marriage in crisis husband has retreated

[Snowflower]

Molley, it sounds like you have been doing some reading or maybe it's help from your MC about the aftermath of affairs. That's great! You sound like a very smart woman!

 

The fact that you recognize the sex you are having now as "hysterical bonding" is important on so many levels for both you and your husband. This is just my opinion, but I think the fact that this happening in your relationship NOW should give you some hope. That and the fact your H had performance issues when he was with the OW.

 

Like it or not, one very important way a husband connects to his wife is through sex. So I think the fact that your husband appears to be quite interested in that tells me that at some very deep level he wants to preserve his relationship with you. I'm just going on what you have posted here.

 

Us women on the other hand, judge the connection in a relationship through conversations. If your husband is not a "talker" like you said, it will probably take a lot of effort on your part to get him to open up. But, like others have said, don't let him use you as an emotional dumping ground for his feelings about the OW and the A. That is simply not fair to you. He needs to address that in IC possibly.

[trent]

He needs to be totally transparent to you. How can you trust him after he had lied to you and cheated on you? Do you have all his passwords to his email accounts, phone records, etc.

 

What is he doing to prevent further contact from the OW? What is his plan when he has the urge to contact her again or when she initiates the contact?

 

Do you know where he is at all time? How do you know he doens't have a secret email account to communicate with her? How do you know she is not coming to town to spent an hour at some local motel with him? How do you know that their love notes/letters through emails stopped?

 

 

 

1) Order a digital voice activated recorder and place it where he will be along and likely to call her, such as under the seat of his car, in your room when you're at work, etc.

 

2) Download a software that allow you to monitor his online activities, including any emails he he sends out or receive.

 

Affairs, especially when emotions are involved and when he was planning to divorce you for her, usually don't end this easily.

Wow are you in the CIA, i realize what this guy did is wrong,once a liar always a liar- but passwords and email accts-geez give the guy a break what a bout privacy

he cheated either forgive and forget or move on

[Mr. Lucky]

I also know that he had difficulty keeping it erect during the times they were together, not the case with the two of us now.

 

I think that's why we're now having great sex, its called hysterical bonding. A way to connect back together again. At this point its difficult to keep a conversation going with him since he's never really been much of a talker.

Understand that, not only does the WS tell his affair partner that sex at home is (choose one) "bad", "infrequent", "unsatisfying" or "non-existent", once caught they also tell the spouse similar things about sex with the AP. I'd be careful of any comparisons...

 

Mr. Lucky

[taylor]

Wow are you in the CIA, i realize what this guy did is wrong,once a liar always a liar- but passwords and email accts-geez give the guy a break what a bout privacy

he cheated either forgive and forget or move on

 

I am going to go out on a limb here and venture to guess that you have never been the victim of an extra marital affair.

 

While forgiveness is an ideal, it is very unrealistic to expect a betrayed husband or wife to forgive a spouse for having sex with someone outside the marriage..especially within days of the affair being discovered.

 

And no betrayed man or woman will ever forget the betrayal unless there is a way to erase memory.

 

The goal is to move on from the infidelity, but it is a long and uncertain road that requires alot of time for healing.

 

I'm torn on the surveillance issue. I think if I were a betrayed spouse I would keep my eyes open and an ear to the ground, but I would not go to the length some BS do unless I needed to collect evidence for divorce proceedings.

 

If a marriage is in recovery, there needs to be an element of trust established. It's far better for the wayward spouse to be forthcoming with all openess and honesty, than for the betrayed spouse to play CIA.

 

But it has nothing to do with the wayward's right to privacy. A wayward forfeits that right when he betrays his spouse in the most private and devastating way.

[Molley]

I have always been extremely trusting of my H. Never once questioned him, I knew he enjoyed looking at porn on the internet... no big deal to me as long as i knew he would always come back to me.

 

Now that the trust is broken, I find myself doing things that I don't want to do, I check his internet history, I check cell phones... ugh, I don't want to, but it' like I can't help myself. This morning, he logged onto his military secured site, and actually got up out of bed and checked all of his email.... there were a couple left over from the OW in his deleted bin, which I had him open up for me, I read (nothing of interest) them and then I had him perm delete again.

 

I don't want to be the CIA, I want to trust but at this point I just can't. He actually had the gall to tell me that this is a problem, that I don't trust him.... well buddy, I'm not the one who cheated and distroyed the trust. I think he understands what's going on.

