To have kids or not?? Where should I post this question??

[Art_Critic]

I don't think age should be ignored at all. The more older you are, the less in common you'll have with your kids and the less you're going to be able to relate to them.

 

If this was true Ross and parenting was all about how much you have in common with your child then only children should have children

 

Relating to them isn't as hard you might think.. it is all about interest..

If a parent takes a valid interest in their child then they will relate just fine.. relating isn't an age deal..

 

I know parents who had children when they were in their 20's and they didn't take a huge interest in their child's upbringing and they don't relate.. see what I'm saying? it isn't about music interest, it's about interest in their well being and love and someone older can provide that just as well as someone younger

[RecordProducer]

Was that aimed at me?

I just wonder... why did you feel called by my comment?

 

I see that you are a prime member of the TBF fanclub

I didn't know there was a TBF fan club. I am actually here to approve of TBF's opinions. When she is wrong, I tell her to immediately change her mind.

 

C'mon, Eve, don't be . We write here without censureship and that entails occasional disagreements, but it's all about opinions - nothing personal. I just read the thread with that kid where you posted. I admire your patience, because I didn't know what to tell him even after reading the entire thread.

 

Actually, RP and I butt heads on a number of issues, so that's inaccurate. Sometimes in the past, we've really gone at it.

It was always about opinions and views, never personal. We still debate, but I love your posts and always read them.

 

So where's that fanclub again?

[JanetD]

I was 37 and my husband was 39 when we had a child; our son is now 15. We do not play ball with him, but we would not have done so even if we had been in our 20s when we had him. We are more into reading and going to museums and the zoo.

[spookie]

My mom had my little brother when she was 43 - he and I are 16 years apart.

 

While he's a great kid, healthy, smart, hilarious, and no one in my family *regrets* him being born... I kind-of feel sorry for HIM. Even at age 7, I know he senses that his parents are old. He cries at night sometimes worried that they're going to die, and he's always telling my mom he's going to grow up to be a doctor so he can save her.

 

Though my parents are both in good health, I know it weighs on them, too, knowing that, were something terrible to happen, they'd be leaving a little kid to fend for himself. He's got siblings who'll take care of him, of course; but that situation really is not ideal, for anyone.

 

Then there are the issues of my dad retiring soon and wanting to relocate to a retirement community while his kid is still in grade school...

[ToGuy]

I agree with this.

 

If you want a child, have one.

If your wife wants it badly, and you're OK with it, have it.

If you don't want it, then don't have it.

 

Don't rationalize your choice - you either want to be a father or you don't. You are not too old, that's for sure.

 

She says she wants, that could be because her sister just had a baby.

I like the idea of being a dad, but don't like the idea of changing our lifestyle.

 

It't not an easy answer, If I say no, she'll be mad at me, her term "I'm being selfish"....

[ToGuy]

My wife was 39 and I was 44 when our son was born and it was the best thing that has ever happened to either of us.

Each day I wake up and see his wonderful smile I am just reaffirmed that it was the best decision ever and not even close to being a mistake or us being too old.

 

My brother and his wife were 39 and 37 when they had their children ( twins ) and those twins are now 11 years old and they are growing up wonderfully..

 

Our son is a little over a year old now and quite the little young man..

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with having children later on in life.. and as far as pros and cons..

I would think those would be different for each couple as each couple has a different lifestyle and the impact of children would be different for each but age isn't a con to me and is actually a pro.

 

I can't have imagined having children when I was younger, I was far to immature, too worried about my career and life and a child when I was younger would've been a mistake

 

Thanks for the reply Art Critic!

 

Did it change you life style significantly?

 

What cons have you found?

 

Sounds like only pro's for you, that's great!

 

P.S. When I see some kids screaming and crying, I get such a headache, maybe if they are your own kids, its a different feeling. My nephew's were good to deal with, they respected me, they knew they could not push me, and they still respect me, and I'm their "cool crazy big kid uncle now" .

[Eve]

I just wonder... why did you feel called by my comment?

 

I didn't know there was a TBF fan club. I am actually here to approve of TBF's opinions. When she is wrong, I tell her to immediately change her mind.

 

C'mon, Eve, don't be . We write here without censureship and that entails occasional disagreements, but it's all about opinions - nothing personal. I just read the thread with that kid where you posted. I admire your patience, because I didn't know what to tell him even after reading the entire thread.

