rlindzie Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 so when do you draw the line and say "screw it this is my life and im gonna do what makes me happy not what makes my mom happy" ? my mom is super controling and i want to do things that i kno would send her into a frenzy. when do you draw the line and stop trying to make her happy and live for yourself? i am stressed all the time i have huge ulsers and migraines all the time, the only reason i have been hesitant to leave is bc i have a lot of medical issues and it is really hard to keep a job and earn a living [as well as go to school] anyway my point when do u live for you and how do you deal with making your parent extreamly mad at you? how do you keep the relationship but do what makes you happy? has anyone been there or is there now with any advice? help!!! im losing my mind i dont know how to do this!! thanks for any advice:) Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I think the answer, which you have probably arrived at yourself, is probably now, ie when you have acknowledged that your mother is too controlling and is ruining your life. Although incredibly difficult to develop an adult-adult relationship with your parents (Most people will always see their parents as 'better' than them and give undue consideration to their opinions), your relationship should slowly change as you get older. Forget for a moment that she is your mother, try to see her as just another adult and judge her opinions and attitudes on that basis. Would you listen to her then would you do as she says ? If you are an adult you deserve to be treated as an adult by your parents, this will be difficult for them to adjust to, so you might want to be a bit patient, but it is your job to tell them outright of your concerns, Tell them you are an adult now and wish to be treated as such. If they still don't change then my advise is to lessen contact until they do start seeing you as an adult. This is your life, you need to live it as best you can for you. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rlindzie Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 thank you that is very helpful it is way esier to view her opion as if she were just another adult, then i dont have to take so much stock in it. I will try to talk to her about it but everytime she says the old "when ur under my roof" you kno, so i think if i just act like an adult, take my medical issues into my hands, stop relying on her for anything than she will see me as an adult. now that is easier said than done but i want this so badly that i have to do it when ever i picture my life on my own i get so excited, i mean sure there will be aspects that i miss but not enough to stay living this way. there is so much i want to do i want to travle and live in diffrent places, i want to getmarried and persue my religion my way. i cant living with her and caring so much about what she says. so thank you it realy helped Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 How old are you, and how much further do you have in your schooling? Who is paying for your schooling now? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Till you are financially responsible for yourself, you cannot truly be seen by anyone, ESPECIALLY your own parents, as an adult. For you to be able to request to be treated as an adult you must decide to no longer rely on your parent(s) for anything. If that is too much for you or too scary, you are not mentally ready to be an adult yet. When you've decided you are ready to take on the task of solely seeing to your own needs - do it. You don't need to ask permission to do so if you are at least 18 years old. After you are out from under your mother's roof, she has little to control you with and you will then see that it is up to her to give you a reason to want a relationship with her. The reason you can tell her you need is for her to recognize you as an adult. She'll come around then just to keep you in her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rlindzie Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 i am 19 and my mom pays for school, i really am trying to take control of my life and my medical issues so that i can be independent. i agree there is no way she will c me as an adult untill that happens. and if im still living under her roof and she is paying for everything than i have to do what she wants. but it is killing me, i love her to death but i cannot live up the her standards and she is always disappointed or let down and i cannot do it anymore. im not happy and she is not happy. it just suxs this whole situation Link to post Share on other sites
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