 

As for the sex and H not being able to keep and errection, he told me this right at the beginning, before he admitted to having an affair, said that he's been having problems, put off as its all part of the bordom of life right now. Then after I outed him, we discussed it again and he said that the first time he realized he was having difficulty staying errect was with the OW.

 

Thanks so much Snowflower for sharing your story too... seems like we may have quiet a bit in common. Still, fully realize that each relationship is very different. But, its good to know that you're back on the right track at this point.

 

Taylor - you know I have found myself wondering if I still had my six figure salary, would I be so willing to go through this.... or would I have kicked him out? I hope that I would have still gone through all of this stuff... but I have to admit, when a woman is able to stand on her own 2 feet and has the financial resources, sometimes breaking things off can be easier. Although, its not always the way to do things.

[pkn06002]

Taylor:

I don't want to rehash my situation on Molly's thread. We have covered my situation pretty much in my thread.

 

I can relate a bit to what her husband is going through and since not a lot of WH post here I can give her my version of what I see her husband going through.

 

I also want to just give her the other side of the coin since my current outcome is way different than yours. If she see's just the success stories and hers does not end up that way it can be a bit depressing. I think it is better if she gets both versions so she can be prepared for however this works out.

 

Now I will say you make a great point about Faith and Hope and not giving those up. That is what I have done at this point.

 

Just a FYI the desire for sex for me personally is not all that important. I am like a woman in the fact that I need that emotional connection. I like sex but it is not the end all important thing for me, since it is easy to come by if you really want it. Finding someone you want to be with is a much harder and fulfilling task.

 

Molly:

You seem to be seeing things for what they are and that is great. Not every BS you see post here sees it that way. Lots of them take the sex as a sign everything is "fixed". But continue to move ahead the way you are, you seem to have a great plan. I am jealous of your husband he has a wife that really wants to get back what they had and sees that it needs to be different. That says a lot about you.

 

Just realize that as much as you learn to re-trust him he has to learn to trust that what you are now doing is for real. Not just a response to the crises at hand. If you both can relearn that trust I am sure life will be great again.

 

Now be careful with the monitoring thing. I know you will hear that a WS forfeits all privacy rights, that is crap. There is a difference between voluntary and forced transparency. For my wife I was more than willing to be transparent but if she insisted on the things some BS's say I should be willing to do I would say NO. Just because you are a WS does not make you a prisoner, I don't believe you can rebuild on the punishment approach. If you push too far you may see him call you on it. Is monitoring a big enough deal breaker for you? Same thing with a polygraph etc...

[Molley]

ugh, He took Wed, Thurs and Fri off from work... so now he's around for the next 5 days, right now depressed, went for a bike ride, of course that didn't help. Made me lunch and now he's outside while I'm trying to work TRYING... I haven't been able to do much of anything since D day, thank goodness I work for myself or I would have been fired. I want to go down stairs and sit with him, talk to him, but he doesn't seem to want that. When he brought my lunch, I asked if he wanted to talk, he just looked at me like he was going to start crying then said no, he just doesnt know what to say at this point. I guess give him some space and hope it will get better later on this afternoon/evening. Maybe him being home and detoxing here will be a good thing.

 

I'm with you pkn, regarding monitoring. He knows that if I ask to see his email, he'll show me. He also knows that I've been checking his cells (he has 2, one is personal the other work.) I think I only have a certain amount of energy and I choose to spend it on trying to correct the marriage and to improve myself/heal myself. I don't want to be wasting it on monitoring him to the extreme... if he wants to contact the OW, he'll find a way, no matter how much I try to prevent it and I'll find out.

[pkn06002]

You know my wife used to just put on a good face and ignore my mopping. But my mother-in-law commented on how sad I looked.

 

It really just took time (in my case) to get out of that funk. Tell you the truth it really took me just getting mad and hating the OW (for a while) for me to really snap out of it. I really just got tired of being sad so got mad instead.

 

Right now your husband has very fond memories of her and what she meant to him. He has to go through a lot of pain for that to change, but it will eventually.

 

Like I mentioned before get him to talk about you two and what is missing and how to improve things. Get his mind on to something else, preferably you. But when he is idol I can tell you he thinks about her. But keep his mind busy.

