Separated for a month now, in limbo land.

[sinatra]

Yea the finality of this is the hardest thing to deal with. Knowing that she checked out of the relationship long ago is a hard pill to swallow. I am very depressed now and have started to change the locks today and its taking me hours just to get through it. I actually thought that I wouldn't feel this much pain and loss. I was strung along for two months until she got the money that she needed and felt like I was in a position to handle the news of her not wanting to work on this. She has gone silent and I do not plan on talking to her a while now. I've contacted an attorney for some advice but she is going to file for the divorce since she is the one that wants it. dealing with a lot of emotions and it extremely painful. Thanks for everone's kind support.

[sinatra]

Well I found out today that she has been seeing an old friend of her's. Not sure if its a physical affair but its an affair of some kind. I've talk with an attorney today and he has let me know that this will cost 750 to 1000. I emailed her today and let her know the cost and asked for her to pay 500 of the 1000. I was very matter of fact and not mean or angry. She emailed me and said she would pay the money and that she was sorry that I was so angry with her.

 

There's nothing that I've done to show her that I'm angry with her at all. That's the guilt that she's feeling for doing what she's doing. I now know that's also way there was little contact and so much distance. She never wanted to see me and she never really made much of an effort in reconciling this thing. It's a sad thing but I do feel better that I tried everything that I could do. I respected her space and communicated my love for her and also my contributions to the failure of the marriage. There's nothing that I can do at this point but move on and continue with the divorce and think of her as someone that was in my past. Easier said that done for sure and I have lost some respect for her as well. She couldn't face me or talk with me when asking for the divorce because of her guilt as well.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well I found out today that she has been seeing an old friend of her's. Not sure if its a physical affair but its an affair of some kind. I've talk with an attorney today and he has let me know that this will cost 750 to 1000. I emailed her today and let her know the cost and asked for her to pay 500 of the 1000. I was very matter of fact and not mean or angry. She emailed me and said she would pay the money and that she was sorry that I was so angry with her.

 

There's nothing that I've done to show her that I'm angry with her at all. That's the guilt that she's feeling for doing what she's doing. I now know that's also way there was little contact and so much distance. She never wanted to see me and she never really made much of an effort in reconciling this thing. It's a sad thing but I do feel better that I tried everything that I could do. I respected her space and communicated my love for her and also my contributions to the failure of the marriage. There's nothing that I can do at this point but move on and continue with the divorce and think of her as someone that was in my past. Easier said that done for sure and I have lost some respect for her as well. She couldn't face me or talk with me when asking for the divorce because of her guilt as well.

 

Well...Now you know the truth and your better off. and trust me dont be doing no such thing as a plan A while she's living in this affair. Go pitch black.

 

It's time to move on I think a NC is in order.

 

And your gonna find someone else better who'll be a way better match for you.

 

Be happy your not in limbo anymore and get your 500$ for the half of the divorce. And dont be taking any type of calls from her from now on, let the new OM be the sholder she leans on.

[sinatra]

Chrome you are so right. I will let her know tomorrow via email that her sending the checks will work and that's it. Not commenting at all on the I'm sorry you're so angry with me comment. It shows the guilt that she is even willing to pay the 500 to me in the first place. Then with the angry comment that seals it for me. I take solace in knowing that she's a little uncomfortable tonight that I've moved so quickly and that the jig is up at this point. She doesn't know that I know there is someone else and I think it will remain that way. Maybe when the divorce is final I'll send her a letter or something wishing her and the OM a good time. Actually I'm not even that vindictive about it all. I feel better now that I know and can start to look towards the future and get on with my life. Sad yes, at peace yes, angry pretty much. Releasing her now and yes Chrome the OM can be her person to take care of all of her needs at this point.

[sinatra]

I will keep venting here because it does help to get my thoughts out. My pain today is mainly the pain of losing my best friend and the person that I cherished most in life. It's very sad when thinking of all the laughs that we had and all the good times that we had. I'm sure that's the hardest part everyone. She responded to my email about the divorce by saying that she will pay the 500 for her half of the divorce. She also said that she was sorry for how angry I am with her???? I've done nothing to express anger towards her at all. I think she is referring to the fact that I contacted a lawyer so soon. She wasn't expecting that and I'm sure she is feeling a little guilty with how she's handled this whole situation.

