Any hope of a reconciliation?

[dismilla]

Hi everyone, I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet but if you have any questions ask!

 

Basically I was with this guy for about 4 months. Not that long I know but long enough to fall head over heels... I'm 22 and he's 35. We started off as friends with benefits, which was a mistake to start with, and then it kind of progressed to us being inseperable and to him introducing me to his family and friends as his girlfriend. We didn't spend a night apart the whole time we were together and we even talked about moving in together.

 

He's been having a difficult time lately with work and is signed off with stress. I know I shouldn't have gotten involved with him being like that but I wasn't intending on falling for him. Anyway, the long and short of it is a couple of weeks ago he dropped me into work as normal and we kissed goodbye etc and even chatted on the phone a couple of times during the day and everything was fine. He gave no signs or warnings that something was up. Basically he picked me up that day and we decided to go to the beach and chill for a bit as the weather was so nice (again, normal for us to do).

 

We got there and he turned to me after a while and said "Babe, I think we should split up." My world crumbled right there. He started explaining his reasons and meanwhile I was trying to maintain dignity by not crying (and failing miserably). I mostly tuned out to what he was saying and I'm still not sure why he wanted to end it all. All I remember is him talking about him being indecisive and how he'd been thinking about it for a couple of weeks but didn't want to say anything so he could make sure it was the right decision. Anyway, he said he wanted to stay friends as he really likes me and cares about me but I was angry and said if we weren't going to be together I didn't want to be friends as it'd be too difficult.

 

I started to become a bit obsessive after a few days and started texting him all the time. I know it was a stupid thing to do and made me seem ridiculously desperate but I couldn't help myself. I know it pushed him away completely and we ended up having a massive falling out and him calling me manipulative and petty and he told me to sort my own sh*t out as he was gone (I was having problems where I was living and then I found out my uncle died so I automatically turned to him for support). That killed me. I realised I'd rather have him as a friend than not at all so I tried to repair things. After a few msgs sent and no reply I tried one last time and reminded him of some of the good times we had and how we helped each other through difficult times and he finally replied agreeing to be friends still but we needed a break. I agreed and NC started.

 

Anyway, I was talking to a friend a couple of days ago and she asked why we split and I realised I didn't know... I decided to break NC (mistake I know) and ask for a meeting so we could talk things through, explaining that I tuned out that day and if I knew why we split it'd help me get over it. I got this as a reply...

 

"I don't want to drag every bit of emotional juice out of this, nor should you be flogging a dead horse. We're friends again now so lets not kill that too. I need a break and this constant texting for any and every reason is not helping. Take a step back from it all please."

 

It kills me that he won't even meet me to explain what happened. It's been 3 days of NC again and I know it's probably the best thing for us but I just want him back so badly. I've got this little hope that he really does care for me still as after we split he lent me a significant amount of money to help my living situation. I've got to see him in a few weeks to give it back to him and I guess I just want some thoughts on how I can make him see what he's been missing. I would take him back in a heartbeat and I can't see that changing any time soon. I don't understand how things can be perfect one minute and then completely destroyed the next! I also find myself thinking that when his situation has improved he'll realise how much he misses me and want me back. I know it's unlikely due to my obsessive few days of txting likely pushing him away even further but do you think there's any chance at all of us getting back together?

 

Please be honest, I've had it with people tip toeing around me and just saying what they think I want to hear. I need to hear your honest thoughts on the matter!

[silverfish]

It sounds to me as if you have crowded him a bit. You said you fell head over heels but not how he felt.

Was he in a relationship or married before he met you?

Maybe it got too much for him, and after spending so much time together he felt a bit stressed and unhappy.

Thats how my ex boyfriend made me feel sometimes although he dumped me when I asked for some space.

On a more trivial point - my ex is 30 and I am 37, and he does this texting thing all the time. It can be really irritating when you aren't from that generation. I am chucking the bloody thing away. It's been more trouble than it's worth

[Hersheys]

He's made it clear that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Don't beat yourself up over what you did - crying, constant texting, asking him to see you for an explanation etc. Most of us have done the same things.

 

Leave the heck out of him alone. There's really nothing else you can do for him and for the relationship BUT you can do so much for YOURSELF - go NC to gain that self-respect, self-control and dignity back, work on improving yourself, get busy and do well on your job/uni etc. Now is the time to things you've been wanting to do for yourself. Stop wasting your time thinking and analysing what made him leave because really it does not matter anymore at this point.

[Beautiful Inside]

i agree with Hershey's I DONT get it either girl, from a girls point of view its like wtf happened! everything was fine that day! i guess he really did care about you thats why he dragged it on, like waited so long before ending it he didnt want to see you sad you know but at the same time it wasn't for him either. a lot of times guys end thing cause their not 100 percent happy with things in their life it could be something small or something big but who knows leave him along and who knows maybe one day he'll eventually call you and explain things out if not it wasn't worth your time anyways.

[dismilla]

To be honest I'm not sure how he was feeling. He hasn't been in a long term relationship for a while and that woman completely messed with his head (i.e. leaving him after 4.5yrs for another guy, they were engaged). We had spoken about this before and he agrees he finds it hard to trust women and be in a commited relationship because of her.

 

Maybe it was all going too fast for him and he freaked out a bit, especially when we talked about moving in together- even though he was the one that brought it up!

 

Still in NC and I'm doing a bit better. I know he needs some space from the whole situation and I'm just going to give it to him. I think I'll always have that small hope that he'll realise he's made a mistake but I know it's very unlikely to happen! Thanks for your thoughts, they helped and I guess I just need to move on and stop dwelling on it. Onwards and upwards hey!