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What type of "environment" fosters FWB relationships?

alphamale

By alphamale,
in General Relationship Discussion

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allina

allina

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I think some people over think this. I had an off/on FWB for years (we were on and off because we did not hook up if/when one of us was seeing someone).

 

This guy was my friend and still is. I respect him and like him as a person, the sex was good and safe so why not? We've always had a good friendship and we always had fun together, but we have never had romantic feelings for each other. It happens and it can work.

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norajane

norajane

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So a woman can have sex with a guy she doesn't have a connection with? I guess the next question, what is a connection. I'm guessing that if she had a connection with the guy but there was no attraction, the sex would not happen?

 

A woman can have sex with a guy she's physically attracted to but isn't interested in dating because 1) there is no emotional or intellectual connection, 2) they have nothing in common but the sexual attraction, 3) are unsuitable for other reasons, like maybe one of them was just divorced and isn't ready to date, 4) is interested in another guy but hasn't quite made that relationship happen yet, 5) etc.

 

How does the sex happen? Usually they know each other a little from some setting, like they are acquaintances through other friends, or maybe an industry conference, or they're in the same biking club. They're out some night, usually involving drinking, they do some flirting because the physical attraction is there. One of them makes a move.

 

They key to FWB is that neither of them is really into the other one, and both of them are content with FWB. Anything else leads to trouble. You have to choose well if that's what you're after. And you simply cannot care if you get together or not, take it or leave it for as long as it's fun.

 

These relationships are finite, but they can last for a long time, off and on, here and there, now and then. It's for people who want sex but aren't into picking people up in bars, one night stands, or multiple partners. It's someone you know, so they're relatively safe, and you have rules about safe sex and what happens if one of you starts dating someone else.

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somedude81

somedude81

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Thanks for the great post norajane.

 

The reasons listed all make sense.

 

I am not surprised that alcohol is usually involved when the sex starts. By you saying somebody makes a move, I think it's more like 90% of the time the guy makes the move.

 

I do wonder how the sex happens if alcohol is not involved? For example I wouldn't take a girl under 21 to a bar. But I'm guessing I should just have some alcohol at my place.

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norajane

norajane

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I do wonder how the sex happens if alcohol is not involved? For example I wouldn't take a girl under 21 to a bar. But I'm guessing I should just have some alcohol at my place.

 

Well, you're talking about girls. I was talking about women. There is a difference. Feeding underage girls alcohol so you can get no strings sex is not an approach I'd recommend for a good start to a friendship, FWB, or relationship. It's called taking advantage, and may get you a ONS and a kick in the ass in the morning.

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somedude81

somedude81

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I actually just made a thread about alcohol in the general forum since I don't want to hijack this thread.

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O'bama

O'bama

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They key to FWB is that neither of them is real

That's they key all right. For all the peeps out there brave enough to love, here's to keepin' it real!

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Ocean-Blue

Ocean-Blue

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Going tangental to a similar thread...what type of situations or environments do Friend With Benefits (FWB) usually occur?

 

I would guess it usually happens when the woman really likes/loves the man and he doesn't really reciprocate emotionally. Ergo, she is good enough to have sexual relations with but not good enough to get emotionally involved with.

 

I mean it would be extremely difficult for FWB to occur when the man likes the woman but she doesn't like him back, innit? In that case she most likely puts him in the friends zone.

 

What say you? :p

 

When one of the two is uber desperate.

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Storyrider

Storyrider

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Did this term come from an Allanis Morrisette song? Because I had never heard it before that song, some time in the early 90s.

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O'bama

O'bama

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When one of the two is u

Interesting. So you're saying that Alpha is hot, but women just want to use him for sex? I guess nobody could argue with that.

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O'bama

O'bama

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Did this term come from an Allanis Morrisette song? Because I had never heard it before that song, some time in the early 90s.

Although this sort of relationship is often portrayed as a relatively new phenomenon, the phrase "friends with benefits" was around for many years before it was popularized for a younger generation in the mid-1990s by the Alanis Morissette song "Head Over Feet"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casual_relationship#More_than_a_working_relationship.2C_less_than_monogamy

 

No citation, but here it is anyway.

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Storyrider

Storyrider

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Poor Alanis. If you can't get her first name right, then at least Moriss...

 

Never mind.

 

I knew it was all wrong. But I'm too tired to care. I would have had to look it up. Would it have been worth it?

 

Besides, she could never quite get irony right. Now we're even.

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O'bama

O'bama

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I knew it was all wrong. But I'm too tired to care. I would have had to look it up. Would it have been worth it?

No, you're quite right. That was a bit rude of me. I just get a bit pissed off when everybody leaves out my apostrophe.

 

Please accept my humble apology.

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Storyrider

Storyrider

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No, you're quite right. That was a bit rude of me. I just get a bit pissed off when everybody leaves out my apostrophe.

 

Please accept my humble apology.

Apology accepted.

 

As for people who leave your apostrophe out, they must be O'blivious.

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O'bama

O'bama

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Apology accepted.

What can I say? - tough day on the front lines.

As for people who leave your apostrophe out, they must be O'blivious.

Indeed. :lmao:

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Sibyl Vane

Sibyl Vane

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Apology accepted.

 

As for people who leave your apostrophe out, they must be O'blivious.

 

Please, don't encourage him.

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O'bama

O'bama

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Please, don't

Sometimes, even in a FWB arrangement, the butthole is off-limits. It's a tragedy of epic proportions.

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Storyrider

Storyrider

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Sometimes' date=' even in a FWB arrangement, the butthole is off-limits. It's a tragedy of epic proportions.[/quote']

I guess the presidential butthole is impressive in size.

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O'bama

O'bama

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I guess the presidential butthole is impressive in size.

It's probably more of a heroic butthole, but I don't like to brag.

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Storyrider

Storyrider

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It's probably more of a heroic butthole' date=' but I don't like to brag.[/quote']

Is that why you've been hooking up with Moby Dick?

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axisdenied

axisdenied

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Deep breath. Here goes -

 

1) One person is doting on the other who doesn't reciprocate their feelings. The other is inclined to have sex anyway.

2) Two people each going through a dry spell have decided to land at FWB as a substitute for the spell.

3) Two people are just curious about the other physically but not emotionally.

4) FWB is common among chronically single people who don't know what to do with a relationship.

5) People who repeatedly get inebriated together and have lowered levels of resistance. A "Why not?" kinda deal.

6) Threesomes among couples and friends of those couples.

 

-A

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alphamale

alphamale

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It happens and it can work.

i don't believe it can work long term

 

When one of the two is uber desperate.

yea i forgot about that one

 

5) People who repeatedly get inebriated together and have lowered levels of resistance. A "Why not?" kinda deal.

so basically sex for alcoholics?

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laRubiaBonita

laRubiaBonita

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I think some people over think this. I had an off/on FWB for years (we were on and off because we did not hook up if/when one of us was seeing someone).

 

This guy was my friend and still is. I respect him and like him as a person, the sex was good and safe so why not? We've always had a good friendship and we always had fun together, but we have never had romantic feelings for each other. It happens and it can work.

 

i am still friends with a great guy i have been friends with over 10 years... it can work.

 

but everyone and each circumstance will be different.

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alphamale

alphamale

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i am still friends with a great guy i have been friends with over 10 years... it can work..

"work" in what way?

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laRubiaBonita

laRubiaBonita

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work- as in function long term.....

 

how did you mean 'work' in your earlier post?

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