sfsassy Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 Hi guys: About a month and a half ago my birth father friended me both on facebook and myspace, and my sister on that side friended me on facebook. I was raised by my mom and step dad, and have onlly seen my birth father a couple of times, when whoever he was dating or maried to, learned of me and wanted him to contact me. The first time my mom tried to mantain contact with him, but he just slipped away, and the second time both my mom and I tried to forge a relationship with that side of the family after he contacted me, and I met my sister and again he disappeared, My mom never recieved child support, although she never persued it. Anyway, after my father and sister contacted me, I wrote them both nice, chatty, non accusatory, but not intimate notes. I gave my dad a synopsis of the parts of my life that are fit to print, and asked him about my family on his side. With my sister I just said she had grown, was beautiful, asked how she ended at the college she is attendeng and what she is studying. I later realized she doesn't seem that studious, whereas I may come off in that way, so maybe she was intimidated or something. We seem to have little in common, Anyway, it is 5 weeks later and no response from either one of them. For my birth father , I sent my note to him on myspace, and you can check to see if he got it, and he did. With my sister she is obviously a college student, and I assumes knows how to read my message! (I mean she is young. I know a doctor who didn't know he had an inbox in facebook, lol, but he is a baby boomer.) My mom thinks I should unfriend my birth father, but keep my sister as a friend, since she is just a girl really. My mom says he shouldn't have a window into my life, since he won't choose to be a part of it, but I'm not on to spill secrets on social networking sites anyway. I don't really want to cause a big drama, since my father has only me and my sister as his "friends" , but do see her point. I also wouldn't want him to use this profile to trick women into thinking he is connected with both of his kids or something. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 I don't get this Facebook and MySpace communication. Why don't you call him and discuss openly if he wants you in his life or not? He might be afraid that he has to pay child support retrospectively now. Is your step-dad still around? Does he love you and you him? If yes, then you have a father and don't worry so much about the birth father. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sfsassy Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 I don't get this Facebook and MySpace communication. Why don't you call him and discuss openly if he wants you in his life or not? He might be afraid that he has to pay child support retrospectively now. Is your step-dad still around? Does he love you and you him? If yes, then you have a father and don't worry so much about the birth father. I don't have his number, and he contacted me online intitally not the other way around I mentioned NOTHING of child support in my note after HE friendded ME on facebook., nor would I as I have a feeling he is pretty poor and also I wouldn't consider a legal fight with a family member worth it. You are right about the step father though, he has been my real dad, but I still was wondering. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 I don't have his number, and he contacted me online Urgh... what a way to contact a long lost child! intitally not the other way around I mentioned NOTHING of child support in my note after HE friendded ME on facebook., nor would I as I have a feeling he is pretty poor and also I wouldn't consider a legal fight with a family member worth it. I know, but god knows what he's thinking. I really don't know what to tell you. Can you find his address/phone number via search? Just to clear the issue and see what he wants or doesn't want. You are right about the step father though, he has been my real dad, but I still was wondering.I am glad to hear that. Link to post Share on other sites
spookie Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 I don't know about the father, but I'd keep the sister as a friend. Lots of college kids are just that, kids, and she may not be ready to have a relationship with you just yet. I wouldn't go out of my way to alienate her further by doing something as immature as unfriending her on a stupid social networking site, though I can see why you'd be pissed at her flakiness, after all these years. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 I think you should let him contact you. I was very estranged from my father too. he was very loose and did many bad things. I mean alot of bad things! But you know it isnt your fault with how he's acting. I dont think it would necessarily be friends with your half sibling but not your birth father who gave you life. I'd be pissed to but I'd give him the chance to make it up to me and it would be all on his sholders. I mean let them earn your way into your life. Let them contact you and want to get to know you. I have some regrets that I wasnt close to my father when he died. I did the best I could being by myself. It's hard to be a child without your father or feel that he doesnt want anything to do with you. I'm glad you have your stepfather. Link to post Share on other sites
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