 

I responded to her email with a simple thanks for sending the checks in the mail. Nothing more nothing less. I think she was looking for a response to the I'm sorry you're so angry with me comment. I think it's time to let her lean on the OM shoulder's now and let her know that she made this decision and now the wheels are in motion. I surely don't want this to happen in anyway shape or form but what choice do I have after all this?? After she has drug this out when she knew good and well she wasn't coming back and still asked for money. I'm really hurt by this, I love her very much and was truly had some major issues that I should have faced during out marriage. I'm having a difficult time forgiving myself for those errors in judgment. I just wish that she had the strength to tough it out with me through all this and we could have made it to the other side.

 

She is now filling the void with someone else and it's a painful painful thought. I know deep down there is someone out there that will take the vows to heart and not check out. I still wish it would be her, but that hope is gone and I have to admit that and try to move forward.

 

I wish I was still angry with her for how she has handled this and treated me for the past two months. The flip side is that she is still so angry with me because of the neglect I showed her for so long. She has a lot of resentment built up inside her. That hurts as well knowing that she thinks of me that way.

 

Sorry for the long post, just venting here I think.

 

Thanks again for everyone being there to help me get through these emotions.

[sinatra]

Another rant today. I went to sleep pretty happy and at peace with the whole sitch. When I wake up it's another story completely. I feel alone and longing for that love that my wife showed me and the kiss that I gave her each day I left for work.

 

Today I'm dealing with a lot of guilt. Guilt of neglecting her physically which drove a wedge into our emotional bond for one another. I've taken full responsibility for that and have expressed that to her. I don't think she has forgiven me for that and that's the main reason that she made the choice to leave and start seeing someone else. I have to forgive myself for that as well I guess. The depression that I was experiencing was completely the reason for this but I didn't get help in time to save my marriage and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I have learned that lesson and will not do that again for any problem that comes up in future relationships.

 

I also feel that she should have not given up on me or the marriage. That was her choice completely and I have to accept that as well. It hurts to think back on the times when she would tell me how much she loved me and would always be there for me no matter what. That wasn't very long ago. When I was going through the cancer diagnose and surgery she was by my side telling me we could get through this and we will get through whatever is thrown our way. Even when I lost my job in December she was telling me we will get through this without hesitation. I now recognize that she got tired of being the one to carry the relationship and be the strong one for us. Again me dealing with guilt on the matter.

 

How do I accept and forgive myself for driving this wedge between us? I feel responsible for this situation. I do know that she made a choice and sometime just decided that she couldn't take it anymore or that she didn't want to take it anymore. I remember her saying that I have sucked everything out of her and she had nothing else to give. I'm not sure how to take that but I do understand that depression can do just that if not treated in time. It's like a terminal cancer on the relationship. Eventually if left untreated will take over and kill any love that was there in the relationship. I know this because I've witnessed the destruction first hand.

 

On the other side I feel if the roles were reversed that I wouldn't have given up. I'm not for certain because I wasn't in her shoes for that amount of time. I just know that I cherished her so much but didn't show her that at all. It sucks that I kept that to myself so much and didn't express it enough to her. I have to find away to deal with these feelings of regret, remorse and guilt. It eats me up inside to feel this way. It keeps me from feeling the anger that I feel I should be feeling to help me to start to move forward and continue with the process of grieving this loss.

 

I do apologize for these long rants but basically I feel as I'm doing my journaling on these forums with the hope that some of you great people will help me process these emotions and thoughts.

 

Thank you everyone for your continued support during these times.

[TrustInYourself]

I appreciate everyone reading my long and drawn out post. Thank you for the support as well. I definitely flip flop from being positive to being down in the dumps. I think one of the things that I've learned over this month is that I CANNOT rely on her for happiness or support. I haven't yet but it's really hard to not want to hear from her and wait for her txt's. I'm very early in this separation or possible divorce but I know that's one thing that I've learned from this whole process. You really have to find happiness and or support from other places in your life. It's probably been one of the hardest times in my life. I love her a great deal and just trying to respect her space and trust her to make the best decision for herself. Of course I want to be apart of that decision, but it does bring some relief in knowing that I can't really make a difference in that decision outside of what I can do for myself and hope that over time she will be able to really recognize it. If she doesn't than I will know that she truly has moved on. Time will tell. I'm waiting on a response from an email that I sent her on Monday. She said it was a great email and she would like to respond to it. Her email has been down this week and she's been pretty sick this week as well. I will update you all when I receive the email.

