I miss my ex girlfriend so much!

[Tony28]

O.K this is gonna sound a crazy story, but i'll do my best & by me typing this - it will go someway towards making me feel better!

I was with a girl back in 1996 for about a year & it ended up finishing because i didn't treat her with the respect she deserved & other things, which to this day i regret very much!

Back then i was yonger & more immature.

These days i'd like to think i have changed and grown up somewhat!

Even though 7 years has gone by & i have had relationships since this time, i miss her so much and the other day i saw her walking through my local town centre with a guy (her partner persumably?) and my heart skipped a beat when i saw her and i felt very upset!

There is a twist to this story coz back in 1997, her father got me the job i am in now & he still works in the place, although he is not too fond of me coz of the way i treated his daughter all them years ago.

Realistically i know i should'nt & should just leave it in the past - but i'd do anything to get back in touch with her again to tell her how i still feel and how sorry i am for all those years ago.

They say you don't know what you've got till you've lost it - very true in my case!

I'm fearful that by getting back in touch with her, it would possibly cause all sorts of trouble with her father & persumably the boyfriend she has now (if it was her boyfriend??)

But after 7 years my heart still aches for her incredibly - i don't know what to do?

[midori]

I don't see what harm you could do her by getting in touch with her to apologize. Everyone would like to hear a sincere apology from someone who hurt them, even if it was long ago and the hurt no longer matters much to the wronged party.

 

But you seem to think that by getting in touch you will jeopardize her current relationship (if she has one). Rather presumptuous, don't you think? She may well be deeply in love with the guy; even if she isn't she might not have any affection left for you. How long has it been -- 7 years? Do you think she's been in limbo this whole time, waiting for you to speak to her? Don't flatter yourself.

 

Apologizing would be a good thing to do. It might open the door toward re-establishing communications and a friendly relationship between the two of you. Until you know what's going on in her life it would be rather silly of you to profess your lingering love for her. And if, upon getting reacquainted, it is clear that she is happily involved with someone else then it would be better if you kept your feelings for her to yourself (assuming that, upon getting to know the person she is -- remember you aren't the only one who has changed in 7 years! -- you still have strong feelings for her).

 

It sounds to me like you're thinking about yourself and what you want. You're reacting to seeing her after a long time. But that's not enough. Good that you recognize that you have apologies to make, but an apology won't suffice. I'm not saying there's no hope or that you shouldn't try to go down this path. But you need to be attuned to her, and where she is in life right now. You would be silly to chase her down and declare your love for her, literally from out of the blue. What would that mean to her now? At best it would seem terribly juvenile and impulsive -- probably not the image you want to convey after having been such a jerk years ago. If you want to show you've grown, show it by being thoughtful and observant. Show it by focusing your interaction with her on what she wants, on what is appropriate for her current context, instead of on what you want.

[Tony28]

Midori!

No i don't think she has been in limbo for 7 years at all!

At the time i was seeing her, she cared for me so much & was in love with me so much - i was just too young,silly & immature to realize that.

I've thought about her alot over 7 years but because of how her dad feels (and i don't blame him) i've always left it & just thought i can move on etc...

But to this day i still miss her terribly & seeing her the other day only made all my emotions flood to the surface!

Maybe it's best if i didn't try and contact her out of fear of opening cans of worms unnecesserily.

Perhaps i should just leave it to fate - if it's mean't to be again, it will be - i lost her 7 years ago through my own stupid immaturity & i suppose i have to live with that!

[midori]

I'm a firm believer in making your own fate.

 

I think if you feel you owe her an apology, you'd do well to make that apology -- with no further expectation from her. Maybe she'll accept your apology, maybe she won't. Maybe she'll accept it but make it clear that she really doesn't care to have you in her life even as a friend. That's all up to her. But you'll know that you've done what you can in the aftermath of all your mistakes.

 

Leaving things "up to fate" is rather defeatist and passive. Easier I suppose. But if someone who had hurt me terribly in the past took the initiative to make amends I would respect that person more than if he and I ended up getting thrown together through coincidence and he then mustered an apology of some sort.

 

I get the sense that you're only willing to take steps if there's a chance that doing so holds something for you. Don't make it about you. Make it about her. You owe her an apology. You've owed it to her for seven years. Better late than never, surely. If you make the apology the ball will be in her court. Then things will indeed be out of your hands. But if you lack the courage to make the first, selfless step, it seems unlikely that you'd ever get to the point where the things beyond your control (her feelings, her relationship status, etc) will make a difference. And if you lack the courage to apologize without expecting it to directly benefit you, then you probably don't deserve her.

 

Come on man, screw up your courage and do the right thing! No matter how she responds you'll surely feel better for having done the right thing. Don't compromise the apology by inserting your feelings for her into it. Just apologize. Be a grown up! And then leave things to fate...