 

This is where I understand the BS need for answers but I see it as a double edge sword. You ask questions that puts her directly in his thoughts, which you really don't need. So I would think here is a fine balancing act where you need answers but you don't want him dwelling on her.

[Molley]

oh boy, today was a very difficult day for both my H and myself. I finally gave up trying to be a productive human at around 3pm and just fell apart, crying and then curled up in a ball and took a long nap, then went for a walk.

 

When I got back he had dinner almost ready and we started talking. The whole day, he spent in total withdrawal depression, went for a bike ride, than drove around for a while. We started discussing all those wonderful painful issues of infidelity and how he doesn't want to stay around and how awful its been for him since he went NC with the OW. Then it progressed to how she provided all the emotional support for him, replacing me, how they connected right away, how pefect she is, maybe she's actually the ONE. Of course, I countered by saying tha he replaced me with her, so of course he'll think about her all the time... she's the one now... she's there because he let her in, and because we didn't nurture out marriage.

 

All I can say is... thank you all for helping through this, without all of your knowledge and support, I really don't think I could have gotten through today....

 

Anway... I kept my cool, stayed calm and provided support through his withdrawal. He finally admitted that he wanted to just leave today, to call it quits. Funny thing is, so did I... it was so painful today to watch him go through withdrawal and know that I really couldn't do much of anything except to wait. Thankfully I got Surviving and Affair yesterday and read most of it, so I was pepared for all of this, as best I could be.

 

So, where are we now? well, he's still here... I read the "symptoms of Withdrawal" from the book to him, and I explained to him that I understood what he was going through and that I wasn't giving up yet. We finished dinner and then he said that he wanted to sleep in the guest room tonight because he had a book to read. He took "Surviving an Affair" and is now reading it. Baby steps to improving my marriage? I know there's no promises how this will turn out, however, at least he's now willing to read a book that may help him through all the pain.

 

So, for tonight it's just me, my cat, 30 Rock and Love Shack :-) oh and my huge glass of wine...

[Lizzie60]

Chin-chin... glad you're feeling better now.

 

From the feeling I got of you.. I think you're strong and you will go through this.. you'll move on.. and trust me.. life will be much better after.. It's always better... trust me on that one..

 

Take care of yourself.. you have every right to just be selfish.

 

Good luck!

[AnthonyF]

Wish things were better. I do feel for you. I am upset at your husband and how he is reacting.

 

Can you see a counsellor more often? Has he agreed to see one on his own? I think you (and he) need to share your thoughts together and apart.

 

Has he been reading any books like you have?

 

I am not and hope to never be in such a situation, but to me he is being a baby in my estimation and putting way too much on you. You are the one who has every right to be upset and angry. The comments that she listens and was there for him and that it was more emotional then physical is so old and trite. It is unfair to throw those comments on you as some sort of reason for this affair. You can tell when that may be true, but from your posts I don't believe it. I think he just enjoyed the attention of another woman.

 

I have not asked.... Is this woman younger? Why did she want an affair with your husband? Sorry my curious mind going yet again.

 

The fact he is still at home can be looked as a positive and a negative, but his emotions and reactions are not fair to you. That is why there is counselling.

[Molley]

Can you see a counsellor more often? Has he agreed to see one on his own? I think you (and he) need to share your thoughts together and apart.

 

I keep telling him that he needs to go talk to someone other than me about this. I'm here for him, but can only offer so much biased support. Told him to talk to a buddy, the counsellor, join a support site, as I did... he's the type of guy who wants to just shoulder the pain and carry on, for what? The OW actually told he that he should go talk to someone too... and that was before he broke it off with her.

 

Has he been reading any books like you have? No, last night he was suppost to start reading "Surviving the Affair" not sure how far he got into the book, I noticed that the lights were off about an hour after he decided to sleep in the guest room.

 

 

 

I have not asked.... Is this woman younger? Why did she want an affair with your husband? Sorry my curious mind going yet again. She's actually 5 years old than him, a couple older than me. She's in one of the military bands, does a lot of traveling... its all interesting to my H. A few years ago her husband cheated on her, with her best friend. She went through a divorce, now she's looking for a man. They're both in the AF, both share the military background. I'm not really sure why she wanted an affair with my H... she needed a man, he was available and attractived to her. They were together for 7 weeks in a class, learning about each other, always on their best behavior... seeing only the best, and I was a couple thousand miles away.

