Beatnik Posted October 15, 2003 Share Posted October 15, 2003 Well this year I became pretty close friends with a girl. After her boyfriend broke up with her I realized I had feelings for her, and after about of week of talking and hanging out all the time I told her. She told me she had grown to hate all guys (atleast for the time being) and told me she wasnt looking for anything right now. Well I was very explicit in saying that it was no big deal if she didnt feel the same, but now things suck. We have two classes together in which we would always talk, but since I told her, we barely talk at all, and when we do it seems really forced, not natural like before, and she seems to be having a hard time looking me in the eye. Even in the class that I sit behind her in, today we only said two sentences to each other. I'm really miserable and I feel like a real jerk. I had to go and ruin my relationship with one of my best friends. I really miss her as my friend, I don't even care about a romantic relationship with her anymore, I just want her back in my life. Any advice about what I should do? Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 15, 2003 Share Posted October 15, 2003 More than likely, based on the events listed in previous threads, she has come to associate you with the rest of those "jerk guys" she's trying to avoid. The best thing you can do for her and for yourself now is back off. I know. Much easier said than done! I don't recommend ignoring her outright, because that will only serve to exemplify that "male" behavior she has likely come to expect. In the long run, being honest with her was probably your best bet. At least that way she won't be able to say you were being sneaky by "pretending to be her friend." Sorry you're having a hard time of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 15, 2003 Author Share Posted October 15, 2003 Yeah, I only told her because I thought she was over it, but apparently something I said made her open her eyes, and thats why she hates guys now... After the breakup, she told me about the two guys she had sex with after the breakup, basically one of them that Monday, and the other on Tuesday and Wendsday. Well I acted a little shocked at this and she said "What?!" and I replied "Nothing, its just...your having alot of sex!" I could kindof tell that this really broke through, but she just replied "ha, I thought that was a good thing!". Well since then she has apparently stopped having sex with these guy friends of hers. After I told her how I felt, I texted her, and she said she was depressed because she realized how much of high school has passed her by because of the time she wasted on guys, and how she honestly hates guys (but she still talks to her guy friends) and doesnt think she could be serious with one again and that she's going to stop ****ing around. I can't help but think I had a large part in that decision... She also hasnt returned any of my texts in the last two days, but has made mention of them when she talks to me. I think I should do what you said, just stop texting and calling her for a while, but still talk to her in class and stuff. I can't think of anything to say to her though, I can only think of things to respond to what she says, but those conversations don't last very long... Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 15, 2003 Share Posted October 15, 2003 i'm unclear why you want a relationship with her? she sounds very unstable and emotional; do you really want that in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 15, 2003 Author Share Posted October 15, 2003 but thats the thing, although she seems unstable and emotional in my overly-vague posts, shes actually really calm and down-to-earth. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 15, 2003 Share Posted October 15, 2003 Then she needs time and space to recollect herself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 16, 2003 Author Share Posted October 16, 2003 Well I did what u guys suggested, so I didnt call or text her yesturday or anything. Well today we didnt speak to each other really at all, I asked the guy she was sitting next to what he was listening to on his walkman, he didnt hear me, but she answered me...thats all we said to each other today, and that wasnt even in the class we sit next to each other in...its really hard to give her that space, because shes right there in front of me all period, and I can't get her out of my head, and I just spend the whole period regretting... I told a friend of mine what you guys and others have been telling me, simply to back off a little bit. Well he thinks its stupid, he says I have to call her, talk to her, etc. I don't know what to think of what he says because while my friend isnt exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, he certainly seems to have a way with women... Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Okay. So if a person were to tell you, "I want you to take this 50 pound weight and throw it on the floor over there," do you stand there holding the 50 pound weight until someone else tells you what to do with it? No. That would be illogical, wouldn't it? So, if the same person told you, "I don't want to be involved with guys right now because I've wasted high school on guys," would you, as a guy, want to do as she has asked you to do, or continue standing there being indecisive? That depends entirely upon you and whatever amount of respect you have for this girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 17, 2003 Author Share Posted October 17, 2003 Your right, besides my friend is probably looking at this situation from a romantic angle rather than just trying to rekindle the friendship. How long do you think I should wait for? Until we naturally start conversations again? And when that time comes how should I approach her? Shortly before I told her, she mentioned that she wanted to go with my friend and I when we go the local haunted corn maze thing, would asking her if she still wants to go be too much too soon? Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 Honestly, the amount of stress you are giving yourself over this is, well, ridiculous. There. Blunt! No, I don't think it would be too soon to ask her if she wants to go to the Haunted House thing still, but be sure YOU understand it's a GROUP thing! Accept this, know it to be true, and move on with the acting natural bit. Don't sweat it. You'll get some sooner or later! <weg> Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 17, 2003 Author Share Posted October 17, 2003 Trust me this isnt the only thing I think about, mostly just when shes around me. Oh don't get me wrong I know its not symbolic of some deep obsession she has for me, I don't even care if we go out anymore, I just want my friend back! Don't sweat it. You'll get some sooner or later! <weg> LMAO I don't really seem THAT shallow do I? Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 LMAO I don't really seem THAT shallow do I? Nope. Not at all. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 every time i read this thread i keep automatically imaging it is indeed a cat advising beatnik, given the nature of the head shots of both. beatnik, i think you crave certainty. you will not get it, at least not for awhile. what happened to the other girl you were after? i say step back, refocus the loins and the brain, and being casual with this girl will be easy. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 as I have said before in different context...my cat has it ALL figured out: sleep, eat, sleep some more just in case, run around outdoors to burn off some energy/calories, bathe, get attention on his own terms, sleep some more. But you see, Beatnik love...I'm not the only one who thinks so! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 21, 2003 Author Share Posted October 21, 2003 Kudos to you 2Sides, I backed off, and today its like nothing ever happened! Were talking like usual and she even asked if I had my cell phone back so she could call me! Your a genius!!! I am eclipst by your greatness! lol You really are an ADVICE GURU!!! Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 I dunno what to tell ya, Beatnik my love. Trust the greatness that is Beth! <Bwahahahahaha!> Seriously though I'm really glad it worked out in a way you're happy with. Now just don't go pushing wrong buttons with her again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 21, 2003 Author Share Posted October 21, 2003 Yep totally. If she ever did decide that she wanted to be with me (rather unlikely) it would be up to her, I'm only looking at her as a friend from now on. In fact, as you may or may not have noticed, my sights have shifted YET AGAIN, lol. Wow, I'm actually acting like a guy, surprising... Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 o..o...o... the loveshack..exciting and new..come aboard; it's expecting you.... lallalalal..loveshack; it beatnik and beth; er..come aboard...this episode we're wackily thwarting death.... well, that didn't work comedically, giggle. *YOU* try rhyming something pleasurably with death! Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 *YOU* try rhyming something pleasurably with death! In a rather disgusting irony, my exhb used to Freudianly slip and call me "Death." Early indication that things were perhaps not so good?! And to Beatnik: In fact, as you may or may not have noticed, my sights have shifted YET AGAIN, lol AGAIN!? Now who, and how do I go about advising you on this one!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 23, 2003 Author Share Posted October 23, 2003 LOL yeah I have once again. This ones pretty different, shes the real "Girl next door" type. On Friday night I'm driving around town in a convoy of 3 cars each with about 3 friends in it. Well theres only two girls out of all of us, and I had been flirting with one of em quite a bit lately, so I continued, be she set her eyes on my best friend. I really didnt give the other girl much thought cause she was in the other car. But later on were all walking and shes walking with the other girl. She sees me and says "Hey Bobby, come on over hear and walk with me" and we did, with my arm around her waist and hers on my back surprising because shes pretty shy. I was going to get her number when we stopped, but we ended stopping right when her parents got home, so she had to go. Well I was thinking about it and shes been paying extra attention to me lately, and now were saying hi all the time, smiling, etc. Well today I come up to her little group of friends, all of which I'm friends with, and we all talk. Well like right away she askes me a question about the class were in together, which is normal, except for one of her best friends is also in that class, so I thought it was a little "odd" that she would ask me, . And after that I'm walking from my class and I notice her in front of me, and we both go to the fountain. She sees me and goes "Bobby, are you following me"? jokingly and I reply with some witty remark that she laughs at. Well she gets her drink and starts walking away while I get mine, but then she does something I used to do in my shyer days: She starts walking away, but slows down in that "I want to walk and talk with you but don't want to make it too obvious" sort of way. I did that alot. I'm planning on asking her to that Haunted Corn Maze thing on a double date sort of thing because my best friend's "sort-of girlfriend" is good friends with this girl, so I think it would work out great! Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 I think you need a dartboard. Put the numerous ladies' names in the blank spots, throw a dart, and go for the one it hits. If you go after 'em all, you'll probably not catch one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 23, 2003 Author Share Posted October 23, 2003 Well thats kindof what I do, set my sights on one girl and give it a shot, if shes not interested I move on to someone else I'm compatable with. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 (Moimeme: he's apparently pretty compatible with a LOT of girls! ) Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Originally posted by Beatnik Well thats kindof what I do, set my sights on one girl and give it a shot, if shes not interested I move on to someone else I'm compatable with. which is healthy and intelligent. many men getting hung up on a girl or ex who cares not for them could learn from this... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 24, 2003 Author Share Posted October 24, 2003 More positive signs. Today in the class I sat down in my assigned seat, not noticing that we had a sub (no seating arrangement when theres a sub) well she came in a kindof floated around where I sat until she took a seat next to me, I was only half expecting her to talk to me, but we ended up spending the whole class with each other. After she sat next to me, the first thing she said was "Your sitting so far away", so naturally I moved my desk over next to hers. We talked, and played little games with each other. She asked me and my friend what we were doing for lunch. I said that I had to take my sister home. She replied with "You should leave her and take someone else with you" An obvious hint but I really did have to take my sister unforunatly. . After that I walked her to her locker and I asked what she was doing Saturday (kindof short-notice I know, but I was trying to keep things casual) unfortunatly shes going to the movies with some friends but that she did want to go. And boy did she light up when I asked for her number! Link to post Share on other sites
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