pkn06002 Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 What is funny is what a lot of you consider "rewarding him" is what Dr. Harley would consider part of Plan A. Where you show the WS why they should WANT to stay in the marriage. Because like I mentioned before a WS has to be shown a reason to want to say, since we in general have already checked out. Most you seem to want to jump to the Plan B method. Curious as to what you TroyNJ consider a "saved marriage". Because what you describe sure will "save" the marriage, but what will it be after that saving? I have seen people take the route you describe sure the marriage was "saved" but not one was ever happy in that marriage again. I would think that Molly wants a "saved" marriage long the lines of Owl and Taylor. Where both partners worked to get a better marriage post affair. But it takes a lot of work up front by the BS to attempt that. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 What is funny is what a lot of you consider "rewarding him" is what Dr. Harley would consider part of Plan A. Where you show the WS why they should WANT to stay in the marriage. Because like I mentioned before a WS has to be shown a reason to want to say, since we in general have already checked out. Most you seem to want to jump to the Plan B method. Curious as to what you TroyNJ consider a "saved marriage". Because what you describe sure will "save" the marriage, but what will it be after that saving? I have seen people take the route you describe sure the marriage was "saved" but not one was ever happy in that marriage again. I would think that Molly wants a "saved" marriage long the lines of Owl and Taylor. Where both partners worked to get a better marriage post affair. But it takes a lot of work up front by the BS to attempt that. For Molly's sake I hope things work out well for her. However when you get to the point that you've got to put in so much "üpfront" work as a BS after you've already been betrayed, to me it seems like it would take a lot less work and energy to just move on and find somebody new and have a relationship that isn't forever tainted and scarred. Since the WS has already checked out, certainly they'll be happy and grateful to have that status made official via a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Your thread, your issue, your life we've been thrust into and you have disappeared for almost a week. Aren't we due for another due another chapter? Hope all is well...... Link to post Share on other sites
taylor Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Yes, Molley, hope all is well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Molley Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 Hi, sorry I've been away because some of the posts became very difficult to read. I chose one way to repair my marriage that I thought would work, as PKN, Snowflower and Taylor mentioned often, it takes commitment and a marathon to fix a marriage and only if you feel it's worth it. I felt my marriage was worth fighting for so I didn't kick him out, I chose Plan A (per Dr. Hadley.) Looking back, maybe the best thing would have been to kick him out from the get go... I don't know, there's no set rules, we all do what we think is best and I did what I thought was best for my marriage. I finally kicked him out when I couldn't accept his actions any longer... and that seemed to have worked. We've slowly been working on reconnecting again, growing our love for each other. Not all days have been great, some have been awful, for both of us. But, we're both committed to trying to save our marriage and right now, that's all we can do. We just returned from a 4 day trip to Portland, just bummed around the city, saw the sites, ate great food and drank way too much micro brew! BTW... loved this city! I, unlike some other posters, don't agree that just because one partner makes a mistake and has an affair, the whole marriage should be flushed down the toilet, most often than not, the affair was a symptom of something else in the marriage. Of course, there are WS's that are just A*holes and will never change their wander ways... run away quickly! My husband has shown remorse, plenty of it, I'm trying to work through my grief and the fact that I no longer trust him, again we have good and bad days together, so, what can I say... it's a long road back and I hope we'll make it. I'll continue to post as things of interest come up. However, I'm trying not to get too caught up with LS, I think I was starting to become much to dependant on the site and posts which in turn were making me very depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 We are a tough bunch on LS, many obviously burned and somewhat jaded. You know what is best and I hope the best for you and do hope your H knows/realizes how lucky he is. Best of luck...... Link to post Share on other sites
pkn06002 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Good to hear things are better Molly! I too have stopped posting for the same reasons you noted. You take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Molley Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Thanks TDP! and PKN, thank you and I wish you all the best with your marriage too. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Thanks TDP! and PKN, thank you and I wish you all the best with your marriage too. Molley my marriage is very good (today at least;)). Really i hope all works out and apologize if anything I said upset you (see post 16)..... Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Hi Molly! Take what you can from this board. The good thing about being an adult is we get to make the decisions and be responsible for ourselves! Good wishes and take care! Link to post Share on other sites
z1850 Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 He can't be trusted. He lacks integrity, loyalty and moral character. You might consider leaving, and salvaging your own integrity. Otherwise, you'll be forced to live with an adulterer. Link to post Share on other sites
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