gormley Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Been posting about this under different threads. My wife has moved out over 3 weeks ago saying she needed space and that she has lost herself. We've been together for 11 years (but only married for 16 months!) and have 2 children ( 6 & 3). We had been thru a lot of stress last year which had made me very depressed and I hit rock bottom before I got the help I needed. I still managed to work and support the family throughout but was not great to live with for about 6 months. I've posted about this before and she is not seeing someone else. I accepted her moving out gracefully and have been calm. we sat down the other day and discussed a "contract" to review the separation after 3 months and we worked out finances and child care arrangements. She has signed the lease on a house for 6 months. She has moved out about 5 times before for between 2 weeks - 2 months but always to stay with her parents and has come back. I've asked her what she wants and she says she doesn't know. I've been doing the "Divorce 180" stuff ie no texting, pulling back etc but it seems to be making her more distant and pissing her off. Its very early days and she's got a lot on - moving from her parents to her new house. Is it normal for them to angry about this is the beginning. I see how it works and how it will help me which ever way it goes. Any experience of this? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I was married for 12 years, shacked up with another for 6-1/2 years! After the last one? I said WTF! I made my mind up and became determined to live my life alone! I became determined to become completly responsible for my own day to day happiness! I did! It took awhile and I had to work at it! With that came ~ I could give a good GDm'ed about some woman! Any woman! Once I did? They came from here, there, and everywhere? Once I quit chasing women? They begin chasing me! And most of them? I don't need nor want! Strange indeed! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Part of the fun of being a walkaway wife is leaving your man heartbrokwn while you sit there with a smug look on your life just rubbing it in. You have taken that away from her and she just can't stand it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gormley Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 I'm not sure shes quite that vindictive. My feeling is its best if we made the marriage work but would need her to be on board for that. Shes not sure so I'm going to patient for at least 3 months but get on with my life. I'm just worried this could send the signal that I've given up and she could then give up too. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I'm not sure shes quite that vindictive. My feeling is its best if we made the marriage work but would need her to be on board for that. Shes not sure so I'm going to patient for at least 3 months but get on with my life. I'm just worried this could send the signal that I've given up and she could then give up too. If she feels that you have given up and that you want the divorce it might be the only thing that can save this marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Divorce 180 is all about divorce. Use Plan A as your first port of call. Read the articles at Marriagebuilders site. The 180 degree plan is pretty much an FU plan that feeds on rejection from BS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gormley Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 Ive been looking at marriage builders website and can only find stuff `bout when you're together. Can't see the advice for separation. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 The point is to reconstruct association. Read what a plan A is and make sure that you text her with comments that meet her EN's. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 The point is to reconstruct association. Read what a plan A is and make sure that you text her with comments that meet her EN's. I think at this point it is too late to start texting stuff that meets her emotional needs..she has left the home and marriage. Marriage is about togetherness.. personally if my wife left for a trial separation or even for " just a few weeks " I would file for divorce, A marriage built on a foundation of leaving when the going gets tough isn't worth having..or fighting for.. IMO. gormley.. you can't use games or plans to get your wife back.. it is going to take you both sitting down and working on your marriage.. I think if you can get her into MC then you need to do that and start there, there is something underlying going on with her that has nothing to do with you and ignoring her or texting her emotional needs isn't going to get her to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gormley Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 Thanks art critic She has agreed to couples work and we are going on a family holiday for 10 days next week. The divorce 180 is more about a pulling back not ignore. When spending time together I'm trying to be open and confident even if I may be feeling like crap. Its really about being a person that she would want to be with and if after a few months she doesn't then I'll ready be on the road to recovery having increased my social life & reengaged old hobbies. I realise a lot of this (if not all of it at the moment is about her) but she seems to be in the process of eliminating all the external "causes". I'm hoping that when she's coping as a single parent that she may appreciate me and all that I do. She has left about 5 times before and I'm not sure if she can overcome this aspect of herself - its very destructive and insecurity causing but she keeps telling me flightly because of me. Link to post Share on other sites
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