[Kranja]

I have your same problem man. I met her in high school and it was sophmore year and we went out for like 5 months and we did love each other. And she did break up with me because I was getting to jelious, that break up ruined me because she was the first love of my life and I told her that I would not love anyone else like this ever. And so I tried to leave it there and hse kept on going through my head over and over again. Senior year comes around and I knew that I wanted to go to school out in colorado in denver. So I find out from her that she is going to school in colorado but in a diffrent city. I wasnt to sure if I really wanted to pursue this carrer that I wanted to go to school for. But I ended up doing it. I was very hopeful that we would be together again but it did not happen she went out with diffrent guys and I felt so low. I started using drugs smoking alot of pot so I thought it would take all the pain away not it turns out that it just go worse. I smoked way too much, not like I used to in high school, like everytime I thoought of her I would spark up. This lead into social problems with my friends and old friends and now Im struggling with social anxiety disorder and depression. I really want to talk to her now and tell her what is going on with me. I know if I tell her she will think im loco and would never talk to me again.Now I need to tell myself to move on becuase it is not healthy to feel this way. But the times I see her she works her magic like she will like me again I know it will never happen. I hope I can move on!

[bamby_bamby]

alright man, i totally know how your feeling. The same happened to me, but i didnt see the girl for about 3 years. Myself and my girlfriend went out for around two years and we were totally in love and suddenly she broke it off and i went to university. I was very depressed for months and i just kept going over in my head how i should have treated her better and given her more repect, but then realised i needed to move on and i thought i did.

 

But about 3 years later i saw her walking down the road with another bloke and all those memories came flooding back and i felt physically sick.

 

However the difference is i made a move to talk to her, and at the start things went very very well and we got on like great mates. Then i found i had much greater fellings for her than i thought and i let her know this and it just went down hill. i was jealous, paranoid and didnt give her much space and everything went wrong and she ended up hating me.

 

My advise to you is make a move to talk to her and try not to take it past a friendship, if it is going to move back to a full relationship let her make all the moves and sit back, BUT don't tell yourself it is going to happen as it might not and that will put you back down.

 

All the best and good luck

[Hoeskee]

oh my god. you guys sound so much like me. well when i was about 15 i was going out with this girl that i had a crush on for like a year.we'll call her "k".it took me so long to build up the balls to ask her out. then she moved away andwe started talking on the phone. thats when we really started getting romantic. well anyway since she lived kinda far away, we had a bit of a problem. i did love her, but then i met this other girl.

 

 

we'll call this other girl "a". a lived like 3 blocks from my house. i had met her thru my friends. she was kind of a slut back then. i had this one friend that used to have me call her i could get her to go to his house to give him a blow job. she was still a virgin back then(besides oral). then as the months passed she started banging guys and what ever, but at the same time we were becoming like best friends.she would sleep over and everything. after a while we were gettin sexual.i loved it.i broke up with k by this time because a lived so close.

 

well anyway one day a calls me up and is like, "o my god, my mom was caught smoking crack and the hrs wants to take me and my brother and sister away!"

so i asked my parents if she could stay with us so hrs wouldnt take her away.

they said yes and after a few months we moved to a big enough place for her brother and sister too. it was at this time that i really fell for her. she became the perfect little wifey(no, we didnt get married). i havent mentioned this yet but ive been oebese for most of my life. but i was starting to walk vigorously and i was actually losing weight for the first time in my life! it was such a happy time.we would have sex all the time at the end of the day wed get ****ed up and do whatever. it was great. but we started to miss our old neighborhood(miami beach).

 

 

while we lived in that big ass place me and a had turned 18 so she wasnt a minor anymore. but her brother and sister had been taken by their father. and we moved out back to miami beach again. at first it was great but then i started slacking and i wasnt walking or losing weight anymore. this was a problem for her cause i had promised i would lose the weight. she just wanted a normal boyfriend that wasnt too shy to take his shirt off in the beach or be able to fit in a amusement park ride with her. but whatever, i had stopped exercising and she was starting to notice other guys. after a long 4 year relationship, it was over.

 

 

i actually called "k".she was moving in like a week to brazil and i was trying to hang out with her as much as possible. but the last day i kinda blew and sort of accused her of not giving a damn about me. but wre were still cool. i still talk to her in brazil and i might go visit her one of these days. but any way "a" had gotten a job and met some guy she worked with and moved in with him and moved out but still sees him. that all happened over the last 2 years. i still see her like once a week if im lucky. were still like best friends and we still love each other but we both know it wouldnt work right now. that fact kills me.

 

every week is like an eternity waitin for her to come see me. its been 2 years since we were sexual and im goin crazy. i constantly think about her and i ven dream about her all the time. were so much alike. god i miss her.

[shewasgreat]

I went with a girl for 5 years ... highschool sweethearts, that sort of thing. We stuck it out in university, did the long distance thing. She was beautiful, talented, and I was sure she was the one. It is now 5 years since and she still is on my mind. At first it was every day, now ... not so much. I live with my new girlfriend and she's is perfect. She is so much more like me and we get along great. I contacted the old girlfriend and we kept in touch for a while, made our peace and that was that. But I still love her and probably always will.

 

I think everyone keeps an old photo of that girl, or a few amazing memories. I think your first love is the best. The others might be amazing but your first taught you how to love. I'm not really jealous about her and her new life and I'm proud of mine. I haven't seen her in a few years and I imagine if I did my heart would jump a million beats. But live on and you'll find some more amazing chicks. That is what life is about. And maybe this time, you learn from the way you treated her. I know I did.