Low self esteem from abusive childhood, trying to have a relationship

[mylovegrowsdeeper]

Hello,

 

My partner and I would like to marry, but recently I've realised I suffer from very low self esteem derived from an abusive past of sexual, physical, and mental abuse starting at a very young age (about 4 years old). More than anything I long to have a healthy relationship but I can see myself exhibiting some unhealthy behaviors connected with low self esteem. I'm currently in counselling which I've begun recently, does anyone else have any experience with trying to maintain healthy, stable adult relationships when you've been a victim of abuse?

 

I believe it is possible for me to heal and recover and I'm dedicated to that action, would just love to know if anyone else has gone through/is going through this, etc.

 

Thanks

[Chat]

*Hand up*

 

Yep over here - same situation all three abuses from about 4 too. The best thing is your in therapy (like me) and you acknowledge it. Because these things have happened we attatch our self worth and reasoning to the actions of others because we were the victims - it is a survival technique, only through counselling can you relearn to love yourself.

 

Hang in there and be positive - easier said than done I know - when in doubt - FAKE it - forcing ourselves to do the opposite of negative behaviour results in a change in the personality and thinkin.

 

Good luck honey *hugs*

[gd26]

Thanks Chat.

 

I struggle with this myself also. I am not exactly sure if it is my self-esteem that is damaged, as I know full well that there are a lot of great things about me that I have to offer to someone. However, I am very sensitive to abandonment and I get a bit clingy when guys tend to back off. Although I am very much a good companion (guys have told me that they've had some of the best conversations of their lives with me), I still get needy in relationships. But I don't know what to do about it. Since I have been love starved since childhood, when I finally meet a man who I really like and who seems into me to... it's like I become completely attached, and get kinda mopey when he starts pulling back. Thus I have been unable to get beyond the dating stages with a man, as I have never had a real relationship.

 

If anyone has any advice on these issues, it would be greatly appreciated.

[BlackLovely]

Hello,

 

My partner and I would like to marry, but recently I've realised I suffer from very low self esteem derived from an abusive past of sexual, physical, and mental abuse starting at a very young age (about 4 years old). More than anything I long to have a healthy relationship but I can see myself exhibiting some unhealthy behaviors connected with low self esteem. I'm currently in counselling which I've begun recently, does anyone else have any experience with trying to maintain healthy, stable adult relationships when you've been a victim of abuse?

 

I believe it is possible for me to heal and recover and I'm dedicated to that action, would just love to know if anyone else has gone through/is going through this, etc.

 

Thanks

I had an abusive childhood too. I took a break from dating to fall in love with myself and I attracted a man that treats me like gold. We're getting married. Acknowledging your issues is half the battle. Since you have made recovery top priority, you should be fine. Bless you.

[gd26]

I am trying to do the same. I am not dating anyone right now. My past 'relationships' weren't real relationships at all - I was clinging to guys who were ambivalent towards me and just kept me around as an ego boost to themselves. Yet I let them treat me badly because I didn't love myself enough.

 

I will keep trying to work on myself by spending more time with spiritual pursuits, meditating, exercising and getting in shape, and eating healthfully. I'm going to continue to also make more platonic friends so that I'm not so dependent on someone else's love to make me happy. I hope to have a healthy relationship like you someday where I adore my partner and he adores me no less. I know the only way that will happen is if I learn to love myself first. Thanks.