pollywag Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Soserious, the very idea that you refuse to tell your loved ones what was truly the demise of your marriage is enough for me to see to what extent this man's abuse has held you accountable for his depraved ways. The first thing you need to do is STOP living his lie and carrying all this blame inside of you! By not telling anyone why you divorced this man you are giving him permission to keep kicking you while you are down, only YOU are doing the kicking this time. STOP THAT! Why would you internalize all that? You are your own worst enemy here, please see that and take note of that. And I agree with those who said you sound depressed, depressed people are the last ones to know it, do take note of that but I disagree that you should be feeling "better" by now, there is no time limit on pain after loss and it is usually directly associated to the amount of despair you experienced withing the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 As a keen oberver of people, I'm surprised that you're not catching my point. You're a well-spring of bitterness when it comes to life, love and happiness. You've given up, which has nothing to do with having a living will, which btw, I also have. I refuse to live like a plugged in ruttabaga, if something dire should happen. That's also not what sam is saying to you. sam appears to see what I see, that you need to address the hurt and pain inside of you. You need to address your depression. I've seen your attitude degenerate since last August, when you first started posting about your imminent divorce. Most people would have started to feel better but that's not what's happening to you. Address it soserious. No amount of sympathy from LS members or cozening of bitterness within you, will help. I'm not looking for "sympathy" from anyone. I'm not interested in therapy or in addressing anything. I'm very comfortable with my choices and find having "given up" to actually be liberating. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Soserious, the very idea that you refuse to tell your loved ones what was truly the demise of your marriage is enough for me to see to what extent this man's abuse has held you accountable for his depraved ways. The first thing you need to do is STOP living his lie and carrying all this blame inside of you! By not telling anyone why you divorced this man you are giving him permission to keep kicking you while you are down, only YOU are doing the kicking this time. STOP THAT! Why would you internalize all that? You are your own worst enemy here, please see that and take note of that. And I agree with those who said you sound depressed, depressed people are the last ones to know it, do take note of that but I disagree that you should be feeling "better" by now, there is no time limit on pain after loss and it is usually directly associated to the amount of despair you experienced withing the relationship. I'm no abuse victim here, nobody put a gun to my head and forced me to marry the guy, I chose and chose poorly. I took responsibilty for my choice and paid to get out of the marriage. The reasons for the marriage ending are private and are imho of too personal and sordid a nature to discuss in real time life. I am private and quiet Polly, the current trend of blabbing our dirty laundry Ala Jerry Springer style mortifies me. We divorced because we were no longer compatible, end of story:) Link to post Share on other sites
pollywag Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I'm not looking for "sympathy" from anyone. or in addressing anything. It's not about sympathy. It is about doing what is healthy for you it is about loving yourself. What we were discussing a few days ago. It's about purging your mind so that you can just BE with yourself. You can't be with yourself if carry all that pollution upstairs. As things are you blame yourself, you blame yourself for being a woman, for growing older, essentially for not being enough and the reality is your husband's rotten decisions have nothing to do with you. They are and always were out of your control. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 It's not about sympathy. It is about doing what is healthy for you it is about loving yourself. What we were discussing a few days ago. It's about purging your mind so that you can just BE with yourself. You can't be with yourself if carry all that pollution upstairs. As things are you blame yourself, you blame yourself for being a woman, for growing older, essentially for not being enough and the reality is your husband's rotten decisions have nothing to do with you. They are and always were out of your control. At this juncture the only time I REALLY resent my ex is on the 1st of each month, writing that check chuffs me to no end. Maybe I'll put him on automatic bill pay, not having to actually write the check might help:) Link to post Share on other sites
