imjustagirl Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Just wondering how you all deal with your family budding into your personal life. I dated a guy for 5 years....the family could have cared less about our relationship, let alone give him the time of day. I start dating a guy 8+ mths going, and they're completly ga-ga. They're asking what he wants for xmas and his bday and all that jumbo. I went home (alone) for the first time in about a month (I live a little over an hour away) and all I got from my mom Saturday was "Are you two having sleep overs?" "Are you two having sex?" "Do you want to take my wedding set home with you...you might need it one day?" Then she has the nerve to say that she's only asking on the behalf of my grandmother...and then goes on to tell me that my favorite uncle is soo proud that his favorite niece is a "woman." I'm like jesus.... Granted he does sleep over 7 nights a week...we split the grocery bills....and ya...we're having sex....but he still has his own place for his stuff, even tho, he's gradually bringing stuff over, which totally doesn't bother me at all. We're even talking about getting a place together at the end of my lease..... So what do I tell my mom...."ooh pullease, have a little faith in me would ya. And no, I don't want your ring...that's like going home and saying....yah, my family wants you to propose right here, right now, I think that should wait awhile don't you." Well, she got all offended...but geeze....does this happen to everyone and how do you deal? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 My sister had to deal with similar stuff from my parents when she moved in with her boyfriend years ago. My parents are fairly middle-of-the-road for middle America, which is to say they're pretty conservative about sexual relationships. Maybe you could gently say to your mother that while you are glad she has taken an interest in the progress of your relationship with your boyfriend, you prefer to not discuss the intimate details with family members. I know that, especially at first, my mom bizarrely took my sister's living arrangement to be basically flaunting her sex life in "everyone's" face (my sister lives hours away from my mom). If they weren't having sex, why were they living together? If they were having sex, why werent' they married? Seemed very illicit to my mom. It's a hard thing for some people to come to terms with. The disintegration of old social norms is not an entirely good thing, and many folks cannot help but see things in black and white terms. My mom has gradually come to see that my sister and her boyfriend are very responsible people who do not make decisions lightly -- but who just don't believe there's a need for marriage. My mom still isn't comfortable with it, but she's learned to accept it more or less. You may just have to grin and bear it; when it gets too out of hand speak up. If you're fully independent, it's your life to live as you see fit. If your mom can't come to terms with decisions you have made, obviously your relationship with her will suffer somewhat. You can't force her to be OK with it any more than she can force you to do what she thinks is appropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
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