No contact rule and birthdays, birthdaywishes etc.

[chasz]

Ok guys, here's the thing. My gf broke up with me cause basically I didnt do enough with my time and talents and she got fed up cause she wanted to take the next step. Now, of course, I see she was right and after doing the begging thing and saying she's right etc and after that sending the letter in which I agreed to the breakup, I got a new/better job and socialized with friends and started taking dancing classes (which we were supposed to do together).

She heard about this the last time we talked briefly on messenger, so she sorta knows I'm fixing the areas in my life that were off balance. After all you cant share a relationship if you havent got your life in order. There is no ill will between us, she did try to get a reaction by saying that I would probably be jealous if I saw her dancing with other guys, but that was one time only. I started applying the no-contact rule a week ago in order to give her her space, and probably let her rebound some(yikes).

Anyway it's her birthday next tuesday and I'm sorta at a loss as to whether I should keep no contact in effect or to send her a short text to say happy birthday. Im applying the no contact to sort things out for myself ofcourse but also to get her to miss me and to get her to want me because she can't stand that I'm moving on, or seem to do. Well actually I think it's a double edged sword here. Hey why not try? In light of this last target do you think it's wise to text her on her birthday next week or not to? In other words. Which will make her more puzzled and wondering and makes me the more attractive. I mean you can play it cool, but too cool might be seen as rude and the last thing you wanna do is piss her off. However even less I want to look like a wuss and sort of give her the satisfaction while she dates other guys. There must be more people that have this no contact rule-birthday dilemma.

So what is the general rule here? I tried mailing the experts and authours of several books, but got no response. Thanx for your tips. N.B. The thing is not to be nice. The thing is to make me the most attractive, that's al that matters for now. If need be I can be nice to her all I want once we're back together.

I talked to another ex of mine and she said it would be better to send nothing. Cause that would maximize the opposite effect of what my ex expects. Namely for me to be miserable and someone who she can always fall back on cause I'd take her back no matter what.

Ladies and players tips are the most welcome here Thanx!

[Donovan]

ok peep this, she doesn't want you, so why are you wasting your time contacting her. i've contacting all of my exes after we've broke up(and trust me, all of them are lyers that have got over on me) but after a while i just stopped. aint no reason to keep sweating a girl that obviously doesn't want you. now is it? if you were good to her, trust me she'll miss you as much as you miss her.

[Rogue52]

Breaking up with you because you're not doing enough with your time and talents is BS. It's a typical coward excuse of dumpers. If you needed to make changes in your life, that's fine but it's no reason to leave you.

 

No contact is no contact. Stick to it. Screw the birthday. Believe me. Chances are you will contact her and you'll get nothing out of it. You must learn for yourself though before reality sets in.

[Jolena9]

i'd send a simple "happy birthday" text and if she responds to it say nothing. its simple enough to be polite but you aren't overstepping your NC rules. If you say nothing on her birthday, it makes it look like you are holding a grudge and cant handle even saying happy birthday to her. (girls read into everything)

[Thomas X Forever]

You are deep down desperate to talk to her again. Don't try to play it cool brother. There is only one answer: No contact. Don't text her happy bday, don't wish her a happy easter. YOU ARE DEAD TO HER.

 

DEAD

TO

HER.

 

DDDEEEAAAAAAAAAADDD

TOOOOOOO

HERRRRRR.

 

Run that through your head about 90000000000000x times.

 

She'll come back to you if she wants to. You have NO power right now. NONE. Zero. The absence of power. That is you right now. She has to come back of her own free will. STRAIGHT UP. Tell yourself this.

[chasz]

Well she didnt just break up with me cause of me wasting my talents. When we first met we realised we were very different from eachother. I was kinda hang loose partyish, she was kinda family values dullish(no offense). She liked me for being hard to get then, although I was sometimes a little too unappreciative cause she was all over me way to fast. Then I went through some personal stuff in which all that time she stuck by me but this lasted for 5 months and took kind of a toll on our relationship and I guess on her feelings for me. She wanted more from me but I couldnt give it just yet. When I was finally ready to be constructive again it was too little too late for her I guess. She was right about a lot of things as was I with her, thats why we complimented eachother really well.

