Fallen out of love???

[chutzpah89]

hey all,

 

I've been in an LDR for nearly two years now. Its been hard, a lot of ups and downs, but we've always seemed to get through it together. He goes to school in North Carolina, and I stay in Virginia going to school. We're only about 3 hours apart, so he comes to visit about once a month. I was sure that because of everything we've gone through, and how much we loved each other, that I would share my life with him one day. We've even talked about it, kids, buying a home, etc. He graduates next month and the LDR will finally come to an end.

 

However, for the past month or so...my feelings have drifted. I don't feel that "connection" anymore. As much as I try, I can't seem to find it. I love him sooo much and care about him a whole lot. But I don't feel as though I'm "inlove" with him anymore. I'm not eager to see him when he visits. He came home last night and we met up this morning to go have a picnic in the park...and I felt ackward. The whole time I was thinking about how different it was to be around him now. How the whole hand holding wasn't making me smile. How I wasn't laughing or giggling as often as I used to with him. How the butterflies in my stomach were no longer there.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm confused. I'm not sure if this is a normal thing to happen to a couple after 2 years of being together, or if I've actually fallen out of love. I'm probably going to talk to him tonight about it, he's been asking me all day whats wrong. He knows me well enough to know that something isn't right, and I think he deserves to know how I'm feeling. Part of me, however, wants to just wait it out until he comes home for goo and I can see him everyday....maybe that will boost our relationship enough for me to feel sparks again? I'd hate to quit now, but a month can be an awfully long time to wait for someone, and be with someone that you aren't in love with...at least I don't think I am.

 

I did txt him last week when he was in North Carolina, we talk everyday, but it was different this time....I told him how I was feeling and he called me crying. He said he couldn't lose me...and that he did all of this (going to school) for "us". He really is an amazing guy. He begged me to wait it out until he comes home, so with much deliberation...I told him I could do that. I just wanted it to be like it used to be; and I'm not sure it ever will be.

 

So maybe I should wait because I told him I would, but even seeing him today hasn't changed my mind. I just don't seem happy, and he hasn't gone out of his way to show me anything or to keep me around. I just want to get people's opinions on whether you think waiting will help or hurt me. And whether this is just a phase or if you think I really have fallen out of love.

 

Thanks, I appreciate it

[Rollercoasterr]

Maybe you've already talked to him. But I hope you haven't.

 

I don't think that you should tell him this just yet. Some are going to disagree here, but I just think that you should see him at least ONE more time before making a decision. You need to see him with a clear mind. Don't see him and start thinking about all of this because that's going to make you distracted and not be able to enjoy your time with him. Ever heard the saying that a watched kettle will never boil? Well if you're with him and always wondering when those feelings will come back, they wont. You need to relax. Enjoy spending a day with him. Just be his girlfriend. If by the time you've remembered that you're feeling like you're falling out of love you STILL feel that way, then talk to him. Tell him the honest truth. But I think you'd feel worse if you jumped the gun and said something tonight and then realized tomorrow morning that you were wrong and that you do still love him.

 

I did read that you said you've been feeling this way for a while. But most of us in LDR's sometimes have these problems. Personally, I haven't, but I've seen a lot here that do. And it doesn't mean they love their partners any less, it just means that they're having a rough time with the distance and such. Sometimes these relationships can play tricks on your emotions. And it's important to remember that.

 

Good luck.

[Island Girl]

You say he is almost graduating.

 

That comes with the realization that the life you know now (the one you are comfortable with) is going to change.

 

All of your apprehension about what it will be like after that can cause these feelings too.

 

There is the plans, excitement, etc. but along with that is the unknown and the finality that the relationship moves to the next level and it could be you are ambiguous about the move to a more permanent step.

 

If this is the case, and you are feeling that you possibly aren't ready for the picket fence and children (or whatever you guys have decided as far as the after graduation step) then tell him about that.

 

All of this could just be a reaction to perception and fear of change.