 

The fact he is still at home can be looked as a positive and a negative, but his emotions and reactions are not fair to you. That is why there is counselling.

Yes, he's still here, seems to be a bit better this morning... we'll see how today goes.

[Snowflower]

 

...We started discussing all those wonderful painful issues of infidelity and how he doesn't want to stay around and how awful its been for him since he went NC with the OW. Then it progressed to how she provided all the emotional support for him, replacing me, how they connected right away, how pefect she is, maybe she's actually the ONE. Of course, I countered by saying tha he replaced me with her, so of course he'll think about her all the time... she's the one now... she's there because he let her in, and because we didn't nurture out marriage.

 

 

This part bothers me and makes me sad for you, Molley.

 

Again, he shouldn't be using you for his emotional dumping ground...especially about his feelings for HER. This is so unfair to you, IMO.

 

Take care of yourself. If I were you, if he starts to bring up his "feelings" for the OW again--I think I would just leave, get away from him. Not permanently of course, but maybe go for a walk, a drive, go see a friend, whatever. You don't need to sit there and listen to him go through his withdrawal. That is his problem, not yours. He was the one that let himself got emotionally involved with someone else.

 

Sorry, I'm just so angry on your behalf because it is so unfair. My H did something similar where he used me as the sounding board for whether he wanted to remain in our marriage or not--almost like I was a neutral, third party-an outsider or something. That was so painful for me--because obviously it was affecting me and I had my own feelings about it. The counselor told him to cut it out because it was so unbearable for me.

 

I'm not comparing your situation to mine because there are a lot of differences, but using your spouse as an emotional dumping ground-as your H is doing to you and mine did to me, is completely unfair.

 

I'm thinking he probably won't stop doing it until you refuse to let him continue--by getting away from him for a little while.

[Molley]

I think at this point we're just being brutally honest, I need to know why he decided to do this. It hurts, yet at the same time, its helping me move past what happened. I know... weird.

 

Although, at this point I'm ready to not hear about the OW, he needs to find someone else and I'm now going to start focusing on each other, what we need from each other to make this better.

 

This morning he seems to be a bit better, at least he's communicating with me, we'll see how the day progresses.

[angie2443]

Is it possible for you to find another man that you could be happy with? Maybe the fact that you have no children is your ticket to leave your husband and find someone who won't hurt you in the way that your husband did.

 

Maybe this is the wrong thing to say, but you could develope other friendships with men while married and then see how you feel about your husband.

[taylor]

Molley,

 

Your husband needs to get himself into individual counseling ASAP for his sake and for yours.

 

Like I said in an earlier post, I was in his shoes a year ago. He is on emotional overload. He NEEDS to work through a myriad of thoughts and feelings that are utterly confusing and painful..to both him and you.

 

It is both harmful and hurtful to you for him to use you as a conduit to process the myriad of thoughts and feelings he is trying to sift through. Yes, he needs to process the affair, realize what it was and what it wasn't. He needs to learn to cope with the loss of the OW...the grief. He needs to sort thru the confusion..why he did what he did. Why he let himself develop feelings for another woman and what he's supposed to do with those feelings now.

 

But this is for HIM to sort through. Not you. This is his burden. Not yours. Yes, he needs help to do this. But you are not the one to help him with this. He needs to seek counseling for help.

 

You have an equally cumbersome burden to deal with that he does not..dealing with BETRAYAL, loss of trust, and grief from the loss of a marriage that will never ever be the same again. I hope that you,as well, are seeking counseling for this.

 

Although you share a marriage, you are each faced with entirely different challenges right now that will take you on totally separate healing journeys. He is dealing with a "relationship break-up" of sorts as well as trying to come to terms with his own behavior..his infidelity. You are dealing with betrayal...loss of trust...and loss of a marriage that will never ever be the same again.

 

Some posters here don't advocate individual counseling, but I do, for both the betrayed and the wayward. You each have separate, painful issues to deal with that should not be dumped on each other. You are not each others' best advocates when dealing with these separate issues.

 

I am guilty of doing what your husband is doing to you right now. I dumped all my grieving feelings for the OM right on top of my husband. I let him hand me kleenex to dry tears I shed over the OM. This was wrong. It was selfish. But it was also desperate. I was drowning in emotional despair and needed someone to throw me a lifeline. I USED my husband for that support. Why he stood by my side through all that I will never know.

