mlh5046 Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 This girl I have been friends with a long time like 9 years, told me she was in love with me. Like legit she said she has liked me for years. I actually think we could have a great chance to be a good couple, but long story short she still has a boyfriend whom she says things are terrible with. I havent really told her how I have felt but she must know I am slightly interested because I give her some attention. I am not looking to get in between her current relationship as she has to break with him before we do anything. SO how do I get her to realize I might not hang around? SHould I say anything or just start acting indifferent and interested in other girls? I am pretty confused, Id hate to hurt her feelings, but anyway lets assume she really does like me as much as she said. What would be my best approach? Link to post Share on other sites
paddington bear Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 Well, she's been honest with you, so be honest back: Yes, I think I have some feelings for you, but you're with someone else right now. It's entirely your decision to stay with him or break up with him - if I wasn't around, would you be even considering breaking up with him or would you stay with him? If you break up with him it should be because the relationship with him isn't working, if you and I got together afterwards, and it didn't work out between us, I would hate to be the reason and be blamed for you losing him. So, when and if you are single and available, let's talk about this again. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 Honesty is your best approach. Just tell her everything you wrote down. Just let her know that there might be something between you two but she has to get over her current relationship. I mean fully get over it. She also has to understand that you're not going to wait around for her to drag her feet on getting out of the current relationship as that's not healthy for you either. I think if you suddenly go cold on her that will hurt her 1,000 times more than being open and honest. She'll perceive that as she caused you to go distant. So not only will she be crushed by the outcome, she'll feel incredibly guilty for pushing you away at a time when she needs you closer. She opened herself up to you and you just silently walked away. That hurts someone down the the very core of their soul. At least respect her enough to talk to her if you are not interested in anything more than friends. Link to post Share on other sites
sjml251 Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 How weird - I am the girl side of almost the exact same situation you've described. I have had a total crush on this guy for almost 9 years (we've always been friends) but one or the other of us has always been in a relationship so I was never able to pursue him nor did I ever overtly express my feelings for him. I have been in a difficult love relationship over the last few years and, although I always planned on leaving the bad relationship eventually (and hopefully hooking up with 9 year crush) I never expected the guy I have been crusing on to wait around for me - if it's really meant to be, it will be.....why should I have a relationship and not expect him to enter into other relationships and date people - that would be pretty selfish Now, as far as the indifference part - I don't think you need to be totally indifferent to her as a friend. However, it would probably be pointless to attempt to pursue or pressure her into any kind of relationship when she is actively in a relationship with someone else, even if it's a no good relationship in which she is unhappy. You don't want to have to deal with the fall out or emotional baggage related to that - have fun and date other people.....if she's the one, it will all work out in it's own time. On a positive note - once I did finally leave the not-good relationship I was in about 2 months ago, the crush was the first person I leaned on in my time of emotional need - as a friend of course, because I wouldn't want to do anything (like rebound) with this amazing person who I hope to eventually have a healthy and lasting romantic relationship with. The plan is to give myself at least 6 to 8 months to defrag from my last relationship before attempting to become intimately involved with him - in the meantime, we hang out together all the time and are getting to know one another on deeper levels than have been possible before - becoming closer friends. He dates other women, which makes me a little jealous, I guess, but I know I'm not ready for a relationship right now (just to be clear, he and I are not dating or physically intimate in any way). Don't be hurt by the fact that she hasn't left her boyfriend yet - it's hard getting out of a relationship and letting someone go who your used to having in your life - if she's unhappy, the relationship will eventually dissolve. I don't think you need to tell her you're not going to wait around for her - no woman in a relationship can or should really expect for someone outside of the relationship to be waiting around for her - just live your life and be happy - like I said, if it's meant to be, things will eventually fall in to place so that it can be. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mlh5046 Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 Thanks guys much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
danb Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 On a positive note - once I did finally leave the not-good relationship I was in about 2 months ago, the crush was the first person I leaned on in my time of emotional need - as a friend of course, because I wouldn't want to do anything (like rebound) with this amazing person who I hope to eventually have a healthy and lasting romantic relationship with. The plan is to give myself at least 6 to 8 months to defrag from my last relationship before attempting to become intimately involved with him - in the meantime, we hang out together all the time and are getting to know one another on deeper levels than have been possible before - becoming closer friends. I just wanted to say that you are awesome to have this mindset. The waiting 6-8 months until you can "defrag" as you put it. I was in a similar situation, a girl wanted to be with me but was with another. We basically agreed that she should be single a while before we tried anything. Her relationship was years long. Well she broke up with the guy, and not 2 weeks later was with another guy(living with him actually lol). I haven't talked to her since. Link to post Share on other sites
digital02 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Girls are irresistable towards me because I just have this face no girl can resist. .... If you are really interested in her don't flirt or look at other girls. ..... I've been in different relationships and studied others and seen what makes them tick. .... I would never date a girl who thinks that she should get. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mlh5046 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 But honestly from my experience, girls want u to think they want attention. But the guys who end up getting the girls to think about them are the ones who don't show their hand to the girl. If I fully show her I like her and wait around for her while she is dating someone else, I look like a wuss with no other options. I mean from my experience that is what I feel. I think if she found out I see another girl she would inquire(as a friend), and I would just say shes nice but its nothing serious. Don't girls like competition???? I thought they did. I know guys kind of just go for the single chicks, but girls want the guy that they want, am I correct??? Link to post Share on other sites
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