 

Pray for me everyone, I do hope things will turn around for the better.

 

Exactly. True happiness comes from self. Your reliance on her has resulted in your current situation. You'll have to learn to become a source of light and hope in her life. It has to be a one way street.

 

In fact, now is a perfect time to show her you can also be there for her, even in your pain and depression. We have to give as well as recieve in any marriage.

 

There is always hope, good luck and best wishes.

[TrustInYourself]

Another rant today. I went to sleep pretty happy and at peace with the whole sitch. When I wake up it's another story completely. I feel alone and longing for that love that my wife showed me and the kiss that I gave her each day I left for work.

 

Today I'm dealing with a lot of guilt. Guilt of neglecting her physically which drove a wedge into our emotional bond for one another. I've taken full responsibility for that and have expressed that to her. I don't think she has forgiven me for that and that's the main reason that she made the choice to leave and start seeing someone else. I have to forgive myself for that as well I guess. The depression that I was experiencing was completely the reason for this but I didn't get help in time to save my marriage and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I have learned that lesson and will not do that again for any problem that comes up in future relationships.

 

I also feel that she should have not given up on me or the marriage. That was her choice completely and I have to accept that as well. It hurts to think back on the times when she would tell me how much she loved me and would always be there for me no matter what. That wasn't very long ago. When I was going through the cancer diagnose and surgery she was by my side telling me we could get through this and we will get through whatever is thrown our way. Even when I lost my job in December she was telling me we will get through this without hesitation. I now recognize that she got tired of being the one to carry the relationship and be the strong one for us. Again me dealing with guilt on the matter.

 

How do I accept and forgive myself for driving this wedge between us? I feel responsible for this situation. I do know that she made a choice and sometime just decided that she couldn't take it anymore or that she didn't want to take it anymore. I remember her saying that I have sucked everything out of her and she had nothing else to give. I'm not sure how to take that but I do understand that depression can do just that if not treated in time. It's like a terminal cancer on the relationship. Eventually if left untreated will take over and kill any love that was there in the relationship. I know this because I've witnessed the destruction first hand.

 

On the other side I feel if the roles were reversed that I wouldn't have given up. I'm not for certain because I wasn't in her shoes for that amount of time. I just know that I cherished her so much but didn't show her that at all. It sucks that I kept that to myself so much and didn't express it enough to her. I have to find away to deal with these feelings of regret, remorse and guilt. It eats me up inside to feel this way. It keeps me from feeling the anger that I feel I should be feeling to help me to start to move forward and continue with the process of grieving this loss.

 

I do apologize for these long rants but basically I feel as I'm doing my journaling on these forums with the hope that some of you great people will help me process these emotions and thoughts.

 

Thank you everyone for your continued support during these times.

 

Hah, I remember these thoughts as well. It's good to think on them, but you also have to focus on the present. You have to move past it.

 

Focus on yourself. Where you have complete control and the ability to change everything.

 

You know your faults and understand some part in why things have gone wrong. That's alot more than most people are capable of doing. Now you need to take action. Start changing for the better. Small steps and consistency will speak more about you, than anything.

[sinatra]

So I went away this weekend to Boston to see my family and throw a surprise b-day party for her 95th. My grandmother loved it, but she was very close to my STBX and she cried on Saturday because she wasn't' there or didn't send her a card. She mentioned her quite a bit over the weekend. It was a very hard time for me as well. I was trying to be strong for my grandmother but it was not something that I could do on a consistent bases at all. We went up there around 4 times and always enjoyed the family and they all loved her as well.

 

So everyone knew about my cancer surgery, loss of job and pending divorce. So it wasn't something that I could just try and forget for the weekend. Everyone gave me the hug and the I'm sorry to hear about everything that's been going on.

 

I tell you what everyone, I have been in so much pain this weekend that I thought I was going to go insane from time to time. The pain is so so great and I miss her so damn much! I haven't contacted her since last monday letting her know how much her share of the divorce will be. Last thing she said was I'm sorry you are so angry with me.