pollywag Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I am private and quiet Polly, the current trend of blabbing our dirty laundry Ala Jerry Springer style mortifies me. We divorced because we were no longer compatible, end of story:) C'mon that is not what I am saying, I am saying find a person you trust and really lay it out on the line. Don't carry all that baggage inside. Especially if you are an introverted person! It's not good for you, and I know it feels good to not feel good right now, part of the excuse to punish yourself some more is because you feel you don't deserve more, but it also stems from all the negativity you carry in your emotions attached to the experience. You have kids who love you and friends and family they don't want you gone they want you here with them to enjoy life. There is SO much to live for, not just a "man". No man is worth another human being's life is really all I am trying to get across. Your kids would agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I'm not looking for "sympathy" from anyone. I'm not interested in therapy or in addressing anything. I'm very comfortable with my choices and find having "given up" to actually be liberating. While I believe you've partially given up, I don't think you've done so completely. Otherwise, why reach out to so many on LS? I can't decide if you're in denial or playing passive-aggressive games with me. Link to post Share on other sites
pollywag Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 At this juncture the only time I REALLY resent my ex is on the 1st of each month, writing that check chuffs me to no end. Maybe I'll put him on automatic bill pay, not having to actually write the check might help:) If I were you I would send him a shoe box filled with dog poo, and homeless drunk guy vomit every month, he can dig through the pile of crap for the check at the bottom. Let him work for the money, you have to! . Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 While I believe you've partially given up, I don't think you've done so completely. Otherwise, why reach out to so many on LS? I can't decide if you're in denial or playing passive-aggressive games with me. Why would I invest energy in playing games of any kind with you? You are more discomforted with my choices than I am which truly puzzles me. You have every right to chose differently for your life, if you are happy that is wonderful. What I can tell you is this,online communication is actually a lot easier for me than face to face stuff which I have only a limited tolerance/ability to handle. Not to mention that are some colorful and amusing people at this electronic watering hole. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 If I were you I would send him a shoe box filled with dog poo, and homeless drunk guy vomit every month, he can dig through the pile of crap for the check at the bottom. Let him work for the money, you have to! . Part of living with dignity is also living with elegance however simple that may be "dog poo" in a shoe box is just not elegant Polly. Shuddering here, you're talking to a person who uses a china platee and a linen napkin to eat a peanut butter sandwich. I don't speak to him at all anymore and when he sends along a nasty gram I just ignore it, let the sound of his own garbage echo back at him from the void. Link to post Share on other sites
pollywag Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Part of living with dignity is also living with elegance however simple that may. Yes I know my suggestion is not very ladylike but sometimes when dealing with people who have no dignity you have to communicate at a level they will comprehend... be "dog poo" in a shoe box is just not elegant Polly... So if the shoe fits...... I jest of course...I was going to suggest a dead fish in the mail but that's just too Don Corleone. Shuddering here, you're talking to a person who uses a china platee and a linen napkin to eat a peanut butter sandwich. Aww that's like my mom, she is all about the dainty details too! Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 You didn't share "ïnsight" You spoke about your grandmother and her happy life without sex or romance.. how she moved to be closer to an adult child and traveled.That cute little old lady even kissed the blarney stone, bless her heart. To be honest, I don't know if she had sex and romance during those years or not. Whether she did or not didn't seem to stop her from enjoying life. You are being very condescending in your responses, nevertheless. I'm sorry but your "helpful" response is just another bit of ageism whether you see it or not and your sulking well excuse me for trying to help tone tells me that I'm correct in my thinking. No, you are bent on believing everyone is against you. You are reducing everything I say to perceived insults so you can grind your ax. I give up, soserious. I'm not sulking - I know I can't win with you. You're in charge of your happiness, not me. I personally don't care WHAT you do, but I am bound to defend myself against your slights. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 To be honest, I don't know if she had sex and romance during those years or not. Whether she did or not didn't seem to stop her from enjoying life. You are being very condescending in your responses, nevertheless. No, you are bent on believing everyone is against you. You are reducing everything I say to perceived insults so you can grind your ax. I give up, soserious. I'm not sulking - I know I can't win with you. You're in charge of your happiness, not me. I personally don't care WHAT you do, but I am bound to defend myself against your slights. I'm not "slighting" you, what I am doing is pointing out to you that I didn't ask you to "help" me I have openly stated that I feel men are perfectly entitled to date only younger women and to prefer them if that is what works for them as they age, why can't my choices be given that same respect ? Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I have openly stated that I feel men are perfectly entitled to date only younger women and to prefer them if that is what works for them as they age, why can't my choices be given that same respect ? You're right. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Why would I invest energy in playing games of any kind with you? You are more discomforted with my choices than I am which truly puzzles me. You have every right to chose differently for your life, if you are happy that is wonderful. What I can tell you is this,online communication is actually a lot easier for me than face to face stuff which I have only a limited tolerance/ability to handle. Not to mention that are some colorful and amusing people at this electronic watering hole. In almost every thread that you post in, you mention the cruelty inflicted on you by your ex. And yet, you claim to have given up and need no therapy. It's like the ultimate in pathos. What are you trying to accomplish, soserious? Something's off. Link to post Share on other sites