 

It was always about opinions and views, never personal. We still debate, but I love your posts and always read them.

 

So where's that fanclub again?

 

:confused:

 

Oh, sorry. Crap!..

 

Also sorry to TBF. I know realise that you were commenting on Record Producers post and not Ross 'PK'. The simularity within the initials threw me into a full blown and active conspiracy theory.

 

I apologise. I really cant be doing with friction and can be too alert to such things because of my past.. which although is the past has primed me to deal with things immediately and abrubtly.

 

I hope that my apology is accepted by both of you ladies.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[blind_otter]

Even at age 7, I know he senses that his parents are old. He cries at night sometimes worried that they're going to die, and he's always telling my mom he's going to grow up to be a doctor so he can save her.

 

This was me - I was always worried about my Dad dying. It started when I was 8 and he had his third heart attack - the first during my lifetime, but the third in his. I became morbidly focused on death and ways of dying.

[MindoverMatter]

Age is important, but not as important as many people think nor is the age barrier as low as some people claim.

 

I would consider it irresponsible to father (or mother) a child when you're above 50. The risk of leaving the child at least partially orphaned before it turns 18 is significant. The same goes for adoption.

 

40/42 is fine. You'll need more check-ups and a stricter medical surveillance than someone of a younger age, but that's (usually) about it. If you can't get pregnant, consider adoption.

[Ross PK]

If this was true Ross and parenting was all about how much you have in common with your child then only children should have children

 

Relating to them isn't as hard you might think.. it is all about interest..

If a parent takes a valid interest in their child then they will relate just fine.. relating isn't an age deal..

 

I know parents who had children when they were in their 20's and they didn't take a huge interest in their child's upbringing and they don't relate.. see what I'm saying? it isn't about music interest, it's about interest in their well being and love and someone older can provide that just as well as someone younger

 

It's true that obviously parents don't have that much in common with their kids. But the fact still remains that the older you are, the less you are going to be able to relate to each other. So the thought of a teenager with parents which are old age pensioners, seems quite unhealthy and dysfunctional to be honest.

 

But who knows, maybe with some people it can still work?

[Trialbyfire]

RP, you are too adorable. Yes, I noticed that you like to tell me when I'm right and especially when you believe I'm wrong!

 

Eve, apology accepted and no hard feelings. Sometimes things can get heated when they trigger things within us or are important to us.

 

It's true that obviously parents don't have that much in common with their kids. But the fact still remains that the older you are, the less you are going to be able to relate to each other. So the thought of a teenager with parents which are old age pensioners, seems quite unhealthy and dysfunctional to be honest.

 

But who knows, maybe with some people it can still work?

My grandmother and I were as close as two family members could be. She was young at heart and a beautiful person, inside and out. She had no problems understanding me, even better than my mother and father ever could.

 

I don't think you can use an older age, to discriminate against being a wonderful parent.

[cybersister]

pros, presumably by now you are financially secure and have been married long enouhg to know the marriage is strong. yes, you will be older.

cons-the question for me is do you have the energy you will need. I had mine aged 29 and 32 and felt exhasted a lot of the time. could you afford to get help ?

[RecordProducer]

I hope that my apology is accepted by both of you ladies.

No apology necessary whatsoever.

 

RP, you are too adorable. Yes, I noticed that you like to tell me when I'm right and especially when you believe I'm wrong! .

Well, your opinions are interesting and original and I like to challenge you to explore them further. I never have the urge to prove people wrong, although when I debate, I may express a different view.

[Trialbyfire]

Well, your opinions are interesting and original and I like to challenge you to explore them further. I never have the urge to prove people wrong, although when I debate, I may express a different view.

I was teasing you.

 

I don't find your challenges personal in nature, so it's all good!

[ToGuy]

If this was true Ross and parenting was all about how much you have in common with your child then only children should have children

 

Relating to them isn't as hard you might think.. it is all about interest..

If a parent takes a valid interest in their child then they will relate just fine.. relating isn't an age deal..

 

I know parents who had children when they were in their 20's and they didn't take a huge interest in their child's upbringing and they don't relate.. see what I'm saying? it isn't about music interest, it's about interest in their well being and love and someone older can provide that just as well as someone younger

 

So true! I would go to the car show's and boat shows with my dad until the last year, right up until he was 76 years old.