 

Anyway her Mom txted me on Saturday and asked what I was doing. Then when I didn't respond to her she sent another txt letting me know that even though I don't know it right now that I have a special place in her heart. She said for me to kiss my pups and that she missed them. I didn't respond and I'm not taking anything from it. I just have been trying to go NC with everyone from her family and her. I'm just pretty upset about the whole thing and the NC is for me to move on right??? That's what I'm looking for, I want to lose the hope, I think I have actually and know that's its just flat over with. She has skated out of the thing with money and half my **** and a new life.

 

I need the anger stage!! How long did that take you all to get there? What's the deal with her mom txting me??

[Chrome Barracuda]

Because her mother still probably loves you as a son in law and will truly miss you.

 

It sucksw that your going through so much right now, but maybe you could have responded back in a nice way, saying "thanks for your concern but it be prudent for my time of healing to remain NC with my STBX wife's family memebers in this time of crisis. thank you." There's no need to be mean. It sucks because the family didnt divorce you she is. She's the idiot. But your going to get to the anger stage. she's leaving you when your sick and needs help the most, some wife huh? Some kind of model for human decency she is.

 

Trust me when the tables are turned and the shoes on the other foot she's gonna be kicking herself thinking damn why was I so mean to people. it'll happen.

 

But first thing you need to read is that book by lance armstrong, that cat can survive anything!!! So can you...

[sinatra]

I think I'm going to ask for the ring back. I know this is a controversial subject. My story is that I owe my father 5000 for the ring and she knows this. She cheated on me, left me and asked for a divorce. During this time we separated she said I love you and called me baby while getting money from me and the entire time knew she wanted a divorce. I'm sure she got together with her bitchy friends and they told her to do all this ****. I'm so pissed at this situation that I'm about to go freaking nuts!!

 

I can't believe that this person did all this! She was so sweet and loving throughout the whole marriage. Now that she has moved on with someone else doesn't even give a **** about me.

[GorillaTheater]

I've taken the liberty of reporting "Crystall", Sinatra; my sympathies for having to put up with this kind of vile crap.

 

So, how do you think the stbxw found this place?

[sinatra]

Yea exactly Thanks for the support, people like that really make me laugh. I'm sure she is a very un happy person in the first place so no worries here.

 

I have other things on my mind at this point anyway. Trying to move on from this is a true test of oneself. It's very very difficult and trying to do.

 

Thanks again.

[skywriter]

Sinatra,

 

As you well know, some days and (nights) will be harder than others. Just try very hard to focus on postive things. Surely you have a strong circle of friends, near that you can spend time with, fish, be active, just try to keep busy. It helps tremendously.

 

Sitting around idle, tends to cause, dwelling on negative thoughts.

 

You're to smart for that so don't even go there.

 

You'll be alright, just believe in yourself and you'll even begin to amaze yourself.

 

Be determined not to let this affect you and your future.

When my ex-H left me. I took all the energy from the emotions I was feeling into the gym and on the track at the local high school. In the next 8 months or so following. I got into incredible shape. Worked out with the weights, walked, biked, you name it.

 

When all was said and done, the ex-H's guy friends were checking me out. I was like a new woman. In fact, when I would go out to different functions, these guys that were his buddies were saying, who is that? It was funny because they had known me for yrs and didn't recognize me.

 

What I'm really saying is, when I was with my ex-H. I really wasn't taking good care of me. It took him leaving, to make me focus on me.

 

Love you and others will love you too....

[sinatra]

Thanks Sky, I have been trying to move the focus over to me and look towards the future not the past. I'm still very raw with the emotions and try to work them.

 

I have an update and would like some input. I emailed my wife yesterday and asked for the ring back since I still owed my father some money for it and he's unemployed at the moment. She emailed me back and started the email of with Hey Babe. It's just so strange to me that she is still calling me babe. Anyway, she said that she would not give the ring back because it holds too much sentimental value to her and that I gave it to her. She wasn't rude about it all or anything. She also said that it's bad enough that she had to give up me, our house, our life, our puppies and everything else because of the pain she's been through. She said that it's not like me to ask for something like that and that she doesn't see why she would have to give up something so sacred that I gave to her for him.

