks, it's not fair but that's life. Try to figure out where you went wrong and make sure to not make the same mistakes with the next girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Charles1978 Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Sorry to hear that... I've been there myself. In my experience, in order to avoid this in the future, you have to make a move early... first week or two, or you'll be sent into the friend zone. At that point, it is almost impossible to escape, although I have done it. But regardless, women seem to categorize men very quickly... so make a move early from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
messiah Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 you have to stop being her mate, cause that is the only way your feelings for her will go away. Even if it hurts her, funny how when a guy doesnt wana be "just mates" with a girl they get very upset about it! im in the same situation as we speak. Ive told her I like her too much to just be her mate. She is really upset about it saying that my feelings will go away but they wont, so long as i keep being her mate I will always have false hope which is unhealthy. So im gona cut her off for now. Like everyone else has said, find a girl and ask her out straight away. Make your intentions clear. dont just "be mates" with her for months and months then decide that you like her and then ask her out. We have all made that mistake many times. or you can stay her mate and watch her be with some other douche bag! flag that! who knows, maybe when you stop being her mate she might realise what she missed out on. Link to post Share on other sites
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