[Art_Critic]

Did it change you life style significantly?

 

My lifestyle didn't change in the financial sense as I do have a good job but in the sense of constriction then yes it has changed.

You can't just pick up and go somewhere.. even if it is just down to the corner for food unless you take him.. So if he is asleep upstairs you have to arrange your schedules around him and his naps..

 

When he goes to bed at night that means you are in for the night too.. unless of course your wife stays at home while you go run errands or what not..

 

So to sum that up then yes.. expect huge changes to your life in the respect that your child becomes the reason you do everything and he has limits that you have to adjust for..

 

I was a step father for 5 years in another life and helped raise a girl from age 4 to age 9 so I can say that the changes that my wife and I have undergone as he is young will get better the older he gets...

 

What cons have you found?

 

I truly don't have any cons.. but the home stress level did ramp up some for a while till we adjusted to new sleep habits and routines but once we got into those it was okay.

I don't have as much time for hobbies as I would like but I think in the next year that should change quite a bit..

My wife did/does have postpartum depression and that was difficult till we got her the proper help but today she is off the medication for that and she has gone back to being herself.

Every now and then she still has a bout or 2 of it and getting her out of the house seems to work as the best therapy for that at this stage..

 

Sounds like only pro's for you, that's great!

 

P.S. When I see some kids screaming and crying, I get such a headache, maybe if they are your own kids, its a different feeling. My nephew's were good to deal with, they respected me, they knew they could not push me, and they still respect me, and I'm their "cool crazy big kid uncle now" .

 

The screaming and crying can grate on your nerves at times.. it really depends on the type of cry..

 

They know how to punch your buttons even at a young age and you get used to being able to tell the difference in the cries..

 

A cry of " I'm in pain.. daddy fix this " goes right to your heart and you feel so bad for him so his cry doesn't bother you in the least.. but a cry for attention right after you just put him down can go right thru you..

My son is known for not complaining for food so he doesn't cry when he is hungry.. instead he cries when you feed him..hahaha.. I think sometimes babies emotions can get jumbled up and they don't really know when to cry and when to smile sometimes..

 

All well worth it though.. at least in my eyes.. now my wife is a stay at home Mom and I know she might not agree with me at times when I arrive at home and she says " arrrggg "... he is yours.. I'm going shopping.. hahaha..

 

Hope this rambling helped some...

[love4ever]

My mom had my little brother when she was 43 - he and I are 16 years apart.

 

While he's a great kid, healthy, smart, hilarious, and no one in my family *regrets* him being born... I kind-of feel sorry for HIM. Even at age 7, I know he senses that his parents are old. He cries at night sometimes worried that they're going to die, and he's always telling my mom he's going to grow up to be a doctor so he can save her.

 

Though my parents are both in good health, I know it weighs on them, too, knowing that, were something terrible to happen, they'd be leaving a little kid to fend for himself. He's got siblings who'll take care of him, of course; but that situation really is not ideal, for anyone.

 

Then there are the issues of my dad retiring soon and wanting to relocate to a retirement community while his kid is still in grade school...

 

That's a shame. But seems like people will do as they like even if it may be a little selfish. People will do what they want to please themselves now, and let others worry about the future. (comment is not towards anyone in particular, just an observation)

[ToGuy]

Well I bit the bullet, and in no time she got prego (that was way too easy, I was hoping it would have taken years of multiple times a day...)

 

And not the little guy is 2 1/2!

 

Great little guy, he is my buddy, a real cling-on.

 

No regrets, I can't imagine life without him.

 

Minor changes, but nothing big.

 

Still kept the toys, he loves going fast, so we get along very well!

 

And happy that mommy is a MILF, still looks smoking hot, and is down 1 lb from her before prego weight.

[Groovy]

Great news! I am also 6 months pregnant and expecting with my husband I married 7 months ago at just turning the age of 40. It happened easily and I feel great. Since we are older I am able to stay at home and devote my time to the baby boy we are expecting.

 

Some people hit menopause in their late 30's. In my case women in the family hit it in their 60's. Some people feel old at 50, other's slow down at 75. I'm still disagreeing with posters who say it is too old. It depends on alot more than a number in age.

 

Not everyone meets the right person and has the emotional and financial resources when they are 25 years old. There are benefits to being older as I stated two years ago in my post. To me waiting for those things was more important than my age.