 

I then talked with my grandmother and her mother called my grandmother earlier in the day and was crying and saying how she will always love until the day she dies. She also made a comment saying "I don't know about my daughter right now" I'm guessing she's feeling guilty or doesn't really know why she is doing everything she's doing. Well my STBX called my grandmother later in the same day and was asking a bunch of questions about me like, has he been cooking, his eating well, did he come to the party this weekend. She broke down while talking with my grandmother and told her that she never wants my grandmother to leave her and that she loves her so much. My grandmother didn't really get into anything with her but was telling her that it's a shame that things are like this right now. STBX was also saying that she hasn't really been working on her new place and that she was really tired from working so much and saying that it was hard.

 

I'm not sure how to take all of this and I haven't responded to her email. I've wanted to keep NC through all this and maybe things are starting to set in a little with her and her family. Or maybe it's just the guilt seeping through and they are starting to feel bad for things. I do not want to have any false hope from any of this at this point. My thoughts are to not respond and just try to move forward with the divorce. In the back of my head I don't want to let it go if she is feeling any doubts about what she's doing at this time.

 

I'd love some advice from anyone on what their thoughts are on what I should do. Stay NC with them after she sent the email? It does seem like a open ended email and not really just slamming the door, I'm confused.

 

Advice please?

[SRV]

Sinatra, at this point in time, ACTIONS not words will guide your future with her. In other words, do not read too much into the language used, or words written without the solid ACTIONS to back them up.A ring is like a contract especially in cases where engagements are concerned. It is a promise, so if the engagement is broken off, the ring is meant to be given back. There are exceptions though, if you gave her the ring on a day other than a holiday (birthday, Christmas, Valentine's et al), then when engagement was broken off, she is obligated to give it back. You might want to check what the State laws are where you live in relation to this.Its always good to hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. In your case, I would start thinking of life without her, starting detaching emotionally this is not to say that the possibility of reconciliation are nil. You do not want to pine too much for someone that is living their life, whilst stringing you along as yours passes you by. Best of luck!

[skywriter]

Sinatra,

 

With all do respect to this woman that you love.

 

I'm thinking deep down in your heart, you know she seems to break out the tophat and cane, whenever necessary.

 

She knows when to give you the sweet names, (babe) and she has now stepped up her game by calling your relatives. Hasn't changed her ultimate agenda though.

 

In my gut, I feel she's hoping to use your weakness, (your emotions) to relieve her guilt and also to get the things she wants, (ring).

 

In the words of the comedien, Tim Wilson, "But I could be wrong".

[sinatra]

I agree Skywriter, it's just hard to accept that she is doing this and being so manipulative. I closed our joint bank account yesterday and that was very hard because it's just one step closer to the D. I know it's just part of the steps to move on and put this all behind me.

 

I got results back from my oncologist yesterday and my kidney's aren't functioning properly. Just had the cancer removed in December so that's concerning. I really thought it was going to be a clean test and not have to worry about my health on top of all this. Just brings in to focus the lack of any love that she has for me and not wanting to be around anymore. Whatever, I'm pretty pissed and not having a good day right now. It's Sunday and that's always a hard day for me. This is a devastating and painful loss of someone that was very very good to me throughout our marriage and then just left. Sorry for re hashing everything and feeling like I'm stuck in an endless loop of thoughts and pain and anger.

[sinatra]

W sent me an email out the blue.

 

"I just feel that you have so much hatred towards me. I know you haven't said anything to me to merit that, but I just feel it. I know you are hurting, and I am too. I keep thinking that not talking is best, but there are so many times that I want to pick the phone and talk to you. I just don't want to upset you. I hope you are ok and wanted to tell you that I love you."

 

I'm not going to respond to it, because I believe actions speak louder than words and I feel this is her guilt eating her up.

 

What are ya'lls thoughts on it? I know it's not a big deal but I wasn't expecting to get anything from her. This isn't stopping me from moving forward with my life, but curious on other people's opinion on it.

 

Thank you for your time responding.

[skywriter]

Hi Sinatra,

 

I hate to hear your tests didn't come back clean. I hope that you're getting along alright and especially hope you have some type of friends or family around, to support you through everything.

 

As to what your W is thinking? hmmmmm... It's so difficult to assume what someone is thinking and feeling, particularly when I don't know her. She definitly seems to be a very confused person.

 

I can say this with some certainty. You know best. Listen to to gut instincts. I've mad some very poor choices in my life, by not listening to that lil' voice that knew best. My selfishness and desire for gratifaction (temporary or otherwise) will always cause me to stuff a sock in my intuitive voice.

