cm5162 Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for 3.5 years. I am 24 and she is 25. Recently she told me that she wanted some space from the relationship to figure some stuff out with her life. She basically felt dependent on me and not happy with hersellf at times when she was away from me. She felt she needed to deal with these and other issues before she ended up being 30 with the same issues and unhappy in whatever relationship or marriage she was in. The confusing part is that she told me that she loves me wants to spend the rest of her life with me, but needs to be selfish at this current time for herself. In emails she even calls it a little break???? I love her very much, we get along so well together and rarely have any problems. We are one with each other and both consider each other our solmates. This happend 3 weeks ago. I was very devastated and a week later she calls me saying she feels lonely sad and wants to see me. We get together for dinner and she says that she is not sure if she is making the right decision and is considering getting back together. I'm worried that if we do there is nothin to stop her from doing this again in a couple months. When we talk she talks about vacationing together next year and even talks about planning trips together for next month. This sends me big mixed signals wereby I am not sure what to do. Since she has told me (numerous times) she is not looking to see other people and has no intentions of having sex with anyone else I told her to take the time she needs (I gave myself a time frame) and I'll wait. Currently though I'm thinking that this is not fair to me and I sometimes think screw this even though I have really strong feelings for her. This is my first long term relationship (all others were very short or one night stands) and part of me thinks I'm just blinded by love. Her attitude just recently changed after she turned 25 and I think she is just unhappy with her career and other parts of her life (but she insists there is nothin wrong with me and she loves me very much). I've got a very good career and am very confident about myself but I just want to be with this girl so bad!! what is a guy to do????? Link to post Share on other sites
KitWalker Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 Geez mate, your position sounds so much like mine! I'm 27yrs and the ex is 27 too......basically in the same boat! its only been 11days since the break up....but I've been sitting and waiting and being optimistic. I guess it boils down to your decision in the end? she wants to be with you, you're having second thoughts. You need to concentrate on the good things rather than the bad...there's always goingn to be bad! Lot's of "what ifs" in your passage....be content that she has come back to you and that you have a 2nd go at working on whatever it is thats making her insecure! Im still waiting for my 2nd chance here.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cm5162 Posted October 14, 2003 Author Share Posted October 14, 2003 The messed up part is that we are not really back. We are going to talk this week about it but I think she is still going to be like I need more time to figure stuff out. Basically she doesn't know if she can deal with her issues with me in her life or if she needs to be alone to deal with them. The real problem is she talks about doing things in the future meaning weeks and months ahead as if we are going to get back real soon. She is a real genuine and honest girl and I don't think she is consiously doing it to string me but I don't know if I should just move on or not. what happened to you?? Link to post Share on other sites
KitWalker Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 In the same boat at the moment mate, although you seem a little better off! I havent had contact with my ex, still giving her space and sending her an odd sms here and there to say little things "eg. Phew hot today and washed my car!" .....not expecting a response, but my way of saying that I am thinking of her without "pressuring her" to reply etc. If she needs her space, im sure everyone will agree that you have to give it to her. You've heard the saying "if its meant to be, she'll come back to you"....well listen to it. Back off and see where she wants to go. NOthing wrong with saying that you care and you'll be there. But no use forcing it....stifles the relationship mate! You're on talking terms,so thats a lot easier for you...just dont be overbearing thats all... Link to post Share on other sites
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