 

Again, CONGRATS!

Edited November 24, 2012 by Groovy

[marianne123]

great news, congrats!

Edited December 18, 2012 by marianne123
not applicable anymore

[CarboniteCammy]

I'm a slightly older mom. I'm 31 and have a 5 month old. I guess I have a different perspective from everyone, because I didn't really want kids when I got pregnant.

 

I honestly just wanted to be the crazy dog lady and show my dogs and do herding with them, agility, etc etc. I used to go on long hikes with them and a perfect evening was spent in agility class or at a dog show or whatever crazy thing.

 

Then, I met my husband and BOOM, got pregnant. I was terrified- how would my life change? Would I be a good mom? What would I be giving up?

 

Then of course for nine months I couldn't really do the things I LOVED doing. Hiking while pregnant really isn't all that safe, as your body changes shape and your balance is off...couldn't do agility with the dogs for the same reason, or herding. The last thing I needed was to slip and fall in a sheep pen with a bunch of scared ewes and my corgi chasing them around. :-P

 

But, then the baby came and for me it was love at first sight. Everybody says I'm a wonderful mother, but for me I'm not doing anything that I don't want to do, or don't love to do. My little bud is fantastic and I could not possibly adore him more.

 

However, my life has definitely changed. My husband watches the little one while I go to whatever class with my dog. I really can't go to shows right now because I don't want to be away from my baby for one weekend a month (which is about what I can afford when it comes to showing, anyway). I do get to go on short hikes on the weekends, but MOST of my time is spent taking care of my baby and NOT training the dogs.

 

But, I don't really care that much about missing out on dog stuff. I thought I would. But, my baby brings me so much joy that it overshadows everything else. His sweet, gummy grins and giggles can instantly turn a bad day into an awesome day.

 

I cherish every moment I spend with him, even if he's fussy, drooly, poopy, pukey, etc.

 

Plus, my husband and I have a better relationship now then we did when we were just dating. There's this deep bonding sense of being a family unit that we didn't have when we were just two.

 

Good luck on your decision!!!

[Aedra]

My dad was 39 when I was born. So I'm 26 now and he's what, 65 now. Yeah he's a little older, but it never really made any difference to anything. He's got more enthusiasm and energy then people half his age. Still works 4-5 days a week and does photography and gardening in his spare time. He eats a good diet too. I think the important thing really, is attitude and taking care of yourself. If you're living a poor lifestyle you'll feel a lack of energy all the time, irregardless of age and find it difficult to raise children.

[ToGuy]

My dad was 39 when I was born. So I'm 26 now and he's what, 65 now. Yeah he's a little older, but it never really made any difference to anything. He's got more enthusiasm and energy then people half his age. Still works 4-5 days a week and does photography and gardening in his spare time. He eats a good diet too. I think the important thing really, is attitude and taking care of yourself. If you're living a poor lifestyle you'll feel a lack of energy all the time, irregardless of age and find it difficult to raise children.

 

 

Thanks for your thoughts, nice to hear from the child's perspective.

 

And I'm the Dad that is the big kid, my 3yr old (almost 3) have a great time together. We go boating, and just loves it! Up untill the end I went with my Dad to the boat show and car show every year, loved it, really miss those time. I hope to continue that tradition with my son. And start a new one that he wants to do together when he become "too cool to hang with Dad" which I assume will be around 14 years old??

 

Both my wife and I are really into nutrition and fitness, and it makes a huge difference (in life overall) but especially with the little guy.

[mattea]

Well I bit the bullet, and in no time she got prego (that was way too easy, I was hoping it would have taken years of multiple times a day...)

 

And not the little guy is 2 1/2!

 

Great little guy, he is my buddy, a real cling-on.

 

No regrets, I can't imagine life without him.

 

Minor changes, but nothing big.

 

Still kept the toys, he loves going fast, so we get along very well!

 

And happy that mommy is a MILF, still looks smoking hot, and is down 1 lb from her before prego weight.

 

Hey ToGuy,

 

I just wanted to say, I loved reading your thread and it was really inspiring to me. I was so glad to read that you are happy with your decision and being a dad! My situation is quite different than yours, but I'd love it if you'd give me some feedback - I just posted in this forum about whether I should wait to see if the man I've been seeing will decide he wants another child.

 

All the best, and happy parenting to you!