Question concerning overweight b/f ....

[Curiousa]

got a question here I hope someone can give me some good advise on how to deal with this situation:

 

I got a nice, kind, lovely boyfriend whom I love to bits. However, he's suffering from some serious self-esteem issues. One of the reasons is the fact that he's overweight (by my estimate some 30-40 lbs). He's going to the gym to work out about 3x the week and has done so basically for 9 months; he doesn't do any other sports. Still, he says he can't lose any weight. He thinks it's related to his thyroid problem (he's on meds for that). However, I noticed that his eating habits are not the healthiest either: lots of junk food, soft drinks, candy ... - and he also tends to overeat, i.e. not realizing when he's actually full ...

 

Now, for me, tbh, it won't affect my feelings for him if he loses some weight or not; however, I want him to be happy, and I feel that losing some weight for him would actually help his self-esteem and make him feel less like the "clumzy block" that he's kinda thinking of as himself.

 

Now, I am just wondering if there is any way I can encourage him without giving him the feeling that I am being critical or dissatisfied with him? Because it is not really MY problem or issue ... - but it might even further underminde his self-esteem, if he thought it was a problem for me ... Whereas I am just thinking he might be feeling better about himself, if he could tackle one of the reasons for his self-esteem issues ...

 

So, my question: Should I raise or discuss this issue in one way or the other (and if so, how without undermining his self-esteem?) Or shall I just accept that it is he will have to figure out for himself and just ignore the issue?

 

Thanks for any feedback ...

[Ryan]

I noticed that his eating habits are not the healthiest either: lots of junk food, soft drinks, candy ... - and he also tends to overeat, i.e. not realizing when he's actually full ...

 

Diet is the largest factor when it comes to adjusting one's bodyfat levels. No amount of time spent at the gym is going to compare to what we eat (or choose to NOT eat). Having an underactive thyroid will make it more difficult to shed bodyfat....but only in the sense of taking more time. The process is still the same.

 

As for him figuring it out, I somehow doubt it. There's very few sources of valid fitness information, so common sense has become neither. The issue isn't you getting him involved in a program, since he's already doing something (albeit flawed). It won't sound like, "Hey we need to get you exercising, you're fat." He's already trying. Now you just want to help him improve his efficiency and results. Gather some information here (I've written some things in the sticky threads) or ask me specific questions. Present it under the guise of something you read - people are ALWAYS babbling about the newest fitness fad or miracle program.

 

I'll tell you this much - changing his body isn't going to change his mentality. Improving one's fitness is a physical solution, not a psychological one.

[Curiousa]

Originally posted by Ryan

...I'll tell you this much - changing his body isn't going to change his mentality. Improving one's fitness is a physical solution, not a psychological one.

 

I understand that However, it does normally make people feel better about themselves, if they can actually start and achieving an improvement about things that bother them about themselves?!

 

Mind you, I will check out your "stickies" but personally, I have never been into "dieting" (no need, really, as I am kinda "naturally" slim - and as I have seen my brother's family yo-yo dieting themselves into obesity over the past 25 yrs). So, I guess I do want to encourage my b/f to adjust his eating habis, but as I said, I don't want to do it in any way to undermine his self-esteem - nor do I really want him to go on a "dieting trip" that will make things worse in the end ....

 

Maybe I can direct him here and let him figure it out for himself?!

 

Sorry, if I sound ambiguous about this, but I want to be supportive to him, not adding to existing issues

 

Well thanks for the feedback, and I will think and read about this some more

[Ryan]

I have never been into "dieting" (no need, really, as I am kinda "naturally" slim - and as I have seen my brother's family yo-yo dieting themselves into obesity over the past 25 yrs)

 

I don't promote fitness fads. What may count as "dieting" may still be a necessary part of losing bodyfat. I can't circumvent thermodynamics for anyone. It's not about the yo-yo....a proper approach will not create any backslide.

 

Maybe I can direct him here and let him figure it out for himself?!

 

I'd be more than happy to engage the topic with him.

 

Sorry, if I sound ambiguous about this, but I want to be supportive to him, not adding to existing issues

 

You're a good woman for seeing past his exterior and trying to help him match it to his interior. I doubt many of us would do the same.

[StoryOfaGirl]

If I were you I'd probably just explain to him that I would want him to be happy. Maybe you could join the gym with him and give him confidence, and also start a new "healthy eating" plan for both of you, for he doesn't feel left out

[Curiousa]

Will try to get him here to get some inspiration, maybe

 

Storyofagirl: Unfortunately I don't have much of a direct influence over his meals as we aren't living together - and got to admit I would be a bit hesitant about assuming any kind of "control" there; but if I do cook, I do tend to do something less "junky" and make sure he gets "appropriate" portions to avoid overeating But I think so far I have been having quite subtle about it and he's been reacting fine to it, so yes, I am trying to do that as much as I can, but due to my working times, it's not the norm and convenience food is .. well, convenient for him

 

But I appreciate the input