 

I wish that I could say, Sinatra, she seems to be reaching out, but then, she seems to do this according to your prior posts, only to disappoint you in the end. Take care of yourself, "S".

[sinatra]

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!

 

I received an email from my W. It was a very long email stating that she has been miserable without me and she would like to try and work things out.

 

She explained how she was shutting me out because she wasn't emotionally ready to hear any of my requests or could see that I was making true changes. As you all know this is completely unexpected. I haven't talked with her in detail because I let her know that Ive been through an emotional roller coaster and need a few days to process these new developments. We're planning to meet Monday night to discuss things. I did talk with her a little on the phone last night and let her know that I appreciated her pouring out her heart and was brave enough to express herself. I told her that i believe we can get through this but it will have to be a slow process because of some of the pain we have both been through. She stated in her email that my silence was deafening and that when I let her know that I contacted an attorney she thought that I was done. She began to realize that I might have moved on and there wasn't going to be a chance to see if I had made true significant changes. The NC worked for sure and I just couldn't believe the 180 that happened so fast. In a matter of 3 weeks it flipped!

 

I can't thank all of you on this board enough. There have been times when I have been unable to make it through a day never mind hours or minutes. I found myself pouring over other posters post's to at least feel as if I wasn't the only one going through this pain.

 

I know that it's not a definite thing that we are going to make it, but from what the email said and what she is saying now I truly feel that we are on the way to the best marriage we could have!

 

Also, my test results came back from my oncologist and my kidney levels are a little off but he thinks everything is ok. I'm going back in 6 months for a check up.

 

This is such an amazing feeling and time. Thanks again everyone. I guess I'm moving to the second chances board now.

[skywriter]

Sinatra,

 

Wow! This is a turn around! It's good to hear your mood so lifted. I really hope that you two can reconcile. We need more happy endings around here.

 

Also glad to hear your report from the oncologist.

 

Best wishes for you and your W.

[Chrome Barracuda]

The question is , is she still with the other man, because as long as there is contact in any form or fashion it will not work out.

 

Establish that too!

[sinatra]

I'm utterly devastated right now. After her sending the email saying that she wants to try and give it a chance and the txting's and the phone calls she and I were very excited to try and make things work it seemed. Then she came over and we talked for a little while and soon I realized that she still had a lot of anger and resentment towards me. She hadn't dealt with any of those emotions and when she saw me she wanted to talk about all the past hurt and pain that she dealt with. I thought that she was in a different place at this point. Everyone I'm so so hurt and utterly in shock. I was moving on and I felt good about moving on from this point. Then she sucked me back into it and then told me that she just thinks we are on different pages at this point.

 

She doesn't think that we will ever be on the same page. She said that I had already processed things and was in a different place and that she realized that she hasn't and may never be able to forgive me. Why did she come back into my life like that and give me that hope? I'm just utterly floored and I'm sitting at home because I couldn't bring myself to go to work. I was doing so well and then she slammed me down to rock bottom again. I'm hurting so bad and I just don't want to feel this way anymore.

 

I broke down for the first time in front of her when I realized that she didn't want to try and work on things. I just felt betrayed all over again. She said that she made a mistake by reaching out to me like she did. That just broke my heart. When she started to talk about all the hurt and resentment that she still had for me I became worried that she wasn't where I thought she had claimed to be.

 

It just seems like she's totally confused and lost and is not in a good frame of mind, but it's just unhealthy for me to talk to her now. I know that we will not see each other again or talk to each other again after last night. She did deny being with anyone numerous times and got upset when I kept asking her that. I just didn't think that we were going to be talking about everything like the day that she left.

 

Everyone I'm so lost and in so so much pain that I can't take this pain. This is so much harder than the first time she walked out. I got my hopes up so so much and then she crushed them. I was trying to talk to her about being able to forgive me and then we could move on. I just thought that's where she was and when she realized that she wasn't there and hadn't forgiven me she said that she had a weak moment and sent me the email and called my grandmother crying and saying how much she missed me.

 

Help me please

[GorillaTheater]

Sinatra, I am so sorry. I thought maybe things were on the upswing, and I understand why this must be crushing. The quickest way (a relative term, nothing can be quick enough) to heal is to go NC to the extent you can. As part of that, you may be at a point where you need to speak to each other only through your lawyers. Hang in there, brighter days are ahead.