love4ever Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 I'm currently in an LDR in which my bf lives a little over two hours away. His dad's place is about 35mins from me so usually when ever he visits he sees his dad or vice versa. On average I see him 2 to 4 days a month b/c I work two jobs which makes timing hectic and my parents insist on making it more difficult. Well this past weekend he was at his dad's place but didn't stop by which made me a little upset since I was really missing him. He explained to me that when he got in the area I was already at work(Sat) and then he went out with one of his friends...plus I was working all day on Sunday.... I mean i didn't care how long i saw him, i just wanted a hug or something. I know I'm probably being a little ridiculous for being upset but I don't know how to stop being so needy at times. Some weeks I miss him terribly and I can feel it in my heart...other weeks I can involve myself in work enough that I don't feel it much. I don't know if I really want an answer or I just wanted to just vent a little. Link to post Share on other sites
EllieBean Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 You're not needy - I think it's reasonable to expect him to see you on Saturday night instead of his friend! Who is he in a relationship with anyway?! My bf would have driven all night just to spend an hour with me, and yours couldn't even be bothered to see you when he was nearby - he isn't making much effort, is he? I would definitely have kicked up a fuss about him seeing his friend instead of me. Does he usually make a lot of effort, or is he always selfish like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 You were busy with work during the weekend. He had his time free. He could have and should have made sure to fit some time in to your schedule. Whether that was meeting you when you got off work before you headed home or an early morning visit before you had to go to work on Sunday. In an LDR it is waaaaaaay too easy to get complacent with not seeing each other. There has to be an effort on both sides to show the other person that they're still "in it". The two of you should feel lucky to have each other and each of you needs to feel valued. He didn't treat you that way at that point. So of course you had a problem with that. You should talk to him about it. Really talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 If he was my bf, he'd better have a MUCH better reason than 'I was out with my friend' for not seeing me when he's in my area. In fact, pretty much the only reason I could think of that I'd accept would be that his friend had an emergency/was very sick. Other than that, I'd raise hell about this. Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 OK my first questions would be: Was there any block of time that you two could have spent together, or would he have had to drive more than a half hour each way for a 5 minute conversation? Could he have scheduled time with his friend at any other time or was that really it - and how often does he see his friends? If he hasn't hung out with his friend in 3 months and that was the only time to do it, then I can see wanted to take advantage of the time. Not that you aren't important, but he should be allowed to spend time with friends, too. Is he bogged down with lots of stuff right now, or is he kind of relaxed? If he's stressed, it's easy to overlook some of the obvious things like communicating effectively, but if he's doing ok, that's something he should have done. Long story short, he probably messed up and should have talked to you a bit more about his time and schedule while he was in town, but I personally would give him a pass for being a dork one time (assuming this was the only time this happened). Link to post Share on other sites
Author love4ever Posted April 6, 2009 Author Share Posted April 6, 2009 You're not needy - I think it's reasonable to expect him to see you on Saturday night instead of his friend! Who is he in a relationship with anyway?! My bf would have driven all night just to spend an hour with me, and yours couldn't even be bothered to see you when he was nearby - he isn't making much effort, is he? I would definitely have kicked up a fuss about him seeing his friend instead of me. Does he usually make a lot of effort, or is he always selfish like this? He usually does make alot of effort and is very supporative. He doesn't see that particular friend that often....I think I'm just in one of my funks and am being selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author love4ever Posted April 6, 2009 Author Share Posted April 6, 2009 OK my first questions would be: Was there any block of time that you two could have spent together, or would he have had to drive more than a half hour each way for a 5 minute conversation? Could he have scheduled time with his friend at any other time or was that really it - and how often does he see his friends? If he hasn't hung out with his friend in 3 months and that was the only time to do it, then I can see wanted to take advantage of the time. Not that you aren't important, but he should be allowed to spend time with friends, too. Is he bogged down with lots of stuff right now, or is he kind of relaxed? If he's stressed, it's easy to overlook some of the obvious things like communicating effectively, but if he's doing ok, that's something he should have done. Long story short, he probably messed up and should have talked to you a bit more about his time and schedule while he was in town, but I personally would give him a pass for being a dork one time (assuming this was the only time this happened). No he hasn't hung out this particular friend (his best friend) in a while. So I'm probably being picky but I did only work 2-9 that day so I could've seen him in the morning or after work. And you're right he is a bit stressed....just got a new job, then had to buy a new car....so yea after sleeping on it...I'll give him a pass Link to post Share on other sites
Author love4ever Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 No, they're from West Africia.....all parents outside of this country seem to be stricter which can be good but mostly bad for the children. =-~ I didn't say anything b/c he said he had no way out of it.....but still makes me queston if he asked to move it to another day at least. So instead of having 12 or so hours or him I'll get half that....hopefully. I really haven't been feeling him this past week. *sigh* http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t185137/ Link to post Share on other sites
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