eNc Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 Hi, I'm new here so if this is not where I'm supposed to be posting this post, sorry. Basically I have an issue when it comes to what type of women I'm interested in. I do not have trouble finding females which I am both attracted to and interested in pursuing a relationship with, and when I confront them about my interest, often, they seem to have mutual feeling of interest/attraction. The weird part about it is, for ever since I can remember all the women I've been interested in are either moving to start their own life (out of school) or are currently seeing someone else. These have all been valid excuses as there is evidence supporting them, however I am finding it very difficult to deal with my situation emotionally, as I have came across quite a few women which appeal to me, yet I am held back by these restraints, as they are as well. When I am interested in someone, I often have a strong desire for them as I'm looking for someone who relates to me and fits my criteria of a good girlfriend. To always find out that the woman can't start a relationship for such a reason as, moving away or already having a boyfriend or recently having broken up with some guy, and to know that the attraction is mutual is depressing to say the least. Recently I've found someone who just floors me all the time when I'm with her... thing is she's moving away after she graduates this month. She knows and I know that there is mutual attraction but she needs to do what is best for herself right now, and that means moving to her job. How do people deal with this? I'm feeling very down and the more I think about the situation, the more I want her and think about her, which leads me to a cycle of feeling more and more broken. I know she isn't lying, we discussed this and she said she liked me and then kissed + hugged me, but there is an extenuating circumstance of which prevents us from getting together. Am I alone with this problem? How do I deal with this issue? How would you deal with the issue? Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 Is a distance relationship out of the question for the two of you? I realize that it would be rough to start a new relationship with distance, but it could work. What about you moving along with her, or in a few months? The best way, is once she's moved out is for you to get back out there and find another girl. One that's available for you. I know it's easy for me to type this but that is what you must do. It is a horrible situation to be in but if she's not ready now you can't keep flogging a dead horse. Spend time with her while you can, support her in her move. But once she's gone, then you need to move on emotionally from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eNc Posted April 11, 2009 Author Share Posted April 11, 2009 Yeah long distance is out of the question, she's graduating from college and I got another year to go. Thanks for your advice on the matter, I believe you are absolutely right. I can't really see too clearly on this matter as I feel blinded by emotions which hurt. There is a possibility that she may return in 4 months, do you think I should wait for her or just do my thing. If she does come back I know I'll most likely do anything and everything I can to start a relationship with her... is that the right thing though? Link to post Share on other sites
paddington bear Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 I have the same problem, it seems to be everyone I'm attracted to is unavailable either emotionally, or there's an ex lurking there still attached to the heartstrings, or they live abroad or SOMETHING! A psychologist friend of mine mentioned that I could be subconsciously attracting people who are unavailable. Well, that would be totally subconscious on my part as every person to my mind seems totally different, and yet none are available. But at the same time it's worth questioning. I say I want a relationship and yet I never seem to meet someone that I like who is available...and I am wondering if somehow, due to past hurts, that while I say I want to be with someone, that I'm somehow afraid and become drawn to people who ultimately I can't have. It could be simply bad luck in your situation, but the above is just a thought, there could be other reasons there, stemming from your self, that you're not aware of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eNc Posted April 11, 2009 Author Share Posted April 11, 2009 You seem to have a valid point, I may be afraid as well in my subconscious. I am actually seeing a psychologist right now, but I keep avoiding bringing up the subject. Perhaps its time I said something. I'm interested as to how you've altered your perception to deal with this, or how you currently cope with this. Link to post Share on other sites
paddington bear Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Gosh well bring up the subject! I'm going to go to therapy soon and intend to figure out why I'm doing this, or indeed if I'm doing it at all, as it's pretty much ruining my life, my love life anyway. As to how I've dealt with it or got over it...I haven't..yet. What I'm trying to do now is to basically cut off the deadwood as soon as any 'unavailable' warning bells ring, otherwise I get hooked on the person I can't have. So the plan is, from now on, to assess if that person is available or not asap, if not, for whatever reason to avoid seeing them and also I have found that if guys do seem genuinely interested in me I freak out 'Oh crap! They like me, what do I do now???' - that's not normal, so I hope to not dismiss the easy to have men who are available...but as I said, nothing's resolved for me and I don't know how to resolve it - particularly since I'm in love with a man who doesn't want me, is hooked on his ex, is cynical about relationships, but constantly wants to see me and is around and in my life. Sigh. Very hard to have someone you want who doesn't want you in your life on a constant basis. A magic wand would be nice. Link to post Share on other sites
OtherSide Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Yeah, I have also have experience with this. One girl supposedly broke up with her bf for me. Huh, but those relationships can only last so long. I feel for you guys, just keep on truckin'. If she does come back in 4 years and you feel really serious about the matter, then either stay single or play the field until she returns. Of course, if she doesn't like you afterwards, the plan's trashed. Link to post Share on other sites
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