pollywag Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 She's purging so that she can come to terms with what happened, and she is processing and she is not looking to anyone in particular to fix things. Is that so hard to see!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 In almost every thread that you post in, you mention the cruelty inflicted on you by your ex. And yet, you claim to have given up and need no therapy. It's like the ultimate in pathos. What are you trying to accomplish, soserious? Something's off. Actually I'm trying to understand what I need to say to you to get you off my back? Considering that many of the threads I post in have to do with aging men versus women etc my experiences are relevant. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Actually I'm trying to understand what I need to say to you to get you off my back? Considering that many of the threads I post in have to do with aging men versus women etc my experiences are relevant. You're welcome to your misery, then. I hope you enjoy cycling in it and spreading it, within threads like this. If one toxic man is going to make you believe the entire gender is worthless or that women are worthless over a certain age and life's all about opposite gender validation, then I guess that's the reality you CHOOSE to be trapped in. Otherwise, what other possible explanation could there be, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 You're welcome to your misery, then. I hope you enjoy cycling in it and spreading it, within threads like this. If one toxic man is going to make you believe the entire gender is worthless or that women are worthless over a certain age and life's all about opposite gender validation, then I guess that's the reality you CHOOSE to be trapped in. Otherwise, what other possible explanation could there be, huh? You are totally correct, happy now? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 You are totally correct, happy now?So, now that you're riled, think hard. What other reason(s) could there be for what your ex did to you? Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 So, now that you're riled, think hard. What other reason(s) could there be for what your ex did to you? You are not my therapist and I'm really beginning to dislike your constant railing away at me. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 You are not my therapist and I'm really beginning to dislike your constant railing away at me.I just asked you a simple question. You're free to not respond. Once again, what other reason(s) could explain what your ex did to you? Stretch your mind a little. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I just asked you a simple question. You're free to not respond. Once again, what other reason(s) could explain what your ex did to you? Stretch your mind a little. My husband wanted to fsck young,pretty women with tight firm bodies very simple really. And again, you are not my therapist and I'm not interested in living my life as you think I should live it. Is that clear enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 My husband wanted to fsck young,pretty women with tight firm bodies very simple really. And again, you are not my therapist and I'm not interested in living my life as you think I should live it. Is that clear enough? I went back on your threads and got a better understanding. It's not that simple, is it? But anyways.... You're most definitely right. I'm not your therapist, don't purport to be one and don't want to be one for anyone. 'Tis your life to make or break as you see fit. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 This is for the men who 'prefer' very young women. What happens when she's no longer your preference because now she's 30, 35 years of age?(Time really flies) Do you trade your partner every decade for someone younger because you 'prefer' women who are under 30? I just don't get the adamant preference for someone a specific age, because no one stays the same age forever very long. I understand wanting maturity, but stating you prefer women who are 18-21, when you want something long-term seems conflicting.You sound so young. You think that when women 30-35 turn 30, they become old and unattractive, so OMG what are they gonna do now that they've turned into ugly grandmas? Don't worry, when I was 16, I thought that people age 30 died of old age. So you too want a partner who is in your preferred age range, right? Will you prefer that range even when you're 60? The thing is, a man who grows older and still prefers 18-year old girls is plain sick. However, seeing the beauty in an 18-year old and in a 40-year old is OK. The former doesn't make them perverts. Link to post Share on other sites
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