 

But it was so utterly wrong of me to do that to him. It hurt him terrible, just as I am sure it is hurting you now. You will never forget the words that are pouring out of him. But you shouldn't have to listen to them. They are not serving your best interests, only causing more harm.

 

Individual counseling is the way to go. He needs to find an IC now.

[angie2443]

It's to late for me to edit, but I wanted to add something.

 

I didn't mean for you to find other men so that you can cheat. I certainly don't think that would solve your problem. I'm just wondering if you think your husband is the only one out there for you, you might end up staying in a relationship that isn't healthy for you.

[taylor]

Molley,

 

Six months post D-Day I told my husband I did indeed fall in love with the OM. Up until that time, I denied it. Not in an effort to hide my true feelings, but because it took that long for me to process the affair and to admit to myself how deep and how strong the feelings were for the other man.

 

That admission marked by far the worst day of our recovery. It was the lowest of low points. It was as if I had sucked the life right out of my husband. He laid on the bed curled up in a little ball in sheer agony and said he felt like he was dying inside. I felt like someone drove a dagger straight through my heart. I knew our marriage had reached its darkest moment.

 

You are walking through fire right now. It will weaken you and your husband and bring you both right to your knees.

 

But down the road you WILL walk out of this fire. And you will walk out of it with renewed strength. Hold on.

[Molley]

Taylor, thank you for everything. I realize he needs individual counceling, I think I'm resisting because I worry how it will go... no control over it. Also, yes we're going through an awful low right now, I do hope we'll be able to come out of it... but I don't know.

 

Angie - I know that he's not the only man out there, that I could find another loving,wonderful man, maybe someone every better. I never believed that there's only one person for us, there are many, that's why we have affairs. Yet, we chose each other and I don't want to give up yet. People keeps saying that because we don't have children, that it's easier to let go and move on. I so don't agree with that. You see, because we didn't have children, I gave all of my love to my H... nothing got split between him and children, my attention (though it wasn't always there) was on him and vice versa.

 

I took the day off to just hang with him today. We're going to do little things, go get some wine, errands... nothing exciting, but then at this point, its just hanging on that we need, not excitement.

[angie2443]

Taylor, thank you for everything. I realize he needs individual counceling, I think I'm resisting because I worry how it will go... no control over it. Also, yes we're going through an awful low right now, I do hope we'll be able to come out of it... but I don't know.

 

Angie - I know that he's not the only man out there, that I could find another loving,wonderful man, maybe someone every better. I never believed that there's only one person for us, there are many, that's why we have affairs. Yet, we chose each other and I don't want to give up yet. People keeps saying that because we don't have children, that it's easier to let go and move on. I so don't agree with that. You see, because we didn't have children, I gave all of my love to my H... nothing got split between him and children, my attention (though it wasn't always there) was on him and vice versa.

.

 

I understand what you are saying. Stay strong. I hope everything works out for you.

[AnthonyF]

Taylor, thank you for everything. I realize he needs individual counceling, I think I'm resisting because I worry how it will go... no control over it. Also, yes we're going through an awful low right now, I do hope we'll be able to come out of it... but I don't know.

 

Angie - I know that he's not the only man out there, that I could find another loving,wonderful man, maybe someone every better. I never believed that there's only one person for us, there are many, that's why we have affairs. Yet, we chose each other and I don't want to give up yet. People keeps saying that because we don't have children, that it's easier to let go and move on. I so don't agree with that. You see, because we didn't have children, I gave all of my love to my H... nothing got split between him and children, my attention (though it wasn't always there) was on him and vice versa.

 

I took the day off to just hang with him today. We're going to do little things, go get some wine, errands... nothing exciting, but then at this point, its just hanging on that we need, not excitement.

 

Molly that last paragraph is what a marriage is. Doing the little things together. It is not the drama, the emotion, tingling excitement about the unknown and what happens in a new relationship. It is the little things, hopefully accompanied by some wow moments.

 

The difficult times are things that are often beyond your control, family, sickness, death (parents), health, accidents, monetary. From what I read the only issue and completely unfair was monetary and you starting a business when you brought in most of the money.

 

Again I am upset with your husband and what he has done.

