Stupid or nice guy?

[mendsley]

My last couple of days have been pretty bad for me. This is what is going on;

 

I am seperated from my wife who left me for another guy. So I am living in a new house, with a room mate, I am trying to meet new friends. Well my room mate brings over some girls who he knows from work.

 

He thought that they would be cool to hang out with. One of the the girls has been coming over a couple times a week to hang out and just chat.

 

She has moved into a new apt. with her girlfriend and they are bored out of thier mind cause they are just starting out. I have a XBOX 360 that is brand new and I never play, she asked if she and her girlfriend could borrow it to give them something to do.

 

The nice guy I am, I said sure but, I will need it back in a week cause I am giving it to my son for his birthday. The other day I was getting ready to go to the gym and I went to get my IPOD and it was not in the normal place.

 

I was talking to my room mate and he said that this girl might of stole the ipod and I probably won't see my xbox either cause he just heard she is a thief.

 

So I guess I am mad at myself for putting myself in this position. I am learning alot about myself since my wife left me. I am learning that maybe I am to nice to people and the ones who are $hitheads can see me coming a mile away.

 

Does this seem like I was just being nice, or just a plain out right stupid thing to do?

 

MIKE

[Meaplus3]

It sounds like your were beign very nice. I hope for your sake she is not a thief and you get your xbox back.

 

Mea:)

[Sibyl Vane]

You were being nice. You should probably stop that.

 

Contact her asking for the xbox back. If that doesn't happen, inform the police. I wouldn't expect too much but it's pretty much all you can do.

[carhill]

Good lesson at roommate U. Get a safe and lock your valuables up. It's not the roommate you have to worry about. Unless you have the missing items marked, fuggetabout them. They're gone

 

Don't ever lend out your stuff to anyone who asks directly. Only do it when you offer proactively. In time, you'll see the difference. Sounds cold, but hey you had to work to afford the stuff; they can too

[mendsley]

Thanks for the input

 

You know after reading what I posted it seems to lame that I am actually complaining about a freakin XBOX. I put myself in that situation and I had a gut instinct when I was putting it in the bag for her to take, that maybe this was not a good idea.

 

I have been thru a whole lot in my life and, at 31, am still not even close to figuring things out.

 

It is sad to say but, I try so hard to have people accept me that I lose all sense of good judgement.

 

I mean when my wife was having an affair I stood there and did nothing, I even knew it was going on but I was to spineless to step in and confront the affair.

 

Now that I am all alone and have time to really look at myself, I wonder WTF is wrong with me. I tell myself all the time to not let people push you around, but there is something inside that takes a grip right at the point of confrontation and says "stop just let it go" and I always give in.

 

Understand this more than just an XBOX, but rather another phase of finding out who I really am, and I am not happy with what I am finding out.

 

I want to know why I am like this, could this be cause of my alcoholic father that whould drink him self asleep before I could say good night dad? or maybe my drug addicted mother that has been married to abusive guys who beat her up right in front of me, and once again I never tried to stop it.

 

I don't know, all I know is this world is a hard place and you make it out to be what it is by suppressing reality.

 

Sorry to go of in a rage but, I have no one to talk to and I have never brought up my childhood because I thought it was nothing to talk about.

[carhill]

Have you had any sort of therapy? What you described is traumatic. Why is it never about the XBOX

[mendsley]

I am in therapy and I don't think the guy I am going to is what I need. Maybe I will look for someone new.

 

My STBX has always told me that the way my parents treated me was not the way it should of been growing up and I always just blew it off. I always would treat my parents with respect and never looked down on them. I guess I would block out what has happened to me when I was growing up. It would drive her nuts that I did that.

 

The reason I say it is not about the XBOX is because the XBOX incident really got me thinking. Why did this happen? How could of this been prevented? Why did I not go with my first initital instinct and say NO!?

 

I seem to have this same pattern where I will act then react. I will do what the person wants and then afterwards I will think about it and say to myself "Why did I do that"? This incident is enough, I cannot go on being so weak, it needs to be stopped!

 

I just don't know where to start and how to start.

 

Another thing that I dislike about myself is I always do what it ever it takes to avoid confrontation. Like for instance, if I am having a problem at work I will just quit and move somewhere else, like another city and find a new job there. I have done that so many times in the last ten years, I even had 3 children and a wife and I still moved them without any care of what they had to say. I am tired of moving away from my problems.

[EllieBean]

It seems kind of odd to me that you would be giving your son a second hand xbox for his birthday. If you buy someone a gift, at least have the decency not to use it first, and especially not to lend it out before giving it as a gift!

 

With regard to your problem: I blame your friend for bringing a thief into your home. She could just as easily have stolen your stuff while you weren't there. You really need to learn to say no too - when she asked to borrow your xbox, why didn't you just say: Sorry, I'm giving it to my son... ? It seems like you're not very good at standing up to people - I know you dislike confrontation, but sometimes it's necessary to stand up for yourself, otherwise people will walk all over you.

[mendsley]

It seems kind of odd to me that you would be giving your son a second hand xbox for his birthday. If you buy someone a gift, at least have the decency not to use it first, and especially not to lend it out before giving it as a gift!

 

I bought this about 4 months ago to help keep myself occupied considering I am living alone now and I never inteded it to be a birthday gift. I never ended up playing it but a few times and he mentioned that he always wanted one of those.

 

It does seem kind of odd to give him something that I have used but, he really does want the thing and I never used it. Of course this is not the only thing he will be recieving from me, trust me on that, he has written down everything he wants . It was just an added gift that I decided last minute.

 

I guess I could wait a month until school gets out and if he brings home a good report card I can give it to him then. None the less after you mention it he might not appreciate getting a used gift so, thanks for the heads up.

 

With regard to your problem: I blame your friend for bringing a thief into your home. She could just as easily have stolen your stuff while you weren't there. You really need to learn to say no too - when she asked to borrow your xbox, why didn't you just say: Sorry, I'm giving it to my son... ? It seems like you're not very good at standing up to people - I know you dislike confrontation, but sometimes it's necessary to stand up for yourself, otherwise people will walk all over you.

 

I agree with you my friend brought this person into my house and I guess I trusted his judgement. I know I need to just say no, but for some reason it is very hard for me. Like I said, I seem to want people to accept me and I will do what ever it takes. I know this is a flaw and I have to start saying no or putting myself into a wierd position. After time of me saying no and saying how I feel it will get easier, i don't know.

 

Thanks,

[EllieBean]

If you had already decided to give the xbox to your son, why lend it out? You hadn't used it, so it's not okay for someone else to use it before you give it as a gift.

 

It does sound like you're looking for acceptance and therefore find it difficult to say no to people - but that means they'll often just walk all over you, you really need to stand up for yourself. When your marriage ended it sounds like you let your wife walk all over you too, and didn't even confront her about her affair. Perhaps your family history has led you to feel uncomfortable with confrontation - if so this is really something you need to work on. There's a difference between being abusive and being assertive, between being unpleasant and simply standing up for yourself. You sound like a nice guy, but perhaps you need to work on your self esteem; get some pride and don't allow people to continue treating you like a doormat.