Finding Oneself Before Marriage

[happyinlove]

Is it important to know and love oneself before marriage? Why? What problems can arose if one does not know oneself?

[HappyAgain]

If you don't know yourself then there is the possibility that you don't know your values, your beliefs, etc. How can you share yourself with someone else if you are not sure who you are? That person is not falling in love with the real you but with the idea of who you think you are. And how can you really true love someone else if you don't love yourself? It will only lead to heartbreak on the other person's part in the future.

[Tony T]

Is it important to know and love oneself before marriage? Why? What problems can arose if one does not know oneself?

 

People change constantly. You can never know yourself or another person. Before you get married come to terms with that fact and agree that you will commit to a marriage regardless of how you or the other party changes...good or bad. It just happens.

[Meaplus3]

IMO, You shoud be content with yourself as a person before entering into a marriage or any long tern R for that matter. The fact is, if your happy with who you are and you accept yourself fully them it will be much easier to cohabitate with another. If your lacking something inside you, then it's very easy to become co-dependant on your partner and this can cause many conflicts down the road. Just my thoughts.

 

Mea:)

[RecordProducer]

What does it mean to know yourself? You know what you know regardless of whether you can put it on paper or not. Maybe you haven't noticed certain things about you, but you're instinctively drawn to these things/behaviors/choices and intuitively create your life in a way that suits your personality.

 

Really knowing yourself is knowing your faults and qualities, knowing what makes you happy and what makes you unhappy. And that doesn't happen before you've walked many avenues and made many mistakes. You can't know yourself as a wife if you've never been a wife before. Your future spouse will help you learn about you and improve.

 

I think one should definitely know themselves before they enter a SECOND marriage though.

[quankanne]

if you haven't figured out how to live with yourself or love yourself BEFORE you get into a relationship, chances are you're gonna expect to mate to be that person, and it's an unfair burden.

 

you also fail to survive if you cannot live with or love yourself first.

[Ronni_W]

I think it is important for each person to know his/her current basic values, needs, desires, expectations, dislikes, deal-breakers, fears, weaknesses, strengths, etc. You certainly CAN become self-aware enough to know those things, as they exist present-day.

It helps to set healthy boundaries, mutual and individual goals, facilitate intimate (honest, open) communications -- especially through challenging times. It also helps each partner to support, encourage and uplift the other in ways that the other prefers, for individual and mutual happiness and success.

 

agree that you will commit to a marriage regardless of how you or the other party changes...good or bad. It just happens.

I'm probably misunderstanding, Tony. But there is NO WAY I am committing to staying together if my partner decides to "change" into a jerk, or crackhead, or cheater, or whatever else he pleases.

 

I'm totally cool with nature's changes and changes that result from accidents/unforeseen circumstances. And even then. Let's say it's PTSD -- he'd still better be ready to do what he can for himself (counseling, etc.)

Well, same if he happens to get hooked on crack. I'm not booking on first notice, but he'd better get himself on over to the addictions centre.

 

But like I said. I probably misinterpreted

[RecordProducer]

I'm probably misunderstanding, Tony. But there is NO WAY I am committing to staying together if my partner decides to "change" into a jerk, or crackhead, or cheater, or whatever else he pleases.

I am pretty sure that's NOT what Tony had in mind. I think he meant holding an attitude that you'll stay with your partner in good in bad could take you further than drawing a line and saying "If you ever cross this line - get the f*ck out of my life!"

[BlackLovely]

You need to love yourself before you can love a partner for life. Marrying before cherishing your own soul is a sign of low self esteem. You will accept abuse because of self-hate.

[LakesideDream]

Is it important to know and love oneself before marriage? Why? What problems can arose if one does not know oneself?

 

If one does not know oneself before marriage they are doomed to afternoons filled with Dr. Phil and Oprah seeking pop culture answers to pop questions.

 

This can't be a serious thread. "Know oneself" ? What the hell does that mean ? Love oneself ? Please that's a bunch of P.C. jibberjabber. Before afternoon television folks tried to be the best person they could be and do the best at life possible. It worked for society before talk shows. See: The Golden Rule.

[OldEurope]

I agree with LD for the most part, that people are becoming emotionally infantilized by the PC noonday garbage of the pop psychology industry...

 

I will just say, however, substitute "love oneself" for have a "sense of dignity", or self-respect and it becomes more palpable, reasonable.

 

As for "Know Thyself"---well this too is just as classic as the Golden Rule, in the sense that Socrates first made it his famous injunction. Meaning, know who you are, what you want from life, your values, where your personality needs refining, where your intellect needs improving--this kind of thing. Your life as a work of art. No, Oprah and Phil did not invent this one and it is a good piece of advice to heed