[taylor]

Taylor, thank you for everything. I realize he needs individual counceling, I think I'm resisting because I worry how it will go... no control over it. Also, yes we're going through an awful low right now, I do hope we'll be able to come out of it... but I don't know.

 

Individual counselors don't try to make it go anywhere..they don't try to make anyone make decisions about anything. No counselor will tell your husband to stay married; nor will any counselor tell your husband to divorce.

 

Counseling is a place to vent feelings...feelings that are either bottled up or buried deep inside. Counselors validate feelings and offer ways to cope with certain feelings but they don't validate a person's actions. No counselor will tell your husband it was OK to have an affair.

 

Counseling is also a place where your husband can think his thoughts out. The counselor may ask him questions to make him think deeper or to make him consider all the angles, but the counselor's goal is not to lead him to a particular decision about anything.

 

Counseling is more of a self-discovery..a verbal reflection of self..more than anything else. It's a place for him to get in touch with who he was, who he is, and who he wants to be. Its also a place for him to realize what is truly important in his life...what has meaning..value, importance. What his needs are as a person...a man. And about what brings him purpose, value and happiness.

 

You say you are worried about not having control. The thing is you really don't have control over another person's inner thoughts and feelings. No one has. Certainly no counselor is going to be able to do that either. The counselor's goal is to get the person to be true to himself, not to influence the person one way or another.

 

Joint marriage counseling is a great place for you and your husband to look at your marriage together to decide whether or not it's worth saving. And if it is, and you both recommit to your marriage, marriage counselors then can guide you with a course of action and decision making to make recovery your goal.

 

Marital recovery is not for everyone. Some couples jointly agree their marriages aren't worth saving. No one would question your decision to walk away especially in the wake of an affair. Only you know your husband and only you know your marriage. The decision is complicated and personal.

 

Just a comment on the quote below: Some posters do say it's easier to walk away from a marriage if there are no kids. But by the same token, there are posters who will tell you they stayed in bad marriages because of the kids. IMO, the kids should not be THE consideration as to whether you stay or go. A marriage is between two consenting adults and it still exists long after the kids are grown and gone...and it exists whether or not kids are even brought into the union, like yours.

 

IMO, the best reason to stay in a marriage is because you still see value in it. If you and your husband can both still see some value in it, the marriage has a chance of recovering and of being fulfilling for both of you.

 

we chose each other and I don't want to give up yet. People keeps saying that because we don't have children, that it's easier to let go and move on. I so don't agree with that. You see, because we didn't have children, I gave all of my love to my H... nothing got split between him and children, my attention (though it wasn't always there) was on him and vice versa.

[Snowflower]

 

 

Marital recovery is not for everyone. Some couples jointly agree their marriages aren't worth saving. No one would question your decision to walk away especially in the wake of an affair. Only you know your husband and only you know your marriage. The decision is complicated and personal.

 

/QUOTE]

 

 

taylor, your posts are always so helpful.

 

From what I have read on your posts, it sounds like you went to h*** and back over the last year. I'm sure it was extremely painful and I think you being able to share some of what you experienced, felt and learned for others to read about here is at least one positive outcome of your difficult experience.

 

Just a positive thought for a Friday!

[taylor]

Thank you for the kind words, Snowflower.

 

It has been the most difficult year of my life.

 

And the thing with affairs is there aren't very many places a hurting couple can turn to for comfort or support..even a listening ear. This certainly was nothing I wanted to share openly with friends and family. And it certainly wasn't something friends and family would have rallied around with warm fuzzies, hugs, kisses, and baked cookies.

 

Couples like us who deal with infidelity do it primarily in the confines of our homes, behind closed doors. You can feel very alone in the world.

 

I am so grateful that a forum like this exists and that there are people here willing to spend time to read the stories...give that listening ear, that hug, that kick in the pants, that word of wisdom. This forum is so rich with experience and insight. I give this forum much credit for helping me get thru this past year.

 

I continue to gain insight and learn from every story I read here.

 

If anything of my life experience helps anyone here in any way then I know some "good" came from a truly horrendous experience. And I am sure there are many many others here who feel the same way. We truly are a community that helps each other.

 

Have a wonderful weekend, snowflower. I hope you and your husband are doing well.

[Molley]

I so totally agree, that without this forum and the care, feeback received... things would have been much worse for me and my H.

 

I do hope the weekend will be a good one for everyone.