Air Head Posted October 15, 2003 Share Posted October 15, 2003 I don't understand this guy, so maybe some of you will be able to shed some light on whats going on! I've posted my situation before, and I got some great advice which has helped me a lot. Its in the "Is it possible to just be friends..." post. Anyway, in a nutshell, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he didnt feel "in love" with me anymore, and wanted some space to go out with his friends and move on a bit. That was 3 weeks ago. We're best friends now, but lately he has been getting a bit annoyed with me as I keep asking how he feels about me, and getting upset upset when he says he doesnt know (which i can understand really!) Well, he has been going out and getting rather drunk with his friends, and whenever I talk to him he goes in about how drunk he was, and how much fun he's been having. I met up with him last night, as I had an appointment at the doctors about my pill, and I asked him to come. He was fine on the way there, and we were talking and joking, and he was fine in the waiting room. Then we went to Starbucks to meet our friends. When we got there, I started really having fun and enjoying myself, and laughing with my friends (most of whom were male). He, on the other hand, sat with us for a few minutes, and then went and sat on his own. I told him to stop being so anti-social (in a friendly way!) and he just sat there and shrugged. Then he walked off without telling us where he was going! It turns out he went home! Our friends all think that he was jealous at seeing me having fun with other people, and flirting with other guys. They also think he is confused about how he feels, and when the novelty of going out all the time wears off, he'll start to miss me. They think that, the more he sees me having fun, the more he'll miss me and want me back. My question is this: do you think this sounds possible/likely? And why is it that, when I tell him how i feel, and how much i miss him, he gets annoyed with me, and then when I get on with my life and treat him like a friend, he gets even more annoyed?! Thanks in advance! AH xx Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 15, 2003 Share Posted October 15, 2003 Originally posted by Air Head And why is it that, when I tell him how i feel, and how much i miss him, he gets annoyed with me, and then when I get on with my life and treat him like a friend, he gets even more annoyed?! I would be annoyed too: your friendship is a total pretense. You're badgering him to talk to you about how he feels about you, but since he has broken up with you and you have ostensibly accepted that, the matter ought to be closed. Now obviously it's not: you still want to be with him. So in truth you're not his friend; you've got another agenda. You may be telling yourself that you're determined to move on, and that you've accepted the relationship's demise. But surely even you can see that's not the case when you're asking him to tell you how he feels about you. And when you're wondering if there's any significance to his irritation at watching you laughing with your guy friends. I can't say whether or not he's having second thoughts about the break-up. What I do advise is that you be honest with yourself about how you feel, and act accordingly. You don't just want to be his friend. You want to go back to being his girlfriend. So don't try to be his friend. The two are not on a straight continuum. And while you may think you're being cool and treating him like a friend it may not actually be coming across that way. Especially given the fact that you've already shown your hand by quizzing him about his feelings for you, your version of treating him like a friend might look to him like you're trying to make him jealous. Which I too would find irritating. Break-ups are tough, especially when it seems like the person who initiated it isn't entirely sure it's what he wants. It's hard to know how to proceed when you know you want him back. I don't think there's a surefire answer, but I'm pretty sure that pretending to just be a friend when you're anything but is not a good way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Air Head Posted October 15, 2003 Author Share Posted October 15, 2003 Ah, but I'm not asking him how he feel any more! That was a couple of weeks ago. Since then, we've just been hanging out as friends and stuff. But thanks, you've made me see it from a different perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
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