Can he take our child?

[coffeebean78]

My soon-to-be-ex states that he is going to take my 20-month old son away from me and if I do not choose to give him full custody or stay married to him he will not pay child support. I live in Ohio. Does anyone have any advice? I am terrified he will take the baby, but I don't know how unless he plans on developing some elaborate lie! He has a very underhanded friend who is versed in legal issues--but realistically speaking, I have done nothing that I am aware of that would justify that!

 

Consequently, my STBX has cheated on me numerous times, including when I was pregnant with the little one.

 

I have a separate thread under infidelity. I have so much grief in my heart for my son I do not know what to do. God, I wish he did not have to pay for his parent's failure!

 

Does anyone know how he could do this? He keeps wanting to talk about it, but I tell him I will not talk until I see an attorney. This infuriates him, but I am too scared and do not trust him. Please help!

[troubadour]

No, he can't do that unless he can prove that you are unfit mother.

 

The legal system will take your side unless... you are abusive toward your child, put a child in a dangerous situations, neglect your child, use drugs or drink, ect.

 

However, you must hire an attorney to asist you with all legal aspects of your situation. The sonner you do it the better for you and your child. Do it tomorrow.

 

Good luck.

[imagine]

Pay attention. This is very important -log everything.

 

You charge your husband for legal fees. File adultery first. Make sure that all your proofs are available regarding his adultery - this will speed the process.

 

The very best that he will manage is a fifty fifty distribution of the children. Any abuse must be brought for consideration and proven through medical or private witness.

[coffeebean78]

OK--so now he says he will pay child support but not spousal support. I do have a job, and I make more money than him, but we both have good incomes. I'm not out to kill him, but we have a lot of debt and most of it is in my name or mine/his names, even though it belongs to both of us.

 

Any suggestions? I just want him to pay 50-50 on our debts, that's all. I hate the idea of pursuing him for spousal support, but I do not want to go in the hole while he gets off scot free. Also, we work at the same place, and I am not sure how long I can handle working with him. What would the court think if I resigned because of the pressure I'm getting from him at work? It's a miserable scenario.

[westernxer]

You really need to speak with a divorce lawyer.

[troubadour]

Get a divorce lawyer and file for a divorce. If your STBX or anybody else creates any problems for you at your work place... talk to your supervisor or to your boss about that. You don't need to suffer any kind of abuse.

 

The most important thing for you right now is to get an attorney... she/he will advice you better than anyone on this forum.

[Trimmer]

He keeps wanting to talk about it, but I tell him I will not talk until I see an attorney. This infuriates him, but I am too scared and do not trust him. Please help!

GO NOW and talk to an attorney. He is bullying you. Don't make any commitments to him (not that they would stand up anyway, but you don't want to give emotional ground here...) Go educate yourself. He is angry because he is afraid that he will lose his emotional leverage if you go learn what the process is about and empower yourself. Go do that. Do not delay. Do not hesitate. Don't let anyone tell you you should not learn about the process, and what your options and rights are.

 

OK--so now he says he will pay child support but not spousal support. I do have a job, and I make more money than him, but we both have good incomes. I'm not out to kill him, but we have a lot of debt and most of it is in my name or mine/his names, even though it belongs to both of us.

Understand that the issue of dividing your assets and debts is a separate one from support payments, and that child support and spousal support are also different from each other.

 

As far as the debt, I don't know what it's like in your state, but in my state, both assets and debts acquired during the marriage are to be divided in a "fair and equitable" manner, which is generally assumed and implemented as a 50-50 split, although if the parties can agree to a different setup, then the court usually goes along with it (e.g. you take the whole house, and you pay me an agreed amount of cash to buy out my part of the equity...) So there shouldn't be a way of him "sticking you" with all the debt that you acquired together, unless you are compensated reasonably somehow elsewhere in the property settlement.

 

Any suggestions? I just want him to pay 50-50 on our debts, that's all. I hate the idea of pursuing him for spousal support, but I do not want to go in the hole while he gets off scot free.

So again, the division of debt is different from spousal support. If you're both capable of working, and you're making more than he is, he may well ask you for spousal support, but that wouldn't imply that you would have to shoulder more that half the debt.

 

And child support is calculated with consideration to how much custody is shared, your relative salaries, etc. In my state, it's a moderately complex and pretty rigid calculation according to state law, with not a whole lot of room for negotiation, and NO place at all for he-said, she-said punitive arguing - it's all about providing for the child.

 

Also, we work at the same place, and I am not sure how long I can handle working with him. What would the court think if I resigned because of the pressure I'm getting from him at work? It's a miserable scenario.

Go see a lawyer and educate yourself with an expert in your state's laws; it will be infinitely better and more reliable than anything you get on here. Even if I tell you something that makes you feel better (debts divided 50-50) don't believe me, until you have it straight from a knowledgeable lawyer in your state. There is no reason not to go.

 

I have so much grief in my heart for my son I do not know what to do. God, I wish he did not have to pay for his parent's failure!

This is very important. This is a dissolution between two spouses. Whether you consider it a "failure" of those spouses is up to you, but you will both remain parents, and you do not need to consider this a failure as parents. That is still a screenplay which has many years to play out, and which you will write as you go along. It is possible - although not guaranteed - that with a little time, good will, and concern for your child from both sides, you can continue to be successful as parents.

 

So don't give in to the despair of having "failed" as parents. To the contrary, whatever else happens to you as spouses, insist on continuing to succeed as parents, because your child depends upon that. Anyone who can't get past that and continues to put the child in the middle of spousal disagreements forfeits all of my respect.