The fact that she felt sorry for me when I made the mistake of begging and her coming accross as kinda indifferent(which she never did b4 so this might be an act) is not a good thing because this might signal her feelings have simpy vanished because of too many blows to our/her love. She didnt respect me anymore because I was needy I think. Not my fault though, but because of circumstances. So now what can I do. She is more independent now, which is because of me positively challenging her to be and therefore harder to get because she likes her newfound confidence. Or she pretends to. She really comes accross as tough but I dont believe her. I think(hope lol) she's pretending. More so I heard she had stomach and backproblems which to me(because I know how she ticks somewhat) cleary spells stress related problems. In other words: she might not like everything as much as she would want but is too proud to admit otherwise to me or herself. I really cant let this one go because I see her value and how we can complement eachother and I cant stand that I didnt get a chance to prove myself(not to her, but in the relationship). Im not changing for her. She was right, I could do more so she was not unreasonable. And she had a difficult time with me, but stuck with me none the less. She is kinda spoilt however. With her last ex boyfriend being sad because she dumped him I called her a heartbreaker and could she a hint of pleasure there. So like other women she may be a little mean but more out of ignorance than out of character. This however might be my ticket back because Im am not at all giving her any satisfaction(anymore). This was something she found attractive in me when we first met. I know I do not have any power, however because I could hear the irritation in her voice when we talked on the phone a couple of weeks back at the fact that Im happily moving on and doing all kinds of activities Im hoping that after a month (and maybe a rebound for her yugh:mad:) I can ask her out and show her my renewed independence and hard to getness and maybe make an impression. I know it's probably false hope but hey. We'll cross that bridge when we get there.

 

When we were still in contact and I was out of the beggin mode, I also cut the conversation short on the phone and on messenger a couple of times, but still remained friendly ofcourse. Just playing it and if it doesnt work, well too bad then. Still doubting the birthday move. Thanx for your advice

[messed-mind]

Breaking up with you because you're not doing enough with your time and talents is BS. It's a typical coward excuse of dumpers.

 

Absolutely agree, she's blaming you to take the guilt off her mind.

 

I've heard so many BS excuses for a break up, some others might be:

 

1) you want to spend too much time with me

2) you don't spend enough time with me

3) it's the wrong timing

4) i'm a flighty and unpredictable person, we wouldn't work

5) you spend too much money on me and I find it clingy

6) you don't spend enough money on me

7) you don't have enough goals

8) you don't have the same vision i do

 

It's all BS, there all another way of saying "i don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore".

[EmperorR]

Absolutely agree, she's blaming you to take the guilt off her mind.

 

I've heard so many BS excuses for a break up, some others might be:

 

 

1) you want to spend too much time with me

2) you don't spend enough time with me

3) it's the wrong timing

4) i'm a flighty and unpredictable person, we wouldn't work

5) you spend too much money on me and I find it clingy

6) you don't spend enough money on me

7) you don't have enough goals

8) you don't have the same vision i do

 

It's all BS, there all another way of saying "i don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore".

 

 

Adds on

 

"your a great guy, but....

 

Dumpers use any of these cheesy lines some give more hope than others, Back in the day, I'd be like

 

"I'll change bla bla"

 

Now this time, i said cool allright, ya I know i'm a great guy have a good life and disappeared

 

 

 

Why send a happy birthday text?, she dumped you man, I didn't send a merry christmas, easter, happy new year text etc. to my ex, why? because they don't care.

 

Your not sending it to be nice STOP IT, your sending it because your antsy and want contact with your ex so bad, you now have a reason to contact or so you think. All your ex is going to do is delete the text, or just reply thanks and thats it, and then you will feel like crap.

[D-Lish]

Don't text her on her b-day. I would read into that- that you were missing me.

 

No contact means no contact- it isn't rendered null and void on birthdays and holidays.

 

NOT texting her on her birthday (when she's expecting it) is the right move.